A sort of different courtship story

[formergothardite]

Almost all the courtship stories we read are of SAHD who have never been allowed to be alone with the guy they are going to marry, but then I found this one.

Missy is 20 years old and was mostly raised in Papua New Guinea by missionary parents. She wasn't homeschooled, was actually set away to a missionary kid school and then when was 18 decided she didn't want to live with her parents so she moved to a rural town where she had lived briefly when her parents had come back to America. She also has juvenile macular degeneration and is going blind. :( But, she is far from the typical fundie.

Here is a summary of her courtship story. Her car broke down in April 2012 and she called a guy from her church to come help her. He fixes her car and when it keeps giving her trouble helps her pick out a new one. They hang out together at church events and since her new car also is giving her problems he fixes it and they become friends, but since he had sworn he was not interested in ever getting married, she thought of him as nothing but a friend.

I'm just going to pause in this story here to say I find if very, very, very odd that a straight guy who is believes sex outside of marriage is a sin would swear off marriage.

In July 2012 he still was saying he never wanted marriage and she felt like this: Neither of us liked the other and it was working just fine

Then on July 21, 2012 he comes over to her house, says they either have to start courting or stop being friends. She says he can call her dad and ask permission to court her, so he does, her dad gives permission, they start courting(which sounds a lot like dating) and then in December he drives to the place her car broke down back in April and proposes. They have engagement pictures taken. And, of course, there has to be at least one of them walking on a train track. Nothing says love like trespassing on private property and risking death. :lol:

Anyway, this seems like such a weird courtship story, especially since he had made it clear he was not interested in marriage, then suddenly he was. She seems nice, but in a post about a friend committing suicide she seems to feel like depressed people just need to pray and trust God more. :x

http://strangeronplanetearth.blogspot.com/

[frumper-rump]

I landed on this girl's blog after checking out "Miss Mae's" blog. I thought it was strange with all of the insisting they didn't like each other. Were they trying to justify spending time together in the beginning? If they don't like each other, it's ok to be friends? It was really weird to me...but I have always been allowed to have normal platonic and romantic relationships.

[ILoveJellybeans]

Wow, thats sad. A boy and a girl can be friends without anything sexual ever happening. Maybe theyre just not interested in eachother as anything other than friends.

Maybe he just isnt ready for marriage and doesnt want to just yet? Maybe hes gay or asexual? Maybe he just hasnt developed that attraction to someone yet, I was really late in getting an interest in relationships.

Its unfair on them both for their family to push them into courting eachother even if they werent interested.

[formergothardite]

I do have to wonder if the sudden interest in courtship is because people in his church were saying things to him about just being her friend. In the fundie world, men and women just can't be friends.

[GeoBQn]

The guy's constant assertions that he didn't want to get married remind me of Beverly Hills 90210, how Brandon would constantly say that he didn't like dancing. It's a form of manipulation--if you keep claiming not to want to do something (even though you want to), then when a girl finally "gets" you to do it she feels soooooo special.

[Morton Fan]

I sometimes think the whole fundie "I wasn't interested romantically at ALL" or "I don't want to get married EVER" thing is a pride-protection measure in case a) the person doesn't "like" they back or b) they don't get married. That way, they can act as if it was their design all along.

[Irishy]

The guy's constant assertions that he didn't want to get married remind me of Beverly Hills 90210, how Brandon would constantly say that he didn't like dancing. It's a form of manipulation--if you keep claiming not to want to do something (even though you want to), then when a girl finally "gets" you to do it she feels soooooo special.

OMG flashback to teen years! I used to make sure all my homework was done by 7 on a Sunday to fully savour 90210

[puddle]

I sometimes think the whole fundie "I wasn't interested romantically at ALL" or "I don't want to get married EVER" thing is a pride-protection measure in case a) the person doesn't "like" they back or b) they don't get married. That way, they can act as if it was their design all along.

This is spot on. And if you never liked the person then when it doesn't go anywhere you haven't "lost any of your heart."

[clarinetpower]

Pretty ring. Long denim skirt and flip flops with no tights in late December? (Note to Nathan: get your fiancée some shoes! And tights!)

Reminds me of several guy friends I had that gave me the same ultimatum, just because they wanted to date me and I wasn't interested. I said, "OK, bye then!" However, this was when they were teenagers. Call it courtship if you like, it's the same boy/girl garbage as us heathens. :)

[Coconut Flan]

The background looks southernish and she was talking about cotton which is a southern crop so I'm guessing somewhere like perhaps Georgia. He was in shirtsleeves in one of the pictures so bare legs quite possibly aren't much of an issue. Southern women aren't huge on pantyhose as the humidity can make them fairly uncomfortable most of the year.

[hoipolloi]

A strange story indeed. Am I the only one who is getting faint pings from Mr. Nathan? :gay-color: