Suffer at the hand of your spouse

[dairyfreelife]

visionarywomanhood.com/suffering-at-the-hand-of-your-spouse/

how is a daughter of the King to respond to suffering in the marriage context? From the passages mentioned above, the command is to:

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hate your own life

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submit yourself to unjust condemnation

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forsake all that is rightfully yours

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deny your self

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endure grief

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take it patiently

This passage is the greatest hope a Christian woman in a difficult marriage could ever have, that it is possible, by her respectful obedience toward her husband, to turn him around for the glory of God.

[AllisonWndrland]

Evil. That is absolutely evil. To say that there is the "rare exception" and then go on to preach to women who may already feel as if there is no way out, is flat out evil. Access to advocates and assistance is already a struggle for those living with an abuser. To burden them with this is disgusting. Women who are physically, sexually, emotionally, financially, and reproductively abused should not have to continue to pray and endure the abuse. I've encountered women who were beaten and then sexually assaulted when they attempted to "Biblically correct" their husband, as this ignorant fool encourages. I am just disgusted and enraged at this post. :evil:

[RosyDaisy]

Here's a little passage for fundie men:

"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it." (Ephesians 5:35)

Any Christian man that can't abide by that doesn't deserve a wife and family.

[Soldier of the One]

I'd like to know how the author of those awful statements would respond to this post on Visionary Womanhood which completely (?) contradicts her own thinking:

visionarywomanhood.com/to-correct-or-not-to-correct-your-husband-a-pendulum-post/

[AuntCloud]

You say "suffering" almost like it's a *bad* thing.

[LynnGrey]

Here's a little passage for fundie men:

"Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it." (Ephesians 5:35)

Any Christian man that can't abide by that doesn't deserve a wife and family.

I think it reveals the misogyny in QF when only the woman is expected to hold up her end of the bargain. I rarely see men being told to love their wives more if they're being unsubmissive.

[ladyamylynn]

how is a daughter of the King to respond to suffering in the marriage context?

What kind of a "King' would allow his daughter to suffer like that? Oh I know, one that doesn't exist! (Or is totally, irrevocably evil. Take your pick.)

[Soldier of the One]

I think it reveals the misogyny in QF when only the woman is expected to hold up her end of the bargain. I rarely see men being told to love their wives more if they're being unsubmissive.

This. Where are the myriads of 'male blogs' and male bloggers giving each other tips on how to love their wives like Christ loved the Church blablabla? How to romance your wife? Rub her sore pregnancy feet? Buy here a truly meaningful gift? Praise her for her contribution to the household? Woo her? Etc.

Fundie men - the possibilities are endless. Go for it!

[Hane]

Back in the '70s, we were getting a local domestic violence task force and shelter established. Because our town is largely Catholic, several members worried about the kind of response we'd get from the church, which opposes divorce--but one Franciscan nun, from an independent order that offered counseling services, was very vocal about saying, "If a husband abuses his wife, that isn't a real marriage. He's violating his vows, and she needs to get out."

And her announcement was met with NO pushback. Nearly 40 years ago.

[ILoveJellybeans]

That is disgusting. For some women, there is no amount of submission they could possibly do to prevent their husband from beating them. Asking them to continue hating their life and give up everything they are for their husband will just make things worse, and they will likely end up dead, either by their husbands hands, or their own cause they cant take it anymore.

[RachelB]

Back in the '70s, we were getting a local domestic violence task force and shelter established. Because our town is largely Catholic, several members worried about the kind of response we'd get from the church, which opposes divorce--but one Franciscan nun, from an independent order that offered counseling services, was very vocal about saying, "If a husband abuses his wife, that isn't a real marriage. He's violating his vows, and she needs to get out."

And her announcement was met with NO pushback. Nearly 40 years ago.

My childhood best friend's dad was a violent man, and the priest told her mom "God does not want you to put yourself or your child in harm's way. Get out, with my blessing." When the priest retired, he was replaced by a guy who thought Vatican 2 never should have happened, from whom I'm pretty sure she never would have gotten that advice. To me, it looks as if the RCC has been regressing on this issue.

(edited for riffle)

[mostlylurking]

Apparently she counsels "countless women." Ugh.

[docmom]

This passage is the greatest hope a Christian woman in a difficult marriage could ever have, that it is possible, by her respectful obedience toward her husband, to turn him around for the glory of God.

The thing is that in these situations, this almost always doesn't work so what you've actually done is lead your husband even further away from God. If you want to lead an abusive husband to God, you've got to sop him abusing and that means getting out, getting the authorities involved and forcing him to accept that what he is doing is wrong.

[2xx1xy1JD]

Suffice it to say that my advice to anyone would be to read that, and do the opposite.

That advice poisons relationships.

Among the many, many things that were wrong in my recent case, it came out that the wife had the notion that it was the role of the wife to simply go along with whatever the husband said.

Husband, who was not from a fundie background, had no idea. He expected normal, forthright communication, and naively assumed that silence = agreement. When things fell apart, part of the problem was a tsunami of bitterness.

It's not only in "rare" cases that this advice is bad. It shouldn't have to get to an extreme point. That's like saying that you won't fix a leaky roof because you don't care about your own life and comfort, but embrace suffering, but maybe you'd fix it if the entire thing was about to collapse on you. Fix the damn leak, and hopefully it won't get to that point. If you express a POV, maybe the issue can actually be addressed and you won't have years of suffering.

I know that on our honeymoon, at different times, hubby and I both said things to each other that echoed lines that we had heard from our parents, and that were wrong. We called each other on it. Because we are decent people who love each other, we were able to reflect on what was said, why it was wrong, and why we didn't want to repeat certain dysfunctional patterns from our parents' marriages. Fixed as a small issue, it didn't fester and grow into something larger.