Bates Courtship

[nokidsmom]

Whatever Chad's age is or isn't he's still a child who lives at home without any mention of a job, or training towards a job. How on earth is he supposed to support Erin as a SAHW while she pops out one kid after another without means of support? She's pretty now, but in a few years of living in some decrepit shack without enough funds to properly care for her ever growing brood and little to no medical care will take care of her good looks. I'm amazed Kelly has managed to still be pretty after all these years of living in their run-down house (only saved by the goodwill of TLC) waiting until Lawson was old enough to start working and paying the grocery bill b/c her husband is too much of a good for nothing to hold down a real job that brings in a real living.

So there's nothing out there that mentions any work or skill that he may have to make a living? Any education? Anything? I am not familiar with his family so don't know what they do.

I sure hope that he does have something and it's simply not been brought up.

[Boogalou]

It's amazing how low the fundies have set the bar for independence and freedom when pursuing a relationship. When being able to touch and text through a sibling is considered rather progressive and liberal there is something wrong. Either way, I wish them both happiness, but I think that would be rather hard when they are living in such a restrictive and oppressive environment.

[Minerva]

I couldn't see the Duggars being as willing to let a J'Slave go as the Bates are willing to marry Erin off. Erin's been to college and has way more life experience than them. So she's got to be more mature than the J'Slaves, and more ready for a relationship. I mean, I can't even picture a Duggar girl not being terrified of whichever potential suitor comes along.

The other thing is that, while it looks like Erin has a genuinely loving relationship with Dude and I don't think her parents needed any convincing, she is worldly for fundy royalty. I could that tipping the parental scales in favour of marrying her off before all that worldliness gets her in "trouble".

[xReems]

I'm actually pretty shocked by Kelly's response. I think it's great that after Zach's failed courtship, they've learned to relax a bit. I agree with her with the whole "I love you" thing. I think it's stupid that some fundies feel you should not express your emotions until after engagement or marriage. If you can't even express your love for each other during the courtship phase, how do you know if both people truly love each other? My guess is that after Zach's courtship, Kelly and Gil noticed things that might have caused the courtship to end that made them reevaluate a few things. Zach and Sarah's courtship was so awkward, we noticed it ending a mile away. With Erin and Chad, they're both pretty into each other and have no problem expressing their feelings about one another, something most fundies would never consider doing. I don't expect Kelly and Gil to be completely relaxed, especially being accountable and the whole chaperone thing, but they've at least learned to give space and some privacy, which is a start. I think, for them, they had to go through a failed courtship to figure out what's right and what's wrong.

It reminds me of my relationship with my boyfriend and my sister's relationship. 5 years ago, when my parents learned about my boyfriend, I had to be extremely careful when we were around my parents. We didn't stand too close to each other, didn't hug or hold hands nor did we have our arms around each other in pictures (when my parents were standing right there). We just didn't know how to act around my parents nor did they know what to do, since this was their first time dealing with it. Mind you, I come from a pretty traditional Indian home but they've managed to modernize their beliefs over time. When my sister started dating her boyfriend a year ago, they didn't seem to care too much about anything. It frustrated me at first but because I was the "first born", they kind of used my relationship as a "learning experience" (hate using that phrase) on how to handle my sister.

I think Kelly and Gil did the similar thing with Erin and Chad. They saw stuff that went wrong between Zach and Sarah and wanted to change that with their other children, so the same mistake doesn't happen. Not going to lie but that was a pretty smart move, on their part. Most fundies just assume a failed courtship is because of God and refuse to change their ways; the Bates family, on the other hand, did take a step back and changed their view points a bit.

As for the Duggar girls-I highly doubt JB would push them into a courtship to keep up. The Duggar girls live the high life so I'm sure JB will be expecting the potential suitor to provide that. Then again, I do see some of the older Duggar girls having too much expectations on what their future husband should be like. I'm sure there has been potential suitors JB has talked to them about but the girls have turned them down before anything happens. I, however, do not see Boob and Mullet relaxing on their courtship views.

[Etaoin Shrdlu]

I wonder if the Bates' "choosing not to hold hands" is because they were horrified by seeing Smuggar and Anna's hand sex on TV (as were we all, but for a different reason).

They were so touchy-feely-squeezy-rubby ALL THE DAMN TIME that their respective purities may have been besmirched.

[miffy]

I wonder what extent their hand sex went to? I can see Josh trying to get Anna to give him a hand job directing his own hand like a puppet.

[laura oz]

Thank you Etaoin Shrdlu for posting Ma's response. Maybe it's the extreme drowsiness, but that actually made me like her. Now I'll probably not like her again the next time I read something bass ackwards she has said, but right now I like her. At least they don't view it as a business relationship that allows hand fornication. God, I felt dirty and needed a shower having to watch Josh and Anna. Ick.

[lilith]

I wonder what extent their hand sex went to? I can see Josh trying to get Anna to give him a hand job directing his own hand like a puppet.

That is so likely that I feel a little sick now........

[RosyDaisy]

As much as fundies love to talk about sex, It wouldn't surprise me if the teenagers and young adults don't sneak off for some sweet fellowshipping during their conferences. (passes the brain bleach and barf buckets).

[OnceModestTwiceShy]

As much as fundies love to talk about sex, It wouldn't surprise me if the teenagers and young adults don't sneak off for some sweet fellowshipping during their conferences. (passes the brain bleach and barf buckets).

We have at least one example of this happening - Razing Ruth's sister. I'm sure for every story like that, there's many that no one ever hears about because the couple is lucky enough not to get the girl pregnant.

[blisterine]

her hair looks poooooooooooooped flat. do you think this they did it?

[GeoBQn]

We have at least one example of this happening - Razing Ruth's sister. I'm sure for every story like that, there's many that no one ever hears about because the couple is lucky enough not to get the girl pregnant.

Or no one hears about it because the girl gets an abortion. It's a dirty secret of the pro-life movement that anti-choice women do indeed get abortions.

(This article is probably already mentioned in a thread somewhere, but always worth reposting)

http://mypage.direct.ca/w/writer/anti-tales.html

[laura oz]

Or no one hears about it because the girl gets an abortion. It's a dirty secret of the pro-life movement that anti-choice women do indeed get abortions.

(This article is probably already mentioned in a thread somewhere, but always worth reposting)

http://mypage.direct.ca/w/writer/anti-tales.html

OT: This really affected me and made me flash back to being 11 or 12 and being raised in a fundamentalist home and going to Christian school my entire life. The teachers used to pass out pamphlets showing aborted fetuses. God, I'll never forget those pictures. I grew up and left that kind of thinking behind when I furthered my education and now strongly believe in the right to choose. But, God those pics have always bothered me.

ETA They gave us the damn things to make us good little soldiers for Christ and would organize bus trips for CHILDREN to picket abortion clinics. Now I wonder now how many of my former friends were ever in there as patients?

[pixydust]

OT: This really affected me and made me flash back to being 11 or 12 and being raised in a fundamentalist home and going to Christian school my entire life. The teachers used to pass out pamphlets showing aborted fetuses. God, I'll never forget those pictures. I grew up and left that kind of thinking behind when I furthered my education and now strongly believe in the right to choose. But, God those pics have always bothered me.

ETA They gave us the damn things to make us good little soldiers for Christ and would organize bus trips for CHILDREN to picket abortion clinics. Now I wonder now how many of my former friends were ever in there as patients?

Those pictures bothered me, too...and still do! To be honest, I don't believe that they are real. It always looks like a nearly full term baby (not even the "alien chicken" look that my preemie had) and when I was a kid in the 80's, late term abortions were illegal AFAIK.

[fauxmenno]

Those pictures bothered me, too...and still do! To be honest, I don't believe that they are real. It always looks like a nearly full term baby (not even the "alien chicken" look that my preemie had) and when I was a kid in the 80's, late term abortions were illegal AFAIK.

IIRC, a lot of the propaganda pictures the anti-choice crowd uses are of full term still births or miscarriages, not of aborted fetuses.

[Guest Anonymous]

Just Sayin January 8, 2013 at 7:03 pm

Totally called it. Totally knew it by the comments Chad chose to post on your page. Congrats you guys

Ginger

REPLY

[Hisey]

For those wondering, Chad "does carpentry" and is currently working on a remodel.

Sorry if this has already been posted.

[laura oz]

IIRC, a lot of the propaganda pictures the anti-choice crowd uses are of full term still births or miscarriages, not of aborted fetuses.

Hope you are right....going back to my "happy place" now and to take a dramamine.

[ncb]

I think after the Zach debacle, these two DID "date with a purpose" (there are pics of them together on the swing, etc. that were obviously from last fall). That would NOT be allowed in the Duggar compound unless a formal courtship was announced. Then again, everything they do is scrutinized (by me, hee) to the nth degree, so they have to get it right. The Bateses, with their show canceled, had room to experiment after Zach's proposal, then fizzle to nothing during the course of their run.

Alecto, not too worried about the age difference. My FIL was 9 years older than my MIL, whose lineage has women living to 100 (they obviously didn't know this in the '50's). Her mother actually made her THINK about what it would be like to be a widow (Baba, who lived to just short of 99 RULED!) but she did it anyway. He died in '07 and she's shriveled into a prune at only 80. She suffers from depression (I got her help or she'd be insufferable) and still says she isn't happy, although she still has everyone catering to her, just as always. I had to teach her how to write checks and balance a checkbook, and a lot of the other aspects of bill-paying. SHE WAS WARNED. But it was 1954, she was 21 and getting old on the shelf, especially with a passel of sisters (think Pride and Prejudice without Pride on their side...parents were immigrants) to marry off. Interestingly, two of her sisters had marriages that lasted under a year because the young husband died of bizarre circumstances. Both ended up marrying up like the Bennet sisters.

Generational patriarchal roles of their generation and lower/verging on middle class when they married, but not fundie.

I also think they announced this because it is more of a "sure thing" than Zach's courtship was given Chad's greater financial security. I would bet that Zach's was in part called off because he couldn't support any size family and indeed had relied on Lawson for loans in the past.

[pixydust]

Hope you are right....going back to my "happy place" now and to take a dramamine.

I think that a lot of them are complete fakes....doll parts and movie makeup, it wouldn't be hard, I could probably do it myself.

[that other cookie]

I'm very new to FJ, but just had to post that I think Chad actually is 25. His parents apparently celebrated their 26th wedding anniversary in 2010 (see 12paines.com/2010/08/02/itc-conference/ ) so I think the time stamp on his presentation page is probably just not updated.

Hope I got things right now... :oops:

[Mela99]

He's actually pretty good looking. And they seem happy together.

[Soldier of the One]

I got the impression that Chad is 25 too. And all in all, I think his blog post was very sweet - he (for a fundie) seems to value his girlfriend's spiritual and intellectual input and emphasized the need for being best friends.

Now how you can be besties and practice headship/submission eludes me. Boggles my mind every time I see it on a fundie's blog - "my husband is my best friend" yet "I submit to my husband". Being besties implies an egalitarianism of power in the relationship. Otherwise it's a rather skewed relationship. How can you be totally honest, frank and corrective when there's a chain of authority?

[Witsec7]

For those wondering, Chad "does carpentry" and is currently working on a remodel.

Sorry if this has already been posted.

He best be working on a remodel. He will need a fully paid for home for his new bride, and at least an out building or two for her hair products.

[GeoBQn]

The Duggars' Indonesian houseguest was with them.

Jonathan Hartono January 9, 2013 at 5:57 am

Congratulations Chad & Erin! I’m sooooo happy for u both… It’s been a huge privilege to be able to know you both personally. You guys have been such a blessing and encouragement to me. Glad i could celebrate tonight (midnight 1/9/13) with some ice cream, random laughter, outstanding pictures by erin, and texts! Lol God Bless you too! Dont forget to invite me to your wedding!

Kelly also keeps slipping, responding to someone saying that she "doesn't know where they will live after the wedding.