If Home Was Like A Peaceful Inn

[JesusFightClub]

Yeah, my papa was a miner, and my gran was sometimes picking up jobs as a cleaner. My great-grandpapa before him was a miner too, but I never knew him. Before that they came across from Ireland.

Your family was? They might have known each other! Out of which area? (PM me if you like!)

[RosyDaisy]

These fundies are living in fantasy land if they think life way back when was great and awesome. But, what do you expect from a group of people who are under educated and brainwashed?

[RachelB]

If home were like a peaceful inn, the housekeepers and cooks would be getting paid. I happen to think housework is work and the people (mostly women) who do it ought to be compensated, but fundies generally seem to think it should be done for a pat on the head and a (possible, eventual) place in the Kingdom of heaven. Good grief, do these people listen to themselves?

[OnceModestTwiceShy]

Also, home shouldn't be a "peaceful inn". A peaceful inn is where you go specifically to unwind in a somewhat impersonal atmosphere. You are on vacation, perhaps on your best, relaxed behavior, and being served on. That is usually not what being in a family home is like - that's where we go every day, and it should be a haven but also a place where we can be ourselves, see the people we love at their best AND worst, and that includes chipping in with the work and occasionally wanting to kick each other in the teeth. This inn BS is just another sugarcoated way of telling women they cannot be themselves, ever.

[kiwimusume]

This inn BS is just another sugarcoated way of telling women they cannot be themselves, ever.

THIS. This line, FFS:

But her mood and her attitude must be kept in check. Her attitude towards her work in the home must be focused on gratitude, cheerful service, and the love of hospitality.

So much hate. :evil:

Also, in most of the hotels I've stayed in, I - a woman - have been served by MEN.

[kunoichi66]

Yeah, my papa was a miner, and my gran was sometimes picking up jobs as a cleaner. My great-grandpapa before him was a miner too, but I never knew him. Before that they came across from Ireland.

Your family was? They might have known each other! Out of which area? (PM me if you like!)

My great-grandparents were Irish, if I remember correctly.

[dpndetfarm]

Wow. She aced that AP class in Delusional American History, that's for sure.

My husbands granmother was born in 1912 and had 14 children over about 26 years. Her husband was a horse trader and awould leave home (which kept changing, but was always small with one bathroom) for months at a time for "work". They rarely, or should I say she rarely, had any money, but at least they lived on a farm. A crappy one, but a farm nonetheless.

Anyway I always enjoyed talking to her about the good old days. I asked her one day why she never learned how to drive. She lived in the country and had a boatload of kids. Surely it wpuld have made life easier. She said to me, "there were two things I never learned how to do. One was milk the cows and the other was drive. Those were the two things my husband actually did. If I had learned how to do those things he wouldn't have done anything at all".

Sounds like she was having a blast, huh.

My grandmother, on the other hand, born in 1900 had great memories of raising her 3 children. Of course her husband was a well known, well respected businessman and philanthropist in the town. They also were very comfortable. AND she was able to run her own charitable organizations and help in various parts of her husband's business. Luckily she grew up knowing life was not perfect so she did not assume everyone lived her life.

As JFC said, it's class that can make a difference. Not always of course, but money does make life easier in many surprizing ways.

Take off those rose colored glasses lady!!!

[dpndetfarm]

Sorry about spelling, punctuation etc. The nook is a pain in the ass.

[singsingsing]

I'll throw in my own perspective from my great-grandparents' generation: life was difficult, but it was also not the patriarchal paradise that fundie bloggers seem to dream about. For example, in my great-grandmother's family, not only did they not have the luxury of floating about their immaculate houses baking muffins and lighting scented candles, the men very much did NOT run the show. It was a family of five daughters, and the father died a couple days before the youngest was born. Another daughter had died a few years before after eating some fundie-approved homemade soap. The mother had to be very resourceful on her own. She ended up running the town's post office. The girls all had to go out to work. I know two of them worked in a hotel in the '30s. According to my grandmother they would stay up all night partying and then work all the next day. My great-grandmother was the one who pursued my great-grandfather (it was not a godly courtship) and she got pregnant before she was married. Two of the other daughters didn't get married till they were in their 30s. Let me tell you, the women dominated this family. Not in an overbearing or aggressive way, they just did. The uncles were known as their wives' husbands, not the other way around. They also lived in a society where traditionally many of the men were away for extended periods of time, either sailing or looking for work. The reality of their existence made this fundie patriarchal fairy tale utterly unrealistic for them.

[kaetrin]

Dear Lady Lydia:

Were you there? Have you ever read a history book? Have you ever visited a nursing home and talked to the female residents about what life was like for them, their mothers and grandmas? Have you ever watched a documentary? Do you have any common sense at all?

Love,

OMTS

No, but she looks at lots of sentimental paintings! That's all you need for a grasp of historical reality, unsullied by feminist propaganda.

[amydamy]

I can't help but think of my grandmother. She had a relatively easier life than some women in the 50's BUT she had almost zero choices. She was a book keeper before she got married and then went back to work when my mom was in school because she hated staying at home. She was an honor student in high school, but was never give the opportunity to go to college because of her gender. If she was younger today she would be a CEO or something. She is driven and smart. My grandfather was an amazing person though so I doubt she put up with much BS. My other great grandmother however was a slave to her husband and basically a live in housekeeper. From what I've heard her husband sounded like a super ass. While I have so much love and respect for both of these women I would never want to trade places with them.

Are we related, that sounds very much like my grandma. She left home was a teacher which she hated became a bookkeeper and went back to work after my Mom was born. She always talked about when she worked for Mr Irving , the owner of the local gas/oil company. She could do anything she put her mind to. She was still doing all her friends and neighbors taxes well into her 80's.

[docmom]

This is from her piece entitled The Old Time Housewife

These old time housewives took great pride in their work. And they were grateful. The husbands wanted their wives at home. One common saying was heard by these good men, "I don't want my wife working." A husband wanted the home kept. He didn't want his wife running around, getting into trouble, gossiping, or working to earn the living. He wanted his wife dependent on him which in return helped make her sweet and gentle and thankful. If she became discontent with the income he earned, or tried to run out and earn the living, she was usurping his authority - she was criticizing his role. A good wife learned to adjust her housekeeping to the lifestyle her husband provided her - whether in a small, humble cabin or a grand mansion.

It does appear that certain readers disagreed, however:

Edited update - (several hours after this was posted, and after several negative comments.)

- This post was written as the "ideal," many Christian Mothers strive for. Obviously not all women want this kind of life. Read what helps. Ignore the rest. Comments on this post are now moderated. Very few will be published.]

And only those that agree with her!

My grandmother had 5 children in the 30's and 40's in a small rural village in Scotland. She was widowed when her youngest, my mother, was 6 months old. She had had to leave school at 14 to work to support HER mother and her 10 children so the only work she could get was cleaning the village school. Luckily my mother's birth coincided with the start of the Welfare state in the UK. My grandmother made absolutely sure that ALL of her children went to university (free at that time) and she was a vocal proponent of women having careers and limiting the number of children they had. She would have considered any of us who adhered to Mrs White's philosophy to be collossal failures. She herself would have loved to have had a university education and to have had a meaningful career!

[SunnyAndrsn]

Bake something so you don't snack on junk all day long?

What a twit. As if there was junk food readily available to snack on all day long "back in the day".

Like so many of you, my grandparents struggled. My paternal grandparents were much better off, and my father was thought of as a rich kid. He was an only child, as his only sibling died before he was born. My grandparents lost their little girl tragically. Grandma had a large wash basin filled with hot water to soak laundry in, and their little girl fell in it and was scalded. In 1941, there wasn't a lot that could be done, and she suffered for about a week before she died of sepsis. My grandparents never spoke of her, and I didn't know my dad had a sister until I found pictures of her in her casket hidden away. Years later, my sister lived with my grandfather and took care of him, and she put out pictures of Judy. Grandpa was upset at first, and my sister told him she wanted Judy to be remembered. He softened like I've never seen before when he talked about his little girl. It was so sweet, and so sad.

My maternal grandparents had a total of 6 children---the oldest was my grandmother step-daughter. My Grandfather's first wife died from a blood clot. Great times before modern medical care. My grandfather committed suicide in 1957. He had Huntington's disease, and tried to get help but so little was known about the disease and even today there is virtually no treatment. My grandmother was left with 6 children to raise, ages 2-14 at the time she became a widow. She worked her fingers to the bone and was always exhausted. My mom told stories about sharing ONE blouse. That's all that Grandma could afford to get the older girls for new school clothes, so they had to share. They were expected to earn their own money for school supplies. One brother moved to live with another family member to work and earn money on his farm.

Eventually, things got easier for them but when I hear fundies talk about lack of faith by getting life or health insurance, I think of how Grandma struggled to take care of 6 children alone. No life insurance, no pension or 401K from my grandfather...they literally lived hand to mouth for a long time. Soda to even share? Yeah right. Water down the milk? What milk? Grandma sold off the milking cows ASAP because she couldn't run the farm on her own. Fresh fruit was available only in the summer from their own property. Grandma had several amazing friends and neighbors who helped them, when they could.

The "good old days" are a crock of shit. Silly fundies.

[docmom]

Then the trial came. . . Mr. White had been sleeping. He woke up and came into the kitchen. Now, normally I run in the other direction when he wakes up because he is very grumpy, until he is fully awake. (smiles) But I had the timer set and supper was almost ready. I was finishing up some dishes and getting the table ready. I left the room for just a minute and then came back to find him using the microwave. That's fine, but I was using the microwave for the timer. So, being the foolish woman that I am, I asked quietly, "Honey, how many minutes were left on the timer?" (smiles). He blew up at me. Big surprise. I tried to soothe him by saying, "That's okay, don't worry about it." And went back to my dishes - back to my work. He left the room. After a little while he came back and said he was sorry, and was so kind. We agreed never to talk again when he first wakes up. (smiles) He knows how irrational and mean he can be when he is not fully awake

Sorry to keep quoting but this blog is a treasure trove of fundie craziness. Her husband does sound abusive, though. She really needs to understand that this is not a normal relationship. She also mentions having a daycare in her home and keeping the children quiet all day so they didn't upset her husband.

[Sobeknofret]

Mrs White also has two grandchildren, yet only ever mentions the newest one. There's *nothing* about the other child there. Not a peep. She also wrote a book on rebellious children. Coincidence? :?:

As for wanting my home to resemble an inn, does anybody ever really get completely comfortable at an inn or hotel? I always feel like I'm on edge and vaguely like I can't completely relax my guard. I'm always aware that I am a guest. Feeling constantly like I'm a guest in my own home would be awful.

[JesusFightClub]

Sorry to keep quoting but this blog is a treasure trove of fundie craziness. Her husband does sound abusive, though. She really needs to understand that this is not a normal relationship. She also mentions having a daycare in her home and keeping the children quiet all day so they didn't upset her husband.

Oh wow. Mr White sounds like an absolute cuntbag.

In what way was she being foolish here? For wanting to time her dinner correctly? She wasn't being rude, mean, sarcastic or even passive-aggressive. She needed to know so she could time the meal.

I have some experience with aggressive men. Playing passive and "whatever you want, sweetheart, I'm so sorry for my miserable female stupidity, what would you like me to do?" doesn't stop them. It encourages them because they see shouting at you or raising a hand to you gets results. And like anyone, if it gets results, they're no gonnae stop.

[docmom]

Well, here's her idea of a "restaurant style breakfast". You may want to rethink visiting her type of inn...

Yesterday morning, Amy and John woke up at different times. I had some special schoolwork planned for the day and wanted to make sure breakfast set a cheerful mood. This is what I did:

1. At each place setting, I used a paper towel as a place mat (It's all I had!)

2. Each child had a pretty bowl, napkin, silverware, and tea cup.

3. I placed a banana on each place mat.

4. I put a tea bag in a saucer beside each empty cup.

5. I put a packet of Quaker oatmeal beside each plate.

The meal was ready whenever each child was ready. All I had to do was bring the hot water for tea and oatmeal. John ate first. He loved it. A little while later, Amy was dressed and seated in her place. I brought her the hot water and served her. She enjoyed the special, restaurant -style breakfast.

Wow, a banana and make your own oatmeal and tea! Every. single. day. my children get real placemats, bowls, glasses, cups, oatmeal made from scratch (it's 2 mins in the microwave), fruit AND toast, waffles, pancakes, or eggs and bacon depending on the day. And I work. Full time. Outside the home. And my children are a lot younger than hers. I am amazing!!!

[Sobeknofret]

Well, here's her idea of a "restaurant style breakfast". You may want to rethink visiting her type of inn...

Wow, a banana and make your own oatmeal and tea! Every. single. day. my children get real placemats, bowls, glasses, cups, oatmeal made from scratch (it's 2 mins in the microwave), fruit AND toast, waffles, pancakes, or eggs and bacon depending on the day. And I work. Full time. Outside the home. And my children are a lot younger than hers. I am amazing!!!

My in-laws ran an inn for awhile. They would have died before they'd have served their guests this meal, except by request. Their idea of breakfast ran to homemade quiches, fresh fruit and waffles made to order, and crisp bacon.

[Black Aliss]

If she had put the word 'handwritten' in italics one more time, to drive home the point that she does her household accounts by hand!!!, I think I would have screamed.

I'm not sure what the point of handwritten accounts is anyway, unless she thinks future generations will marvel at her mad money handling skillz. However, I suspect it's because she doesn't know even the basics of spreadsheet software.

The whole "peaceful inn" description defies comprehension. Tea bags? Paper towels for placemats? If she didn't try to pretend she was into the whole homemaking schtick, that would be one thing, but really, that's how she treats the people who are her whole world? I'm seriously not into the whole homemaking schtick myself, but even when the kids were toddlers we used real table linens (because, hey, a table cloth or cloth placemat soaks up spills before they hit the floor), glassware, and china.

[keeks21]

Do you think some of the blogposts are a way of convincing herself that her husband is a just godly man and is right in his treatment for her? The blog reads like a good before story for NLQ.

From my experience being in a family a call for peace in the home usually means the kids are fighting and mum and dad are arguing. Once again I think she feels this is her fault when in actual fact its ok to tell your kids to behave and your husband not to yell at you.

Also can we start a threat debunking the myth that "things were better" in the olden days? This weekend I talked with my grandmother again about her life and upbringing in the "olden days" and found out she was a mental health nurse in the 60's and the patients used to be tied to a bench all day and then hosed down when they were to be brought inside for dinner. How horrific? These where people with autisim who in todays time would have some type of work and be home with the family or an independent living group home.

She also told me about the damage her first pregnancy did to her body and her doctor sent her to live at a cousins farm so she could have access to raw milk because they didn't have a way of figuring out what was actually wrong with her body.

[Sobeknofret]

Do you think some of the blogposts are a way of convincing herself that her husband is a just godly man and is right in his treatment for her? The blog reads like a good before story for NLQ.

From my experience being in a family a call for peace in the home usually means the kids are fighting and mum and dad are arguing. Once again I think she feels this is her fault when in actual fact its ok to tell your kids to behave and your husband not to yell at you.

This is true, but I still think there's something more fundamentally wrong in that house. There's a grandchild that is never even mentioned. Her parents live with the family, yet for all the interaction her family seems to have with them, they might as well be living on the moon. She's "authored" an e-book on dealing with rebellion in the family, and she sounds more and more desperate to keep her older kids coming back to her. She's a cancer survivor and has a chronic illness, but it sounds like the whole family revolves around her and her illnesses. I don't see anything sinister in her husband, just a desperate and frightened woman, who subscribes wholeheartedly to a religious belief no one else in the family does, and she's struggling to prove to herself and the outside world that she's done and continues to do the right thing.

[emmiedahl]

Well, Ms. Peaceful Inn, today I got up at the crack of dawn and made my children a fun breakfast I saw on Pinterest and then had a full day of classes and now I am working for teh moneyz. Those microwave oatmeal packets are good in a pinch, but they are full of nasty chemicals and more expensive than actual homemade oatmeal.

My grandmother was not the smiling housewife that this lady describes. She was a miserable bitch. She had a childhood where watered down milk was saved for the baby because her father died, her mother took off, and the children were left with no one but an impoverished and elderly set of grandparents who blamed the children for being a burden and begrudged them every bite that went into their mouths. It does not sound like great- and great-great-grandma were scrubbing with a smile, does it? They weren't. The result of her childhood was that she had some nasty undiagnosed personality disorder and was a mean, cruel woman. I try to remember that she loved her children and grandchildren in her own way, because she always sewed lovely clothes for us, bought us shiny new shoes, made enormous amounts of food, and paid for our private school. That was what love looked like to her. Keeping someone warm, fed, and educated. Like she wasn't as a child. Smile? I am sure she did, but I cannot remember it happening. Content? Naw, she was always unhappy. Even though she found a decent amount of success in her career, got rid of the husband she hated, and raised children who were stable enough to care about her despite her being an unpleasant woman, she died very unhappy.

And calling for her mother.

Life back then sucked, especially if you were not the right nationality and religion. Or if your family was torn apart by poverty and circumstance. It was a living hell for many people and they were not happy or content. They were just trying to stay alive long enough to give their children something better.

[2xx1xy1JD]

Farm life in Oklahoma in the 1930s and 1940s was so miserable (work from before sunup to beyond sundown, even for little kids) that my dad thought going into the Army and getting shot at in Korea was easy by comparison.

My great-grandfather had the same thought about fighting in the trenches during WWI. At 16, he lied about his age and signed up because being exploited child labor on a farm in Saskatchewan was a less than blissful experience.

[2xx1xy1JD]

Well, Ms. Peaceful Inn, today I got up at the crack of dawn and made my children a fun breakfast I saw on Pinterest and then had a full day of classes and now I am working for teh moneyz. Those microwave oatmeal packets are good in a pinch, but they are full of nasty chemicals and more expensive than actual homemade oatmeal.

My grandmother was not the smiling housewife that this lady describes. She was a miserable bitch. She had a childhood where watered down milk was saved for the baby because her father died, her mother took off, and the children were left with no one but an impoverished and elderly set of grandparents who blamed the children for being a burden and begrudged them every bite that went into their mouths. It does not sound like great- and great-great-grandma were scrubbing with a smile, does it? They weren't. The result of her childhood was that she had some nasty undiagnosed personality disorder and was a mean, cruel woman. I try to remember that she loved her children and grandchildren in her own way, because she always sewed lovely clothes for us, bought us shiny new shoes, made enormous amounts of food, and paid for our private school. That was what love looked like to her. Keeping someone warm, fed, and educated. Like she wasn't as a child. Smile? I am sure she did, but I cannot remember it happening. Content? Naw, she was always unhappy. Even though she found a decent amount of success in her career, got rid of the husband she hated, and raised children who were stable enough to care about her despite her being an unpleasant woman, she died very unhappy.

And calling for her mother.

Life back then sucked, especially if you were not the right nationality and religion. Or if your family was torn apart by poverty and circumstance. It was a living hell for many people and they were not happy or content. They were just trying to stay alive long enough to give their children something better.

Do we share a grandmother?

I love mine, but "miserable bitch with undiagnosed personality disorder plus bipolar disorder who had a really tough childhood due to her father beating her mother and then kidnapping her older sisters leaving the country while her mother was pregnant with her" is a fairly accurate description.

Not a whole lotta contented humming there.

My other, saner grandma was a bit happier - but then again, she had coped with a lot in life. She didn't pine for the "good ole days" - although she did tell us about her sisters who died in early childhood and the fact that she lived with a cousin who fed her nothing but cornmeal. She may have been more likely to hum contentedly if she didn't have the stress of being married to a diabetic with heart disease, with 2 kids and no life or health insurance. After he passed away, she worked and took care of every penny to make sure that her family would be supported.

[2xx1xy1JD]

I'm not sure what the point of handwritten accounts is anyway, unless she thinks future generations will marvel at her mad money handling skillz. However, I suspect it's because she doesn't know even the basics of spreadsheet software.

The whole "peaceful inn" description defies comprehension. Tea bags? Paper towels for placemats? If she didn't try to pretend she was into the whole homemaking schtick, that would be one thing, but really, that's how she treats the people who are her whole world? I'm seriously not into the whole homemaking schtick myself, but even when the kids were toddlers we used real table linens (because, hey, a table cloth or cloth placemat soaks up spills before they hit the floor), glassware, and china.

I guess I suck by FJ breakfast standards. No placemats or tablecloth at breakfast. The kids make their own cereal. If I have time, I'll blend up a smoothie as well.