If Home Was Like A Peaceful Inn

[JesusFightClub]

raisinghomemakers.com/2013/if-home-was-like-a-peaceful-inn/

This depresses me deeply. "Mother" should apparently have the type of feeling towards her family that an innkeeper has towards his guests, put up with any level of irritation and then, bizarrely, be grateful she gets to do it at all.

Can anyone wonder that the women of the world aren't flocking towards Christian fundie-mentalism?

(Also, this made me think of Fawlty Towers: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fawlty_Towers ;) )

[linnea27]

Good lord, is that woman a piece of work. I dont recall seeing her blog before, but if you follow the link to it you can find such gems such as My Husband's Money (thelegacyofhome.blogspot.ca/2013/01/my-husbands-money.html?m=1) or some quotes about how she asked her husband to make some repairs to her van and he made a face like "I was going to but I won't now that you mentioned it!" The take-home message is apparently that women shouldn't ask for stuff, be "bossy", or complain (she apologized to him for that comment), and not that she is just married to an asshole, which is how I would spin it if I were the one sharing that exchange.

[JesusFightClub]

Comment from Lady Lydia

LadyLydia said...

One thing I wish I could describe about the homemakers of yesteryear is the look on their faces: one of delighted contentment, accompanied by gentle humming as they washed dishes, hung laundry or ironed. This was back before conveniences like dryers and dishwashers and yet they complained less than women do now. They created a world of peace in their homes and they relished it and absorbed it in their beings.

I kind of lack words for this except "Utter fucking bollocks".

My dad's mum was a "homemaker" and he and his sister were born in the 40s. My gran was on so much Valium she rattled as she walked, and my papa spent her housekeeping on drink if she didn't watch him. Everyone in her working-class street was the same. She was one of 11 kids and if she wasn't brought up in the school of hard knocks no-one was.

Eventually the pills killed her of a heart attack and papa committed suicide. There was about as much delighted contentment as there was in most poor mining communities, which is to say it was not in super abundance. :doh:

I know I keep coming back to this but it's class which defines these things. It's not Godliness or God's special favour or any such nonsense. My gran loved us kids very much and I have fond memories of her indeed. Going to visit her was one of my favourite things as a little girl and I would be excited for days beforehand. But by God she had her troubles. Homemaking wasn't bustling about, delightedly content and in an idyllic full state of womanhood, for her. It was drudgery, drudgery and more drudgery. I reckon more homemakers from back in the day would report the latter than the former.

[clarinetpower]

I wonder if there's an entry in "My Husband's Money" journal for the doctor's bills when she sprains her neck patting herself on the back?

[meda]

JCF, I agree with you, but most Americans, particularly fundies, like to pretend that class does not exist. There is a very powerful Christian/self blame/pull yourself up by the bootstraps mythology over here, particularly among lower and working class whites. This woman probably still has lady of the manor fantasies and would say that your gran was just a rebelious woman who should have prayed harder.

[Hane]

Comment from Lady Lydia

I kind of lack words for this except "Utter fucking bollocks".

Utter fucking EXPLODING bollocks indeed.

I visited the Tenement Museum in New York City and got a nice picture of what life was like for my great-grandmother (who came to New York City from Italy in 1886) and my grandmother: lugging water from the pump in the courtyard up flights of stairs and boiling it on a coal stove in a tiny apartment in all seasons of the year.

And my own mother, a housewife from the '50s on, was just pretty pissed off all the time. I saw no evidence of "delighted contentment and gentle humming" among the moms in the neighborhood where I grew up.

[kpmom]

I wonder if there's an entry in "My Husband's Money" journal for the doctor's bills when she sprains her neck patting herself on the back?

QFT

If she had put the word 'handwritten' in italics one more time, to drive home the point that she does her household accounts by hand!!!, I think I would have screamed.

[OnceModestTwiceShy]

Dear Lady Lydia:

Were you there? Have you ever read a history book? Have you ever visited a nursing home and talked to the female residents about what life was like for them, their mothers and grandmas? Have you ever watched a documentary? Do you have any common sense at all?

Love,

OMTS

[salsa]

Dear Lady Lydia:

Were you there? Have you ever read a history book? Have you ever visited a nursing home and talked to the female residents about what life was like for them, their mothers and grandmas? Have you ever watched a documentary? Do you have any common sense at all?

Love,

OMTS

QFT. I've known a LOT of older folks and NONE of them describe anything like this - at all! Even ones who were well-off. Some had it easier than others, but the constant smiles on faces and gentle humming and contentment? .... bullshit. No one is ever THAT contented CONSTANTLY (though it seems the Duggars try to imitate it with plastic smiles).

One woman I knew recalled carrying in the household water from the creek several times a day. She'd say, "they call them the good old days, but it wasn't good. Women had no rights. What the husband said, went. They didn't even have their own money." She recalled how her husband, at her daughters' urging, bought her an electric iron for Christmas (she'd used those heat-on-the-stove cast iron ones) and she cried for joy. Yippee. She much preferred indoor plumbing, central heat, and electric irons to the "good old days."

Don't quite have the time now, but I've GOT to give this blog a read. It sounds simply precious. :roll:

edited because I converged 2 sentences and it came out wrong...

[uber frau]

Dear Lady Lydia:

Were you there? Have you ever read a history book? Have you ever visited a nursing home and talked to the female residents about what life was like for them, their mothers and grandmas? Have you ever watched a documentary? Do you have any common sense at all?

Love,

OMTS

The answer to all of those questions is, "No". In fairness, I think the glitter glue and pink paint have rotted her brain. She graced us with her presence once. I'll try and dig up the thread.

[JesusFightClub]

Ooh, meda, we have the answer! Poverty is solved by, erm, watering down milk. And making muffins.

thelegacyofhome.blogspot.co.uk/2010/02/how-old-time-mothers-survived-poverty.html

[desertvixen]

JCF, I agree with you, but most Americans, particularly fundies, like to pretend that class does not exist. There is a very powerful Christian/self blame/pull yourself up by the bootstraps mythology over here, particularly among lower and working class whites. This woman probably still has lady of the manor fantasies and would say that your gran was just a rebelious woman who should have prayed harder.

This times a million.

[jenny_islander]

My late MIL did the frontier housewife thing. She helped run a remote fish processing site: you flew in on a small plane fitted with pontoons, or you chugged halfway around the island (an island the size of Connecticut) in a small boat. Fresh air, fresh food from scratch, hordes of big men doing sweaty manly work and chowing down on her cooking, homeschooling the kids . . . arthritis, a lower back that never worked right again, undiagnosed and untreated asthma, broken arches, and let's not forget the lung damage from roach bombing the place on her own without professional assistance.

[dairyfreelife]

These posts are all to sell her new "books".

This is the recording of the history of my spending for the household of my husband.

Not to derail this thread, but I felt this post on raisinghomemakers recently should be mentioned...

In fact, self-seeking has become so rampant these days that anyone who offers help without expectation of pay or any other benefit is either thought to be mentally ill or mentally challenged.

No words except appalled and disgusted to this statement.

When she was interviewed as an elderly woman, she did not wonder why no one had recognized her, honored her, or offered her any material reward. Her greatest concern was that she could have done more; can you imagine?

Yes. Yes, I can.

In our home we have never offered monetary reward for chores, not even for “special projects.†We all pitch in, and we all contribute, because taking care of each other is our duty!

Raising good daughters today means that we must back away from the “diva†mentality. Nothing is owed to us, everything is expected. It should never be a matter of what we can get, but what we can give, always keeping in mind that we would never be able to do anything good without our Lord!

And this comment:

Wonderful post. This is so true. I encounter teenagers every day at work, and it is appalling and disappointing to me to see how self-absorbed they are.

Hate to tell Frances, but that's the mark of most teenagers, self-absorbed and ignorant of the real world. Most will grow up and out of it once the real world comes and kicks him hard in the ass.

raisinghomemakers.com/2013/the-inspiration-of-duty/

and Sherry's blog, just as snarky as Mrs. White's.

ladyofvirtue.blogspot.com

But may want to save her entire blog snark for another thread. Only quoted this post because it was raising homemakers as well.

[meda]

Ooh, meda, we have the answer! Poverty is solved by, erm, watering down milk. And making muffins.

thelegacyofhome.blogspot.co.uk/2010/02/how-old-time-mothers-survived-poverty.html

Oh lord, the ignorance. My grandmother would have enjoyed setting this twit straight. You know what else they used to do? Send children out to work at a young age. My grandmother left regular school at 13 to go train as a nurse. Was working full time at 15. Didn't get married until she was in her late 30's because she was expected to support her mother and younger siblings, and married women couldn't work as nurses. My mother once told me that gran helped one of her little sisters get an abortion in the 30's because there were already too many little children to feed. I'm pretty sure making muffins was not an option.

[Witsec7]

Oh lord, the ignorance. My grandmother would have enjoyed setting this twit straight. You know what else they used to do? Send children out to work at a young age. My grandmother left regular school at 13 to go train as a nurse. Was working full time at 15. Didn't get married until she was in her late 30's because she was expected to support her mother and younger siblings, and married women couldn't work as nurses. My mother once told me that gran helped one of her little sisters get an abortion in the 30's because there were already too many little children to feed. I'm pretty sure making muffins was not an option.

My father (one of 13 kids who survived to adulthood) went to school until about the second grade. After that his job was to go to the train yard daily to pick up bits of coal so that the family could heat their home. As immigrants my parents lived in the immigrant ghetto of our small town. Class and status had a lot to do with how one was raised. If you were American born, you lived 'up the hill' in my little town. You homes might have indoor plumbing and electricity and didn't flood out in the spring when the river rose, bringing with it the sewage from hundreds of back yard privies. I could go on but suffice to say this woman has her head so far up her ass she cannot see daylight. I usually find my head exploding when I have to listen to all of the 'good old days' crap these folks spew.

[dairyfreelife]

JCF, I agree with you, but most Americans, particularly fundies, like to pretend that class does not exist. There is a very powerful Christian/self blame/pull yourself up by the bootstraps mythology over here, particularly among lower and working class whites. This woman probably still has lady of the manor fantasies and would say that your gran was just a rebelious woman who should have prayed harder.

I dunno. I've seen a lot of both "pull yourself up by the bootstraps" and the need to help struggling people where I live. Then again, I do live in one of the most poverty-stricken states where people have been forced to drop out of school at 16 to help their families even now and people living in conditions that look similar to a third world country, not one of the top first world countries. It's why people like Lori piss me off so much and that Lydia lady. There's nothing grand about real poverty at all. If it wasn't for things like medicaid, these children would never be able to get simple things like antibiotics when ill or a simple check up to make sure they are okay. If it wasn't for the dentist and hygenist who offer their services free of charge to these children, a simple cavity would never be fixed. If it wasn't for public schools, these children would never be literate and possibly be able to get out of their situation. Many still can't, but the possibility is there. If it wasn't for free bus services, these children couldn't get to school. If it wasn't for free breakfast and lunch, these children would go days without eating. If it wasn't for food stamps, some families would be unable to buy food. If it wasn't for free services that take these rural children in serious poverty to places like Wal-Mart, who offer free supplies and clothes to children, they would not even a pencil or shoes. If it wasn't for clothing vouchers, these children would not have a coat for the winter months...and believe me, I live in the mountains. It gets quite cold here. Coats are necessary.

As for the watered down stuff and muffins, fuck her. My great-grandmother spoke of only having cornbread and milk for meals often because they couldn't afford more. Things like molasses were rare supermarket treats. She barely got an education and fuctionally illiterate. And no, she did not describe it was a great, happy upbringing. And my grandmother is whole other story for unhappy "helpmeet".

[IceQueen]

I can't help but think of my grandmother. She had a relatively easier life than some women in the 50's BUT she had almost zero choices. She was a book keeper before she got married and then went back to work when my mom was in school because she hated staying at home. She was an honor student in high school, but was never give the opportunity to go to college because of her gender. If she was younger today she would be a CEO or something. She is driven and smart. My grandfather was an amazing person though so I doubt she put up with much BS. My other great grandmother however was a slave to her husband and basically a live in housekeeper. From what I've heard her husband sounded like a super ass. While I have so much love and respect for both of these women I would never want to trade places with them.

[fundifugee]

Oh lord, the ignorance. My grandmother would have enjoyed setting this twit straight. You know what else they used to do? Send children out to work at a young age. My grandmother left regular school at 13 to go train as a nurse. Was working full time at 15. Didn't get married until she was in her late 30's because she was expected to support her mother and younger siblings, and married women couldn't work as nurses. My mother once told me that gran helped one of her little sisters get an abortion in the 30's because there were already too many little children to feed. I'm pretty sure making muffins was not an option.

QFT. My grandfather at the age of 4 was sent out to collect coal that had fallen from trains on the railroad tracks so that they could cook food, such that he got frostbite on his feet from the snow, inadequate footwear and no option but to spend the day walking the tracks. Later he and his siblings were sent off to work for free in exchange for room and board.

My MIL was a stereotypical 50s housewife in a middle class family with a kind husband. Her kids remember her being miserable, depressed, prone to fits of yelling and throwing stuff, and obsessed with her own and her daughter's weight.

[mirele]

Farm life in Oklahoma in the 1930s and 1940s was so miserable (work from before sunup to beyond sundown, even for little kids) that my dad thought going into the Army and getting shot at in Korea was easy by comparison.

[Boltingmadonna]

I know I keep coming back to this but it's class which defines these things. It's not Godliness or God's special favour or any such nonsense.

A-men, JesusFightClub. You rock. I loved my grandmother, but she was poor and it was not an easy life for her. Try playing the gracious lady when you have seven kids and no money, your dresses are old and sweat-stained, and part of your roof is falling in. My father remembers growing up in the Depression. My grandmother put cold pancakes and pork liver in his lunch bucket because that's what they had. They had the pork liver because people gave them parts when they slaughtered a pig. I'd like to see Lady Lydia making a lovely, doily-adorned tea with pig guts.

"Mrs. White" of thelegacyofhome.blogspot is something else. I actually feel sorry for her because I think she's clinically depressed much of the time--but covers it up with lots of fancy flowery words and daydreams about how sorry everyone will feel when she's dead. She is constantly short of money and often ill, but puts a martyr's face on it instead of suggesting that her husband and (grown) children get her some help. Reading between the lines, I'm pretty sure one of her older daughters had a child (ahem) out of wedlock, which has spawned a number of posts about saintly mothers dealing with wayward children.

[constantgardener]

I just want to take these women who long for 'the good old days' and force them to read 'Round About a Pound a Week' by Maud Pember Reeves (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Round_About_a_Pound_a_Week). I think I've mentioned this book before on FJ but it had such an influence on me when I first read it in my teens. It shows the results of research into the lives of poor women living in South London in about 1910. Baking muffins with a cheery smile - not likely when all you've got to cook with is a burnt suacepan on the broken grate of an open fire, living with 6 or 8 kids in two damp rooms with no running water. The survey went into such depth it even has the weekly expenditure of each family and what they ate at each meal - and the wives and kids were basically living on bread and potatoes. It makes me want to scream that people have such blinkered views of the past, and worse still, think that they have the right to preach to other people about it.

[LostSamurai]

Hey Lydia...

Stop thinking the past was one big Leave it to Beaver/Little House on the Prairie episode.

Love, LostSamurai.

[snarkyjan]

I just want to take these women who long for 'the good old days' and force them to read 'Round About a Pound a Week' by Maud Pember Reeves (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Round_About_a_Pound_a_Week). I think I've mentioned this book before on FJ but it had such an influence on me when I first read it in my teens. It shows the results of research into the lives of poor women living in South London in about 1910. Baking muffins with a cheery smile - not likely when all you've got to cook with is a burnt suacepan on the broken grate of an open fire, living with 6 or 8 kids in two damp rooms with no running water. The survey went into such depth it even has the weekly expenditure of each family and what they ate at each meal - and the wives and kids were basically living on bread and potatoes. It makes me want to scream that people have such blinkered views of the past, and worse still, think that they have the right to preach to other people about it.

And just for shits and giggles, I would also force her to read "Down And Out In Paris And London" by George Orwell.

[kunoichi66]

Comment from Lady Lydia

I kind of lack words for this except "Utter fucking bollocks".

My dad's mum was a "homemaker" and he and his sister were born in the 40s. My gran was on so much Valium she rattled as she walked, and my papa spent her housekeeping on drink if she didn't watch him. Everyone in her working-class street was the same. She was one of 11 kids and if she wasn't brought up in the school of hard knocks no-one was.

Eventually the pills killed her of a heart attack and papa committed suicide. There was about as much delighted contentment as there was in most poor mining communities, which is to say it was not in super abundance. :doh:

I know I keep coming back to this but it's class which defines these things. It's not Godliness or God's special favour or any such nonsense. My gran loved us kids very much and I have fond memories of her indeed. Going to visit her was one of my favourite things as a little girl and I would be excited for days beforehand. But by God she had her troubles. Homemaking wasn't bustling about, delightedly content and in an idyllic full state of womanhood, for her. It was drudgery, drudgery and more drudgery. I reckon more homemakers from back in the day would report the latter than the former.

Were your grandparents miners too?

(completely off-topic)