Happy New Year, Razing Ruth

[Spider Burps]

Here is the link for consolidation information: https://loanconsolidation.ed.gov/AppEnt ... pindex.jsp

Here is the online calculator to figure out what you would pay: https://loanconsolidation.ed.gov/AppEnt ... pindex.jsp

Ruth, if you are on a 10 year standard repayment plan, your best bet is to consolidate with Direct Loans using the link above and get on the income based repayment plan. This will spread out your payments over a long period of time - I think 25 years - and reduce it significantly. It also caps the amount that you pay each month to a certain percentage of your income. If you have private or PLUS loans, I don't think you can consolidate, but if you have Perkins, FFEL, Direct Loans, or other government sponsored loans, it will work. The only downside is that you pay more interest over time.

There's also the new "Pay As You Earn" plan since Ruth's loans are fairly recent. My husband consolidated his loans and went on the ICR (or IBR?) payment plan and we were told to pay $260 a month for his $1600 a month worth of loans. With the Pay As You Earn, which we just found out we're eligible for due to the date of our consolidation, our payments will drop to $180. Keep in mind that this is for over $75,000 in loans (private grad school FTW mirite?!?!) with Mr. Burps making three times Ruth's salary, so Ruth's payments would be much, much lower.

Any amount that isn't paid off over 25 years (20 years with Pay As You Earn) is forgiven, but you will owe taxes on the forgiven amount if and when that time comes.

Also, you can ask the financial aid people (for federal aid, at least) to choose a payment option for you. You fill out the application for the modified repayment plans, submit a copy of your 1040 on their website (or in the mail) and they automatically assign you the repayment plan that will give you the lowest monthly payments.

[mrs]

Ruth/Mary has a new post up. She is considering moving abroad to become a teacher. And has been promoted to head waiter.

{edited to fix spelling}

[GeoBQn]

I hope she's considering teaching abroad because she likes it, and not because she's running from her past. It's not easy. My brother had a friend who joined the Peace Corps after his fiance dumped him. He got stationed in Kyrgyzstan and ended up coming back to America after two months. My dad had a student who took a job teaching English in Georgia after she couldn't get a job in the US, and she ended up only staying for 6 months out of a year-long position.

[happy atheist]

I have a friend who went from being a stripper to teaching English in S Korea. She stayed for 2 years and loved it.

I think a lot of it depends on which country you end up in, and the other Americans around you.

[mrs]

I agree with everything mentioned above. I also think it depends on the person. It is not easy being a teacher and not for everyone. But I think it could be a great career for Ruth/Mary if her heart "is in it."

(I am the daughter of an American public school teacher.)

[Lillybee]

She mentioned that DarthDaddy is ill. I wonder if he will see a real doctor.

[Kellbells]

I can't start a new post yet but just saw Ruth posted that DD passed away last night...

Edited to send my thoughts to Ruth.

[lizziesmom]

I thought she quit writing her blog.

[Lillybee]

I hope that the mom and the children still at home will be taken care of.

[sparkplug]

I'm so sorry!

[anniebgood]

She tried to call her mom but her eldest brother told her "she broke her father's heart" and she should never ever call her mom again. They wouldn't even tell her if services were planned, nor will they tell the brother she's closest too because "He would tell her"

She said she couldn't go to the funeral if she wanted and she wouldn't get up next to the casket and tell DD what hell he made her life.

She needs a hug.

[Lainey]

She tried to call her mom but her eldest brother told her "she broke her father's heart" and she should never ever call her mom again. They wouldn't even tell her if services were planned, nor will they tell the brother she's closest too because "He would tell her"

She said she couldn't go to the funeral if she wanted and she wouldn't get up next to the casket and tell DD what hell he made her life.

She needs a hug.

I just saw that...so they're almost blaming her? And here I'd thought that maybe with DD gone, the family could reconcile and heal. Guess not.

Now what's her mother going to do?

[bionicmlle]

Read this earlier today. I wonder how much of that "you broke dad's heart" and not talking to mother is her brainwashed brother taking over headship. Yuck.

Keeping you in the light, Ruth/Mary.

[MamaJunebug]

I wonder if the ATI/IBLP blogs will acknowledge this man's passing. It would be interesting to see what ole Goatherd had his minions say about him, since he failed to keep at least two of his children under the umbrella. Also, may the gent RIP. It will be interesting to see what happens to the widow and minor orphans. Will the local IBLP church take them under wing?

[hywelis]

Ruth/Mary, if you're reading this, gentle hugs.

What you're feeling is normal. Including the relief. Especially the relief. Your brother *is* a major jerk. Don't give up on getting in touch with your Mum, she may be overwhelmed now but she'll be happy to hear from you.

I wish I could help you more.

Hywelis

[LadyBlue]

Hugs to you, if you want them. Remember it's ok to feel however you feel, whether that's anger, relief, sorrow or all of the above.

[marmalade]

Read this earlier today. I wonder how much of that "you broke dad's heart" and not talking to mother is her brainwashed brother taking over headship. Yuck.

Keeping you in the light, Ruth/Mary.

I asked what would happen to her mother and children still at home; would they, in fact, go live with the asshole brother? I don't think I ever had it confirmed what happens when an ATI helpmeet is widowed with dependent blessings still in the home.

[Nothing2CHere]

Ruth/Mary, sending loving thoughts your way. And if you're still in touch with your therapist, it might not be a bad idea to schedule a visit with them. You're going to be feeling a lot of conflicting feelings right now. Take care of yourself.

[Jana814]

I feel sorry for her!! I too hope someone will take care of her mother & "blessing". It's so wrong that they r blaming her (that she broke his heart)

[chaotic life]

I have broken all communication with my mother for similiar abuse issues. I've wondered how I will feel when she dies. I can absolutely see her family blaming me for her "heartbreak" even though I am not the only child to cut communication with her and it was done because of her abuse issues, which they are aware of.

I have reached a point in my own healing where I will not take the blame when she eventually dies. I believe I have also reached the point that I will not dance on her grave either. I will find it unbelievable sad that a parent choose abuse and control over unconditional love and relationship with the child they were supposed to love and cherish. However, I know that choice is what she made. All I have done is protect myself from her choice.

Ruth/Mary, I hope you can find that peace and understanding that you did NOT cause your father's death. His hatred and his demise were not your burden. Your family is hurting and wants someone to blame, and you are the easy scapegoat. I suspect you've been the family scapegoat for a long time already. I know your grief is confusing and conflicted. I highly recommend if you can reach your therapist that you check back in. I'm not certain you have attained a level of healing where you will not blame yourself for this, even if logically you know it is not true.

[Tom Slick]

Ruth/Mary my condolences, and my you both have true happiness and true joy in your lives now. I know this next little bit will be tough but remember you are both Loved. May God bless you in this time.

[nolongerIFBx]

Bumping this- several have asked why we snark or what we should be doing about fundamentalism. While the purpose of FJ is to snark, if you ever wanted to help someone escape, here's your chance. Mary/Ruth finally has the opportunity to escape the issues her bringing up has caused for her and she has asked for help. I understand that there are some who doubt and you are entitled to those feelings. But if you ever wished that you could rescue one of the Lost Boys or Jennifer Duggar, here's your chance to help a former Gothard-raised child find a "normal" life. http://razingruth.blogspot.com/2013/05/ ... -help.html .

[razingruth]

I asked what would happen to her mother and children still at home; would they, in fact, go live with the asshole brother? I don't think I ever had it confirmed what happens when an ATI helpmeet is widowed with dependent blessings still in the home.

There are only three left at home; one boy, two girls. They are with my eldest brother for now.

[razingruth]

I'll try and get some of the above questions/comments answered.

Yes, I have been back to the therapist since my father's death. I am on an antidepressant and that helps tremendously. But, talking to someone weekly also helps. It's getting less and less difficult to talk about my past without crying and I'm told that's the goal.

I know I didn't kill my father. I do feel bad, on a very low level, for not being the daughter he needed. Even if he needed something unreasonable, I do feel like I failed him even if I did the best for ME.

My older brother *is* taking his headship role very seriously. It's nauseating.

Still haven't talked to my mom. Would love to. Thanks for thinking of me.

[Peas n carrots]

I'll try and get some of the above questions/comments answered.

Yes, I have been back to the therapist since my father's death. I am on an antidepressant and that helps tremendously. But, talking to someone weekly also helps. It's getting less and less difficult to talk about my past without crying and I'm told that's the goal.

I know I didn't kill my father. I do feel bad, on a very low level, for not being the daughter he needed. Even if he needed something unreasonable, I do feel like I failed him even if I did the best for ME.

My older brother *is* taking his headship role very seriously. It's nauseating.

Still haven't talked to my mom. Would love to. Thanks for thinking of me.

Check your PM's. :) My contact is enclosed