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Happy New Year, Razing Ruth


clarinetpower

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It looks like the formatting got messed up and that was actually part of a question from a reader (who was referencing herself and her husband).

That said, the whole post does read strangely.

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I agree--the formatting makes it hard to tell the differences between reader questions and her responses, but it also reads very strangely. It sounds like she's working every waking moment and barely keeping it together. I imagine that she doesn't have much time to organize and edit her posts.

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I guess I am a little confused as well. Is Ruth/Mary in Arkansas or California? A few months ago didn't she posted on a thread here saying she saw the Duggars handing out the Ray comfort bills at U of A? From her blog I thought she was in California. Obviously the cost of living and jobs situation is very different between the 2 states.

It is sad that she has been away for so many years and is still struggling. Living in Southern Utah there are many women who have left the FDLS and seem to be able to mainstream themselves within a few years. In fact I'm a constantly shocked by women I meet at my kids school or at activites that I find out were FLDS only a few years ago. I would have never guessed. I'm sure they still have alot scars/baggage but they have gone to school and or gotten jobs, alot are married, leading a decent quality of life

.

That is why I was curious of where she was because I would assume from what I have read Arkansas might be the same if not cheaper cost of living them southern utah. I would hope she could get to a lower cost of living area if she is in Ca. $300 a month for car costs is alot, assuming it must be insurance? gas costs of Ca?

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I'm guessing she is in SoCal because Arkansas weather can get way too cold to be homeless.

The FLDS ladies may/not have thrived more quickly because of existing support organizations to help women in that situation, do you suppose? Which makes me wish I was more convenient to Ruth, wish a lot of us were, to be able to advise her as someone did, above, about the rights of tenants (a month's notice, not a week's).

Gothard and Darth Daddy, this is what you consign innocent beings to, by your vile insistence that your followers remain ignorant, uneducated and dependent.

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I'm guessing she is in SoCal because Arkansas weather can get way too cold to be homeless.

Also, not to mention it is pretty hard to be homeless here, where you can get a 2 bedroom apartment for 400 a month.

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Gothard and Darth Daddy, this is what you consign innocent beings to, by your vile insistence that your followers remain ignorant, uneducated and dependent.

But that's their ultimate goal: leave your offspring, especially your daughters, utterly incapable of survival in the outside world so that if they ever get up the nerve to leave, they'll fall on their ass and come running back.

They just never counted on having a daughter as strong and determined as Ruth/Mary. That woman is my idol.

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I can't comment on her blog for some reason so I'm going to post this here, since I know she reads here.

Mary- try for a forbearance on your student loan rather than a deferment. I am single, no dependents, and make good money. However, due to a big move, I wanted to hold off on my student loan payment. When I tried for a deferment, they asked for my income and I was denied. Then I tried for the forbearance and was approved, no explanations and no questions asked. The interest will continue to accumulate, but your monthly payment will be placed on hold. Hope this helps, I've enjoyed reading your story and your blog is how I found Free Jinger. Take care!

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...$300 a month for car costs is alot, assuming it must be insurance? gas costs of Ca?

Gas is about $3.50/gallon for regular unleaded in my area, and I live in one of the cheapest areas to live in California, so if she's driving a lot and lives in SoCal it's possible she could be spending a lot on gas. My insurance is quite high but that's mostly my fault, and I also have full coverage, so I'm not sure how much insurance is if she has minimum coverage (which is required in CA).

I agree, though, the post doesn't read like her writing style. Maybe it's the meds?

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I'm guessing she is in SoCal because Arkansas weather can get way too cold to be homeless.

The FLDS ladies may/not have thrived more quickly because of existing support organizations to help women in that situation, do you suppose? Which makes me wish I was more convenient to Ruth, wish a lot of us were, to be able to advise her as someone did, above, about the rights of tenants (a month's notice, not a week's).

Gothard and Darth Daddy, this is what you consign innocent beings to, by your vile insistence that your followers remain ignorant, uneducated and dependent.

I think the support groups for the ex-flds women are mainly good for emotional support. It is the low cost of living that I believe helps the women obtain a decent quality of life. Also maybe the marriage culture here reguardless of religion helps in a weird way. College is cheap, vocational training is dirt cheap $1.50 an hour to become a medical or dental assistant which might not be a high paying career but $12 a hour with no debt, cheap car insurance, cheap rent (if you share an apartment/condo) makes finance not as much of a worry.

Again I just find it odd that Ruth was back in AR a few months ago. Why didn't she stay or at least go to a neighboring state with a lower cost of living. There also might be more emotional support in AR or surrounding areas then in soCal. Heck, it would be better to be where I am, and I am not a huge fan but I don't see any working homless here.

I guess I do not want to see ATI/Gothard win. I want to see Ruth suceed and tell her story to a larger audience.

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I wonder if Mary could go back to her university and use the employment resource center? I just feel sad seeing her work a couple dead end jobs with a degree. Are there any professors she could network with to get her foot in the door for a job?

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The formatting of that post is really messed up, resulting in the questions not being separated from her replies and everything being bold. I couldn't comment on those post, but here's what it should look like:

Happy 2013!

Wow. It has been a strange two weeks. First, and absolutely foremost, I want two, very kind readers. I'm not sure if you want your names out there but you know who you are. Your donation seriously helped me out of a very dark place emotionally. Getting a room for a night and getting a hot shower and a regular bed were a true shot in the arm. It also gave me a worry free night to strategize and figure out what I was doing wrong.

I know there have been many questions so I'll do my best to answer them.

How did you get homeless?

Yes. I lost trailer I was living in.

Basically, and some of this was my bad for not really reading the lease agreement that I signed, the owner of the trailer was allowing me to live on the land, in the trailer, because I was keeping an eye on the place in addition to/or in exchange for/ a pretty good reduced rent. Because I was working almost all of the time, I wasn't there when some of his possessions went missing and he felt that that violated the spirit of our agreement and he gave me a week's notice to vacate before he had someone to replace me. I had to get out pretty quick. What I didn't really understand was how hard it would be to afford an apartment or qualify with my almost non-existant credit history.

I'm still working on it. For the moment, I've swallowed my pride and opened up a dialogue with a member of Harris' family and she is letting me sublet a room in her rental home. But, for about a month, I was living in my very small car and in shelters. You do what you have to do and while I am not proud of it- it happened and now I won't make the same mistakes.

Are you sure you're not cyclically depressed, Mary?

I also applied for a program that gives free mental health assistance to low income people. I explained my situation and basically sat in the office during a day off and the lady got tired of me. :) She set me up with a therapist and a volunteer psychiatrist who put me back on an antidepressant. The devil's medication. ;) I guess I need the devil because I'm doing much better in terms of my outlook on life. I'm beginning to understand that I will probably deal with depression and lack of faith in myself my entire life.

My new therapist did recommend that I start blogging or journaling more regularly. Her take was different than my initial therapists rationale though. The new therapist (we'll call her Julia) thinks that blogging keeps me "in the world" and gives me feedback that I need (good and bad) to evaluate my progress. She also thinks that I will find self-worth in giving my story to others as a cautionary tale and I do agree with that. What say you, readers? Has my blog helped you or anyone you know parent better or avoid QF/ATI?

Do you need financial help or help budgeting? My husband and I had horrible financial problems when we were young. Email me if you need help making a plan.

I do need help in all ways financially. I tried having my student loans deferred, but since I'm working two jobs they want their money. I financed all of my education and lifestyle for those long years and I have a huge debt to pay. My payments are over $200 a month. Since my resolution is to be less secretive or ashamed of my issues. I'll share that my bills are as follows:

Student loans: $200

New rent: $300 (for one room)

Food: $170

Medicine: $68

Car related things: $300

Clothing and things for living: $100

I make about $1400 between two waitressing jobs.

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I can't comment on her blog for some reason so I'm going to post this here, since I know she reads here.

Mary- try for a forbearance on your student loan rather than a deferment. I am single, no dependents, and make good money. However, due to a big move, I wanted to hold off on my student loan payment. When I tried for a deferment, they asked for my income and I was denied. Then I tried for the forbearance and was approved, no explanations and no questions asked. The interest will continue to accumulate, but your monthly payment will be placed on hold. Hope this helps, I've enjoyed reading your story and your blog is how I found Free Jinger. Take care!

You only have a limited amount of months that you can use a forbearance. BUT she should be able to get an income based deferment on her loans, or at least a steeply discounted payment, if she does the right paperwork.

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You only have a limited amount of months that you can use a forbearance. BUT she should be able to get an income based deferment on her loans, or at least a steeply discounted payment, if she does the right paperwork.

You can a forbearance for up to 12 months, which is what mine is. I only mentioned it because she said that she was unable to get a deferment, though I'm not sure why she wouldn't qualify for either one since she is low income.

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Well, I posted on her blog, asking her if she's gone to her college career office for help finding a job.

I really hope 2013 is a great year for her. She's worked her ass off and deserves something amazing, prosperous and wonderful to happen.

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You can a forbearance for up to 12 months, which is what mine is. I only mentioned it because she said that she was unable to get a deferment, though I'm not sure why she wouldn't qualify for either one since she is low income.

Yeah, but once those 12 months are up, you don't get them back.

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Hi Ruth/Mary, I hope you're reading here. For help with prescriptions, check out: https://www.pparx.org/en/gethelp. First it checks to see if you/your medications qualify for any income-based programs. After that it will ask if you want to look at discount cards or coupons cards--click on yes and check those too.

This link will take you to the free or reduced cost health/dental care clinics in your area: http://www.pparx.org/en/prescription_as ... nic_finder

Costco, Target, Walmart, Walgreens and Walmart all have a $4 generic drug list. They'll sell the generics on their list for $4 a month or $10 for 3 months. Each of those companies has different generics they cover, so don't assume if Costco doesn't have your med on their $4 list that Walmart won't, for example. Sounds like you are taking anti-depressants (same here!)--some of those are on the $4 generic lists.

If you need help figuring out the discount cards and coupon cards, please send me a message or just reply to this email. My mom doesn't have prescription coverage anymore, so I am busy learning all about this today.

Also, have you considered looking for a job as a live-in caregiver? I know it doesn't have anything to do with your library training, but it could help take care of your living situation and second job. For example, I know a quadriplegic guy in my town who needs help transferring into bed and back out in the morning, so he hires someone to stay overnight. (He has someone else in for the day). Maybe you could find something similar--I asked once if his caretaker needed any special training certificate, and he said no so you wouldn't have to worry about that. Medicaid would pay you. I don't know what county you are in, but it looks like you want to contact the Aging and Adult Services in your county, and ask about their In-Home Supportive Services Program. http://www.co.kern.ca.us/aas/ihss.asp

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Ruth, you could also go to Senior Citizen centers in your area. Introduce yourself to the director/whoever seems in charge and ask if you can post a notice on their message board saying that you're looking for a room in exchange for cleaning/yard work/whatever. There are a lot of widows living out there who are healthy and don't need a nurse's aide, but would feel safer if they had someone else living at their house. (The director might already have an idea of someone who might be interested, and at the least can say: the girl who posted that ad seemed pretty nice!)

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Yeah, I don't know what kind of student loans she has (federal vs. private, or a mix) but with the federal student loans you can do income-based repayment by submitting your tax returns every year which may reduce your payments, and if your income is low enough, you may not have to make payments at all. I don't have a link off the top of my head, but I know there's something on the federal student aid website that allows you to calculate your income-based repayment level based on how much you owe and how much you earn, because I've poked at it before.

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Guest Anonymous

I do hope Ruth is OK. Financial issues aside, I think blogging can be a real double-edged sword for a person's emotional state at the best of times; I'm not 100% sure that the counsellor gave well-informed advice there based on what she'd have heard in just a couple of sessions. Take care Ruth, and draw back if you need to. I hope you are able to make friends and access enough resources locally so that you have the support you need if you decide in future to switch the blog off again.

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Here is the link for consolidation information: https://loanconsolidation.ed.gov/AppEnt ... pindex.jsp

Here is the online calculator to figure out what you would pay: https://loanconsolidation.ed.gov/AppEnt ... pindex.jsp

Ruth, if you are on a 10 year standard repayment plan, your best bet is to consolidate with Direct Loans using the link above and get on the income based repayment plan. This will spread out your payments over a long period of time - I think 25 years - and reduce it significantly. It also caps the amount that you pay each month to a certain percentage of your income. If you have private or PLUS loans, I don't think you can consolidate, but if you have Perkins, FFEL, Direct Loans, or other government sponsored loans, it will work. The only downside is that you pay more interest over time.

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