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In which I date a fundy's ex-boyfriend.


Inanna

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Ex-courtshipper? I'm not sure what the correct term is, here.

So, there's this guy I've been kind of seeing on and off for a while. Crazy musician surfer dude, really intelligent, hilariously dry sense of humor. He's a liberal Christian who was raised Pentecostal, I'm a quasi-Pagan-Buddhist-hippie-agnostic type who was raised Baptist and Catholic so there are some interesting conversations that happen around religion. Last night we were at the bar drinking whiskey and talking about people we know living odd lifestyles when he brings up his ex-girlfriend's family.

"They were really weird. Like, they wore Little House on the Prairie clothes, dad refused to let the family go to church because it wasn't religious enough, kids weren't allowed to move out on their own until they were married." I perked up. DO TELL, says I.

"Well. We met at this conference when we were in our late teens. We dated a month, I guess, before her dad decided to having a meeting with me to inform me that the purpose of courtship - which is what they called dating for some reason, they used a lot of really weird terms - was marriage and demanded to know when I was planning on marrying her. I don't know how that relationship lasted the two years that it did."

Whoa. You courted a fundy for TWO YEARS?! :shock:

"Yeah. We eventually broke up because I wouldn't agree to work for her dad, settle down, and start having kids. Like, that's all she wanted! She thought that me wanting to finish college and travel the world was ungodly because it put off having kids, which was apparently the point of life for her. I was worried that she was going to start poking holes in the condoms."

Wait. You slept with a fundy?! What what WHAT? :o Hold on, I'm going to need some more whiskey...

I didn't really get any more about that (we moved on to talking about medieval torture devices or something) but it made me think... I know we think that we know the lives of some of these fundy kids - and some of them, like the Duggars, are literally broadcast across the globe - but I wonder if any of the less-televised fundies we talk about could be doing some naked "courting" with a long-haired, socialist-leaning rock guitarist on the sly while daddy waits patiently for him to come around to their way of thinking. I gotta admit that I really, REALLY hope so!

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I will take up a collection so you can buy this guy some more whiskey & us at FJ can get some more details! :)

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If teenagers have a chance to have sex, particularly repressed teenagers with lots of rules, they will. I can't tell you how many of my 15 and 16 year old friends from my Assembly of God church had pregnancy scares, and all the gossip about people having sex in the youth group room during church services, etc. You can bet that if these kids have bfs/gfs and manage to avoid the adult gaze for any length of time, they're doing it. And summer church camps? Forget about it. Getting the Holy Ghost at altar call, then going off in the woods to mess around. Of course, the really horny ones skipped the altar call. ^^

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If teenagers have a chance to have sex, particularly repressed teenagers with lots of rules, they will. I can't tell you how many of my 15 and 16 year old friends from my Assembly of God church had pregnancy scares, and all the gossip about people having sex in the youth group room during church services, etc. You can bet that if these kids have bfs/gfs and manage to avoid the adult gaze for any length of time, they're doing it. And summer church camps? Forget about it. Getting the Holy Ghost at altar call, then going off in the woods to mess around. Of course, the really horny ones skipped the altar call. ^^

QFT.

I grew up with a slew of cousins who were all around the same age. Most of us were pretty heathenish (didn't go to church, had what I consider healthy and age-appropriate sexual activities). But out of all of us, it was my sickeningly sweet and innocent cousin from the family branch that was way involved in the World Wide Church of God who got pregnant at 17.

And more power to her. She got out of the craziness, has a lovely daughter and new husband, and is now a strong, independent woman.

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Maybe you could do all of us here a favour and tell your friend about FJ. Then suggest he tell his ex about it, and suggest she come to FJ to debate...say on FRIDAY NIGHT? Friday nights have been getting a little too dry here lately.

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If teenagers have a chance to have sex, particularly repressed teenagers with lots of rules, they will. I can't tell you how many of my 15 and 16 year old friends from my Assembly of God church had pregnancy scares, and all the gossip about people having sex in the youth group room during church services, etc. You can bet that if these kids have bfs/gfs and manage to avoid the adult gaze for any length of time, they're doing it. And summer church camps? Forget about it. Getting the Holy Ghost at altar call, then going off in the woods to mess around. Of course, the really horny ones skipped the altar call. ^^

I have to agree with you. I think MANY of them no have sex-ed so when they want to do something they just do it without knowing alot of information.

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If teenagers have a chance to have sex, particularly repressed teenagers with lots of rules, they will. I can't tell you how many of my 15 and 16 year old friends from my Assembly of God church had pregnancy scares, and all the gossip about people having sex in the youth group room during church services, etc. You can bet that if these kids have bfs/gfs and manage to avoid the adult gaze for any length of time, they're doing it. And summer church camps? Forget about it. Getting the Holy Ghost at altar call, then going off in the woods to mess around. Of course, the really horny ones skipped the altar call. ^^

That certainly sounds like the AoG church and bible camp of MY childhood. It wasn't just the teenagers having sex and pregnancy scares either. The church organist got knocked up by the (married) youth group leader, which was no surprise to anyone who had noticed them slipping away during the Christ's Ambassadors weenie roasts. The choir director had a thing for the underaged girls he mentored in various singing groups. To this day I don't think I could open my mouth to sing without feeling his creepy hands on my shoulders, sliding down toward my breasts. (No, I don't sing. Didn't even sing to my babies. My throat just seizes up) Oh, and the minister? He kept it close to home, raping his daughter from the time she was 12 until she ran away at age 17.

It blows me away that the AoG church is now considered "mainstream protestant".

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That certainly sounds like the AoG church and bible camp of MY childhood. It wasn't just the teenagers having sex and pregnancy scares either. The church organist got knocked up by the (married) youth group leader, which was no surprise to anyone who had noticed them slipping away during the Christ's Ambassadors weenie roasts. The choir director had a thing for the underaged girls he mentored in various singing groups. To this day I don't think I could open my mouth to sing without feeling his creepy hands on my shoulders, sliding down toward my breasts. (No, I don't sing. Didn't even sing to my babies. My throat just seizes up) Oh, and the minister? He kept it close to home, raping his daughter from the time she was 12 until she ran away at age 17.

That's super creepy and truly awful. I'm sorry you and she went through that.

In our church, it was the young boys in creepy situations with the youth leaders, etc. I remember the guys our age telling us about their leader/chaperone make them all watch him do naked push ups and things like that. They didn't tell us everything, though.

It blows me away that the AoG church is now considered "mainstream protestant".

They have worked hard to promote that. My mom's church, for example, removed the "of God" from their church name. They go by "The Assembly".

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Yeah, "The Assembly" sounds like a legit cult and not a mainstream church. Like, I would expect the members to literally drink the poisoned Koolaid.

Icky.

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The Assembly sounds way creepier and less churchy than Assemblies of God.

I agree, but it doesn't cause the automatic, 'Oh, AofG, those weirdos who speak in tongues' reaction, for instance, which is probably one of the things they were trying to distance themselves from. Things have changed a lot from when I went to church, though. They don't even have services on Sunday nights anymore. I'm super indignant about that. I hated missing Fantasy Island. ;)

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Any chance it's a family we know?

Omg. I didn't even think of that! I'm not sure if she's from Colorado or Oregon, but next time I see him I'm totally going to pry some more information out of him. I might have to tell him about FJ so he doesn't think I'm weird for "Ok, so tell me more about your ex-girlfriend..." :lol:

I want to know more about the illicit, hypocritical premarital sex. Was she a virgin or was he her first?

I'm not sure, but he made it sound like a first-true-love sort of deal. Then again, if she was a Good Girl (tm, all rights reserved) then she would have told him that she was a virgin whether she was or wasn't, I bet. When I was running with the Good Christian Kid crowd, I knew people - both male and female - who "lost their virginity" like 10 times. :P

Maybe you could do all of us here a favour and tell your friend about FJ. Then suggest he tell his ex about it, and suggest she come to FJ to debate...say on FRIDAY NIGHT? Friday nights have been getting a little too dry here lately.

Friday nights have been kind of dull. I'll see what I can do!

That certainly sounds like the AoG church and bible camp of MY childhood. It wasn't just the teenagers having sex and pregnancy scares either. The church organist got knocked up by the (married) youth group leader, which was no surprise to anyone who had noticed them slipping away during the Christ's Ambassadors weenie roasts. The choir director had a thing for the underaged girls he mentored in various singing groups. To this day I don't think I could open my mouth to sing without feeling his creepy hands on my shoulders, sliding down toward my breasts. (No, I don't sing. Didn't even sing to my babies. My throat just seizes up) Oh, and the minister? He kept it close to home, raping his daughter from the time she was 12 until she ran away at age 17.

It blows me away that the AoG church is now considered "mainstream protestant".

Oh, I'm so sorry you had that experience. I don't know much about the AoG churches, but I went to a few in my youth that were just setting the kids up for abuse because of the power given to the adults in charge and the way that it was basically "ungodly" to question anything that anyone older than you said. Looking back, it just gives me the chills to think about it. Kids should not be in the situation you were in. :/

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That certainly sounds like the AoG church and bible camp of MY childhood. It wasn't just the teenagers having sex and pregnancy scares either. The church organist got knocked up by the (married) youth group leader, which was no surprise to anyone who had noticed them slipping away during the Christ's Ambassadors weenie roasts. The choir director had a thing for the underaged girls he mentored in various singing groups. To this day I don't think I could open my mouth to sing without feeling his creepy hands on my shoulders, sliding down toward my breasts. (No, I don't sing. Didn't even sing to my babies. My throat just seizes up) Oh, and the minister? He kept it close to home, raping his daughter from the time she was 12 until she ran away at age 17.

It blows me away that the AoG church is now considered "mainstream protestant".

I definitely do not think of the AOG as mainstream Protestant. that's like Episcopal/Lutheran/Presbyterian/Methodist. Then there are your Evangelicals/Fundie Lites like the AoG, Southern Baptists, Bible Churches, a lot of what you see in the Bible Belt if you don't recognize the name. Then there are the Lutherans and Presbyterians that split and are Fundie/Fundie light. And then there are fundies like the ifb and the IFB (apparently there are two different things?) and then fundie churches sometimes steeplejack the fundie-lite churches. And then there are the Sometimes Fundie Sometimes Not but they call themselves Christian but most of Christianity debates whether they can get away with that such as the JWs, LDS, SDAs, etc. All Protestant, usually nothing alike.

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I didn't realize all the issues with AofG. Our local AofG has the oddest pastor ever...his mom owned a popular restaurant in town and he was a total pompous ass...when I found out he'd become a pastor I laughed. I've actually heard him preach, he officiated over the funeral of our mayor who died suddenly of a heart attack 2 years ago. As for scandals, my Presbyterian church, which closed about 5 years ago, take the cake. We had a pastor having an affair with a member...they'd be making out on the grass when the preschool was in session. Then we got a new pastor (several years later) who stayed for 1 month, went back home and committed suicide at his home church. We found out while he was at our church that he was gay (he'd been married for a long time and recently divorced...gee I wonder why). He chose to go back to his home church, but this happened in 1994, when gay pastors were pretty much unheard of. I had no issue with that aspect, but this pastor was just really weird and unfriendly. That's only the tip of the iceberg of stories I've got.

As for the good Christian girls and all that...some of the wildest girls I've known have also been the most religious. One I particular I know got pregnant when she was 15. Her brother had 4 children out of wedlock by 2 different moms...finally married one of the, (she's a stripper). Her mom was a high up in the church mentioned above and very holier-than-thou, yet her family was a train wreck.

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If teenagers have a chance to have sex, particularly repressed teenagers with lots of rules, they will. I can't tell you how many of my 15 and 16 year old friends from my Assembly of God church had pregnancy scares, and all the gossip about people having sex in the youth group room during church services, etc. You can bet that if these kids have bfs/gfs and manage to avoid the adult gaze for any length of time, they're doing it. And summer church camps? Forget about it. Getting the Holy Ghost at altar call, then going off in the woods to mess around. Of course, the really horny ones skipped the altar call. ^^[/quote

A big, huge QFT! Hence, my 13 year old son and a quickie wedding at 20. In my Church of God youth group, we were pushed into marrying young. I can still hear the adults now, "better to wed than to burn". Yep, that happened. The marriage lasted all of 3 years.

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