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Miss Raquel, the writer.


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As a Christmas gift, Miss Raquel is sharing parts of the numerous novels she writing with her adoring fans. Not that she can get any feedback on her writing, but so that people can tell her how wonderful she is.

First is the western One of a Kind.

http://god-sdaughter.blogspot.com/2012/ ... -kind.html

If she throws in Bible verses and prayer, I can see this getting published by a Christian publisher.

Second is a modern/sci-fi novel: Defiant.

http://god-sdaughter.blogspot.com/2012/ ... fiant.html

What is this spaceship called?†Elizabeth spoke up. I was glad I wasn’t the one to ask that question first. And at least someone else was calling it a ‘spaceship’ too.

The captain turned from his binoculars and gave a tight smile. “Almost everyone that gets chosen asks that same exact question. I guess it may look like something from an alien planet, but really, it’s as modern as anything. At least, modern for us Defiants.†He said it with a tone of pride in his voice. And I guess I couldn’t blame him. These people were obviously more advanced than us.

No, we were more advanced than normal people.

I was part of the Defiant now.

How do you...survive? In a compound?†I asked the question that I knew all three of us were wondering.

Compounds are usually made to be self-sufficient, that is kind of the whole point of having a compound.I don't know why the character seems to find it shocking that people can survive in a compound.

Whenever I felt myself getting stressed and tensed up about something, trying to relax and breathe evenly were things that helped me regain my composure. Reminding myself of this made me think of Knight. I always used this technique while riding and training him.

Wonder if the fictional Knight is neglected like the real one.

Next we will get to read part of "Reluctance". How many books is this girl writing?!

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Sadly yes, but it doesn't seem to be as much fun as she thought it would be, so she barely mentions him.

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It’s located 300 miles inland of a state in the midwest.â€

This is as far as I got in Defiant. I can't figure out what this means. The state is 300 miles inland or is the compound 300 miles from the border of a midwest state ?

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“Who’s Wernton?â€

“My ranger boss.â€

Ranger boss? Who says that? My boss would be what normal adults say.

The Sheriff chuckled. “It wouldn’t have stopped. Sutters never give up something they started.â€

“Oh, so he had children! I didn’t know that.â€

“A child, though it’s a lot older now,â€

Why would the child be a lot older if the murder only happened two years ago? Maybe I missed something.

Edited to add Defiant:

Finally, someone flicked the lights on.

Maybe it's regional, but to me that sounds...awkward. Lights flicker, but I've never heard of someone flicking the lights on. They turn them on, hit the lights, but never flicked.

There were no windows. Instead, the captain looked through a set of what looked like binoculars but he could somehow see outside with them.

This is off to me. I'll fix it a bit. "There were no windows. Instead, the captain looked through what looked like a set of binoculars to see outside."

good nose, nice lips

What's a good nose? And what do nice lips look like?

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This is as far as I got in Defiant. I can't figure out what this means. The state is 300 miles inland or is the compound 300 miles from the border of a midwest state ?

lol, that has to be one of the worst descriptions I have read in a long time. This place is 300 miles in some direction from an imprecise and vaguely described point somewhere in western America. Helpful.

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Oh dear. All we need is a crap intergalactic sex scene and she'll be winning awards...

ETA: and the main character in the first is called Heath! Well, slap my bum and call me cliched....

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My 11 year old brother wrote a short story for his middle school English class last week and it was way better than this. Is she going to try to publish these?

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Errr... What? Defiance made little sense.

One, faint blue glow around each person? Do people have auras in this story?

Two, most of the Midwestern states are landlocked. You do not use the term 'inland' unless you're referring to a place near the coast. So unless she's talking about one of the Great Lakes states, she does not know what inland means. Also, 300 miles inland? From which direction? I guess we can safely rule out Indiana. And I just did a quick Google search.

Why is the absence of Agent 8 such a big deal? Why is it so much of a stretch to believe that the ship might be manned by randomly-numbered agents?

Oh, and that ship tease with Nick? Way to make it obvious that Nick is the love interest.

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Well the one guy is serious and curt and for some reason that makes him completely unlikable.

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A writing class would benefit her greatly.

I got my ass handed to me more than once in a creative writing class but I learned how to become a better writer.

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Actually, her writing seems to have improved since "Life Choices"(not that it took much, but still..) and it makes more sense than Candy or Ray Comfort's sorry excuses for "fiction" (once again, the standard is low but still...). I think she has a bit of talent and could be a decent enough writer if she took some writing classes or even just made an effort to improve and get some critiques from someone who isn't just going to shower praise on her.

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This is so much better than "Life's Choices". My god that was bad. If she would be willing to go take a class and have people critique her writing she would stand a chance at getting a Christian publisher to publish her books (I'm guessing most of her books have a strong Christian theme in them). But since she doesn't seem to be able to deal with even the slightest bit of criticism, I don't think she would make it in a real, college writing class. She already took one at that fake college she teaches at, but I think it is taught by someone who is a lot like her.

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Actually, her writing seems to have improved since "Life Choices"(not that it took much, but still..) and it makes more sense than Candy or Ray Comfort's sorry excuses for "fiction" (once again, the standard is low but still...). I think she has a bit of talent and could be a decent enough writer if she took some writing classes or even just made an effort to improve and get some critiques from someone who isn't just going to shower praise on her.

I don't think that she really wants to be a serious writer. I think that she just wants people to fawn over her and squee over how "talented" she is. Just like to add that it must be nice to have the time to write three different novels and have the money to spend on Christmas gifts for your favorite band-some of us in the real world have to go to work to pay for things like tuition and food.

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Her latest sample. After reading Lauren, this seems really, really good. LOL

http://god-sdaughter.blogspot.com/

"I stood in the middle of the room and slowly looked around me. There was a small couch against one wall, a coffee table in front of it, with a store-bought potted plant"

Why include that it was store-bought? That is such an odd detail to put in.

"Thankfully, the music was loud enough so that they had to raise their voices a little. Little enough so that I could make out what they were saying."

This is so awkwardly written. It would have sounded better if she would have written it "they had to raise their voices a little, just enough so that I could make out what they were saying." or something like that.

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I read through Defiance. I wonder if she's read the Divergent series by Veronica Roth, because Defiance reads very much like bad Divergent fanfiction.

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I read through Defiance. I wonder if she's read the Divergent series by Veronica Roth, because Defiance reads very much like bad Divergent fanfiction.

That is exactly what I thought.

She would be a huge Justin Bieber fan. :lol:

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