I had a baby and now everyone is telling me to use babywise

[jenny_islander]

Ezzo talks out of both sides of his mouth. On some pages he says to be flexible, but in the very same book he issues dire warnings about how awful life is for people who didn't train their babies in exactly the right way. It's a shady sales tactic, basically. If people tell him that his system hurts children, he can point to the "be flexible" passages; meanwhile, his most ardent adherents--new parents who feel anxious and lost, basically--are shown the system and promised that it will 100 percent deliver if only they try hard enough and attend enough courses and buy enough books.

The BW system works quite well for babies who are naturally inclined to sleep, eat, and wake on that schedule. They are a minority.

[CrazySister]

Ezzo talks out of both sides of his mouth. On some pages he says to be flexible, but in the very same book he issues dire warnings about how awful life is for people who didn't train their babies in exactly the right way. It's a shady sales tactic, basically. If people tell him that his system hurts children, he can point to the "be flexible" passages; meanwhile, his most ardent adherents--new parents who feel anxious and lost, basically--are shown the system and promised that it will 100 percent deliver if only they try hard enough and attend enough courses and buy enough books.

The BW system works quite well for babies who are naturally inclined to sleep, eat, and wake on that schedule. They are a minority.

Out of the 30+ the babies/kids I've known who've been forced into BW I've only seen ONE who did well on it and she's someone who excels on a rigid, unflexible schedule. She's the exception to the rule and indeed part of a very small minority.

[thetabmeister]

Ezzo talks out of both sides of his mouth. On some pages he says to be flexible, but in the very same book he issues dire warnings about how awful life is for people who didn't train their babies in exactly the right way. It's a shady sales tactic, basically. If people tell him that his system hurts children, he can point to the "be flexible" passages; meanwhile, his most ardent adherents--new parents who feel anxious and lost, basically--are shown the system and promised that it will 100 percent deliver if only they try hard enough and attend enough courses and buy enough books.

The BW system works quite well for babies who are naturally inclined to sleep, eat, and wake on that schedule. They are a minority.

These inconsistencies in the book were exactly what I had a problem with. Trust me, I read the book through over a dozen times. I firmly believe that if a baby is not inclined to just do what the book says they should be doing anyway, that you *can't* train them to. You will end up forcing them to which won't produce the same results of naturally acquired sleep habits and routines, and it will be very uncomfortable (I would say damaging) to both baby and parents.

[itsnikki05]

All I have to say is... sleep will come. It might not seem like it at first, but it will. :) Sleep when your baby sleeps and enjoy your teeny little bundle because (and I know this is cliche, but it's TRUE) they grow up in a flash. I miss my baby! *pouts* Anyways.

When Julia was a baby, she only slept in our arms. She would not sleep in a crib for nothing. Then I got her to sleep in a bassinet at about a month. Which was NICE. When I figured out she was waking up as I'd move or whatever... well, I knew it was time to put her in her crib. It took one night of me not sleeping well, sleeping in the rocking chair and rocking her, putting her in the crib, repeat.... before she got it, and I got it and since then she only wants to sleep alone! She's 5 now and sometimes wants me to sleep in the bed with her but I refuse unless she's sick and needs the comfort. Because the child... she could take up a King size bed with her tiny lil body! I don't know how she does it, but she does. LOL!

Just... enjoy your precious lil boy and sleep will come. :)

[itsnikki05]

dawds - it does end, I promise. It can just take a REALLY long time to do so.

My hated-to-sleep-unless-attached-to-me baby/toddler/preschooler is now 13. She sleeps in her own bed in her own room, and HATES to have anyone wake her up.

LOL! Yeah... I get "Miss Grumpy Britches" if I DARE to wake her up in the morning. She gets her a little attitude and sometimes refuses to open her eyes! She is a MESS! lol

[TMS]

I think it's more of a "routine" you want to establish, rather than schedule.

A schedule says:

10:00-10:30 Feed baby

10:30-12:30 Playtime for baby

12:30-3:00 Sleeptime for baby

3:00-3:30 Feed baby

etc.

A ROUTINE says: feedtime, waketime, sleeptime, repeat. No exact times or durations.

I found it VERY helpful to follow a feedtime, waketime, and then sleeptime for my last baby. I didn't pay attention to how long each of these "activities" took place - just that they were in that order. She was such a good sleeper and SO easy to put to sleep. After feeding, she was up, her food was allowed to digest, and she played and interacted with us or others. Then she got a little fussy, I lay her down, and she went straight to sleep. When she woke up, I fed her right away.

Not that every baby would be that easy - but it did work with her, and she was the first baby (after 3 others) that I applied that particular routine to.

[August]

Congratulations!

My advice: forget books and instead, talk to people you know and trust, particularly friends who have had kids in the past 5 to 10 years. I learnt far more from the Mums in my bible study group and at playgroup than from anyone else. The fact they were my friends meant we had similar values and the advice they offered matched up with what I found acceptable.

Everyone around me was convinced they had the answer and that their baby was the archetype. So I read every single book I could get my hands on and used what had facts backing it up, what felt right, what seemed kindest and what suited my baby. And it bore no resemblance to what my peers were doing.

When people asked me how they slept I'd say with a smile "abominably! But that's what babies do, isn't it?". I refused to perpetuate the lie that babies sleep, but I wanted to show you can grin and bear it, too.

(waaaaah! my title has switched to blanket trained. I liked the hell warning)

[August]

Interesting to hear from someone who's actually used it. I know it advocates strict routine, but doesn't it also instruct you to swat your baby's arm with a swatch or something?

In the toddler book you're instructed to hit their hand when they throw food from the highchair. I think from six months, but it may be nine or ten months. I don't think the difference matters, it's horrifying at either age.

"It’s possible to train your child not to drop his or her food by giving immediate attention to the offense. First, correct the child verbally. Next, provide an attention- getting squeeze or swat to the hand, if necessary. Finally, isolate him or her in the crib.... If the child persists in the behavior (and some will), mealtime may be over and naptime might begin.... In the past, educators were concerned with parents who pushed their children too fast. Today, we are concerned with parents who don’t push their children enough." (Babywise II, P62)

[apple1]

These inconsistencies in the book were exactly what I had a problem with. Trust me, I read the book through over a dozen times. I firmly believe that if a baby is not inclined to just do what the book says they should be doing anyway, that you *can't* train them to. You will end up forcing them to which won't produce the same results of naturally acquired sleep habits and routines, and it will be very uncomfortable (I would say damaging) to both baby and parents.

I particularly agree with the bolded (above).

Yes, the Ezzos do promote "chastisement" in their other material (GKGW).

There is quite a lot of info on the Ezzos on the internet, for those who care to read it; this includes their own major misrepresentation of their qualifications to offer baby-rearing advice, among many other things. The major indicator of how well their philosophies work, is the fact that they are completely alienated from their own adult children.

PS For whoever posted that the author of a book is not responsible for harm resulting from how how their advice is put into practice, I disagree. The parents who use the advice without distinguishing whether it is appropriate are ALSO responsible. But some individuals are less educated and some are less intelligent, and some have been raised to defer to authority (and overcoming that one may be a lifelong pursuit, particularly when the authority, as in this instance, is presented as "God's way"). The Ezzos are without excuse.

And yes, there have been deaths resulting from the following of Babywise advice.

Aside: For those parents who want advice in the form of books/literature, I recommend material by Dr. William Sears. (He is an attachment parenting advocate).

[kiwimusume]

(waaaaah! my title has switched to blanket trained. I liked the hell warning)

Heh, I looked forward to Blanket Trained. I'm now looking forward to Frumper Lover, which I think I'm not far off from! :D

(Sorry for not offering anything on the topic at hand, what I know about babies would fit on a pinhead, but congratulations InkyGirl!)