I had a baby and now everyone is telling me to use babywise

[InkyGirl]

After being without the internets and having a beautiful baby boy - I'm back!

Anyways, so our little inkling has been a joy - but has had some issues sleeping. I've posted on Facebook about my sleeping woes and now I've had several people tell me to read babywise. My freejinger red flag went off. babywise? Isn't that horrible and potentially harmful to my chunky little boy?

Help me remember what babywise is all about!

Missed you all!

[meda]

Congratulations! Yes baby wise is not good, that would be the book by the evil Ezzos.No personal experience, but I've heard good things about the No Cry sleep solution book.

[terranova]

Congrats on your inkling!

The No Cry Sleep Solution is AMAZING. Speaking from experiance here. My daughter didn't sleep for about 6 weeks, but with work and patience and love and that book we were able to get her into a rythmn from then on. NO crying it out, not VR, just watching for her signs and accepting that she wasn't a great day sleeper.

Feel free to pm me if you'd like to.

Hang in there :)

[jaynie]

I seem to recall (from a psych class) that babywise has been linked to deaths (I THINK from dehydration but I'm not entirely sure), so yeah, I would avoid that one. IANAparent so I can't give any productive advice, other than that it's probably best to avoid things that disregard baby's needs or normal development (as babywise seems to), but I'm sure you know that!

Congrats on your little baby, and I hope he takes to sleeping solidly sooner rather than later! :)

[wtfrenchtoast]

I was just reading about a forum post where a woman let her baby cry so much that he lost his voice and his throat bled, due to Babywise. Stay FAR away.

[thoughtful]

Congratulations! Enjoy every minute.

Babywise is one of the books I buy whenever I see it in thrift stores, for the sole purpose of tearing it to shreds and putting it in the recycling.

http://www.ezzo.info/

[lilith]

Cosleeping, baby wearing and baby led routines worked for all my kids.

It's not for everyone, but I found that it simplified everything to just let the baby decide.

[kpmom]

Congratulations Inkygirl!

I cannot believe people are still recommending that book.

[MonkeyMomma]

Congrats on your baby boy! Good on you for sending those flags up. Babywise is scary shit.This article is a little old, but it scared me off real good: http://www.salon.com/1998/08/06/cov_06feature/

Lots of good resources and suggestions above! I also liked "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child." It helped me understand baby sleep patterns and needs.

[Hane]

What everyone else said. When my young cousin's MONTH OLD baby was starting to have trouble sleeping, some childless @$$hole on Facebook suggested the baby was "spoiled," so I promptly ripped her a new one.

I am so happy that Jingerites younger than I have access to great suggestions on helping babies learn to sleep well. These resources didn't exist when I was a new mom.

And congrats on your precious little Inkling!

[maybeizfundie]

Congratulations on the baby!

Yes, babywise is the Ezzo's and it's blech. Yuck. Sleep deprivation gets old fast, but the first couple of months it's normal and healthy for babies to feed frequently, including at night.

[RosyDaisy]

Congratulations! As everybody else has said, stay far away from babywise.

[bea]

Congratulations!

Babywise - ugh! No!

I think different books work for different people, and different kids. With Kid #1, we co-slept for a looong time. She was an ALL HUMAN CONTACT ALL THE TIME baby. Kid #2 did not want to be in bed with us, past about 4 months old, and we did the Ferber method (the actual Ferber method, from the book, not the demonized, mythological Ferber method that has the baby crying so hard they vomit at 3 months old) at 6 months and it worked really well.

[DistantStar]

Congratulations on your Inkling!

And to echo the choir above, stay far far away from anything Babywise. That is some screwed up shit right there, and I don't have kids but know plenty enough about it. I also will let other FJers recommend any resources they find useful, as I don't know what's current.

And anybody who claims a month-old baby can be spoiled deserves a nice painful ripping, Hane. Thank you. Even I know that young babies have one way to communicate what they need and -- yes, I will say it, what they want. We all need hugs and cuddles sometimes, right? Why shouldn't a baby? Even my freaking cat forces her way onto my lap on a regular basis for pets and lovings. Not that I'm comparing cats to babies, except to say that we all want affection on occasion!

[Conuly]

Babywise has been linked to deaths from failure to thrive, yes. Human infants are pretty helpless mammals, and like other primates are evolved to need a lot of care and attention. Any routine you try to set up at a young age has to be one that suits them, not one that just suits you. You can't spoil a little baby, certainly not by loving them.

Whoops, I seem to have accidentally climbed onto a soapbox. I'll step down now. And yes, congrats! Now take some time to nap. Every second of sleep is precious, just like a baby ;)

Edit: teach me to skim. I hope you will be able to nap soon. Babies go through especially cry-y periods. I think the first one is around six weeks. Hopefully this stage will pass. And yeah, I found baby wearing worked wonders with the younger niece when I started watching her full time. She always fell asleep on me.

[Minerva]

I have no advice, just congratulations. :D

[Arete]

Same here, no advice, just wanted to congratulate you on the new inkling! :mrgreen:

[ErinIsSik]

We used a light training method. Baby sik #1 was colicy and didn't sleep at night very well for the first 6 weeks, but we still just had him up and in bright lights all day, everyday (even during naps) and he was sleeping thru the night by 3 months and still sleeps from 8-8 every night. But, ultimately, like every one else says-every baby is different, Good luck and congrats!

[PopRox]

Well, you could always use the Pearl's 'To Train UP a Child' to make sure that little sinner doesn't manipulate you...

KIDDING. Kidding! I have no advice either (no kiddos here), but wanted to congratulate you on your sweet new family member. Enjoy your Inkling! xoxoxo

[salsa]

Congratulations!!!

Not familiar with the details of Babywise, but from the sound of it, I couldn't advocate it.

The baby books I read (mine are 23 and 15) reminded parents of the difference between normal and usual. It's normal for a baby to not sleep through the night for up to 2 years (and sometimes more), though it's not the usual case. It's normal for a baby to sleep through the night at 1 month old, though it's not usual. The average is somewhere around 4-6 months, IIRC.

Both mine slept 8-hour stretches at 5 weeks. I think they were sleepyheads (still are), but I also think our being poised to be in it for the long haul helped take the "issue" away and it just fell into place. Your little boy will, too.

and I will now impart to you, unsolicited, the best unsolicited parenting advice I ever got: enjoy your baby.

(and remember that in the tough times)

[Daisy]

Congratulations! And continue to trust your instincts , sounds like you have great ones if you are avoiding this book. Baby wise is bad news. I had a poor sleeper too but I can tell you it won't last forever, hang in there mom.

[Turtle]

Nooooo to babywise!

My first was an awful sleeper, and I found that I made it harder on myself by comparing him to other friends' babies. Like, babyTurtle is 6 months and waking every two hours and friend's baby is 6 weeks and sleeping eight hour stretches, ect. Or I would get frustrated when he would randomly sleep well a few nights and then wake up tons the next night, because I knew he *could* sleep longer but wasn't. For me, obsessing about it made me more exhausted.

I might sound strange, but I felt more well rested once I let it go. Not checking the time when he woke up in the night to see how long I slept or count how frequently he woke up really helped. I guess it's psychological, and maybe it's just me, but if I knew I'd only slept 2 hours, I felt much worse than if I didn't know. So, maybe that will help you in the meantime until little one starts sleeping better, which hopefully happens soon.

[Rosa]

The other thing is, not only are babies different from each other, they grow and change really fast.

So any nonharmful method, if you use it long enough, will eventually work - and you will never know if it actually worked or if kiddo just got through the waking-up stage.

Do what works and is humane, for both you and the baby, and tell those babywise-recommending fuckers to shut up and leave you alone.

[Miggy]

Congratulations!

My advice: forget books and instead, talk to people you know and trust, particularly friends who have had kids in the past 5 to 10 years. I learnt far more from the Mums in my bible study group and at playgroup than from anyone else. The fact they were my friends meant we had similar values and the advice they offered matched up with what I found acceptable.

[olive2528]

NO babywise! I normally lurk but Babywise references made me come out of hiding! Crying alone and delaying feeding is NOT good for infants! I have a 16 month old and she was a terrible sleeper in the beginning and cried non-stop, it was very hard on me- I just held her/carried her constantly while she screamed at me ugh! Around 12 weeks she got a cold and I started putting her down for her naps early/often since I figured she was tired from being sick. All of a sudden her naps doubled or tripled in length and she started sleeping longer at night, even once she was healthy again. I realized she was just constantly OVER-tired, making her grumpy and it harder to actually fall asleep. Once I got used to her tired signs we fell into a routine and she became a fantastic napper and sleeper, better than any kids I know. Right now she's sleeping 12-13 hours at night and a 2-3 hour nap during the day. She was still waking up for a night feed until almost a year though, which is super normal, but it was quick and easy feeding and straight back to bed for us both, now she sometimes wakes up just for a cuddle or some water. Anyway, long story short I highly recommend the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley as the OP suggested, very informative on sleep habits.

Also I really think (from my own experience and my friends) that you are in the middle of the absolute hardest part and I promise you there is so much light at the end of the tunnel- right around 3-4 months you will feel like a new person. Right now you are in the middle of growth spurts for baby and crazy hormone swings for you and you just have to truck on threw it a little longer and hopefully have a good partner to help or a friend/mom/m-i-l to let you get a nap in during the day while they take the baby for a walk. If you are breastfeeding try cluster-feeding in the evening (feeding several time close together, every hourish) and that might by you a 5-6 hour stretch before your first night-feeding which makes a big difference in your sleep deprivation. Its going to get easier soon I promise!