TTH- Men should never care for children

[JesusFightClub]

I love this because of my family situation.

SIL had shared responsibility for the childcare of Small and Smaller. She was murdered, rather spectacularly (it made a few front pages). My brother wasn't the murderer. He's now a single dad, SIL finding it difficult to parent from the grave.

I guess that means he should chuck the kids into the street rather than be a pansy.

[lilith]

I hate this attitude.

It makes me so angry that partner gets strange looks at playgrounds and in other kiddy spaces, and this sort of shit is the reason it happens.

Men need to feel comfortable in caring roles, and society needs to accept them in such without suspicion that they are pansies or perverts or whatever

[lilah]

Oh and Laura/Lawerence believe that the solution to school shootings is arming male teachers, (women teachers are too frail for guns) and the shooter's father should have preemptively committed his son because his wife was too weak to do so.

It must me nice to be too smug and dumb to even consider that you don't know everything

[JesusFightClub]

Agree completely. I have known wonderful caring men who taught nursery school and Primary One classes because they loved kids. They loved them in an actual loving way, not because they were "pansies" or "perverts".

TTH is mad however, as we all know.

This editorial was posted less than eight hours after the shootings, almost as if it were canned, like obituaries written in advance for elderly celebrities or politicians. I was reminded of a lawyer handing out business cards at the scene of fatal car crash.

I wasn't. Being hyperlexic is a trait a lot of folk have. You read fast and you write fast.

The journo absorbed a lot of things quickly and posted the feelings they had. That's wrong because why? Should they have waited until 2013?

But what happened in Newtown cannot be blamed on guns any more than what happened to Julius Caesar can be blamed on knives

No, we can blame guns. Try to kill 20 plus people with a knife and then try to kill 20 plus people with an assault rifle. OH LOOK

It doesn't make guns automatically evil but it's ridiculous to deny the difference.

Her wrong-headed moral sagacity has helped to hone and create the very cultural conditions in which widespread lawlessness and nihilism has now gripped our nations’ young people.

Sigh. I was, actually, a nihilist. (Not for very long, but long enough to be embarrassing).

I would say that most young people are not nihilists. Very few are. Nihilism doesn't mean "sociopathy" or "evil".

(Actually...ask me anything...hmmm...;))

And far more than guns, what is important here is the cultural malignancy that must necessarily be festering at the heart of our society to allow such a violent culture of death to exist in the first place.

Um, no. It's called "People have been killing each other since the start of time. And now they have assault rifles."

[RosyDaisy]

Wow, so hands on dads are evil? WTF???

[MissA]

Sadly this idea isn't all that unusual, even among nonfundies. I was a SAHM for a while after our baby was born, and then returned to work... around that time, my husband returned to grad school, and took over as the full-time parent. It was at that point when I was just feeling the weight of supporting a whole family that a woman who I consider a friend came up with this remark "I don't think I could ever leave my baby with my husband full-time."

To which I did not say "Fuck off. Shouldn't have had a kid with him, then, should you?" because I actually do like her and didn't want to hurt her feelings. But come on. What if you die? Should he surrender the kid for adoption? Even if a man is never expected to be the primary caretaking parent, the fact that he has the ability to do so should the worst happen is only a GOOD thing.

[docmom]

The blog really reads like it was written by a man. It doesn't sound at all like a woman- especially a fundie woman. I'm guessing Lawrence is in the closet- his hatred of women is quite sickening. I can easily imagine him going over the edge and shooting a bunch of "feminists" with an assault weapon in a few years.

[Koala]

No offense to anyone .. but one of my pet peeves is when people say the Dad is "helping" with the kids.

He's not "helping", or "babysitting" - he's being a parent. Just like Mom.

Thank you!

When my babies were little my husband wore them everywhere. He also changed diapers, pushed strollers, and rocked them to sleep. He is far from a "pansy".

[2xx1xy1JD]

While I don't usually swear.... my gut instinct is just to say "Fuck that".

This is why those who spout about "family values" just confuse me. Hubby and I DO value family. He values it so much that he took paternity leave, even though he got tons of ignorant comments about it 13 years ago, and proudly wore her in the carrier to the parent & child programs. I value it so much that I chose to marry someone who was clearly committed to caring for kids. We work together to figure out how to make our kids a priority, and how to balance caring for them with earning enough to provide for everyone.

My BIL values family so much that he resigned his job and stayed home for a year in order to be with his kids and do therapy with my nephew, who is on the autism spectrum. He works with people with special needs for a living - his work is no less valuable just because the child that he was helping happened to be his own.

A friend of ours values family so much that he took a leave of absence for a year from his teaching job in order to stay in the hospital with his son who was receiving treatment for a brain tumour.

I know I'm not a Christian myself so tell me if I'm talking about of my ass, but doesn't Mark10:13-14 quote Jesus as saying "suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not." Is there another version of the Christian Bible where Jesus says, "What am I, some pansy? Take these kids to some woman, and let me do my macho stuff instead."

[AuntCloud]

Headship had a blast strolling the parks with the Cloudlets in the front carrier - he said he never received to many profound looks from every female in the vicinity. He's not too shabby looking without a baby attached to him, but that took it way over the edge. The only thing missing was a Golden retriever puppy.

Oh, yes, and he is also amazing at taking care of the kids (and me) when they're sick/hurt, bakes a mean loaf of bread, and was approved by my grandma after she saw how gentle and caring he was with my late great-grandma. TTH, if I and most humanity cared a single little hoot about your twisted little POV, you would hear about it. Until then, please crawl back to your hole to try and recreate the good ol' days which never existed anyway. KTHXBAI.

[precious_one]

My husband changed diapers, clean up all vomit (made me sick), and could even fix the girl's hair. I don't think I ever gave my son a bath.

I knew a SAHD that did everything a SAHM would do. He was even the PTA president and class father. He attended field trips and managed to run a small wood working business from home.

[Zoom]

One of the things I love about Sweden is how natural it is for dads to take part of the parental leave. In fact they HAVE to take some of it. Dads pushing strollers is as normal as moms around here. And I love seeing my BIL and cousin with their little girls. Not to mention how totally awesome my own dad was with us when we were small. He was usually the one who took off work when we were sick as mom worked in a hospital and he thought it was better that she went to work where the work couldn't wait than him and his factory and then office work could wait until another day. Today he is an awesome granddad and me and my siblings are incredibly close to BOTH our parents.

[Conuly]

"Recently, I saw a couple in the street. The man was carrying a baby, wrapped in some sort of scarf, on his chest. I thought, what if a drunk bum or a thug starts to behave aggressively?"

Sounds like a wrap. A bit of a learning curve - not as easy as a soft structured carrier such as an Ergo, that's for sure! - but easily one of the most secure ways to carry a baby, toddler, or preschooler. As far as drunks, bums, and thugs go (and I will say that I've never once been accosted by anybody in the middle of the day, much less when walking around with a baby, so I must wonder what sort of awful neighborhood she lives in where this is a reasonable concern!), having your hands free and your baby firmly attached to you is at least as safe as having them in a stroller.

[SunnyAndrsn]

My husband was an amazing SAHD. I was jealous because I knew he'd do a better job than I could. Several years later, the roles were reversed and I loved being a SAHM, but still know he really was the better SAHP. While I never received comments about going back to work, he did from virtually everyone. It pissed us both off.

[Kitty]

Sounds like a wrap. A bit of a learning curve - not as easy as a soft structured carrier such as an Ergo, that's for sure! - but easily one of the most secure ways to carry a baby, toddler, or preschooler. As far as drunks, bums, and thugs go (and I will say that I've never once been accosted by anybody in the middle of the day, much less when walking around with a baby, so I must wonder what sort of awful neighborhood she lives in where this is a reasonable concern!), having your hands free and your baby firmly attached to you is at least as safe as having them in a stroller.

S/he must think that every neighborhood that isn't hers must be some dangerous, crime-ridden hellhole, and knows that she must at least feign concern for those poor souls stuck in them.

[Talitha Cumi]

One of my friends was looked after by her stay at home dad, whilst her mother worked. She is now a doctor!! & all her siblings have either finished uni or are at uni now.

Fundie Fail. If her mom had been the SAHP, she and her sibs would have been sheltered till marriage, and forbidden any sort of higher education. Clearly the SAHD ruined her for life.

[Dysfundamental]

My brother in law was the full-time parent when my nephew was little. He loved it, but he was embarrassed by how many women praised him like he was a hero for doing the same stuff they were doing.

My eldest godchildren also had a dad as full-time parent when they were little, but they have two dads so that was going to happen no matter what. That would probably make Lawrence/Laura's head explode.

[2xx1xy1JD]

S/he must think that every neighborhood that isn't hers must be some dangerous, crime-ridden hellhole, and knows that she must at least feign concern for those poor souls stuck in them.

It's a concern which isn't remotely logical.

If you are in an area that is truly dangerous (eg. gun-related gang violence), then everyone is at risk - male or female, babies in wraps or in strollers. Instinctively, I think that a baby is safer being attached to the parent.

"Drunk bums" may not be pleasant, but they are generally only harmful to themselves. My folks were slightly alarmed at some of the folks in the vicinity of our old downtown apartment (not far from Kidist), but we never had anyone cause us any harm.

[ADoyle90815]

I hate this attitude.

It makes me so angry that partner gets strange looks at playgrounds and in other kiddy spaces, and this sort of shit is the reason it happens.

Men need to feel comfortable in caring roles, and society needs to accept them in such without suspicion that they are pansies or perverts or whatever

I completely agree, my brother is very much involved in raising my niece, and when my SIL is working, he's not "babysitting," he's being a FATHER. I'm sorry, but a major pet peeve of mine is people saying that the child's dad is babysitting when he's basically taking care of his child as a parent.

[2xx1xy1JD]

Maybe if people are creeped out or think it's strange, it's their own attitudes that are the problem.

As for socializing - hubby found other dads at home. Imagine that.

I also find that any activity can become manly by simple virtue of the fact that men are doing it. Do people think of Buddy from Cake Boss as a pansy because he bakes and cooks? No, because he makes these things his own. I remember teaching swimming with some guys, and a couple of them would get really competitive about seeing who could quiet a screaming 3 yr old the fastest. That's where they focused their "masculine energy" and none of us could compete. The most popular guy with the tots was 6 ft and all muscle.

[IamCanadian]

BWAHA! Now all I can imagine is a fundie mom having a bouncer for anyone who even tries to look at the baby.

It just sounds like she's pressed that some women are more successful than her husband, which seems to be measure of pride for most fundie women.

I just find it so unusual, I live in an ultradox neighborhood of NYC where it's the norm for most of the chasidic women to be the breadwinners because their husbands are studying the Torah full-time.

We have a large chasidic community here as well, and every time I visit that neighbourhood I see the men pushing strollers. Sometimes their wife is with them pushing a second stroller, but there are chasidic fathers galore doing the school run on their own.

[julie paradox]

"Recently, I saw a couple in the street. The man was carrying a baby, wrapped in some sort of scarf, on his chest. I thought, what if a drunk bum or a thug starts to behave aggressively?"

Round here, most drunks are very careful about kids. We were at the bus stop going home from an evening festival in the city and Drunk Bloke was being annoying. When he saw headship was with us he spent several minutes apologising "I didn't realise you were with bairns"