Don't Fundies Teach Their Girls How to Keep House

[debrand]

As my husband and I find ourselves in this next season of our lives, we continue to seek the Lord's guidance on how we can help prepare them to be parents. We don't have all the answers and are continuing to learn but one thing we have learned that stands out above all others has to do with attitude. When Amber left there was no way possible I could catch up and teach her eveything she needed to know in kitchen and homekeeping skills. We came to the realiziation that she would have much to figure out on her own and especially being in a foreign country that we were not familar with. The two areas that are of utmost importance are her spiritual growth and heart attitude.

As a grandmother, I understand wanting to be there for your child. But I've made it a point not to offer advice unless asked. That is hard to do but my son and daughter-in-law have a right to parent in their own way. What worked for me, might not work for them. I certainly didn't think that my son needed me to teach him how to keep house. Maybe it is because I married someone in the military and was far from home when my children were young but I think that adult children should have independence away from their parents. If your child is old enough to get married, shouldn't they be old enough for you not need to teach them how to do basic things? I thought that fundies were big on teaching girls to cook and clean.

thankful-homemaker.blogspot.com/2011/04/lessons-on-preparing-our-children-for.html

Maybe I am reading too much into the writer's words but it sounds like she would be a nosy mother-in-law

[kpmom]

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thankful-homemaker.blogspot.com/2011/04/lessons-on-preparing-our-children-for.html

Maybe I am reading too much into the writer's words but it sounds like she would be a nosy mother-in-law

Agree. Her job is done. It's not up to her to "prepare them to be parents". She regrets raising her daughter with a "feminist mindset", and now wants to make up for lost time. Sorry, it's their lives now. Thankfully for them they live far, far away from her.

[ILoveJellybeans]

I think at this point, she should leave her daughter and her husband to figure these things out for themselfes. Parenting is a learning experience.

I do think that parents should teach their children (both boys and girls) how to do basic household stuff before they are old enough to move out though, so theyre prepared to live by themselves or go to college, and dont force their partner into doing all the housework like their mom did. Even if they dont want to be a stay at home mom, even working childfree people need to know how to cook, use a washing machine and clean.

I dont think parenting skills can really be taught like that though, yes, children will pick up things from their parents and have plans on how they will parent their children, either "this really worked for my parents, and we all grew up into responsible adults, so I will try it with my own kids" or "I would never treat my child the way my mother treated me, its not prepared me for adulthood at all", but in the end, all children are different and different methods work with different children.

[Jinger Jar]

Parenting is be modeled, it's not a transferable skill like teaching your kid how to change tires or make a particular dish. Kids are learning how to be parents every second they're around their parents and a lot of the time when they're not.

As a parent I can understand not feeling as if you're done enough to prepare your kids for the wider world, and that includes your kids having kids of their own. Parenting can feel like a big ol' guilt trip trip sometimes. My own stepdaughters aren't even 12 and already I've had occasion to think, "I am soooo sorry you weren't ready for that."

But eventually parents have to let their kids be adults and parents in their own right. Nobody wants a hovering mother-in-law or helicopter grandma always giving "advice" on how things should be done. Or worse, always saying stuff like, "You know, when you were a baby I never ___."

[Peas n carrots]

Looks like her DD has drunk the koolaid too. As I understand Norway is a pretty secular country...I'm surprised she found a fundie Norwegian to have a courtship with.

[snarktastic]

If she's been married for a year I'm guessing Amber might just have figured out how to wipe down kitchen counters and heat up food all by herself.

Gourmet cooking, interior design and bringing up children PROPERLY would take skill, but I'm not sure a fundy mother's going to be in much of a position to teach.

[ElphabaGalinda]

Fundies claim their daughters get a PhD in homemaking, but most of them don't seem very good at it, particularly the whole cooking thing. I learned how to cook and do necessary housekeeping tasks by the time I was a teenager, all while going to school, working and having friends and an actual life. It doesn't take that much time or effort to learn. And by the time your children are adults, you need to let them make their own mistakes. You should have taught them everything you can teach them by then, and then you just have to let them make their own mistakes and hope for the best. You especially don't prepare your children to be parents...you hopefully modeled good parenting for them their whole lives, but parenting is something where people need to find their own way.

[gezykah]

The first time I went to do laundry in college while I was loading a washer a guy walked in the room and said he felt really embarrassed to ask me but he wanted which was the washer and which was the dryer. For a second I though it was a bad pick-up line but he really looked embarrassed. I gave him a brief lesson on how to do laundry and we talked a bit about how he never had to lift a finger growing up. Raising children unprepared to face the world like that is cruel. By the time they get to high school they should have a good working knowledge of cooking, cleaning, laundry, and other basic life skills. If your baby is old enough to get married then they are old enough to continue learning this stuff on their own.

[OnceModestTwiceShy]

I love my mom, but I have to admit that I was not prepared for the practical side of the "real world" when I first left home for college. It was more her OCD than a babying mindset that did it, but I was never allowed even to turn on the stove. I didn't know the first thing about cooking. I couldn't do my own laundry (though I think I knew which machine did what! ;) ) It's ok though, I learned. I joined a cooking club at college, I had a roommate teach me to do laundry, etc. I'm not the neatest person, of course, but the point is that housework can be learned and most of it is not difficult, just time-consuming. No need to be a SAHD and learn the ins and outs of scrubbing toilets for years and years.

[HomegirlRuby]

That's an old post that the OP posted. Amber is already done with Norway, back in America, and she is busy submitting to Ruben in the house her parents bought her. That way, Thankful Homemaker aka Mommy can keep tabs to make sure Amber is busy enough that she doesn't start posting those insane, rambling videos where she looks half-crazed, worn out, and just generally unstable. Marci posts a lot about Amber and barely anything about her teenaged son. I think Amber needs A LOT of help, especially since Ruben apparently just sits around making stupid youtube videos. I cant really blame Thankful Homemaker. She seems like a doting grandmother who is worried about her daugter being able to run a home and take care of children. You can't really fault her for acting like a grown up when it's obvious that someone needs to step in and be the adult. They are a very immature couple that I would assume have a hard time doing basic tasks like shopping (I dont believe Amber drives?) and cleaning house. While I agree that in-laws (and parents) should step back and let their children live their own lives, I am not sure this is something Marci is able to do in the case of Amber. I think her daughter is a very speeshel snowflake that needs sheeshel help from Mommy (and Daddys money!)

[Arete]

The first time I went to do laundry in college while I was loading a washer a guy walked in the room and said he felt really embarrassed to ask me but he wanted which was the washer and which was the dryer. For a second I though it was a bad pick-up line but he really looked embarrassed. I gave him a brief lesson on how to do laundry and we talked a bit about how he never had to lift a finger growing up. Raising children unprepared to face the world like that is cruel. By the time they get to high school they should have a good working knowledge of cooking, cleaning, laundry, and other basic life skills. If your baby is old enough to get married then they are old enough to continue learning this stuff on their own.

Oh hell, this happened to me the first time I did laundry in college except it was a girl who didn't know the difference between the washer and the dryer and how to load either. She was definitely NOT trying to pick me up, she was genuinely upset and a little embarassed. I couldn't believe someone had managed to make it to 18 years old and not know the ins and outs of laundry. There is a happy medium between being a J'slave and not being able to generate clean clothes and a sandwhich. :roll:

[lilah]

My mom raised me with a femnistic mindset and taught me how to domestic skills (minus how to sew, she couldn't sew very well so she never taught me) Those two aren't mutually exclusive.

I don't know why fundies make domestic skills out to be so hard. I started to learn how to cook when I was about 15 and just through repetition and practice and figuring out good recipes I've become a competent cook who has canned jelly, made souffles and layer cake.

Cooking, especially the "open 3-4 cans of processed junk and dump it on chicken" is not as difficult as they make it out to be.

[wild little fox]

everyone, no matter their sex or their future goals, should know how to take care of themselves. Crazy to genderize things to that extent. Everyone should know how to cook enough to follow a basic recipe, do basic sewing for repairs, shop, make a budget, balance a checkbook, change a tire, put a nail in the wall to hang a picture, etc.

[SunnyAndrsn]

If the mom wasn't a christian homemaker when she got married, how on earth did she know what to do without the guidance of Above Rubies, Vision Forum, Titus2, and Proverbs 31? Wow her house must have been a real mess!

[JMarie]

I was under the impression that only women, of all ages, have "seasons." I didn't know that husbands have them, too.