Abigail Loves Poverty

[meda]

Abigail needs to talk to my mother about what growing up in poverty means, at 67 my mother still has physical and emotional issues because of a lack of food and safety when she was growing up.

What really makes me so incandescently angry at this woman is that unlike many of the sub-literate child mothers we discuss, THIS ONE ACTUALLY HAS A CHOICE! She is a licensed attorney! She has the same fucking degree and license I do, and actual work experience, and she refuses to use it. Even as bad as the job market is for lawyers, she could get work and decently support her kids. Instead, she goes to Mass everyday and deliberately denies her children adequate food and clothing that fits. I really lack the words to adequately describe my contempt for this woman.

[Jana814]

What really makes me so incandescently angry at this woman is that unlike many of the sub-literate child mothers we discuss, THIS ONE ACTUALLY HAS A CHOICE! She is a licensed attorney! She has the same fucking degree and license I do, and actual work experience, and she refuses to use it. Even as bad as the job market is for lawyers, she could get work and decently support her kids. Instead, she goes to Mass everyday and deliberately denies her children adequate food and clothing that fits. I really lack the words to adequately describe my contempt for this woman.

That is just nuts!! She is the same person who wrote that post on how daycare is bad? I just don't why she would allow this to happen to her kids while she clearly never had a problem as a child.

[mockingbird]

I am addicted to certain European chocolate bars. :oops: Especially Aero, the green one. So as I am in the US, I have done the expensive import store prices (lucky for me, one grocery store I go to now has Aero and Kinder so that brings the prices down a bit) but it's a special treat.

And Reese's are amazing. I studied abroad in Scotland which started my love for Aero. I still like other US chocolate bars but they don't taste quite as good to me as they used to, except for Reese's. I don't know what it is about them.

Now that you've listed all those quotes in a row, Abigail seems to acquire new hobbies with startling frequency.

Yeah, now that you pointed that out... she is starting to remind me of a friend's mom in high school. I swear her mom got off on seeing her kids suffer or something. She scared me. The family was probably lower middle class. While I don't think they ever reached the level of Abigail with not providing their kids food, there were some definite sacrifices and manipulation going on. My friend was never allowed to join anything at school or even take AP tests, because it was "too expensive". My friend had a job and wasn't even allowed to spend her own money, it had to go to her parents because they were "in so much debt". While clubs and AP tests might not be a necessity, it was really sad to see my friend become so enthusiastic about an opportunity and have it shot down because her parents "couldn't afford it". The AP test thing was especially sad because she was really smart and probably could have done well enough to save a lot of money in college. I know there is a way to waive the test fees if you can't afford it, and I think our school had some money set aside for that too. Her mom was very fickle and would agree to something one day and say she wasn't allowed to do it the next (this is what happened with the AP tests - she actually had to cancel and get a refund). At one point my friend begged to join this club with me for months (we had an annual trip so her mom was wary of her participating), and then was super mad at me the next year when I got a position in the club leadership and she didn't, probably because it would have been her only chance to shine at something. I'm putting all of these claims of poverty in quotes because the mom was just like Abigail. She would deny her kids something and then turn around and "apologize" with expensive presents like $300 earrings. The family's #1 priority was to take multiple trips to Disney World every year, and since we didn't live close to Florida, for most families in the area that was a once or twice in a lifetime trip. Sure, you can have different priorities, but when it is having an adverse effect on your kids or budget, it's time to re-evaluate. My friend always seemed like she had to walk on eggshells around her mom, very manipulative. Her parents were married, but her mom seemed to run the household.

My friend and I had a falling out due to that club thing and other factors (including her mom telling her I was a bad friend because I wasn't popular and didn't have a boyfriend), but we are still friends on Facebook. It seems like she has a new hobby every three months and has transferred colleges three times. She can't commit probably because her mom can't commit or prioritize things. It's really sad because she was just a really enthusiastic, hard-working person but never really got an opportunity to learn how to apply herself outside of doing what she had to do, the minute she has a choice she can't handle it, and she seems unable to figure out what makes her happy. I wonder if Abigail's kids will end up like her...

[Trynn]

Maybe she should talk to my grandma about poverty. She was just telling last time I visited how, one time, she had no food in the house. It was just her and my aunt Lori in the house, and they had no food. Nothing. Grandma went out to the barn and took the new radio that grandpa had bought. Then she and Lori went to the store and returned it. This was in the days before you needed a receipt to return things, she told me. Then she took the money and spent it on food. When grandpa came storming in later wanting to know what grandma had done with the radio, she looked at him and said, "we ate it."

THAT, my dear stupid Abigail, is POVERTY. That is also unnecessary poverty because grandpa was apparently doing this on a semi regular basis. Grandma told me that sometimes they had lots of money, and sometimes they'd have very little money because grandpa couldn't hold on to it.

Meditate on that for a while, you... you.... *shakes fist*

[Cannelle]

I hate that "It's FUN to be poor! Being poor is a BLESSING, y'all!!!!" Yeah. Fuck you. Please tell me where the blessing is in not eating for several days so that your two year old can eat the only thing you have- jelly sandwiches- and not knowing where you'll sleep tomorrow, and having no job, no phone, no gas to get anywhere, and no money to fill it up. What's fun about that? I'd love to know, because it sure as fuck wasn't fun when I was living it.

[Koala]

I hate that "It's FUN to be poor! Being poor is a BLESSING, y'all!!!!" Yeah. Fuck you. Please tell me where the blessing is in not eating for several days so that your two year old can eat the only thing you have- jelly sandwiches- and not knowing where you'll sleep tomorrow, and having no job, no phone, no gas to get anywhere, and no money to fill it up. What's fun about that? I'd love to know, because it sure as fuck wasn't fun when I was living it.

I am so sorry you went through that, and even sorrier that there was no one around to give you a hand up. :cry:

[browngrl]

I am addicted to certain European chocolate bars. :oops: Especially Aero, the green one. So as I am in the US, I have done the expensive import store prices (lucky for me, one grocery store I go to now has Aero and Kinder so that brings the prices down a bit) but it's a special treat

Do you live somewhere near Canada? Aero (green ones included are sold in my local grocery store and you can get an Aero bar pretty much everywhere in Toronto (and the rest of Ontario) and they are not expensive at all.

[browngrl]

Do you live somewhere near Canada? Aero - green ones included are sold in my local grocery store and you can get an Aero bar pretty much everywhere in Toronto (and the rest of Ontario) and they are not expensive at all.

edited for excessive use of parenthesis

[Boltingmadonna]

. . . because otherwise we would morph into "one of those families"--the stupid, poor, feral ones.

Wow, what a lovely attitude toward other people who are poor but aren't as lovely and pious as she is. She complains about people looking down on her, but at the same time, she's looking down on someone else. I think for Abigail, "poverty" is just another excuse for drama--like her post on how she was the most abused child EVAR because, daycare. It sounds as if she's about to use "poverty" as an excuse for not caring if her kids have combed hair and clean clothes. Poor kids--it's not enough for her just to raise them and love them. She has to find some reason why she's SPECIAL. Honestly, I think this is some kind of personality disorder, and it bugs me so much that her religion provides her with ego strokes for her super-piety, instead of gently explaining that this is not okay and she needs help.

[Terrie]

My dad grew up poor. No heat, no plumbing poor. My uncle got rickets. But all four boys were neat and clean when it came to church, because they might have been poor, but self-respect and dignity don't cost much.

[bea]

This woman has more than a few screws loose, I gotta say. I do all the things she does - cook, put a moratorium on how many activities you can be involved in (one at a time - either you take swimming or you take art, but not both), drive an old car, stick to a budget, etc. - and oddly, I think I'm normal. Middle-class, upper middle-class possibly.

Reading back through her blog.....she's got a hell of a chip on her shoulder. It's almost as if no one in the history of ever has dealt with 5 kids, been pro-life (boy, is that an incoherent blog post), been Catholic, had to shop on a budget, or anything else. ONLY HER. Geez.

Holy shit. A full funeral Mass and burial for a 12 week fetus: http://abigails-alcove.blogspot.dotcom/ ... /loss.html

ETA: Okay, so she was a public interest attorney working for the interests of the poor, and is now a stay at home mom of 5. I get that she wanted to stay home with kids. But I believe Jesus had plenty to say about helping the poor, and not much to say about the size of your family.

Additional ETA: This woman is CRAYZEE. She does all the diaper-changing and all the housework and all the cooking and all the childcare because God says she's supposed to respect her husband. Or something. And sex isn't pleasurable for women if they're not married because they don't feel emotionally safe. Well, maybe not for YOU, sweetheart. WT actual F-ing F.

[desertvixen]

All of the reasons she lists for being glad to be in poverty can be easily done when NOT in poverty--with the added bonus of knowing that the heat will stay on and the kids will have dinner.

This. So you cook and take care of your kids - hey wait, that's what I do, and I'm an evil working lapsed Catholic mother.

Abigail's definition of poverty includes having to buy cheap Christmas gifts, and in her world "not having money for food" results from having spent all her money on concessions. If she truly had to wonder where her kids were getting their next meal from, if she didn't know how to keep the heat running in the house, if she didn't even know whether they'd have a house next month...that is getting closer to poverty by Western standards. So aggravating.

This.

[roddma]

The martyr complex that some people have is amazing. They think that to live life in poverty is a good thing. It makes them more holy or something like that. However, after reading her blog entry it doesn't sound anything like poverty. Rather it sounds like they simply have to live within a budget. And they think this makes them not Middle Class. I wonder what exactly they think Middle Class is.

I don't get the maryr compex either if you chose the lifestyle. You would be amazed at the more secular blogs of SAHMs with fewer kids who attack others for simply spending money on a hair do, a movie, or a weekend getaway. You can have fun and not break budgets. I see no point in attacking others who seem to have more than you.

[GeoBQn]

Holy shit. A full funeral Mass and burial for a 12 week fetus: http://abigails-alcove.blogspot.dotcom/ ... /loss.html

Do I want to know what a "happy conception party" is?

[Witsec7]

Do I want to know what a "happy conception party" is?

I think it comes before angelversary.

[ILoveJellybeans]

Abigail and her husband dancing to this song?

[GeoBQn]

I think it comes before angelversary.

Ugh, I saw that post on the 19K&C Facebook page.

[IamCanadian]

Although...is powdered sugar just icing sugar?:D

Yes. We (in Canada) call it icing sugar too, but I think Americans say powdered of confectioners sugar.

How do you guys feel about peanut butter M&Ms? I have to leave a note in my wallet ordering me NOT to buy them every time I go to the drugstore :)

[emmiedahl]

I wonder how it will affect her children to hear all the time that they are poor.

I spent my formative years among people who did not earn enough to file taxes, people who ate what they grew and killed themselves. I wore hand-me-downs all the time and can still remember the first time my mother sewed me a brand new outfit. It was a Halloween/Purim costume.

But we were never poor. My parents were graduate students and we were rich in so many ways. I was not raised to feel a hardship in eating greens in the spring, stone fruit and veggies in summer, squash in the fall and tons of meat/potatoes/canned things in the winter. Dirty hippie was the norm in our social group and I felt quite special when I got brand new clothing or belongings--I felt rich. We always had money for musical instruments and medical therapies, which should be a hint to Abigail that she is not poor. Poor people were the ones in Africa, or the neighbors whose children we fed every night.; we lived in voluntary and temporary simplicity, not poverty. I joke about being raised poor and by American standards we were, but it is not the true poverty of hopelessness and endless need. Real poverty is not admirable, it is despicable. It destroys the human spirit.

We are currently poor in my home but I don't glamorize it. It is just a fact. Being poor means no expensive swim teams; it means that when my oldest needs a new musical instrument, she busks until she has the money saved and then buys it outright. Herself. It's not glamorous at all. I would rather just buy her a new one, and put her in all the lessons she wants to take, and spend hundreds at the mall on new clothes once or twice a year just because they all would look so good in those clothes. My children are building character in spades but it is hard as a parent to acknowledge that they have had to work too hard for what they have.

Fuck you Abigail. For doing this to your kids when there is an alternative for you. "Whatsoever you do unto the least of these"--indeed.

[Koala]

Yes. We (in Canada) call it icing sugar too, but I think Americans say powdered of confectioners sugar.

How do you guys feel about peanut butter M&Ms? I have to leave a note in my wallet ordering me NOT to buy them every time I go to the drugstore :)

Haven't had them, but have you tried the pretzel M&M's? So good

[Wolfie]

Bloody hell, that's a dear bar of choccy!

Meh, I was obsessing over my irresponsible cousin's habit of going out to eat most of the time. How do they afford it- they have two kids, and make less money than me, and I can't afford even their chain restaurant habit. (of course, I pay my bills, I own a house, I pay my student loans, I go to work everyday even if I don't feel like it.)

Then today they posted a rant about their 4 year old changing his mind about his Christmas present that they'd already bought, $100, and you know that they have tons of other stuff. How the hell do they afford it. When will it crash and burn.

And on the chocolate bar thing, I will occasionally buy expensive chocolate bars, but when they're on sale, and then I stretch the eating out over a week or so usually. (unless it's been a very bad week)

[Wolfie]

But we were never poor. My parents were graduate students and we were rich in so many ways. I was not raised to feel a hardship in eating greens in the spring, stone fruit and veggies in summer, squash in the fall and tons of meat/potatoes/canned things in the winter. Dirty hippie was the norm in our social group and I felt quite special when I got brand new clothing or belongings--I felt rich. We always had money for musical instruments and medical therapies, which should be a hint to Abigail that she is not poor. Poor people were the ones in Africa, or the neighbors whose children we fed every night.; we lived in voluntary and temporary simplicity, not poverty. I joke about being raised poor and by American standards we were, but it is not the true poverty of hopelessness and endless need. Real poverty is not admirable, it is despicable. It destroys the human spirit.

This.

[Wolfie]

Yus. I've totally made those "Reese's peanut butter bars" (I called it peanut butter fudge, though). They really are to die for, especially right from the fridge.

And, BTW, you people are totz discriminating against those of us who developed peanut allergies as twenty-somethings. I love me some peanut butter, but I can't have it anymore! :(

Imagine an apple allergy. I always had difficulty digesting apples, but in my 20's I started to get hives from it. I now can eat very small amounts of well cooked apples, but still have bad digestion issues. (and I own multiple apple trees that came with the house)

[Wolfie]

I am addicted to certain European chocolate bars. :oops: Especially Aero, the green one. So as I am in the US, I have done the expensive import store prices (lucky for me, one grocery store I go to now has Aero and Kinder so that brings the prices down a bit) but it's a special treat.

My local Target now has Kinder......

[RandomTrivia]

I am addicted to certain European chocolate bars. :oops: Especially Aero, the green one. So as I am in the US, I have done the expensive import store prices (lucky for me, one grocery store I go to now has Aero and Kinder so that brings the prices down a bit) but it's a special treat.

...

Which grocery store do you have that carries mint Aero???? I had some in Vancouver in 2001, and still miss the darn things, but can't bring myself to pay Internet prices for them. If I'd only known, I would have brought some home with me (I got smart and brought Jaffa Cakes home from Ireland, but they got a bit dry after 6 months). My sister lived in Dearborn MI, and I could never get her to buy some for me while she was over the border - and now she lives in Florida, which is Aero-less. At least I can find Jaffa look-alikes here.

Apple allergies: My sympathies. In the past six or so years, I've slowly been developing reactions to certain foods - it's apparently related to my wicked pollen allergies, a cross-sensitivity of some kind. If I eat raw apples, cherries, carrots, or a couple of other foods - basically all the less expensive, easy healthy snacks that I like - my mouth itches. And I rubbed my eye once after slicing an apple, and it was like spring pollen season all over again. I need to find an allergist and see if the allergy injections might help with that, although just the spring/summer allergies are enough to make me consider it anyway (despite the needle phobia). Darn, I miss Ranier cherries.