Spiritual Bowel Syndrome (fundie writer)

[pixydust]

Isn't it weird that she's called Miss Jennifer when she's married? Or is this a cultural thing that I don't get?

Yes, they are in Tennessee, and in the south it is a sign of respect to call adults "Miss Bea" or "Mr Tom" (or Aunt Buffy and Uncle Joe). My kids call one of my best friends "Miss Firstname" (they call the other one "Firstname" because she is my husbands cousin, and we are just casual people).

[PennySycamore]

Isn't it weird that she's called Miss Jennifer when she's married? Or is this a cultural thing that I don't get?

Yeah, it's a Southern thing.

Edited to actually add comment

[keen23]

My house certainly looks girly. Mostly because I have three young daughters who think glitter, sparkles and bright pink are the epitome of style and grace. My personal preferred decor leans towards the Mission style and neutral colors. But, I am willing to suffer the pink and glitter because I do love my children.

[OnceModestTwiceShy]

The links are simply incredible. From the post on spiritual bowel syndrome:

Song 5:4 My beloved put in his hand by the hole of the door, and my bowels were moved for him.

Now that's pretty sexy!

I couldn't believe that the author blamed both constipation and IBS upon spiritual problems. I have IBS and while my worst symptoms occurred when I was the most religious, it was also the time at which I was the most stressed out in life. I just lived through another flare-up, and while I have been feeling better with less wheat in my diet over the past couple of days, I suppose I should crack open that Bible to experience the healing power of bowel-centric verses,instead! Jesus did say, "I am the bread of life," so my gluten issues must be a sign of my sinfully inferior nature.

Yeah, on my behalf and the behalf of my fellow sisters in IBS (since it overwhelmingly effects us ladies), I would like to say a big FUCK YOU to this bullshit.

[mkitten]

Thank you! I'm dead excited. I got the confirmation last night that the flat was mine and this morning met the bloke. He wanted first month's rent in cash and so I scrabled about last night and this morning to scrape it together. My mum lent me £125 of it and I managed to get the rest. He's handed over the keys and we've signed the leases and stuff so I have a home at last!

It will not have any doilys (I googled them. Bloody hell.)

Congrats! I'm so excited for you!!

No doilys here. Ever. My house is currently fashioned like this:

My kitchen floor is elegantly decorated with boldly colored red and black "antique" (read, old and tattered) blankets which are perfect for one very lazy and clumsy dog to lounge upon. My husband's pots and pans have been (not so) neatly tucked away deep into storage bins, leaving my special "microwave safe" cooking pans ready for my unique method of home cooking ready-to-eat meals from the freezer section of the grocery store when I'm too damned tired from chasing children all day long to actually cook dinner. When checking out from the grocer's, I always look the check-out person in the eye and say "Hello." My living room floor has a very feminine covering of this morning's toddler breakfast: dry Cheerios. There are no plants in my house. I have whatever the opposite of a green thumb is. I can even slaughter plastic plants. Windchimes would be promptly broken. The bathtub and the toilet in my house are pink, is that enough to indicate that there is a woman living here?

[docmom]

My home is decorated in early Fisher Price and Lego. Upon entering the foyer you encounter a large plastic princess castle and a Jedi spaceship. In the late evening you may see large bathtowels draped decoratively over the bannister of the curved staircase. The maniacal laugh track of Nick on Demand will waft towards your ears. There are no doilies, no windchimes but given the 3 children weaving in and out of your legs, it is reasonable to assume you would guess a woman lived there.

[RachelB]

Thank you! I'm dead excited. I got the confirmation last night that the flat was mine and this morning met the bloke. He wanted first month's rent in cash and so I scrabled about last night and this morning to scrape it together. My mum lent me £125 of it and I managed to get the rest. He's handed over the keys and we've signed the leases and stuff so I have a home at last!

It will not have any doilys (I googled them. Bloody hell.)

Congratulations to you-- I'm so pleased to hear you've got a place. And, yeah, doilies do not make a home IMO. Certainly not if you don't like them.

[CelticGoddess]

I have wind chimes. They scare off the evil spirits. :lol: If this fundie knew the history of wind chimes, she might not be so big on them.

[Closed Womb]

I had a very feminine home before I got married (decorated by a man, mind you.) The hubs didn't love my blue and yellow furniture, but we put it on our living room and moved his furniture to the family room. When we recently moved and downsized, we kept his furniture.

Now I am in a spiritual crisis! I pleased my husband by selling the girly furniture, but now no one knows a woman lives here upon first glance. Please husband or remain a woman? Oh, I cry to the LORD. I think I need some time in the prayer closet...

[PennySycamore]

I have wind chimes. They scare off the evil spirits. :lol: If this fundie knew the history of wind chimes, she might not be so big on them.

I was thinking the same thing. I do have some small wind chimes on the front porch, but they're in a tangle so they don't work. I actually wouldn't mind some good quality win chimes like Woodstock chimes, but my doxie's barking would probably drown them out. Their sound could not possibly drive me batty because I probably would not hear them.

[FeministShrew]

I have wind chimes. They scare off the evil spirits. :lol: If this fundie knew the history of wind chimes, she might not be so big on them.

I gave my stepmom wind chimes for Christmas one year. She got really upset when she opened the gift. Turns out she's very superstitious -wind chimes are evil, bad luck, of the devil - I never really understood it all. And she's not particularly religious, much less fundie.

But I had to take them back home with me. :roll:

[Olive Plant]

I'm reflecting that there's a shocking lack of doilies mentioned in the Bible. Women, sinful creatures, also never used floral print and/or wallpaper. If you live in a place where sand and cow dung is the norm, your decorating decisions are pretty utilitarian.

My place is not just mine. It's also a man's. Why the crap would I subject him to stupid doilies and annoying kisch he would knock over? In college I lived with a girl who decorated like this and it made the house hideous. I'm pretty sure she also thought it gave the house a feminine air. Nope, it just made it look like a garage sale.

[ILoveJellybeans]

I totally agree with you Olive, it isnt just your home (unless you live alone), so you need to compromise between the tastes of the people who live there. It isnt fair for someone to fill the house with doilies and flowers, if it isnt the kind of thing their partner has, because they dont live there.

Also, wouldnt doilies, windchimes and flowers be incredibly inconvenient if you plan on having 10 kids?

[Chasingthedog]

Imagine a sleek, pink convertible sport scar pulling into your driveway and a voluptuous young woman steps out wearing tight pants and low-cut shirt, her long blond hair gleaming freely in the sun. After you answer her knock at your door she asks if she may play with your young daughter alone for the afternoon. What would your answer be? If you said no, then may I ask what Barbie does for your daughter?? So many young girls have forsaken playing with baby dolls - that which builds a soft, delicate and nurturing nature into their spirits, in exchange for fellowship with the independent, worldly nature of Barbie! Here is a braless image, with no apparent authority over her life, roaming the world doing and wearing whatever she wants, spending time alone with "Ken" on occasion and admired by Christian mothers and daughters all over the world! As an impressionable little girl, may I ask how one plays in a godly manner with a toy like that??

This sounds made up. It made me LOL for real. Braless is what killed me. If she wore a bra, it'd be okay, but flapping boobs, NO!

[emmiedahl]

I have very eclectic taste. I do have doilies but they are not the main decor. I love handmade and strange stuff. When you walk in, you see a flowery Victorian couch, a futon draped with an embroidered sari, and a very plain coffee table from Ikea. My daughters are crafty and I love all the random things they make, so I have a lot of stuff like this:

So you can tell that females live here indeed, although I doubt zombie cherubs on bed of glitter-covered neon flowers are what this blogger is talking about.

[ILoveJellybeans]

Imagine a sleek, pink convertible sport scar pulling into your driveway and a voluptuous young woman steps out wearing tight pants and low-cut shirt, her long blond hair gleaming freely in the sun. After you answer her knock at your door she asks if she may play with your young daughter alone for the afternoon. What would your answer be? If you said no, then may I ask what Barbie does for your daughter?? So many young girls have forsaken playing with baby dolls - that which builds a soft, delicate and nurturing nature into their spirits, in exchange for fellowship with the independent, worldly nature of Barbie! Here is a braless image, with no apparent authority over her life, roaming the world doing and wearing whatever she wants, spending time alone with "Ken" on occasion and admired by Christian mothers and daughters all over the world! As an impressionable little girl, may I ask how one plays in a godly manner with a toy like that??

Do they not understand that the answer to that depends on who this particular woman is? If she was just a random woman who turned up at your door asking to play alone with your kid, the answer would be no. If she was someone the parents knew well, then it would be fine.

And Barbie is just a doll. You could play with a Barbie in a godly way-sew her a frumper and get a few smaller dolls to be her children, and make her a stay at home Christian mom, surely they could even find something suitable to be a piece of plumbing line?

You could also play with a Barbie the way I used to. At least half of mine were naked (and I remember dismembering one of them when I was younger and losing its head and arms), and I also had gay Barbies, and a cross dressing Ken.

[RachelB]

This sounds made up. It made me LOL for real. Braless is what killed me. If she wore a bra, it'd be okay, but flapping boobs, NO!

She's making an incoherent argument, as I see it. If the voluptuous woman of her imagination were as plastic as Barbie dolls are, there would be no flapping whatsoever. It's as if the writer thought, "Oooh-- my headship reins me in and keeps me from falling into sin, in the same way my bra reins in my boobs and keeps them from falling! Both constrain me from the aimless wandering I would do left to my own devices," and forgot about all the parts of that analogy that don't work. (Like the part where boobs do not have free will. Or the part where humans are not dolls.)

I read her work the same way I read floundering student papers-- I'm sure there's an argument in there somewhere. But good grief, she lacks the reasoning skills to explain it to someone who doesn't already believe it.

[ILoveJellybeans]

I think the lack of bra relates to feminism, and "burning bras" (not sure whether this actually happens, it was something my mom taught me, and she doesnt like feminists)

[PennySycamore]

I totally agree with you Olive, it isnt just your home (unless you live alone), so you need to compromise between the tastes of the people who live there. It isnt fair for someone to fill the house with doilies and flowers, if it isnt the kind of thing their partner has, because they dont live there.

Also, wouldnt doilies, windchimes and flowers be incredibly inconvenient if you plan on having 10 kids?

Not if you blanket train them.

[mkitten]

Do they not understand that the answer to that depends on who this particular woman is? If she was just a random woman who turned up at your door asking to play alone with your kid, the answer would be no. If she was someone the parents knew well, then it would be fine.

And Barbie is just a doll. You could play with a Barbie in a godly way-sew her a frumper and get a few smaller dolls to be her children, and make her a stay at home Christian mom, surely they could even find something suitable to be a piece of plumbing line?

You could also play with a Barbie the way I used to. At least half of mine were naked (and I remember dismembering one of them when I was younger and losing its head and arms), and I also had gay Barbies, and a cross dressing Ken.

If I saw a woman come up to my door with a pink convertible I would immediately assume she was selling Mary Kay products; which I would decline because they make me break out.

[AuntCloud]

Just wanted to enlighten my fellow FJers with a picture of true femininity.

[AuntCloud]

Gah, here it is again. Note the decorative plates, the doilies (!!) the the fine china.

http://harrypotter.wikia.com/wiki/File: ... gwarts.JPG

[RachelB]

Gah, here it is again. Note the decorative plates, the doilies (!!) the the fine china.

http://harrypotter.wikia.com/wiki/File: ... gwarts.JPG

Oh my stars and garter, that's the "Dear Ladies" writer's aesthetic in a nutshell. Well played.

[debrand]

I think it's cultural. His first wife was called Miss Pam.

The neighbor kids call me Miss Deb and my husband, Mr. Russ. I didn't ask them to refer to me that way. Their parents insisted.

What do you allow to strike your ear? Is it feminine?? (soft, tender & delicate?)

This sounds painful. I don't want anything to strike my ear. OW.

[shesinsane]

The neighbor kids call me Miss Deb and my husband, Mr. Russ. I didn't ask them to refer to me that way. Their parents insisted.

Maryland is far enough south that people around here use Miss too. Problem is, when I was kid and in serious trouble, my mother would address me as "Miss Shesinsane". People call me "Miss Shesinsane" at work and I always say "Please don't call me that, my mother used to call me that when I was in trouble." but it's a habit for many of them and they continue to do it.

Oh, and my home lacks flowers and doilies, but stuffed animals and goofy knickknacks are everywhere. A visitor can probably guess a female lives there, but no lady. ;)