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Spiritual Bowel Syndrome (fundie writer)


RachelB

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I blame it on grading James Joyce papers-- Joyce uses biblical references all over the place-- but I recently needed to look up the odd phrase "his bowels were moved with compassion." Alongside all the posts that talked usefully about how various cultures once thought that the intestines were the site of human emotion, I found a fundie primer on digestion titled "Spiritual Bowel Syndrome," or-- as I have come to think of it-- "You can't make this shit up."

nbbconline.com/RSWeb/rsspiritualbowelsyndrome.htm

The post linked above is only one of a number of columns that the writer, now deceased,* wrote for the ladies of her husband's IFB church and the ladies of the internet at large (because I guess we ladies aren't capable of making sense of what the pastor said? doesn't say much for his preaching, does it?). I learned a lot about my life as a lady from her column. For one thing, I learned that I will never be a lady until I break myself of using the unladylike word "Hello." (?!!) For another thing, I learned that when The Partner compliments me on the scent I'm wearing and it happens to be a men's cologne, he's clearly lying. Because men like their ladies to smell like ladies. And I learned that the more times I type or read the word "ladies," the more meaningless it looks:

nbbconline.com/RSWeb/rsapatternoffemininity.htm

I also learned that if I ever have children (not going to, but whatever) I must put hubby first. Always. Even if it's not really clear how that would work with an infant:

nbbconline.com/RSWeb/rsschedulehappyhome.htm

Anyway, I had so many hours of entertainment and edification reading the archives that I decided to share the gift with you. Sometimes the column itself is obscured by the Victoriana of the background, but in my opinion that just adds to the je ne sais quois.

*I did have a moment's qualm about snarking on a dead writer. But then I remembered that I snark on Daniel Defoe and Alexander Pope; why should this writer get a pass?

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I am learning so much from these links:

When someone enters the doors of your home, is it clear that a woman lives there or does it give the impression the place is a "bachelor pad", military camp or just a pit stop for the family? If you are a woman, and you have properly attached yourself to your home, there will be certain evidence that a female lives there!! Look at your home through the eyes of a stranger and consider whether it bears a woman's touch. Is there a softness that presides over the way you have decorated and arranged things, both inside and out? (Flowers, wind chimes, doilies, soft colors etc.)

I do not have any doilies. How will the world know I am a woman?

What do you allow to strike your ear? Is it feminine?? (soft, tender & delicate?)

Hmm, I do like the rock and roll . . .

Lastly, consider the aroma of your attitude as a Christian woman. What is the atmosphere that surrounds your person? What is the fragrance of your testimony? When entering your presence, do people have a tendency to turn up their noses at the foul stench you are giving off; or does your attitude have a pleasant, drawing power? What does your testimony speak after you leave - what aroma lingers around your name? It would be interesting to go around the room and describe one another using an odor. Ex. "When I think of sister so and so, I think of a skunk!"

"Aroma of my attitude"? Floral with a slight woodsy afterscent?

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OMG, I think a friend of mine married this woman's son. They're "missionaries" in Italy now.

One of her daughters published 2 or 3 books of devotions and advice to Christian women based on her mom's writing and was selling them several years back. I wonder if it's the same stuff on the website or something else. I think my former pastor's wives had one of the books - I'll have to see if she still does (they're no longer fundie and her husband occasionally posts on SFL and some of the "Do Right" FB groups, so maybe she'd be persuaded to loan it or make scans for snark purposes).

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OMG, I think a friend of mine married this woman's son. They're "missionaries" in Italy now.

One of her daughters published 2 or 3 books of devotions and advice to Christian women based on her mom's writing and was selling them several years back. I wonder if it's the same stuff on the website or something else. I think my former pastor's wives had one of the books - I'll have to see if she still does (they're no longer fundie and her husband occasionally posts on SFL and some of the "Do Right" FB groups, so maybe she'd be persuaded to loan it or make scans for snark purposes).

*hums "It's a Small World, After All"* That is a totally weird and delightful coincidence.

I started to type "Missionaries in Italy? But Italy is--" and then I realized that they don't think Catholics are Christian. Sigh.

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I am learning so much from these links:

I do not have any doilies. How will the world know I am a woman?

Hmm, I do like the rock and roll . . .

"Aroma of my attitude"? Floral with a slight woodsy afterscent?

One of my fav bands is Depeche Mode. I don't think they make her list foe feminine sounding music.

Not a single flower, doilie or wind chime in my home. You would never guess a woman lives here :roll:

Eta more detail

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One of my fav bands is Depeche Mode. I don't think they make her list foe feminine sounding music.

Not a single flower, doilie or wind chime in my home. You would never guess a woman lives here :roll:

Eta more detail

No doilies or windchimes here either.

I guess anyone walking in would assume it was a bachelor pad, never mind the tampons and makeup in the bathroom, the bras on the clothesline, the dresses in the cupboard and, well, me.

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I am learning so much from these links:

I do not have any doilies. How will the world know I am a woman?

Doilies are a 19th century invention - after men left off wearing wigs and started putting greasy product (macassar oil) in their hair. Doilies/ Antimacassars were meant to protect furniture from their oily heads and fingers. They are a sign a man lives in the house, not a woman.

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The links are simply incredible. From the post on spiritual bowel syndrome:

Song 5:4 My beloved put in his hand by the hole of the door, and my bowels were moved for him.

Now that's pretty sexy!

I couldn't believe that the author blamed both constipation and IBS upon spiritual problems. I have IBS and while my worst symptoms occurred when I was the most religious, it was also the time at which I was the most stressed out in life. I just lived through another flare-up, and while I have been feeling better with less wheat in my diet over the past couple of days, I suppose I should crack open that Bible to experience the healing power of bowel-centric verses,instead! Jesus did say, "I am the bread of life," so my gluten issues must be a sign of my sinfully inferior nature.

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I have one doily somewhere that was crocheted by a great aunt of my husband's.

I do like to have fresh flowers, but they are expensive.

I subscribe to a number of shelter magazines. There are a number of homes in these magazines where women live and some of them are even designed by women. I have not seen a single doily in any of these designs nor have I seen an abundance of wind chimes.. What I have seen is some wonderful design in various styles.

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Not a single flower, doilie or wind chime in my home. You would never guess a woman lives here :roll:

Eta more detail

Flowers don't work, the cats destroy them I have doilies in drawers. Again, the cats are fascinated by them. A wind chime, in my home? No way, it would drive me nuts.

I have 5 cats which prove I am a crazy cat lady, thus I am a woman.

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Doilies are a 19th century invention - after men left off wearing wigs and started putting greasy product (macassar oil) in their hair. Doilies/ Antimacassars were meant to protect furniture from their oily heads and fingers. They are a sign a man lives in the house, not a woman.

I didn't know that, thanks.

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Y'all have reminded me of something-- someone posted recently a quote from an MRA saying something like "My woman [if I ever get one] will have to accept that the whole house is my man cave!"

That made me think, what if a godly submissive wife is married to a man who hates doilies and windchimes? What if he does not want her woman's touch chintzing up his man cave? Will she need to pray that God will lay it on his heart to accept a doily or two?

*Full disclosure: I actually own a doily. My favorite babysitter, C, whom I thought for years was my third grandma, and who tried really hard (to no avail) to instruct me in the womanly arts, crocheted it for me to use "when I become a wife and mama." It is designed for a life I don't anticipate having, and it would look absurd on display; if I have a "style," it's Chaotic Grad Student. But I appreciate the gesture so much I can't get rid of it.

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What is a doily?

The "headship" and I's house does not bear the appearance of a female. The lego collections? It's mine. The x-box? It's his. The kitchen stuff? His. The plants (not flowers) are mine. Oh and i bought coasters. Made out of recycled climbing rope.

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I don't really know what a doily is either. Those lacy things that go on a table?

I recently got a flat, and aside from my wall of pictures of carbombings, my other decorations are my giant Palestinian flag and my giant red workers' flag. Flowers I would just forget about until they went manky. ONOEZ WHERE HAS MY VAG GONE

As people pointed out you can tell a flat belongs to a woman by the fact there's a woman living in it. Unless you are a burglar, and I don't worry about their feelings on femininity too much (surely the only people who would be in your flat without knowing you or you being in it at the time).

That site is comedy gold though (and needs the Snoop treatment)

Terminology – “Coolâ€, “Bucksâ€, “Hello!†“Dudeâ€, and foul language are not ladylike expressions!

Er, what are you supposed to say instead of "Hello"? The only other way I know how to say it is "Hiya" which I think she'd regard as worse. "Greetings?" :shock:

In what kinds of recreational activities do you choose to involve yourselves? For example, do you really believe a Tae-Bo workout enhances a ladylike spirit?

I....don't think it doesn't. By this logic you should never go to the toilet because it's unladylike (and creates an unpleasant smell.)

Be demure, sweet and pure

DIE to the real you!

Well, that's a cheery thought, innit. I think she unintentionally revealed what really lies behind the ultrafemininity there.

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*I did have a moment's qualm about snarking on a dead writer. But then I remembered that I snark on Daniel Defoe and Alexander Pope; why should this writer get a pass?

She died in 2008 of cancer. Her widower Paul is a handsome man. He is no longer a widower.

nbbconline.com/pages/meetpastor.html

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I read the title of the thread and thought oh no it's happened. Steve Maxwell is now shitting scripture out of his bum.

Oh wait, that's been happening for a while.

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I blame it on grading James Joyce papers-- Joyce uses biblical references all over the place-- but I recently needed to look up the odd phrase "his bowels were moved with compassion." Alongside all the posts that talked usefully about how various cultures once thought that the intestines were the site of human emotion, I found a fundie primer on digestion titled "Spiritual Bowel Syndrome," or-- as I have come to think of it-- "You can't make this shit up."

nbbconline.com/RSWeb/rsspiritualbowelsyndrome.htm

The post linked above is only one of a number of columns that the writer, now deceased,* wrote for the ladies of her husband's IFB church and the ladies of the internet at large (because I guess we ladies aren't capable of making sense of what the pastor said? doesn't say much for his preaching, does it?). I learned a lot about my life as a lady from her column. For one thing, I learned that I will never be a lady until I break myself of using the unladylike word "Hello." (?!!) For another thing, I learned that when The Partner compliments me on the scent I'm wearing and it happens to be a men's cologne, he's clearly lying. Because men like their ladies to smell like ladies. And I learned that the more times I type or read the word "ladies," the more meaningless it looks:

nbbconline.com/RSWeb/rsapatternoffemininity.htm

I also learned that if I ever have children (not going to, but whatever) I must put hubby first. Always. Even if it's not really clear how that would work with an infant:

nbbconline.com/RSWeb/rsschedulehappyhome.htm

Anyway, I had so many hours of entertainment and edification reading the archives that I decided to share the gift with you. Sometimes the column itself is obscured by the Victoriana of the background, but in my opinion that just adds to the je ne sais quois.

*I did have a moment's qualm about snarking on a dead writer. But then I remembered that I snark on Daniel Defoe and Alexander Pope; why should this writer get a pass?

I understand this gentleman so much better:

I serve as an elder at the church I attend, and from time to time I will be called up to give a message or teach a Bible study. During these times, the devil always afflicts me with a gas attack, leading to obvious discomfort and embarassment while I am preaching my message. This also seems to happen during social gatherings and when I'm in a meeting with our pastor or other leaders of the church. Often, the rumblings from my gastro-intestinal tract sound like muttered swear words or like voices mocking Jesus. I am not the only one who has noticed this. I suffered an attack in an elevator at a conference I went to a few months ago, and one of the men in the elevator thought that he had heard me swearing at him and using an expletive involving the name of Christ. A sulfuric stench always accompanies these attacks and sometimes they can be extremely painful.

http://www.fstdt.com/fundies/comments.aspx?q=49707

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My home definitely gives the impression that a girly girl lives here. Know whose pleasure those things are there for? Mine.

As for the part about attitudes that make others wrinkle their nose in disgust, this woman certainly has that effect on me.

And the "hello" part is duly noted. The next time I get "HELLO!!!!" yelled at me by some punk kid in the street whose classmate has dared them to speak English to the foreigner, I shall give them a lecture about Godly behaviour. :twisted:

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Glad to hear you got a home for yourself and your car bombing pics JFC.

Thank you! I'm dead excited. I got the confirmation last night that the flat was mine and this morning met the bloke. He wanted first month's rent in cash and so I scrabled about last night and this morning to scrape it together. My mum lent me £125 of it and I managed to get the rest. He's handed over the keys and we've signed the leases and stuff so I have a home at last!

It will not have any doilys (I googled them. Bloody hell.)

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Isn't it weird that she's called Miss Jennifer when she's married? Or is this a cultural thing that I don't get?

I think it's cultural. His first wife was called Miss Pam.

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More from bizarre website:

A word can be a balm or a bomb. Of what nature might yours be?

This is in a part of the site exhorting women to speak "purely" at all times, and has the implication that a word being a bomb would be wrong. Which is utterly stupid because both balms and bombs are useful things with clear practical implications. While you wouldn't rub your arse with a bomb, neither would you drop balms in the middle of a war.

It follows on from this that you pick the one most appropriate for the situation in question. And for someone who spent all her time telling every other woman in the universe they suck at life and being Godly, I don't think her words were much like balm.

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My house just looks like humans live in it (along with 2 dogs & a cat).

I don't know, is dust considered masculine or feminine?

My former dining room is now a weight/exercise/music room, with a weight machine, exercise bike, drum kit, keyboard & piano.

I do have a few doilies my great-grandmother & grandmother made, but most of them are in drawers. And you're likely to hear the delicate, feminine strains of Rammstein wafting to your ears.

As for scent - with a teenage boy, 2 dogs & a cat I'm scared to ask anyone how my house smells to them.

I also have very short hair, never wear dresses or skirts, and a large pickup truck & a Trans Am reside in my carport.

I do collect antique & vintage dolls, though, so that's a point in my favor. Except that the most prolific, dedicated doll collectors I know are men, so that's not a guarantee.

Maybe that's why I'm having no luck with the menz. They can't tell I'm a woman!

ETA: I also say "fuck" quite a lot, so there goes my feminine speech. 8-)

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By this logic you should never go to the toilet because it's unladylike (and creates an unpleasant smell.)

Excellent point! :clap:

Also, congratulations on the flat!! :dance:

ETA: My house currently looks like it is inhabited by someone who is very busy and hates housework. Which it is! And nary a doily to be found. :oops:

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