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Why do fundies love the nuclear family?


YPestis

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I was driving home today and mused on this fixation that fundies have with the nuclear family. For centuries, families did not consist of parents and kid. It typically involved grandparents, single sisters and married brothers. And in those extended families, it was not unusual for the women to share in childcare.

So why don't fundies focus on bringing back EXTENDED families as a better family model? They constantly harp about how the man is the head of the house, how mothers are the ONLY ones who should care for their children and how society functioned so much better back then with this model. Only, this type of model never existed for many until recently.

Why don't fundies focus on building stronger families through policies for supporting aging parents? Or changing societal attitudes about adult children living at home? Traditionally, families were stronger financially and emotionally because family members lived and worked closely together. Instead, all we get are talking points on how the women should stop working and pop out more kids.

The way I see it, there are many things our society does to discourage family togetherness. For one, there is this attitude that adult children living at home is bad (well, until this recession). I've seen guys embarrassed about living at home even when they have very legitimate reasons to do so (i.e saving money, attending school etc). I've seen people struggle with caring for ill or elderly parents because society doesn't seem to understand that the parents can be dependents just like children.

Fundies often talk about strengthening families by encouraging mothers to stay home to care for children. Yet their excuse that it's all about the family rings false in my ears. If they truly cared about the family, shouldn't their talk also include grandparents and adult children? After all, grandparents and siblings are also great at caring for children, plus it's a great way to promote family togetherness by removing the stigma of extended families living together.

As a disclaimer, I understand that many families would never be able to live together (I prefer to live a ways from the inlaws myself). For families that would do well to live together, many don't because our society don't encourage it. If fundies truly cared about families and really hate on daycares and such, shouldn't they also push hard for this type of extended living arrangement? Rather, they seem to demonize working women as the sole reason for societal ills, and constantly push for policies which encourage women stay home and pop out kids. This singular focus makes me think their agenda was never about strengthening family, but more of a reaction to women's emerging independence. After all, for all of fundies' talk about caring for children at home, never once do they note that grandma could provide the same attention and love. Instead, it's all about the evil of working mothers.

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This generation of fundie patriarchs have generally rejected the "worldly" choices of their parents. You do see some of them trying to bring the older generation into the fold, like Terri Maxwell's parents and Grandma Duggar, but many, like Steve Maxwell's parents, have been left out in the secular world they chose.

They are, however, trying to make the multigenerational model work by keeping their adult children and grandchildren close, even after marriage, see the S'Mortons, the Maxwell enclave, Josh and Anna being kept as part of the larger Duggar family and JimBob's plan to build houses for his kids on his property etc. and the dominionists are down right obsessed with it, even if they haven't yet seen how "multigenerational faithfulness and the hundred year plan" will actually work out.

Living with extended family is hard, especially for people who are very rigid in their lifestyles and beliefs. That's why the current patriarchs would rather do it with their isolated, brainwashed children than their more experienced and secular parents.

It's hard to pay lip service to honouring your mother and father when they are downstairs contradicting your crazy.

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Children you raise/train up yourself are easy to manipulate, while parents, aunts, uncles, and other adults are much harder to persuade to adopt your narrow fundie view. Like _lilith said, they abandon their parents to the secular world - probably because they can't brainwash them easily like they do their own children. Many of the siblings of the fundies aren't in the home church, like JB's sister/Famy's mom, and those that are fundie aren't financially successful. Anna Duggar's sister Esther is as fundie as she (maybe more so), but she's got no room in the pop-up trailer for Smuggar and his family. Also, I doubt Anna and Smuggar want to share their home with Esther and her large family.

I think Grandma Duggar living in the TTH is the exception to the rule about extended family, and she just does it to help the Jslaves with the laundry.

Oh, and then there's the fact that the father/headship rules all, you can't have co-headships in a grown man and his grown son. If the children grow up, marry, and stay with their parents, there's going to be a problem between Headship Sr. and Headship Jr. once they disagree on something. Too many roosters make for an unhappy poultry/baby farm.

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I think its because there are very few fundies who have a completely fundie family. The lifestyle doesnt really do a good job of keeping children-most fundies became fundie as adults and the rest of the family are normal, and there are so many people who were raised fundie but stopped following the lifestyle when they were old enough to get the hell out of there (like Anna's family, and Ruth's family, there are several siblings who are on the outside), and even if they dont outright escape, theres still adults raised fundie who are more fundie light now they saw the world.

They feel they have to shelter the children from their own family, as they dont want their kids to be defrauded by their non fundie cousins who wear pants, or learn about evolution from their atheist grandparents, or meet their aunts girlfriend and learn that gay people arent evil.

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Agreeing with the "It's hard to get people you haven't been brainwashing from birth to go along with your bullshit".

Also, because big bad manly men patriarchs don't like competition. First generation fundie men can keep sons and sons-in-law in check and still lord over everyone. If they had to deal with their fathers, brothers, uncles, etc- they might not be the belle of the ball anymore.

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I suspect that maybe it's the rest of the extended family making sure the fundie family remains nuclear. I came across a new fundie recently about the time she had this guest post which outlines how fundies should behave with extended family over the holiday period.

If she tried this on in my house she'd be wearing the wishbone in an uncomfortable place.

http://thankful-homemaker.blogspot.com/ ... amily.html

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I suspect that maybe it's the rest of the extended family making sure the fundie family remains nuclear. I came across a new fundie recently about the time she had this guest post which outlines how fundies should behave with extended family over the holiday period.

If she tried this on in my house she'd be wearing the wishbone in an uncomfortable place.

http://thankful-homemaker.blogspot.com/ ... amily.html

Well I certainly wouldn't be inviting her over for Christmas dinner. What a patronising bitch.

And it sounds like her family tries to be respectful of her beliefs, but even then it's not good enough. They ask her husband to pray, and instead of taking it as the inclusive gesture that it is, she resents it for seeming forced? How incredibly ungrateful. Would she allow a guest who was a Muslim space and privacy to pray five times a day and do so in a manner that wasn't forced or awkward? I very much doubt she would give the opportunity at all, and I'm almost certain she wouldn't manage it with grace.

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It's hard to pay lip service to honouring your mother and father when they are downstairs contradicting your crazy.

This.

The blogger's hints... how about being an "ambassador for Christ" by not being a jerk?

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I suspect that maybe it's the rest of the extended family making sure the fundie family remains nuclear. I came across a new fundie recently about the time she had this guest post which outlines how fundies should behave with extended family over the holiday period.

If she tried this on in my house she'd be wearing the wishbone in an uncomfortable place.

http://thankful-homemaker.blogspot.com/ ... amily.html

I'm annoyed about her calling herself the "white sheep". Not annoyed, disgusted. It's very prideful and self-righteous to say that about her and her husband as it means their families are a mess, dysfunctional, and they escaped it. You know, like the comedy about a family of crooks who's son doesn't follow suit in being a criminal. I'd consider them the black sheep, not the white.

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Well I certainly wouldn't be inviting her over for Christmas dinner. What a patronising bitch.

And it sounds like her family tries to be respectful of her beliefs, but even then it's not good enough. They ask her husband to pray, and instead of taking it as the inclusive gesture that it is, she resents it for seeming forced? How incredibly ungrateful. Would she allow a guest who was a Muslim space and privacy to pray five times a day and do so in a manner that wasn't forced or awkward? I very much doubt she would give the opportunity at all, and I'm almost certain she wouldn't manage it with grace.

I agree, it sounded like they were trying to be inclusive.

This was my favorite part:

It can be quite tempting to conform again to the ways of the world you have grown up amidst. Whether it is tradition to drink heavily into the night in a celebration of drunkenness, or common to use inappropriate language while gossipping about the neighbors, you have probably been tempted to compromise in sin while trying to enjoy these occasions.

Because clearly the worst part about that is using inappropriate language, not the actual gossiping itself! Wasn't gossiping a sin? I swear Jesus talked about it. LOL

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I suspect that maybe it's the rest of the extended family making sure the fundie family remains nuclear. I came across a new fundie recently about the time she had this guest post which outlines how fundies should behave with extended family over the holiday period.

If she tried this on in my house she'd be wearing the wishbone in an uncomfortable place.

http://thankful-homemaker.blogspot.com/ ... amily.html

Couldn't she just shut up and enjoy the time with her family instead of worrying about sharing Christ's love? No one on my mom's side talks about religion or politics or even football. It's just a gathering to make small talk with people you sort of know and then play a game of cards that my grandparents force everyone into playing and then shouting at each other accusations of cheating. (They really only force me, and I forget how to play it every year. Which isn't really surprising, considering that the rules change every two rounds, depending on who is dealing.)

Plus, really? White Sheep? WTF.

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Because clearly the worst part about that is using inappropriate language, not the actual gossiping itself! Wasn't gossiping a sin? I swear Jesus talked about it. LOL

Even if it's not specifically spelled out, I am pretty sure it comes under the restrictions on bearing false witness or otherwise not loving your neighbors as yourself, etc.

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Agreeing with the "It's hard to get people you haven't been brainwashing from birth to go along with your bullshit".

Also, because big bad manly men patriarchs don't like competition. First generation fundie men can keep sons and sons-in-law in check and still lord over everyone. If they had to deal with their fathers, brothers, uncles, etc- they might not be the belle of the ball anymore.

QFT. We've seen so many patriarchs 'withdraw' from the world to pursue private business endeavors, in part, I think, because they were afraid of competition from other men. They 'protect' their families by isolation precisely *because* they know their worldview cannot survive competition from any other fully developed ideology.

Plus, then they'd have to share power and I cannot imagine that going well

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I have also wondered the same thing, when a family member goes either uber religious or changes their religion entirely how the does the other family feel about all of these.

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In our family, we've had an interesting dynamic happening. My mother, who was the most fervent Christian of any of the family, passed away 7 years ago. Several of my siblings (who are all younger than me and were still at home and so totally indoctrinated by Mom when she went fundamentalist) still are strong Christians and go to church all the time, etc. etc. But ever since Mom's passing, our family holiday get-togethers (Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter) have been more light-hearted and more fun. It's like, without Mom's total control of the festivities, we are now able to relax and truly enjoy each other's company without all the outward manifestations of what a godly family we are that my mother insisted on. One simple grace before eating instead of several Bible readings from various family members (usually typed out and handed out by Mom). No performances - nobody has to play a hymn on the piano before we open Christmas presents or a grandchild recite Bible verses or whatever. We can just act like a regular family and the mention of God and Jesus doesn't even have to come up! We talk about our jobs, what we like on TV, what movies we've seen or want to see. Mom didn't like all that worldly stuff and God forbid, if you expressed enjoyment of a Harry Potter book or movie you were in for a 15-minute lecture on how it was all evil and filled with witchcraft, blah, blah, blah. For a long time, I was the only one who didn't go to church and didn't have any insights to offer about Scripture readings, Bible stories, etc. that were discussed. I just sat there uncomfortable and out of place among my own family members. Now that Mom is gone, I feel like I've reconnected with the rest of my family again and feel like I fit in again.

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I suspect that maybe it's the rest of the extended family making sure the fundie family remains nuclear. I came across a new fundie recently about the time she had this guest post which outlines how fundies should behave with extended family over the holiday period.

If she tried this on in my house she'd be wearing the wishbone in an uncomfortable place.

http://thankful-homemaker.blogspot.com/ ... amily.html

The guest writer of that post is Lamp on a Stand, who has had the honor of being snarked on before.

http://freejinger.org/viewtopic.php?f=8 ... 8+year+old

I'm not surprised that the same woman who fantasized about punching a child refers to herself as a "White Sheep."

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The guest writer of that post is Lamp on a Stand, who has had the honor of being snarked on before.

http://freejinger.org/viewtopic.php?f=8 ... 8+year+old

I'm not surprised that the same woman who fantasized about punching a child refers to herself as a "White Sheep."

What sins are her family of origin engaging in that she feels she needs to "flee" from? It's the holidays, not a bacchanalia for goodness' sake!

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I'm annoyed about her calling herself the "white sheep". Not annoyed, disgusted. It's very prideful and self-righteous to say that about her and her husband as it means their families are a mess, dysfunctional, and they escaped it. You know, like the comedy about a family of crooks who's son doesn't follow suit in being a criminal. I'd consider them the black sheep, not the white.

I bet the family just llooovvvveeesss having the white sheep over for the holidays. They probably secretly hope these sanctimonious twats will turn down the invite they are obligated to send every year.

I know I would be extremely pissed if I had white sheep relatives that didn't see me as family but as someone to evangelize to.

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I think their families are being damn gracious in asking her husband to say a blessing before the meal. It's a lot more than two sanctimonious religious bores would get in my family. Family as mission field? That is effed up.

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I wonder if this is a newer fundie trend? I have a large contingent of cousins on my Dad's side that are what's known as "two-by-twos." They are definitely fundie (women don't cut their hair, no jewelry, no make up, no outside literature, no tv, etc), but their side converted in the thirties and have been that way since. They are odd, but very warm and welcoming to extended family. They even take on the responsibility of organizing the family reunions every few years.

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I don't think it's fundies who love having a nuclear family. My family is very close, and we're definitely not fundie. We would do anything for each other. But then again, my immediate family consists of my mom, dad, sis, and me.

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I think their families are being damn gracious in asking her husband to say a blessing before the meal. It's a lot more than two sanctimonious religious bores would get in my family. Family as mission field? That is effed up.

This, so, much.

I have an evangelising problem in my family. It's me. If you want a lecture about late-stage capitalism, or the correctness or incorrectness of certain aspects of Marxist thought, I'm your (wo)man. And you probably just wanted to discuss "I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here". But at least I realise that this is bloody stupid.

These guys are actually turning people off their religion. No-one's going to hear that blessing and go "Oh, now I am convinced! I want to say the sinner's prayer! I want to dedicate my life to Jeebus!" They're going to say "What a fucking wanker. Thank fuck that's over and we can get to the ACTUAL EATING PART OF THE MEAL."

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I think they love whatever aspect of the family they can control. And if that includes grandparents great, but anyone who doesn't fit their narrow world view has got to go. Once the fundie patriarchs have grandchildren you'll see more extended families,,because they can control their children and grandchildren from birth.

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I think they need to isolate their family to keep their kids brainwashed. If their kids saw their auntie having a beer with dinner yet still being a good person or found out their cousin's weren't beat yet they aren't terrible little monsters, they might start thinking twice about what their parents tell them.

Plus, I know if my parents found out that I beat their grandbabies with a plumbing line, they'd call CPS ASAP.

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Plus, I know if my parents found out that I beat their grandbabies with a plumbing line, they'd call CPS ASAP.

Mine wouldn't even bother with CPS. I'd end up dead and quietly buried someplace :lol: My dad's theory was always "Why hire out what you can do yourself!"

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