Erika from Large Families on Purpose blows a gasket

[denimjumper]

Perennially wink/smile/sigh Erika who's blog I usually like (her writing style is quite good and her tips are interesting if not relevant to me) somehow turned a seemingly nice comment from a blog reader into a foaming diatribe about the readers children and lifestyle.

 

I like her blog, but she's really lost it this time. She's an ATI AND Maxwell fan (heavily promotes his books).

 

Feel free to visit.....

 

Www.largefamiliesonpurpose.com.

[Sister Mozz]

Which post or comment are you referring to? I didn't see anything on the front page, but could have missed it. Maybe she's deleted it already.

[DarkAnts]

I think she is referring to this comment

There is a saying that I frequently heard when I was growing up.

"An attitude of gratitude is prayer in action"

To be honest we don't have too many "rough" times. Now that is not to say that challanging things don't happen, but rather we believe (and teach the children) that everything is a blessing if you would have it be. So when we are frustrated or disappointed we choose our focus wisely. When the car broke down, we focused on the awesome mechanic we found. When I was out of work for a whole year, we focused on how creative we where able to be with what we had AND the awesome free resources we discovered in our community. Everything is always a blessing when we choose that perspective!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Erika's response was this

May I speak openly to you and offer you a warning? It may seem right now for a time that you have no real difficulties in life because it seems that you and your husband have plenty of money. But with both of you working, and leaving your children to be raised by someone else for the majority of every day of every week...your children are the ones who will likely pay the price, and therefore you as well in several years. Your children do not have "you" teaching them, training them up with good character and discipline. They have the influence of 25 or so other peers (fools as scripture calls them) their own age, who have no more knowledge, no wisdom, no good direction or self control or anything. Rather than learning from all ages of people and older people than themselves who can give them knowledge and wisdom and character for their life, they are given over to the "real authority" (government education and awful peer influence) you've shown them and whom they should listen to.

You ask why homeschoolers and single income families would choose this difficult lifestyle? Well first of all because it's God's direction, and that is for the sake of the children. Stay at home, homeschooling moms are doing the harder job for the sake of the children. To train them and educate them, develop them, shelter them from danger and evil influences until they are strong enough to take it on for themselves, and to be the loving presence they need. It's self-sacrifice for the sake of others. It's a lot easier to go to a job every day and get paid and have plenty of money. But that's not why God created us and put us here on earth.

The children will most likely suffer later. And I believe you know this already, but people's eternal life is also at stake when they don't love the Lord and obey His Word. There will be a judgement some day, and an eternal destiny for every person - whether you believe it or not. Will you be prepared? Will your children?

I say these things to you strait forwardly, KL, out of love. Because I would not be a good friend if I did not at some point warn you of what is coming your way, no matter how comfortable life feels right now. *hugs*

OC then posted this

Erica, First of all, you cant know how hard I laughed when I read here that we have "plenty of money." But then I thought about it. I guess we do. No matter how much or how little we have, it's plenty. Some might say that god has provided. Our spiritual texts teach us that in as much as we choose an abundant perspective we experience abundance.

You know, I have to say that I was not entirely sure how to take your post, especially since you made gross and incorrect assumptions about my children. Based on our prior exchanges I will assume that your snark was unintended and that your intensions are pure.

Nevertheless, allow me to disabuse you of several false assumptions made about our children, their daily lives and education. Our children are educated and cared for by my husband and I and by individuals and organizations that are privately and personally known to us. They are people (adults and children)who reflect our priorities and values. How strange it seems to me that you assume that my children are handed off to government for any purpose, much less education.

Since I know that you are an evangelical Christian, I would almost be insulted if you didn't try and "save" or "warn" me. It's kind of indearing really. I also believe that you are doing what you think is right for your children and family. I would expect nothing less.

If we're speaking frankly I will tell you that it makes me a little bit sad to read about your life and the lives of similarly situated families. I honestly believe that your hard work and sacrifice brings your closer to your experience of god. To me, it looks like sacrifice & suffering for sport. For no good reason. Unknowable/unprovable hopes and dreams of heaven in the hereafter in exchange for a life of servitude in the here and now. Of course you think my children are in great danger. You have to. Otherwise your sacrifices would be pointless. Tiny houses, back to back babies, the struggle of trying to figure it all out get elevated to the realm of holiness if you can convince yourself that there is a point to it all. Some master plan that only you and fellow believers really understand. If you didn't feel that way I would worry that something was wrong. Because without the holiness piece you would be spinning your wheels.

From the bottom of my heart I believe that you believe that your way is holy and right. I think that it gives you peace and comfort and I feel like you're doing the right thing. Please know that I have the same experience of my chosen path.

Drama just keeps exploding from there.

[Sister Mozz]

I think she is referring to this comment

[snip]

Drama just keeps exploding from there.

Thanks!

[Patsy]

There's a comment further down that basically says "I have to assume Erika and KL know each other or have interacted previously, because otherwise that makes no sense". I'm inclined to agree. Maybe they're friends or something? Her response was so out of nowhere.

[OkToBeTakei]

I think she is referring to this comment

Erika's response was this

OC then posted this

Drama just keeps exploding from there.

Hehe bolded.

[Peas n carrots]

Oh smackdown! Yes there seems to be some previous history here, and I would love to know the backstory. I think we need to invite thr OP to FJ...she sounds like she would fit right in here!

[nokoanna]

Oh smackdown! Yes there seems to be some previous history here, and I would love to know the backstory. I think we need to invite thr OP to FJ...she sounds like she would fit right in here!

To be honest, when I read it I immediately thought it was someone from here.

[alysee]

To be honest, when I read it I immediately thought it was someone from here.

I thought so too, but it makes sense that it's someone Erika knows personally. It does seem like a slightly off-topic rant. Kudos for standing up to them though.

[ILoveJellybeans]

HAHAHAHAHAHA :D

Nomatter how much everything seems perfect in fundie families, theres always a bit of instability and a few skeletons in the closet just trying to break out.

They dont seem to understand that homeschooling isnt for everyone. Some people are better off sending their kids to school. A good parent would recognise that they are not fit for homeschooling and give their kids an education at school.....instead of homeschool nomatter how badly it suits the family, even if it means the kids cant read by the age of 10.

I personally dont think I could homeschool, especially if I had as many kids as Erika does, I dont know how people who have more than about two or three manage it, teaching so many different ages at the same time.

[BabyFullOfSin]

Oh smackdown! Yes there seems to be some previous history here, and I would love to know the backstory. I think we need to invite thr OP to FJ...she sounds like she would fit right in here!

:clap: Yup - this was my reaction to her response to Erica's condescending and patronising 'warning'

[emesbe]

I like reading Erika's blog. It's like a train wreck. I can't stop.

KL has commented quite a bit on Erika's blog previously. I can't remember which posts--a few days ago I read most of the way thru her blog while procrastinating homework.

[OkToBeTakei]

KL has a blog. Just stuff she makes. I liked her anyway after her verbal fundie slap down, but this...

On Hand Sanitiser

I must confess, I LOVE this stuff!!!!

No, I'm not a germophobe. No, I don't think it's better than soap and water. I love it because it's a multi-tasker!

Drop a bottle of this stuff in your bag and you're good in just about any emergency.

Emergency Deodorant

Have you even been walking through your day and you realized that your deodorant has worn off, was not strong enough or you forgot it all together. Rub a little Purell on your pits and you're good to go!

There is also a tutorial on how to make your own Sanitary towels. Very funky looking they are too!

[sparkles]

I read a few of Erika's posts but between the *chuckles* *giggles* *laughs* *smiles* and what have you in what seems like every other word, I was pretty much ready to lose it. What are you, lady? 8?

I did get through one post *groan* about how the kids share rooms and all I can say is I pity the kid who sleeps on the pullout mattress on the floor between the bunk beds and cribs. *yikes* Heaven forbid anyone actually needs to get up in the middle of the night because there's absolutely no floor space. But THE KIDS LOVE IT! *snerk*

Another one who knows what's best for everyone. :roll:

ETA: Yeah, this looks comfy. And safe. NOT.

largefamiliesonpurpose.com/2012/10/siblings-sharing-bedrooms-you-have-how.html#more

[Sumeri]

Okay, I got sucked into Erika's blog and had to watch the slideshow. Is it just me or does her husband look miserable in every photo of him?

[Maggie Mae]

Why does anyone think that it's okay to have five girls between the ages of baby and 14 in the same bedroom?!? Teenagers need their sleep! What if someone needs to get up? They have to step over the six year old sleeping on the floor. So a baby cries and everyone is awake? How is that efficient?

I can't stand the stupid *winks* and *smiles*.

[Bredonny]

This is from the siblings sharing bedrooms post:

Recently we've had the struggle of our little twin baby girl muffins wanting to climb in to one another's cribs at night. *chuckle* Cutie pies. But they need their sleep so we have to give some consequences and then put them back in to their own beds.

Hmm, I *wonder* what kind of consequences they give *laugh*

[MamaJunebug]

Okay, I got sucked into Erika's blog and had to watch the slideshow. Is it just me or does her husband look miserable in every photo of him?

I think he looks smug and self-satisfied.

And what is with that hussy of a lesbian mother with her short hair, huh? HUH? *frown*

[dairyfreelife]

May I speak openly to you and offer you a warning? It may seem right now for a time that you have no real difficulties in life because it seems that you and your husband have plenty of money. But with both of you working, and leaving your children to be raised by someone else for the majority of every day of every week...your children are the ones who will likely pay the price, and therefore you as well in several years. Your children do not have "you" teaching them, training them up with good character and discipline. They have the influence of 25 or so other peers (fools as scripture calls them) their own age, who have no more knowledge, no wisdom, no good direction or self control or anything. Rather than learning from all ages of people and older people than themselves who can give them knowledge and wisdom and character for their life, they are given over to the "real authority" (government education and awful peer influence) you've shown them and whom they should listen to.

You ask why homeschoolers and single income families would choose this difficult lifestyle? Well first of all because it's God's direction, and that is for the sake of the children. Stay at home, homeschooling moms are doing the harder job for the sake of the children. To train them and educate them, develop them, shelter them from danger and evil influences until they are strong enough to take it on for themselves, and to be the loving presence they need. It's self-sacrifice for the sake of others. It's a lot easier to go to a job every day and get paid and have plenty of money. But that's not why God created us and put us here on earth.

The children will most likely suffer later. And I believe you know this already, but people's eternal life is also at stake when they don't love the Lord and obey His Word. There will be a judgement some day, and an eternal destiny for every person - whether you believe it or not. Will you be prepared? Will your children?

I say these things to you strait forwardly, KL, out of love. Because I would not be a good friend if I did not at some point warn you of what is coming your way, no matter how comfortable life feels right now. *hugs*

I will say KL's response was quite restrained. I don't think I would have been as calm. Erika's response was rude, hurtful, judgmental and arrogant.

And then some woman named Jenn chimes in and honestly, she's 10x worse than Erika.

This comment is EXACTLY what I am talking about. You push push push with drippy comments of seemingly innocent ignorance (when you mention too many times from your background that you know absolutely why Christians do what they do as it was taught to you...weather or not you agree with it now). You say things like "Since I know that you are an evangelical Christian, I would almost be insulted if you didn't try and "save" or "warn" me. It's kind of endearing really."

This is trite and offensive. Your punitive tone is quite clear but the words themselves are cleverly disguised as ones that could be retracted or explained differently later. You push the reader so far as to finally call you on it and then jump back on the defense like you didn't see that coming. Suddenly your words go from subtle to over reactive "hateful, uninformed comments about my children". Oh come on. That was hardly an attack...certainly not the kind that I could have seen coming from the length of stick you kept poking with. However I am quite sure Erika isn't capable of saying anything hateful about a child so you can back off that one.

You are likely wanting me to back off and mind my business however you made it my business when you began tainting an environment that I came to find such a sweet and genuine spirit. You left a bad taste in my mouth when I would scroll through the comments section. Leaving me with something I didn't come for.

jennNovember 23, 2012 8:02 PM

Interesting exchange KL. I am going to speak up at a certain point that was made... "I honestly believe that your hard work and sacrifice brings your closer to your experience of god. To me, it looks like sacrifice & suffering for sport. For no good reason. Unknowable/unprovable hopes and dreams of heaven in the hereafter in exchange for a life of servitude in the here and now." I think you hide snark behind articulation which is unfair...but reading through the lines I see jealousy. Pure, spiteful jealousy. Erika is a talented home maker. she is a bright example and thus her blog growth. She has chosen to honor the path that was provided her...and show it gracefully. I am a perceptive person and what I see when logging onto this site is not hardship for sport as you suggest. Her life doesn't seem difficult as you continue to label it. It is laughable to the vast majority of the world that a woman with clean water, a warm home in a safe area with medical resources and education options for her nine healthy and happy children with the luxury of spending her days with those she loves is called a DIFFICULT life. Are you so out of touch with reality that this precludes you? Sometimes we chose the things that will build our character as Erika exemplifies and other times, as in my case it is given to you. [snip] To show compassion, sacrifice, and servitude to another is not a pathetic gesture of attempted godly elevation but rather a humbling experience that I highly recommend to you. To know of your own strength and perseverance is something that no one can ever take from you and will serve you well. Challenging oneself and stepping outside of comfort for a greater good is not, as you say, "spinning your wheels". It is ironic that you defended supposed presumption on your reasons for doing things by imposing your own presumptions. Erika has rarely delved into her personal convictions and her reasons for doing what she does outside of believing that she is living life God has planned for her. Why is that so hard for you to accept? And the back to back babies and tiny houses bit? I won't even go there.

It would be fair to assume then that your children are out of your influence for at least a portion of the day. Erika merely reminded you that you will see the fruits of those influences in your children and that she chooses carefully whom she allows into her children's lives.

You have just admitted in your own life of participating in things that others would call a waste of time and energy. And surely you don't think that sewing mama cloth is going to exalt you to some higher realm of home making much less eternal salvation...nor would one think it is sport. I would just assume....you like it. Why then do you think any differently of the reasons Erika does things?

Jenn needs to calm down. She just had to chime in twice and be rude and judgmental and she just keeps biting back. And bolded parts for emphasis on her stabby attitude.

KL said and I sort of agree because this is how I think most fundies justify their life:

Whether she intended to or not, what I took from Erika's post to me was her saying "you might have an easy/abundant life, but i've got heaven/salvation/god." It felt to me like the same tale that suffering people tell themselves to endure to unendurable. I honestly felt that she, in her jealousy, was lashing out at me.

[keeks21]

Fundies are mental! How is a bitchy and snide "my life is better than your life and you'r a heathen who's children will be ruined" christian? Such a great advertisement for their beliefs.

I used to enjoy reading the blog because I'm an organisation junkie but all the *smile* and *sigh* and *chuckle* made me start to rage so I had to stop reading it.

[Trynn]

*sigh* Hello fundies, take notes:

Weather= rain, wind, snow, etc.

Whether= I wonder whether or not it will rain?

You're= you are

Your=possessive: I love your new skirt!

Intention, not intension.

You are obviously fit to homeschool.

[YPestis]

I've enjoyed this lady's blog but hate her *winks* and *smiles*. She may be a very nice lady it just feels like condescending and fake (kind of like a Stepford wife who is always there with a smile and a knife). I thought she was being awfully judgmental and insulting to her commenter with her spiel about how horrible it was to let "other people" educate her children. Now, people are saying the two may know each other, which makes the jab less harsh. Sometimes, I forget that underneath the politeness and seemingly benign posts, many of these quiverful fundies are very intolerant and narrow in their views. Oh well, the woman still has a nice blog.

[valsa]

Sometimes, I forget that underneath the politeness and seemingly benign posts, many of these quiverful fundies are very intolerant and narrow in their views.

Fundies, by definition, are intolerant and narrow-minded.

The niceness dressing is just salesmanship to sell their lifestyle to others.

[Jinger Jar]

This is from the siblings sharing bedrooms post:

Hmm, I *wonder* what kind of consequences they give *laugh*

Her punishing twins for sleeping together really upsets me. My stepdaughters have always slept together, and even though they have bunk beds they still end up in the same bed by morning. Do you know what my husband and I did when they were small and one would climb out of her crib to join her sister? We didn't punish them for doing something they needed to do, no, we latched their cribs together so one didn't get hurt climbing out of a crib in the dark in the middle of the night.

What is so hard about understanding that two people who came into being at the same time in the same place and spent nine months in the same dark, comforting, tiny little world that is a uterus would find immense psychological and physical comfort in sleeping together? They'll stop sleeping in the same bed when they no longer need to sleep in the same bed. A lot of parents of multiples have said that usually happens once adolescence hits. Until then, give the kids what they need. Heck, she doesn't even have to guess what that might be. By their actions, her daughters are telling her what they need - they need to sleep together!

Those poor babies. All they want to do is be together. They don't have clue one why they're being punished night after night...

[slickcat79]

Another thing that comes through is the way that Erika cannot seem to take one iota of responsibility for herself and her own choices, and cloaks that in god-speak. She keeps insisting that god has chosen the number of children they have, as if she and her husband didn't choose to conceive more children. She says they do the best they can with the space they have in the house god provided. Except that god didn't provide it, they bought it. They knew they'd be having more children, but they picked a house with small bedrooms and a layout that doesn't lend itself to giving the kids more space.

Why does anyone think that it's okay to have five girls between the ages of baby and 14 in the same bedroom?!? Teenagers need their sleep! What if someone needs to get up? They have to step over the six year old sleeping on the floor. So a baby cries and everyone is awake? How is that efficient?

I can't stand the stupid *winks* and *smiles*.

Um, they are learning CHARACTER QUALITIES. It might look like their older kids are being disturbed at night by having to play parent to a bunch of toddlers, but they are being BLESSED by the LORD. Of course, it doesn't mean the parents will share in that blessing by sharing their room or even the same floor of the house with any of their kids past the age of 18 months or so.