I think these divas should have dated more

[dawbs]

thedatingdivas.com/kiirsten/after-the-baby/

I'm fairly sure the edited in disclaimer at the top (that says, basically 'your mileage may very, do what works for your family) is in response to the fact that the fundies I know are having a visceral "wtf?" reaction to this, but...this is how to survive the 6 weeks post-partum when you can't give your headship sex.

Apparently being servile and doing everything for him will make him not hate you for being unable to have sex.

a few key quotes:

Lay out your husband’s pj’s, pull the covers back on his side of the bed, and put his favorite book on his pillow so he can relax before going to bed.

Go to bed together at the same time! After having a baby, you just want to sleep any chance you get and often times you’ll be asleep before he comes to bed. Make the effort to be awake for him!

Your breasts are huge when nursing, so entertain him there. Your milk can be quite the curiosity of husbands which will turn into fun for both of you.

Just touching him [ahem, in that sensitive area] while in bed can be a good alternative for a man if you’re not planning on having intercourse. It’s the attention and the attraction that counts, and if it turns into a little more, then, well… bonus for him.

the little poking aruond I did on the site made me that much less likely to take the advice offered (I'm not quite sure why it irks me so much that people divide their life so clearly into 'before marriage' and 'after marriage', but it does. I'm dawbs. i was dawbs 15 years ago. I'm dawbs now--I just happen to be a married dawbs.)

[terranova]

I agree that it's important, post baby to make time for your partner, but those suggestions are pretty dumb. I've never laid husband's pjs out pre or post partum. Doesn't mean I don't love him and it doesn't mean I don't want to have sex with him.

For me, the few weeks after birth were really all about looking after baby and looking after myself. Husband understood we had a new born and I was recovering from a c-section.

I wouldn't want to be married to a man who was pissed off if I didn't want sex immediately after giving birth.

[keen23]

What if hubby doesn't wear PJ's?

And, honestly, after nursing a baby all day, while my husband was at work, I cherished those few hours where I could have the bed to myself.

[BlackHawk]

I agree that it's important, post baby to make time for your partner, but those suggestions are pretty dumb. I've never laid husband's pjs out pre or post partum. Doesn't mean I don't love him and it doesn't mean I don't want to have sex with him.

For me, the few weeks after birth were really all about looking after baby and looking after myself. Husband understood we had a new born and I was recovering from a c-section.

I wouldn't want to be married to a man who was pissed off if I didn't want sex immediately after giving birth.

My ignorance may be showing... but aren't you supposed to wait a bit after having a baby before having sex? I mean, the few women I know who have given birth vaginally all had to wait a few months for everything to... I guess heal is the right word... before they were "cleared" to go at it again. I can't understand anyone getting angry that your partner is recovering... I really don't understand that.

[snarkbillie]

Honestly we were both too tired to have sex after the birth. Besides, you can't for like 6 weeks or something anyway. I don't remember him being upset or anything about it. It was about 6 weeks before the baby would sleep a patch long enough for us to do anything anyway.

[dawbs]

My ignorance may be showing... but aren't you supposed to wait a bit after having a baby before having sex? I mean, the few women I know who have given birth vaginally all had to wait a few months for everything to... I guess heal is the right word... before they were "cleared" to go at it again. I can't understand anyone getting angry that your partner is recovering... I really don't understand that.

[Sobeknofret]

Your breasts are huge when nursing, so entertain him there. Your milk can be quite the curiosity of husbands which will turn into fun for both of you.

I was producing enough milk to feed a whole nursery on about day three. I was tired from pumping (NICU micropreemie) swollen, and in almost constant pain from Renaud's Syndrome of the nipples. I would have socked him and then made him sleep in the hotel down the road.

[terranova]

My midwife basically told us to go for it whenever I felt comfortable. Because I had a c-section, nothing downstairs got interfered with, so we were good to go in that dept.

@Sobeknofret, I think we were boob twins!

[Sobeknofret]

My midwife basically told us to go for it whenever I felt comfortable. Because I had a c-section, nothing downstairs got interfered with, so we were good to go in that dept.

@Sobeknofret, I think we were boob twins!

Now there's a phrase I bet you never thought you'd say! :lol:

[terranova]

I bow down to anyone who successfully managed to breastfeed. Pumping for a micro-premie gives you goddess status in my eyes. How many weeks was your baby? How is he/she doing now?

[Sobeknofret]

I bow down to anyone who successfully managed to breastfeed. Pumping for a micro-premie gives you goddess status in my eyes. How many weeks was your baby? How is he/she doing now?

I had pre-eclampsia and my kidneys started to fail so I had a c-section at 29 weeks, but he was the size of a 24 weeker-- 1lb. 14 oz. I pumped every two hours for six months, and then every six hours for another three months. By then, we discovered he was allergic to everything on the planet and we had to switch to hypoallergenic formula. I was never so glad as to get rid of that bloody pump!

He turns 9 tomorrow! He's a competitive swimmer and wants to be a scientist when he gets older. He's still small for his age, but healthy as a horse.

[terranova]

Holy hell that's a lot of pumping! We bfd for 2 months and pumped for another 2 and that was more than enough.

What an awesome story :) Glad to hear he's doing so well.

[Alecto]

I had a friend whose husband was put out that she couldn't put out after giving birth to her 2nd baby. He pressured her, and it lead to her finding out she was pregnant at her 8 week post delivery checkup. It was a very high risk pregnancy.

[FundiesInMyFamily]

Satan would have been unleashed for them to write a post about how HUSBANDS should pay special attention to their wives after giving birth. Of course Hubby's need to feel manly is more important than a woman recovering from vaginal birth or surgery.

[emmiedahl]

Satan would have been unleashed for them to write a post about how HUSBANDS should pay special attention to their wives after giving birth. Of course Hubby's need to feel manly is more important than a woman recovering from vaginal birth or surgery.

That's what I was thinking! Jesus Haploid Christ, you have your vagina torn asunder bearing his kid and he is concerned about having to live with masturbating for a few weeks?

[chaotic life]

I had DH read the post. He wants to know if men and fathers are now dogs because that's basically what the post implied to him.

He also said the only thing those "suggestions" are gonna give a man that soon after childbirth is blue balls, so perhaps he should focus on his wife's recovery instead.

[BoomerLynn]

That's what I was thinking! Jesus Haploid Christ, you have your vagina torn asunder bearing his kid and he is concerned about having to live with masturbating for a few weeks?

This. Not to mention, the lack of sleep, sore nipples (if breastfeeding), and in my case recovering from a c-section. The first week I needed help just getting in and out of bed. Sex was the last thing on my mind and my husband knew that and did what he could to make my recoveries (I've had 3 c-sections) go as smoothly as possible. He is also a grown man capable of getting his own pajamas out of a drawer. I cannot fathom being married to someone who constantly needs his ego stroked the way these fundie men seem to.

[Peas n carrots]

Really, this lady needs to be more concerned about the baby and her own health. Hubby can look after himself for a few weeks like any adult should. I agree it's important to give your spouse attention when possible but treating him as if he was the baby is going too far.

[WonderingInWA]

Oh, blech! I'm sorry, but anyone who thinks the wife should have to go above and beyond her mothering call of duty to make the person who made her a mother feel extra special doesn't understand severe sleep deprivation and sore nursing nipples! But maybe that's why, after 2 kids, I'm divorced! :)

[desertvixen]

Just touching him [ahem, in that sensitive area] while in bed can be a good alternative for a man if you’re not planning on having intercourse. It’s the attention and the attraction that counts, and if it turns into a little more, then, well… bonus for him.

Look, if you're not mature enough to use the word 'penis', 'dick', 'cock' etc for the penis, you should probably not be writing sex tips. Just my opinion.

Also, seconding the blue balls, unless he's okay with finishing the job on his own (which her husband sounds like he's not).

[quaterofaquiver]

Please forgive me for asking as I have tryed to find out myself but is this lady a Fundie as Im confused as I thought fundies were ment to reframe from sex for several months after child birth depending on the gender of baby as to how long, I would have though giving ur hubby a blowey between night feeds would be seen in breach of this??

P.S.

Anyone know a man that would be turned on by breast milk??? Wtf

[2xx1xy1JD]

Give hubby the maximum opportunity to care for the baby. He'll bond and fall in love with the baby, and then fall in love with you all over again for having the baby. [Assuming we are dealing with a decent guy and functional relationship - and if we aren't, you should get the hell out of it.] Plus, he'll be too tired from tending to the baby all night to think about sex. Being an awesome daddy and allowing you to get some sleep, however, offers the best chance that he'll get some once the OB gives the OK.

As for breastfeeding - at first, I found it WAY more painful than my c-section, thanks to bleeding nipples. Not sexy.

[mkitten]

This. Not to mention, the lack of sleep, sore nipples (if breastfeeding), and in my case recovering from a c-section. The first week I needed help just getting in and out of bed. Sex was the last thing on my mind and my husband knew that and did what he could to make my recoveries (I've had 3 c-sections) go as smoothly as possible. He is also a grown man capable of getting his own pajamas out of a drawer. I cannot fathom being married to someone who constantly needs his ego stroked the way these fundie men seem to.

I had 2 c-sections and my husband was like yours, he was waaaaay more concerned with helping me to recover and taking care of the new baby (with our first) and entertaining our three year old and taking care of our newborn when I had our daughter. Sex was the last thing either of us was thinking of! Sleep was a far higher priority on both of our lists...

[PennySycamore]

Please forgive me for asking as I have tryed to find out myself but is this lady a Fundie as Im confused as I thought fundies were ment to reframe from sex for several months after child birth depending on the gender of baby as to how long, I would have though giving ur hubby a blowey between night feeds would be seen in breach of this??

P.S.

Anyone know a man that would be turned on by breast milk??? Wtf

I think that mostly is for followers of Bill Gothard like the Duggars and Bateses. Someone correct me I'm wrong,

[2xx1xy1JD]

Are there guys that actually get turned on by cutesy crafts?

I'm clearly missing the craft appreciation gene myself, but I haven't seen any guys I know standing around and talking about how their honey made awesome crafts or cutesy notes.

Also, how many guys really want their wives to refer to them as "daddy"? Sure, I'll refer to him as daddy in front of the kids, but not when it's just the two of us.

I'll agree with the suggestions about showing genuine appreciation and giving him alone time with the baby, without trying to micro-manage. I'll also agree with the general idea of setting aside date time and making the effort to focus on the relationship instead of neglecting it until the children are grown. I just hate the use of the word "serve" - a relationship involves two parties supporting each other, and it's not just another chore added to the list.