Women have forgotten how to make men feel like men

[SpeakNow]

At least according to lousewife...

A reader writes:

"But let’s come to the point. Had I not came across this particular woman, things would have gone radically differently for me. I would have retreated from the unpleasant reality exposed by alternative media and I would have played video games all day. There is no doubt in my mind of that. ...

By being feminine, she made me realize that deep inside I was a man. My will to fight for her progressively turned me into a man for real. She also made me experience true respect and devotion for a woman. It changed the way I saw women in general and led me to respect them more. As a consequence of her faith, I have gotten much closer to Catholic Church than I was."

"When we found out our daughter had left her husband and was seeking a divorce, most of our family thought it was high time. Yes, he was a low-life. Yes, he cheated. Yes, he was a totally irresponsible idiot. But our daughter was raised differently and knew better (of course she had her failings.) However to my knowledge throughout the marriage she never really attempted to help him step up, never tried to show him that better way. I always felt she bore at least the responsibility of not lifting him up when she had the opportunity. No one else in the family seemed to understand, but I knew what my wife had done for me many times over the years–made me want to be a better man."

thinkinghousewife.com/wp/2012/11/how-one-beautiful-woman-changed-a-mans-life/

[GeoBQn]

How true, how true. Why, just the other day, I made my husband feel like a man after opening a jar of sauerkraut by telling him that it must have taken a lot of strength and penis. Our marriage has never been better.

[SayNoToMullets]

And these prizes weren't "real men" already? Well, maybe the next man-child who crudely hits on me will grow up all of a sudden if I just submit to his manliness! Why haven't I thought of that? "Hey baby, let me get inside you" is code for "I'm just waiting for you to lift me up to Jesus!"

[valsa]

I always felt she bore at least the responsibility of not lifting him up when she had the opportunity. No one else in the family seemed to understand, but I knew what my wife had done for me many times over the years–made me want to be a better man.

Just more woman blaming. If your husband is a jerk, it's because you don't inspire him to be a better man.

I bet this guy would tell abused children it's their fault because they don't make their parents want to be better parents.

[salsa]

Yes, he was a low-life. Yes, he cheated. Yes, he was a totally irresponsible idiot. But our daughter was raised differently and knew better (of course she had her failings.) However to my knowledge throughout the marriage she never really attempted to help him step up, never tried to show him that better way.

1) she had her failings - but that doesn't excuse cheating and irresponsibility

2) she never tried to show him a better way? But isn't she supposed to submit??? :roll:

[debrand]

I have an idea. People should only marry mature adults who don't need constant admiration in order to act appropriately. There is, of course, nothing wrong with being supportive of your spouse. However, no one should feel without their constant praise the poor delicate husband/wife will fall to pieces.

Fundie men remind me of Jareth from the movie Labyrinth

Jareth: I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say and I will be your slave

[debrand]

1) she had her failings - but that doesn't excuse cheating and irresponsibility

2) she never tried to show him a better way? But isn't she supposed to submit??? :roll:

It is a catch-22. No matter what their daughter did, she would be at fault. If she spoke up to him, she would be a nag and a controlling bitch. If she didn't speak up then she is at fault for not showing him a better way. Poor woman, I hope that she realizes that her parents are screwed up.

[sissyintexas]

Lordy, do I feel sorry for this daughter. At a time in her life when she could really use the support of her loved ones, she is unfortunate enough to have these people as her family.

[Arete]

So let me get this straight. In addition to making sure I am a functional adult who can stand on her own two feet, if I get married I would be in charge of making my husband step up to his responsibilities and feeling like a man? Isn't he supposed to come that way out of the box? :confusion-scratchheadblue:

Inquiring single women want to know.

[Deleted07]

By being feminine, she made me realize that deep inside I was a man. My will to fight for her progressively turned me into a man for real. She also made me experience true respect and devotion for a woman. It changed the way I saw women in general and led me to respect them more.

If it takes for a woman to act a certain way to gain your respect, you're a goddamn judgmental f*cking arsehole to begin with. :evil:

[JeanneD]

Lordy, do I feel sorry for this daughter. At a time in her life when she could really use the support of her loved ones, she is unfortunate enough to have these people as her family.

Me too. Divorce is crummy enough, she needs some love and support. I have a tremendous amount of sympathy for her. Her husband cheated on her and her dad says its because she didn't treat him like a 'real man'. :evil:

[YPestis]

For the life of me, I can't see why fundie women think these fundie man-child are such great catches. Tell me again how they are superior to the "effeminate homosexuals" that have jobs, are emotionally secure and ready to care for a family without a cloying spouse to tell them how great they are?

My SO likes me to tell him I love him, just as he likes to verbally express his love for me. However, he was a self-sufficient man before he met me. He had a stable job, was emotionally secure and ready to share his life with someone. He didn't need a woman to remind me to man up. He didn't need a woman to remind him that he is the awesomest thing ever. My SO must a super awesome catch to fundies since he can tie his shoelaces without a woman cheering him by the sidelines. Dear god, I can't believe there are men who feel so insecure, or women who think they need to submit to headships that have the emotional maturity of a 5 year old.

[RosyDaisy]

Wow...just...wow. Instead of supporting her daughter, this crazy bitch blames her for the problems in the daughter's marriage? This is so wrong. Furthermore, a real man doesn't need a woman to constantly praise him for his masculinity.

[Sola]

How true, how true. Why, just the other day, I made my husband feel like a man after opening a jar of sauerkraut by telling him that it must have taken a lot of strength and penis. Our marriage has never been better.

And I bet your husband opened that jar with his ultra strong penis too.

See, you couldn't have done it. You only have a feeble, weak vagina. :lol:

[OnceModestTwiceShy]

This kind of thing just confirms my suspicion that fundie men are repressing a whole lot of gender confusion and then projecting it onto the wider male population. Just like Steve Maxwell seems to need a list of rules to love his wife and thinks other people need similarly detailed instructions, these guys have DEEP issues about what "masculinity" means and have universalized their issues. Dudes - not everyone is thinking what you are thinking. Maybe get some help and stop being so angry?

[jenny_islander]

Someone once suggested (here?) that Michael Pearl, for one, really needed to have somebody take him aside years ago and explain that sadomasochism was a thing and perfectly okay between consenting adults.

On a less sickening note, does this endless, endless need to be in someone else's thoughts remind anybody else of narcissistic supply? Or is it that their common sense hasn't been completely stifled, so many fundie men have to keep pushing away the thought that they are way out of their depth in their assigned role?

BTW, I've been reading through the lives of the Patriarchs with my Sunday school class. It's illuminating.

Abraham: Finally gave up on God and tried to get an heir through someone other than Sarah.

Isaac: Played favorites and ripped his own family apart.

Jacob: With his own father's cautionary example, he still played favorites and had his heart broken as a result, not to mention almost getting one of his sons killed.

Joseph: Looks a lot better by comparison, but wow, what a tactless twerp he was as a teenager. "Bros! Hey, bros! Imma be the boss of all of you and Mom and Dad too! :D"

The point I've been making to the kids is that just like the candle on our classroom altar, which is cracked but still gives light, the people remembered in the Bible were not perfect. In fact they screwed up pretty often. There are no Great and Wonderful Patriarchs to emulate; there are just some men who were given a promise and tried to live up to it when they weren't distracted by daily life and their own issues. The same goes for the Matriarchs.

And nowhere in the Bible do we see Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel, or Asenath doing the creepy Michelle Duggar adoration thing.

[Funky Chicken]

If I make my husband feel like a man, won't he get upset if he can't have one?

[FlorenceHamilton]

This just makes me so angry. My first husband was violent towards me when he got frustrated. In my circumstance, it was not related to drug or alcohol abuse. He could be trying to repair a fence, or trying to pay the bills or even something as mundane as deciding what he preffered for dinner. Any frustration could become a rage and rage meant that there was a good chance that he would pounce on me and try to choke my breath away or punch me in the chest or abdomen (Easier to hid the bruises). There was no amount of admiration or deference to his manliness that could change the fact that he had these rages.

Because this idea that a woman can somehow be a better wife and make the man a better husband, I tried to BE THAT WIFE. That's right, I was a practicing physician and still felt the need to do this because society gives us such a strong message that the wife holds all of the responsibility if making a marriage work. When I finally could not take another day, and I ended the marriage, the first thing my familt of origin did was to victim blame. They admonished me for putting up with it for so long. After it was over, I became the one who failed at marriage. I failed. I never did anything but try to be a good wife. But I failed.

Even worse, I remarried. I remarried a man who ended up stealing money and was a serial cheater. I trusted him with the family finances. I trusted him when he traveled for work. (In the end, he ran off with the housekeeper) My family admonished me for trusting him with the finances. (Aren't you supposed to trust your partner with these things? Isn't it traditional for the man to be in charge of the finances?) They wanted to knw what I did to drive him to cheat. As far as I know, he has been unable to stay monogamous in any realtionship he has ever been in. (Wish I knew that before.)

I will tell you the part that is my fault. It is my fault that I believed the crap that society tells women about men. These mes were flawed before I ever knew them and they have the same flaws today. I can only change myself, and even that is difficult. Clearly, I have a damaged partner picker. I have chosen to be unpartnered for a few years now. Although, I am beginning to soften on the idea of having a companion, I will never again give myself away. At this age, he better be secure in his manliness because if he isn't, he can just keep on going.

[debrand]

I'm glad that you had the strength to leave both relationships, Florence.

[snarktastic]

Someone once suggested (here?) that Michael Pearl, for one, really needed to have somebody take him aside years ago and explain that sadomasochism was a thing and perfectly okay between consenting adults.

:clap: :clap: :clap:

[emmiedahl]

The thing is, I don't even see any verbs given as to what the woman should have done. It's easy to judge but these assholes cannot come up with a single concrete thing the wife could have done differently. How do you "make him feel like a man"? An adult cannot be made to feel any emotion. Perhaps this guy was simply not a man by their standards and nothing their daughter did would have remedied the situation.

[Childless]

If a man needs someone else to constantly praise him, then he's not much of a man. He has some deep insecurities and would be better off seeking a psychiatrist rather than a wife.

[YPestis]

I think this double standard of blaming the women for failed marriages runs across culture and throughout history. The man's job includes many things. Husband and father are two of those items. However, he may also be a lawyer, accountant, businessman. A woman, traditionally, is given the primary title of wife and mother (even if she does others things). Even in this day, we see plenty of mainstream conservatives that talk up the idea of being SAHM as the ultimate goal of any girl. It's because of this primacy we place on marriage in a woman's life that women are so often still blamed for failed marriages.

The thinking goes, since the men have "other" jobs, failure in marriage is a small letdown of one part of his life. But a woman's primary job is to be wife and mother, therefore a failure of marriage is a failure of her, as a woman. We don't think like that (as much) anymore, but vestiges of that attitude still exist, especially among fundies.

Men are suppose to be leaders. Women are the weaker vassals. Woman, despite their submissive roles, are given so primary responsibility for the working of a marriage. In the fundie world, women have the rights of children yet the responsibilities of adults. Men, it seems, are treated like spoiled children, to be coddled and indulged, less they become unhappy. It must be nice to be fundie men, to have to do nothing to earn unquestioning obedience and service from the other half of humanity.

[Anxious Girl]

To normal people, both men and women own their problems and learn from them, not make it worse expecting their wives to pull them out of their problems like they're in kindergarten. You try and better yourself, or your wife leaves the marriage, and vice versa. Simple as that. These fundies have such screwed up logic. If men are oh-so-powerful, why can't they control what they do?

Why do they have to place that burden on their wives? Are they afraid of men questioning the patriarchy, if they come out of the closet as LGBT, if they don't want to get married or don't have kids? If men want to be feminists? If a man wants to be a stay-at-home dad? Move away from home? Drink? Use condoms? Why can't fundies believe in God without putting so much pressure on "proper gender roles" in their fucking evil cults?

Why do they place burden on women? Women who don't want to be housewives, SAHMs, moms in general, be married or childfree? How does logic such as women obeying men completely all the time but making sure he keeps sweet makes any sense? Why can't women have careers and go to schools of their choosing? Move away from home? Drink? Wear pants and not dresses/skits 24/7? To not come out as LGBT? Use birth control and get abortions if they wish to? Why do "unborn babies" matter more than women, but once those babies are born, they're denied healthcare?

What manly men they are, those Goddamn hypocrites. :evil: