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The Chart - Husband's Goals for Wife


kpmom

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My husband is just glad there's food. He doesn't give a damn if I made hotdog quiche and served it on a paper plate while wearing sweatpants and no makeup. He's just grateful that I cooked for him. Put that in your Jesus-shaped bong and smoke it, fundies.

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My quiche is pretty amazing. My boyfriend loves my it and often requests it. He pretty much loves anything I cook though, because that means he doesn't have to make something for himself.

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In fairness to The Chart, I read the little lists as different examples of priorities, rather than a set of rules. So "never hot dogs or quiche or ?" is supposed to suggest both partners to fill in what Headship never wants on the table, I think -- not that quiche is an Ungodly Heathen Food. Or maybe your headship prioritizes fine china and table decor while mine actually quite likes junk food on paper plates, so they can select their different options and command us accordingly.

This does not make up for it being a Terrible Thing in the first place, but at least it's not an Incoherant Terrible Thing.

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I'm going to print this out and do it with my husband this weekend because I know his answers will be sweet and caring. It will lead to some fun bedroom time. :D

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Well, the concept of making sure you're on the same page as far as expectations go is a sound one. I read this book once about Emotionally Healthy Spirituality (Hint: Fundies generally fail at the emotionally healthy part). And one chapter really concentrated on the importance of knowing what others true expectations are before you react to what you think they are. Like the other day I was feeling really bad that our kitchen was covered in dirty dishes and all I really needed to do was empty the dang dishwasher full of clean ones and refill it. But lately if I'm not trying not to throw up I'm just exhausted when I get home from work and don't want to do anything. But I felt really bad about it because I haven't done the dishes in months. My husband came out the next morning and started unloading the dishwasher so I called into the kitchen "I'm sorry, I should have done that last night." I was assuming he must feel like he has to do everything around the house because of my useless pregnant self. But he walked into the living room looking confused and asked me "Why? You hate to do the dishes?" I was like "Yah, but...." And then this glorious man said "And I hate to do the laundry. We're even." So I was like, "You mean to tell me, that you will ALWAYS do the dishes if I just do the laundry?" And then I cried a little. Because I'm pregnant and I SERIOUSLY REALLY hate to do the dishes and my husband told me I don't have to.

I'm sure there are tons more things like that where it would be best to know what each others expectations are if one person is staying at home and the other one working outside of the home. Probably more in a marriage like mine where we don't stick to traditional gender roles. But I don't know that the spirit of this little cheesy quiz is exactly as pure as all that since it's ONLY about the husband's expectations of the wife. What about her expectations of him?

Final verdict: Yet Another Fundy Fail

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I just read that Kind Wife post. What a perfect response! I'm hoping to stay home once our kiddo comes and I do worry that I'll get caught up in all that because I'll want it all to be perfect because it's my job now so at the very least the house should look better than it does now when I work full time and dinner should be great and and and. (I'm fully aware that all you moms are probably giggling at how my mind is going to be blown by how much time the baby is going to take up ;) )That really made me stop and think, I can work so hard at work now that I come home exhausted and am no fun to be around. My husband doesn't like and I don't like it when it happens to him so why would either of us like it any more my work was home all day?

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I do own an iron but it hasn't been used since the last person in my family died. Heathen fail.

The boy and the dog are my headships; I'm just here to do the shopping and pay the bills. If it were up to them we'd eat chicken nuggets and ranch for every meal. Neither of them are allowed anywhere near my china.

I should probably get my ass to ChristianMingle so I can find a proper man to lead me into the light!

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Well, the concept of making sure you're on the same page as far as expectations go is a sound one. I read this book once about Emotionally Healthy Spirituality (Hint: Fundies generally fail at the emotionally healthy part). And one chapter really concentrated on the importance of knowing what others true expectations are before you react to what you think they are.

........

Final verdict: Yet Another Fundy Fail

This is true. Is there a comparable list for wives' expectations of husbands? And is there a list that doesn't rely solely on stereotypes? (for example, the wife may enjoy mowing the lawn or raking leaves and not just doing dishes and prettying herself up for him. and the husband may enjoy cooking...)

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[This is true. Is there a comparable list for wives' expectations of husbands? And is there a list that doesn't rely solely on stereotypes? (for example, the wife may enjoy mowing the lawn or raking leaves and not just doing dishes and prettying herself up for him. and the husband may enjoy cooking...)

Given the target audience for this thing, I'd say that's a big no.

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I would comment on the list, but knowing my husband his alternative list of priorities wouldn't be anything a good fundie wife would like to hear.

I actually had an idea for a skit where husband and wife give each other yearly evaluation talks ("so... how do you feel about achieving your goals this year?"). Guess fundies thought this up before.

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Funny, this list idea was one of the "assignments" in Fascinating Womanhood since back in the 60s, except it left it open-ended. There were suggestions, I think, but even then she didn't assume that everyone's top priorities would be on the list.

It was also one of the first assignments in the spin off classes from the book. Back when I was an FW teacher, one of the reliable ways of spotting the husbands who were considerate instead of overbearing and entitled is that they would usually respond to this by asking the wife to make a list of her wants, too.

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It is good to discuss expectations before getting married, not after. My husband and I are in agreement that our children are the priority and then we just do the other stuff when energy allows.

Also, life changes. What if the couple in question had a child who needs special therapies? Does the mother just skip them to ensure that Dad has his homemade beef wellington on an impeccably set table? What about right after you have a baby? Most women are so exhausted and overwhelmed that they can barely juggle laundry, breastfeeding, and throwing a casserole in the oven every night.

I have a huge problem with treating your spouse as an employee. I often discuss priorities and preferences with clients to be sure that I understand and can meet their expectations, but my husband is not my client.

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