Whiner lady says bring it on FJ lol

[valsa]

There was nothing that they needed to uncover or tend to at the time.

Are you really so blind that you cannot understand that there is absolutely no way for health professionals to get this information without asking?

When's the last time a parent took their kid to the doctor and mentioned "Oh yeah, by the way, I beat and molest my kid all the time. Just thought you should know."

[Coconut Flan]

What can't you understand about that I'm talking about ONE child mine. I am NOT talking about any other children or hypothetical children.

Reading comprehension is a marvelous thing.

[mockingbird]

What can't you understand about that I'm talking about ONE child mine. I am NOT talking about any other children or hypothetical children.

Reading comprehension is a marvelous thing.

The whole point is that a doctor or nurse could not tell that you knew your child would ALWAYS come to you and that they could trust you to provide her with the right information and opportunity to get birth control, etc. and that you were not an abuser. You just cannot tell, it is not a judgment on you or her, it is just practicing good medicine of looking at the details and multiple viewpoints. So the need for those questions to be asked applied to your daughter too, no matter how trustworthy or virginal she was or how open you were, even if the approach towards acting them was insensitive.

[OkToBeTakei]

It's a three doctor office. It's blatantly obvious when a nurse "goes missing." I've known the office manager for almost 30 years so yes she told me the woman was "let go" when I asked if she was gone.

No one will ever convince me that woman was right. When my daughter said I'm not here for that and I don't want to talk about it and I want my mother, she should have shut up. Daughter yelled "MAMA" and I went over and asked what is going on here. It's what mothers do. If my daughter felt harrassed, that's enough for me. Obviously I wasn't the only one. Like I said nothing like has happened again at that office or happened with any of my other children. I still felt like the woman was out of line and she upset my daughter. No, I don't think every 12 year old needs to be pulled away from parents and questioned about private details of their lives. Offered an opportunity to ask questions, but not pushily and nosily questioned especially if the child says no. YMMV.

And it is a small personalized medical office so it is their business to get to know the families. My husband golfed with the doctor and one of the nurses used to live down the street from us. They know us and most of the other families who have gone there for years. It was out of line pure and simple. If the doctor who owns the place agreed with me, I feel justified in my belief.

[jaynie]

What can't you understand about that I'm talking about ONE child mine. I am NOT talking about any other children or hypothetical children.

Reading comprehension is a marvelous thing.

How is any medical professional supposed to distinguish between your one child who can talk to her parent(s), and the one child that is being beaten up by hers, and the one that is sexually active but too private to talk about it, and the one who has experimented with drugs whose parents would go beserk if they found out? That is the point people are trying to make.

[valsa]

What can't you understand about that I'm talking about ONE child mine. I am NOT talking about any other children or hypothetical children.

Reading comprehension is a marvelous thing.

Cute, but no. Even with your one child, there's no way for them to know that you're not abusing her. How are they supposed to know without asking her? Are they supposed to just take your word for it? If that's the case you better be sporting a halo with angelic choirs singing out of your asshole because taking a parent- any parent- at their word that they're not abusing their child is idiotic.

[Coconut Flan]

You're not going to win me over. I was right to stand up for my child who was extremely upset at a very brusque and nasty nurse. The office stopped the practice. Sure there are children with problems. There are better ways than hatefully cross-examining every twelve year old who walks through the door. There are sensitive ways to do it.

I'm done.

What was done to my child was wrong no matter what spin anyone tries to put on it and I had to deal with the consequences.

[OkToBeTakei]

My oldest daughter is cranky. When the nurse tried to separate us the first time and ask her questions, she just got up and yelled mom come tell her to leave me alone. After that she simply grabbed my hand or arm and took me with her. The poor nurse said it's my job. I said well if she doesn't want to talk to you without me, then it's my job to be with her as long as she's a minor.

We got home and daughter said the nurse was asking too many nosy questions she didn't want to answer to her or have in their file.

This 'poor nurse' has changed in to Atilla the Hun as this anecdote progresses.

[valsa]

You're not going to win me over. I was right to stand up for my child who was extremely upset at a very brusque and nasty nurse. The office stopped the practice. Sure there are children with problems. There are better ways than hatefully cross-examining every twelve year old who walks through the door. There are sensitive ways to do it.

I'm done.

What was done to my child was wrong no matter what spin anyone tries to put on it and I had to deal with the consequences.

Yes, I realize you're going to stubbornly stick to your insistance that a nurse you already didn't like horribly traumatized your child by asking routine questions that you failed to prepare her for, all in the pursuit of the terrible sin of trying to prevent child abuse.

Also, as a heads up: just because you don't agree with health professionals doing screenings on preteens and teens doesn't make it "cross-examining", just because you don't like the nurse who did the exam doesn't mean it was done "hatefully", and you weren't standing up for your child so much as re-enforcing her age-inappropriate overreaction (frankly, it would be a red flag to me if a 12 year old reacted the way your daughter did)

[Deleted03]

This 'poor nurse' has changed in to Atilla the Hun as this anecdote progresses.

so funny!

Yes, I realize you're going to stubbornly stick to your insistance that a nurse you already didn't like horribly traumatized your child by asking routine questions that you failed to prepare her for, all in the pursuit of the terrible sin of trying to prevent child abuse.

Also, as a heads up: just because you don't agree with health professionals doing screenings on preteens and teens doesn't make it "cross-examining", just because you don't like the nurse who did the exam doesn't mean it was done "hatefully", and you weren't standing up for your child so much as re-enforcing her age-inappropriate overreaction (frankly, it would be a red flag to me if a 12 year old reacted the way your daughter did)

I am increasingly convinced that her daughter does not tell her everything.

And I agree a 12 yo should be taught in that instance that health workers ask personal questions, should be taught what kind of questions they have the right to ask, and that she can always decline. But you know the 12 yo who can't answer easy questions is going to come ask questions at the first opportunity...

[valsa]

And I agree a 12 yo should be taught in that instance that health workers ask personal questions, should be taught what kind of questions they have the right to ask, and that she can always decline. But you know the 12 yo who can't answer easy questions is going to come ask questions at the first opportunity...

I agree that children, especially girls, should be taught that they don't have to answer questions that make them uncomfortable (though I do think it's important to emphasize that medical questions should be answered to give your doctor accurate information to base your care on) However, flipping out and screaming for your mom is not the way a 12 year old should react to medical questions, even if they are on a private subject.

[Mecca]

You're not going to win me over. I was right to stand up for my child who was extremely upset at a very brusque and nasty nurse. The office stopped the practice. Sure there are children with problems. There are better ways than hatefully cross-examining every twelve year old who walks through the door. There are sensitive ways to do it.

I'm done.

What was done to my child was wrong no matter what spin anyone tries to put on it and I had to deal with the consequences.

I honestly hope the office did not stop the practice of minors having confidential conversations with the nursing staff and providers over this one incident. I am not going to argue about the nurse in question bedside manner because I was not there, but to throw the whole practice of allowing that type of conversations to take place is irresponsible. I say this as a former adolescent nurse. This type of questioning allowed me to help children from all type of backgrounds.

It is good if you have an open line of communication with your daughter, but the truth is many kids do not. The other side of the coin is many kids are abused and this open line of communication saves lives. That is why I asked the questions I did. It was my responsibility to do so, and I must properly care for my patients.

[Minerva]

You're not going to win me over. I was right to stand up for my child who was extremely upset at a very brusque and nasty nurse. The office stopped the practice. Sure there are children with problems. There are better ways than hatefully cross-examining every twelve year old who walks through the door. There are sensitive ways to do it.

I'm done.

What was done to my child was wrong no matter what spin anyone tries to put on it and I had to deal with the consequences.

You are absolutely right about all of this (and I really don't see anyone claiming that the coercive nature of the interaction was OK, so I'm not sure what you're talking about), however asking the child if they need to see the nurse alone, if done in front of their parents, isn't much more useful than asking them the sensitive questions right there. I know I would have just said no thanks because I was afraid of my mother. I think the nurse taking the child aside, telling them what kinds of questions they're going to ask, and reminding them that they don't have to answer anything they're not comfortable with is best. I can see the use of taking them aside without asking (what if the parent told them to say no?), but if the kid resists, that should be the nurse's first clue that it's time to stop.

[Kitty]

Defending your reaction to standard medical practice by acting like an uncompromising Mama Bear does not help your case. It only makes you look like a control freak trying to micromanage and isolate your kids. Just because YOUR kids aren't having sex, aren't doing drugs, aren't being abused, does not mean every medical professional at the practice you normally go to will know. Im not doctor or.nurse, but I'm sure that doctors don't tell their new nurses "oh yeah, you can't ask the kids from X family if they're gay, you can't ask Y girl if she smokes pot, and you can't ask Z boy how his.family situation is."

They're not trying to teach any kid that any of it is okay, they're trying to figure out how best to care for them if they can't tell their parents. Its not at all unnatural for parents to want their kids to come to them with everything, but sometimes that's just not an option. And if you insist on micromanaging them, they may not feel like they can come to you. Or maybe they do, but again, how are doctors supposed to know this?

[OkToBeTakei]

Defending your reaction to standard medical practice by acting like an uncompromising Mama Bear does not help your case. It only makes you look like a control freak trying to micromanage and isolate your kids. Just because YOUR kids aren't having sex, aren't doing drugs, aren't being abused, does not mean every medical professional at the practice you normally go to will know. Im not doctor or.nurse, but I'm sure that doctors don't tell their new nurses "oh yeah, you can't ask the kids from X family if they're gay, you can't ask Y girl if she smokes pot, and you can't ask Z boy how his.family situation is."

They're not trying to teach any kid that any of it is okay, they're trying to figure out how best to care for them if they can't tell their parents. Its not at all unnatural for parents to want their kids to come to them with everything, but sometimes that's just not an option. And if you insist on micromanaging them, they may not feel like they can come to you. Or maybe they do, but again, how are doctors supposed to know this?

In the words of Margaret Thatcher 'The lady's not for turning.'

And it is a small personalized medical office so it is their business to get to know the families. My husband golfed with the doctor and one of the nurses used to live down the street from us. They know us and most of the other families who have gone there for years. It was out of line pure and simple. If the doctor who owns the place agreed with me, I feel justified in my belief.

Kitty I believe the above answers your question.

It is the business of all Doctors and Nurses to get to know each family and ascertain their wishes in regards to not offending their patients. Either that or take up golf (an excellent game may I add.)

As previously stated I suspect the OP is so far entrenched within her own experience/demographic she is unable or unwilling to put this into perspective out with this.

I tend to agree with Valsa. I would be horrified if my 10 yr old acted that way in a public place.

[Deleted03]

In any case, at 12 she should know what sex is, what dangers it involves, why she would be asked about it by a third party she does not know.

[Rowan]

Uh, no. Why would suddenly a nurse start asking prying questions out of the blue? We'd been going to this doctor's office for years. The visit was for a sinus infection not anything vaguely related to anything else. If the visit had been for something remotely resembling a urinary tract or "female problem" yes we'd have had a discussion. Recurrent sinus infections do not warrant a pre-discussion.

The office was probably taking the opportunity to do some *preventative* education if it were needed. Why wait until there was an issue "vaguely related" when you can possibly avoid it from happening in the first place?