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Some great marital advice from another newlywed


clibbyjo

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I know there is nothing I love more then the new married fundie girls telling me how to have a happy marriage.(I have been married 20 years).

I just found this woman from Rebecca K! and was just cruising her blog when I noticed this nice little gem:

Our attitudes play a huge role in how we love and reverence our men. We as women have so many mood swings, and right now the way I am, I can be a basket case. :) Seriously, we need to prepare our attitude toward our men. Some times, I do not take things from my husband well. I know after I've thought it out clearly that he does not have a clue what has gone on or why I got upset...the problem was me. He never meant anything by what he said. We can take something little and make it ruin our whole relationship with someone we love dearly. It has been done time and time again. What can we do? Plan. Plan how you are going to respond. Plan how you are going to think about your husband. I'm not saying that you will not fail from time to time. We are all human, for sure! But have a plan in place so that when ol' satan brings up hurt feelings how you will respond.

A Peek Into MY Life is the blog. I believe she is pregnant with a less than 1 year old looking at pics., but haven't gotten that far yet.

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Our attitudes play a huge role in how we love and reverence our men.

SODRT at it's best?? wouldn't it be "revere our men?" It's so hard to read these blogs with so much english fail. I'm no Einstein, but I can usually put a sentence together.

As far as the advice goes, I'm sure you marrieds know right where to file that.......

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Our attitudes play a huge role in how we love and reverence our men. We as women have so many mood swings, and right now the way I am, I can be a basket case. :) Seriously, we need to prepare our attitude toward our men. Some times, I do not take things from my husband well. I know after I've thought it out clearly that he does not have a clue what has gone on or why I got upset...the problem was me. He never meant anything by what he said. We can take something little and make it ruin our whole relationship with someone we love dearly. It has been done time and time again. What can we do? Plan. Plan how you are going to respond. Plan how you are going to think about your husband. I'm not saying that you will not fail from time to time. We are all human, for sure! But have a plan in place so that when ol' satan brings up hurt feelings how you will respond.

So much justifying! This stuff sounds like the thinking of women in emotionally/verbally abusive relationships. If he says something that wounds me, it’s because I took it the wrong way... . He doesn’t really understand how much it hurts me when he says __ … . When he says __, he’s just being human. We all make mistakes, after all… . You know, he doesn’t really mean it, so I don’t have the right to be offended. He only said __ because I did __ or I didn't do __.

And all that planning! Planning responses. Planning feelings. Planning thinking. It’s got to be emotionally exhausting.

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I can blow things out of proportion, but never managed to ruin my whole relationship over something little. (Big things, on the other hand...) And what does she know about ruining relationships if she's not divorced and never dated?

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So much justifying! This stuff sounds like the thinking of women in emotionally/verbally abusive relationships. If he says something that wounds me, it’s because I took it the wrong way... . He doesn’t really understand how much it hurts me when he says __ … . When he says __, he’s just being human. We all make mistakes, after all… . You know, he doesn’t really mean it, so I don’t have the right to be offended. He only said __ because I did __ or I didn't do __.

And all that planning! Planning responses. Planning feelings. Planning thinking. It’s got to be emotionally exhausting.

Yeah, all that. If you can't expect to have a reasonable reaction to something your partner says without extensive planning, why are you in that relationship? And if he's being hurtful, why is it your job to just take it without even talking about how it makes you feel? Open communication is a good thing, not a sin.

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I know there is nothing I love more then the new married fundie girls telling me how to have a happy marriage.(I have been married 20 years).

I just found this woman from Rebecca K! and was just cruising her blog when I noticed this nice little gem:

Our attitudes play a huge role in how we love and reverence our men. We as women have so many mood swings, and right now the way I am, I can be a basket case. :) Seriously, we need to prepare our attitude toward our men. Some times, I do not take things from my husband well. I know after I've thought it out clearly that he does not have a clue what has gone on or why I got upset...the problem was me. He never meant anything by what he said. We can take something little and make it ruin our whole relationship with someone we love dearly. It has been done time and time again. What can we do? Plan. Plan how you are going to respond. Plan how you are going to think about your husband. I'm not saying that you will not fail from time to time. We are all human, for sure! But have a plan in place so that when ol' satan brings up hurt feelings how you will respond.

A Peek Into MY Life is the blog. I believe she is pregnant with a less than 1 year old looking at pics., but haven't gotten that far yet.

I'm not married and have never been married, but in my experience everyone sometimes takes something the wrong way. Miscommunication happens. I've never recalled minor miscommunications here and there as the ruin of a relationship of someone I care about. Lack of communicationis what I have seen and experienced as a ruin of relationships. Miscommunications are easily fixed. You can't plan how to respond to someone's statements, especially friends and family, you can't know what they're going to say. Unless she plans to tell him "Yes, dear, you are right" all the time or something ridiculous. Hurt feelings happen. I never understood blaming "ol' satan" when someone makes rude or inconsiderate statements. It takes the blame off the person who needs to own up to being an arse. Owning up to your errors and statements is part of being an adult.

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Hey sweetheart, this whole marriage thing is a two way street.

Er, this basically sums it up. :lol:

Some days it's the laydee being an idiot. Some days it's the man. In gay relationships (which I know are anathema to fundies) just like straight ones, it'll be one partner or the other. The other one, where there is no abuse involved, should shrug their shoulders and go "Oh well, X was having a bad day". Or "X seems really upset. I wonder what's going on there? I will ask him/her."

Isn't that just what you do in normal life? My friend was rude to me today, he has a massive cold and three kids under ten with, likewise, a massive cold. I'm going to let him off for being like a bear with a sore head under the circs.

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A Peek Into MY Life is the blog. I believe she is pregnant with a less than 1 year old looking at pics., but haven't gotten that far yet.

I can't find the blog by Google. I found a lot of blogs/and posts by that name, but not that blog. Can someone post the url?

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With all respect to my "headship", my dad always had more mood-swings than my mom. Yes, I cry more easily than my brother, then he looses his temper more easily than me. Guess mood-swings and how they manifest is not down to gender but personality, but that is a concept no fundie will ever understand, alas...

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We as women have so many mood swings

This really pisses me off! Its just more bullshit to belittle women, and say that women are too emotional! Its a fricking cop-out!!!

My Dad was just as emotional as my Mother, and often suffered 'mood swings' because he was Bipolar.

Most men I know are just as moderately emotional as the standard woman, they just perhaps hide it better, because its society that seems to make out that men cannot be emotional. Whereas women who are emotional are actually blubbering imbeciles. Theres no happy medium, which most of us (regardless of gender) seem to actually fit into.

What really gets me is these fundie women are quite happy to play caricatures of their gender, quite happy to play upto these roles they are given, and that to me is more damaging to me than someones natural emotions.

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Yeah, all that. If you can't expect to have a reasonable reaction to something your partner says without extensive planning, why are you in that relationship? And if he's being hurtful, why is it your job to just take it without even talking about how it makes you feel? Open communication is a good thing, not a sin.

That was my very first thought. It's all women, with their addle-minded mood swings taking things "wrong." It has nothing to do with grumpy men taking out their hostilities on their whipping posts ... -er, that is, wives.

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Poor girl...she doesn't know anything about boundaries. I think she can plan all she wants, but if her husband is saying hurtful remarks, of course, she is going to feel hurt. My husband is much more emotional than I am, but after 33 years, I know sometimes he is just blowing off steam. But he doesn't verbally try to hurt my feelings. The Bible says to respect husbands and the husbands love the wives. It boils down to the same idea. Think before you speak. I don't understand how these people are ever going to have a grown-up relationship without telling each other in a calm manner how they feel. Are feelings forbidden?

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