Adoption is War

[Want More Babies]

And here are the books that they "Recommend"

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 10, 2012

Books and more Books

Yea, if thou criest after knowledge, and liftest up thy voice for understanding; If thou seekest her as silver, and searchest for her as for hid treasures; Then shalt thou understand the fear of the Lord, and find the knowledge of God. For the Lord giveth wisdom: out of his mouth cometh knowledge and understanding.

Proverbs 2:3-6

In the early years, we were drowning under issues which ensued after we adopted. We sought counsel from many venues, primarily the Bible and through prayer. Over time the Lord began to lead us to what the adoptive world would call 'unconventional books'. However, through the information in these books our family began to heal and see more clearly though 'through a glass, darkly'.

Attachment issues and/or RAD are not new issues (consider: Cain, Ishmael, Esau, Absalom and Judas), but with the influx of adopted children, we are seeing a pronounced rise of publicity regarding these behaviors. The truth also remains, many families beyond number deal with these very same issues everyday with birth-children who were never abused, neglected, or abandoned. Though this brought us extreme comfort (it is not just an adoption issue), it did have us begin looking at our 'problems' from a new angle.

Thus this book list was formed as the Lord lead us to more and more information 'shedding light' on our cry for help in dealing with our children. May you be blessed by this list as well. Over time we will be 'highlighting' different books in a review, but for now here they are in list form.

Happy Reading!

Book Resources

Adoption Stories

The Family Nobody Wanted

By Helen Doss

http://www.amazon.com/Family-Nobody-Wan ... ody+wanted

Twelve-Part Harmony: A Heartwarming Story of Adoption

By Pat and Jill Williams

http://www.amazon.com/Twelve-Part-Harmo ... rt+harmony

You’ve Got to Be Kidding!: Real-life Parenting from a Mom and Dad of Nineteen

By Pat and Ruth Williams (sequel to Twelve-Part Harmony)

http://www.amazon.com/Youve-Got-Kidding ... g+williams

Adoption as a Ministry, Adoption as a Blessing

By Michelle Gardner

http://www.amazon.com/Adoption-As-Minis ... a+Blessing

After the Dream Comes True: Post-Adoption Support for Christian Families

By Michelle Gardner

http://www.amazon.com/After-Dream-Comes ... n+Families

Christian Adoptive Parenting

Shepherding a Child’s Heart

By Tedd Tripp

http://www.amazon.com/Shepherding-Child ... %92s+Heart

Age of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide to Parenting Teens

By Paul David Tripp

http://www.amazon.com/Opportunity-Bibli ... ting+Teens

Instructing a Child’s Heart

By Tedd & Margy Tripp

http://www.amazon.com/Instructing-Child ... %92s+Heart

What the Bible says about Child Training

By Richard Fugate

http://www.amazon.com/What-Bible-About- ... d+Training

Hints on Child Training

By H. Clay Trumbull

http://www.amazon.com/Hints-Child-Train ... d+Training

Raising Godly Tomatoes

By L. Elizabeth Krueger

http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Godly-Tom ... y+Tomatoes

The Heart of Anger

By Lou Priolo

http://www.amazon.com/Heart-Anger-Pract ... t+of+Anger

Fool-Proofing Your Life

By Jan Silvious

http://www.amazon.com/Foolproofing-Your ... +Your+Life

Family Practice: God’s Prescription for a Healthy Home

By R.C. Sproul Jr., Elizabeth Elliot, and others

http://www.amazon.com/Family-Practice-G ... althy+Home

Bringing the Gospel to Covenant Children

By Joel R. Beeke

http://www.amazon.com/Bringing-Gospel-C ... t+Children

Parenting the Wild Child: Hope and Help for Desperate Parents

By Miles McPherson

http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Wild-Ch ... te+Parents

Don’t Make Me Count to Three!

By Ginger Plowman

http://www.amazon.com/Dont-Make-Me-Coun ... o+Three%21

Equipped to Love: Idolatry-Free relationships

By Norm Wakefield

http://www.amazon.com/Equipped-Love-Ido ... ationships

Parenting Isn’t For Cowards

By Dr. James Dobson

http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Isnt-Co ... or+Cowards

The Duties of Parents

By Jacobus Koelman

http://www.amazon.com/Duties-Parents-Ja ... of+Parents

The Duties of Parents: Raising Children with Christ

By J.C. Ryle

http://www.amazon.com/Duties-Parents-J- ... of+Parents

Christian Living in the Home

By Jay E. Adams

http://www.amazon.com/Christian-Living- ... n+the+Home

The Way They Learn

By Cynthia Ulrich Tobias

http://www.amazon.com/They-Learn-Cynthi ... They+Learn

Different Children Different Needs

By Charles F. Boyd

http://www.amazon.com/Different-Childre ... rent+Needs

How Children Raise Parents

By Dr. Dan Allender

http://www.amazon.com/How-Children-Rais ... se+Parents

The Five Love Languages of Children

By Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell

http://www.amazon.com/5-Love-Languages- ... f+Children

Raising a Modern-Day Knight

By Robert Lewis

http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Modern-Da ... Day+Knight

The Exemplary Husband

By Stuart Scott

http://www.amazon.com/Exemplary-Husband ... ry+Husband

The Excellent Wife

By Martha Peace

http://www.amazon.com/Excellent-Wife-Bi ... llent+Wife

Strengthening Your Marriage

By Wayne A. Mack

http://www.amazon.com/Strengthening-You ... r+Marriage

Love and Respect

By Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

http://www.amazon.com/Love-Respect-Desi ... nd+Respect

Family Shepherds: Calling and Equipping Men to Lead Their Homes

By Voddie Baucham Jr.

http://www.amazon.com/Family-Shepherds- ... heir+Homes

Thoughts on Family Worship

By James Alexander

http://www.amazon.com/Thoughts-Family-W ... ly+Worship

When You Rise Up: A Covenantal Approach to Homeschooling

By R.C. Sproul Jr.

http://www.amazon.com/When-You-Rise-Cov ... eschooling

Clinical Books

Adopting the Hurt Child: Hope for Families with Special-Needs Kids

By Gregory Keck, Phd. And Regina Kupecky, LSW

http://www.amazon.com/Adopting-Hurt-Chi ... Needs+Kids

Parenting the Hurt Child

By Gregory Keck, Phd. And Regina Kupecky, LSW

http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Hurt-Ch ... Hurt+Child

The Invisible Hand: Do All Things Really Work for Good

By Dr. R.C. Sproul

http://www.amazon.com/Invisible-Hand-Th ... k+for+Good

The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict

By Ken Sande

http://www.amazon.com/Peacemaker-Biblic ... peacemaker

War on Words

By Paul Tripp

http://www.amazon.com/War-Words-Communi ... r+on+words

The Biblical View of Self-Esteem, Self-love, and Self-Image

By Jay E. Adams

http://www.amazon.com/Biblical-View-Sel ... Self-Image

How To Help People Change: Four-Step Biblical Process

By Jay E. Adams

http://www.amazon.com/How-Help-People-C ... al+Process

The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind

By Daniel Siegel

http://www.amazon.com/Whole-Brain-Child ... oping+Mind

Inside the Brain: Revolutionary Discoveries of How the Mind Works

By Ronald Kotulak

http://www.amazon.com/Inside-Brain-Revo ... Mind+Works

The Brain That Changes Itself

By Norman Doidge

http://www.amazon.com/The-Brain-That-Ch ... ges+Itself

The Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood S’xual Abuse

By Dr. Dan B. Allender

http://www.amazon.com/The-Wounded-Heart ... xual+Abuse

Ghosts from the Nursey: Tracing the Roots of Violence

By Robin Karr-Morse and Meredith S. Wiley

http://www.amazon.com/Ghosts-Nursery-Tr ... f+Violence

On Combat

By Lt. Col. Dave Grossman with Loren Christensen

http://www.amazon.com/The-Boy-Raised-Ps ... d_sim_b_13

The Boy Who was Raised as a Dog

By Dr. Bruce Perry and Maia Szalavitz

http://www.amazon.com/The-Boy-Raised-Ps ... d_sim_b_13

Adoption Books

This Means War: Equipping Families for Adoption or Foster Care

By Cheryl Ellicott

http://www.amazon.com/This-Means-War-Eq ... tion+books

Adopting for Good: A Guide for People Considering Adoption

By Jorie Kincaid

http://www.amazon.com/Adopting-Good-Peo ... g+Adoption

Adopted for Life: The Priority of Adoption for Christian Families and Churches

By Russell D. Moore

http://www.amazon.com/Adopted-Life-Prio ... a+Blessing

Adoption Nation: How the Adoption Revolution is Transforming Our Families—and America

By Adam Pertman

http://www.amazon.com/Adoption-Nation-R ... nd+America

Devotionals

My Utmost For His Highest

By Oswald Chambers

http://www.amazon.com/My-Utmost-His-Hig ... is+highest

Morning and Evening

By C.H. Spurgeon

http://www.amazon.com/Morning-Evening-V ... s+spurgeon

Daily Strength for Daily Needs

By Mary W. Tileston

http://www.amazon.com/Daily-Strengths-N ... y+tileston

2012, Robert and Katherine Sanford, Adoption Heart Ministries

Posted by Robert and Katherine at 10:21 AM No comments:

[Want More Babies]

All I can say is those poor children having to live with such evil as the Sanfords have.

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 10, 2012

Surprised By Sin

For all have sinned… Romans 2:23

It felt as if my whole body was on fire! My chest burned, my heart raced, my throat constricted raising the pitch of my voice. With clinched hands and tense muscles, I was beginning to shake. Adrenalin was coursing through my body producing a ‘fight’ response. What triggered this acute reaction? My 11 year old daughter! She was repeatedly denying her actions of disobedience though she had been caught in the very act. Lie upon lie ensued; spoken with a calm monotone voice and only after prompting her out of silence to my questions with threats of punishment.

What had happened to me has a very singular and short name, it was rage! I had never experienced this phenomenon in my entire 37 years at the time. Nor had I ever seen it exhibited by anyone else except in movies and that by the ‘bad guy’. Yet there it was in its full ugliness and control.

I wish I could say that first occurrence of rage was my last but then I would be lying; which is the very thing that initiated the response in my heart the first time! There is just nothing like asking a child a question, especially a reasonable question, to have them continually lie; skirting the initial question with randomly related, but slightly off subject, answers.

Everyday became a battle for survival, not for basic needs like food, clothes, and shelter, those were ever present, but for sanity! Every moment I was on point, watching for lies, manipulation, and deception. Fighting to keep my wits as children, who had spent 3, 8, and 11 years perfecting these sins, easily maneuvered around our family expectations and boundaries without remorse or sorrow.

It didn’t start out like that. It was an exciting day. The Lord had already blessed us with three wonderful birth-children and, just three weeks prior, a darling 2 ½ year old baby girl placed in our home for ‘foster to adopt’…three weeks of heavenly adoption bliss! So when the call came that three sisters needed an immediate ‘foster to adopt’ placement due to disruption, it seemed another perfect gift from God (after a family meeting with much prayer) to welcome these girls into our home and family.

They arrived by van. The youngest jumped out eager to give her new ‘twin’ sister a picture she had drawn. The middle child followed close behind with the oldest slow to climb out of the back seat of the vehicle and into the circle of this new family standing on the front yard of her new home. The girls enjoyed the tour of the house, the look of their new bedroom, and the pizza we had for dinner. They seemed to settle right into the workings of our family and the next two weeks were a pleasant time of discovery; them learning us and we learning much about them.

I am not sure how or what started it, but within a month, our home had become a battleground. We could have sent the girls away as we were still in the six-month waiting period, but we knew God wanted them to be our daughters. So the battles raged day in and day out. Then it happened.

It was so simple. During family worship, Dad was reading aloud from Proverbs when the truth hit…he was reading about our daughters. Then the next bombshell hit, this behavior is not new, it was not adoption related or past abuse/neglect related, it was sin related! And not only was it our daughters’ sin but ours as well that was perpetuating all these behaviors!

And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. John 8:32

It did not happen overnight and it did not happen without set-backs, but there we were, peace filling our home and children living in happy obedience (most of the time, they are still kids!).

How did it happen? We believed God. We peeled the layers of our child’s heart back, found the lie and replaced it with truth. We sought to live faithful lives as examples of the truth of scripture in front of and with our children (most of the time, we are still sinners!). And we trusted God that He would bless it (Psalm 128) which He has abundantly!

Now we are no longer surprised by sin, in ourselves or our children. Instead we understand, by God’s grace and through the Word, what is happening in all of our hearts. No surprise there, The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? Jeremiah 17:9

And thankfully, the Lord (who is never surprised by sin) gives us something to strive for complete with an assurance….let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth. And hereby we know that we are of the truth, and shall assure our hearts before him. For if our heart condemn us, God is greater than our heart, and knoweth all things. Beloved, if our heart condemn us not, then have we confidence toward God. 1 John 3:18-21

It is a beautiful thing. It is a humbling thing. It is our obligation as a command from the Lord to ‘teach it to our children’. We are very glad we do.

Psalm 128

Blessed is every one that feareth the Lord; that walketh in his ways.

For thou shalt eat the labour of thine hands: happy shalt thou be,

and it shall be well with thee.

Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house:

thy children like olive plants round about thy table.

Behold, that thus shall the man be blessed that feareth the Lord.

The Lord shall bless thee out of Zion:

and thou shalt see the good of Jerusalem all the days of thy life.

Yea, thou shalt see thy children's children, and peace upon Israel.

For Him,

Katherine (with Bob)

Posted by Robert and Katherine at 10:19 AM

[thoughtful]

http://rescuedthemovie.com/about/

I believe we discussed this piece of shit when we discussed the 2012 SAICFF.

Frightening, isn't it? Gotta collect 'em and whip 'em, or Satan will get them.

The Rescued Adoption Fund is a non-profit 501c ministry that has been birthed as a result of Rescued: The Movie.

Aw, how cute that wording is. :roll: Won't someone adopt their "ministry" now that it has been birthed.

[thoughtful]

No you are not misunderstanding it. At all. This is part of a growing Evangelical "Ministry" to adopt little heathens - be they bastard, orphan, or even (gasp) not white - for Jesus' Army. And to stop those ebil gays getting ahold of them. It is war, people!

The bit in the movie trailer where the woman says she'd like to *collect* all those orphans made me gag. Literally.

That wasn't just any woman -- that was the Be-all and end-all, Beall Phillips.

[Guest Anonymous]

Kids can sniff out bullshit like anyone. I wish I could say, "Don't bother adopting, earnest Christians. THe kids are going to know that you only value their souls and not their selves. THey will not grow up to be Xtians like yourself- they may very well turn out atheists like me."

I was raised with my soul, and not my self, in mind. It made me hate religion and any idea of a god. Now, if there was some actual care for ME, perhaps I would not be raising 4 little heathens and listening to the Atheist Experience every week (highly recommend, by the way)

I'm so sorry you had to go through this.

[Guest Anonymous]

Originally, they dumped him on us. It was supposed to be for a year to get him therapy and reunite the family. That was if what they had SAID had a lick of truth to it.

They pulled him out because he was thriving. When they jerked him around and then told someone they were bringing him back home so no one would call the state on them, NOT because they would stop abusing him or cared a whit about his needs, I got the state involved.

The state offered to NOT get involved and take all of the kids in the house IF they agreed to make a permenant placement out of their home. The same case worker then told him that at 15 they could only do a permenant placement if HE consented. He then informed everyone that we were the ONLY permenant placement he would give consent to. So, he came home by his own choice.

To adopt a child from an adoptive parent legally functions the identical way as adopting from a birthparent. In our case, it involved taking them to court and get the judge to invoke emergency custody and set a court date to determine permenant custody. For reasons that I don't quite understand, they then offered to sign relinquishments for us to adopt him. They wanted us to drop the lawsuit but we said only if they stipulated to the same permenant custody we were seeking from the judge.

I can only talk now because yesterday MINE was the last required signature to go on the permenant custody order and it was taken to the judge. Sometime next week, we'll have his final approval and it will be over forever. All that is left is to finalize his adoption and fix his citizenship they deliberately screwed up. We were prepared to make a claim for abandonment to force termination of their defacto parental rights. Since they intentionally never finalized the adoption in the US even their claims of parental rights are questionable.

So basically, you do it by having two POS idiots dump their kid on you because they mistook him for the trash, then you take money you didn't actually have set aside to hire an attorney and legally force the idiots to do the right thing for the child. Either they freak out over having the law involved and do the right thing for once in their lives, or you let a judge see reason and protect the kid for them.

In exchange, you gain a hurting and surly teen who eats like there's no tomorrow because they were starving him and you give him your hearts, souls and financial power to help arm him with any chance to heal. You see the beauty underneath the pain and pray everyday he will attain healing before you run out of time to show him what real love is. But, you do it because you believe children are worth it.

Wasn't what I went looking for but I wasn't ABOUT to be another in a long line of adults that failed a kid. He totally has the heart and strength to heal but he will HAVE to sever the sick bond with her if he's ever going to fully get there. He's a wonderful child. I get angry everyone I see what damage his supposed forever family did to him and his story is SOOO stereotypical for missionary adopters (he's the third this family mistook for trash and threw away and we hope they are blocked from EVER adopting again).

Thank you for giving that boy the love he should have had from the start. Why doesn't the government block people like those shitheads from adopting?

[Guest Anonymous]

So the first guy said that 42% of kids are born without fathers and need to be saved. The majority of kids are born within marriages, so does this mean my kids, conceived and born before their dad and I got married (we did this on purpose and weren't planning on marrying at all because we stand by our gay friends, but it got to a point where we needed some legal protections for our kids, and out kids trumps our principle-stand), need to be taken away and put in "loving" homes that will whip them soundly and smack then around with bibles? Or do they have a dad now? Even though he was on the birth certificate from day 1 and they have his last name?

It's really sick about collecting kids like Pokemon. No one said anything about adopting kids to love them. It was only to save their souls so Jesus could use them. What, is their god so weak that he can't reach them without the help of humans? They insult their religion and don't know it. Terrible, rotten people.

[Peas n carrots]

I read thr blurb, but couldn't stomach watching the video. This all makes me gag. I have a more radial stance on adoption than a lot of people on this board, so this kind of film enrages me to no end. Love is secondary, gaining brownie points for heaven comes first. These are not children to the missionary adopters....they are objects.

Oh and I fucking hate the "aren't you lucky" bullshit. No, I'm not. My bio father left without a trace, and although I wad adopted by my step father who is a superior parent in every way possible, it still sucked growing up having lost a parent. I wasnt lucky, I was broken hearted and no amount of love from my step dad was going to fix that.

[Emme]

In adoption circles, we call them missionary adopters. I despise the actions of missionary adopters.

My newest son was told by his first adoptive family that they saved him from certain death. They did NOT. He was a normal orphan in a typical orphanage whose birthmother came to see him WEEKLY until he came to the US. They created a Stockholm Syndrome where he would rather hate himself than get angry over the physical and emotional abuse he endured at their hands. And, as a parting shot to try and prevent him from being able to recover after they threw him away, the female adopter (because I will NOT call someone who forces a child to endure the emotional incest she put him through mother) told him NOT that the male adopter and the state had finally made certain that they could not interfer with his placement again but that I STOLE HIM FROM HIS LOVING MOTHER.

Which would explain why he'll be in weekly therapy for the forseeable future now.

That freaking SUCKS. Thankful he has you now. This is exactly why I want to work with kids who have attachment issues and/or have experienced trauma, because ADULTS are doing bad things that lead to children having problems and then these kids are getting a bad rep for whatever baggage they bring to the table. Well of COURSE they're going to struggle if adults have betrayed and abused them.

I love your use of the words "male adopter" and "female adopter" because you are right, those are NOT parents. I think I might need to talk adoption circles with you, because you are clearly hanging out with the sane people!

[gilora]

So the first guy said that 42% of kids are born without fathers and need to be saved. The majority of kids are born within marriages, so does this mean my kids, conceived and born before their dad and I got married (we did this on purpose and weren't planning on marrying at all because we stand by our gay friends, but it got to a point where we needed some legal protections for our kids, and out kids trumps our principle-stand), need to be taken away and put in "loving" homes that will whip them soundly and smack then around with bibles? .

That's exactly what it means.

[chaotic life]

Here's what they OUGHT to tell anyone signing up to adopt anythingg but infants: congratulations for signing up for a career as a punching bag. It is now your job to take all of the pain, all of the mistrust, all of the blame for every past idiot who hurt this kid. You will take it with strength and grace. You will show this child every way you can that you are bigger than their pain by NOT responding with accusations and anger as those who came before you did. You will always remember they are hurting and not matter how personal it appears, it is NOT personal. When you stand and prove you can take it all and NOT be what they had previously, then you will earn their trust and with time and patience you might even win their love. But, you must show them love even if they never love you.

Playing power and control games will NOT work. Deciding their struggles are sin makes you worse than those who came before you. These kids are hurt and don't trust. You don't control and terrorize them to make them conform, not if you want long-term successful adaptation.

[Emme]

Here's what they OUGHT to tell anyone signing up to adopt anythingg but infants: congratulations for signing up for a career as a punching bag. It is now your job to take all of the pain, all of the mistrust, all of the blame for every past idiot who hurt this kid. You will take it with strength and grace. You will show this child every way you can that you are bigger than their pain by NOT responding with accusations and anger as those who came before you did. You will always remember they are hurting and not matter how personal it appears, it is NOT personal. When you stand and prove you can take it all and NOT be what they had previously, then you will earn their trust and with time and patience you might even win their love. But, you must show them love even if they never love you.

Playing power and control games will NOT work. Deciding their struggles are sin makes you worse than those who came before you. These kids are hurt and don't trust. You don't control and terrorize them to make them conform, not if you want long-term successful adaptation.

:clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: spot on

[SoybeanQueen]

I hate this. How perfectly shitty -- to take on a child to prove your own personal beliefs. I'm with CrazySister; no child should be adopted to prove a point, whether that's how wonderfully Godly you are or to keep them out of the hands of the gheys. That's fucked up.

QFT.

They're children, not charity projects. Imagine how some of these kids will feel when they're older, hearing about how their parents chose to adopt them for reasons that sound like something out of a pet rescue commercial.

[SoybeanQueen]

Here's what they OUGHT to tell anyone signing up to adopt anythingg but infants: congratulations for signing up for a career as a punching bag. It is now your job to take all of the pain, all of the mistrust, all of the blame for every past idiot who hurt this kid. You will take it with strength and grace. You will show this child every way you can that you are bigger than their pain by NOT responding with accusations and anger as those who came before you did. You will always remember they are hurting and not matter how personal it appears, it is NOT personal. When you stand and prove you can take it all and NOT be what they had previously, then you will earn their trust and with time and patience you might even win their love. But, you must show them love even if they never love you.

Playing power and control games will NOT work. Deciding their struggles are sin makes you worse than those who came before you. These kids are hurt and don't trust. You don't control and terrorize them to make them conform, not if you want long-term successful adaptation.

This is so well put and should be in huge red font on the front page of any adoption-related website.

I've had a few people express surprise that my 6 year old has such trust issues. These are usually the people who think they might like to adopt a 3 or 4 year old because a child that young won't have so many "problems." Mmmhmm. Sure. The younger ones are just craftier and more confusing with how they prefer to reveal their hurt.

[rock_girl]

I don't think many fundies will take up the call to adopt, especially as so many children waiting for families to adopt them are not white. Fundies are just too racist and too selfish to deal with a mixed race child with behavioural issues. A few will persevere, but as soon as your average fundie realises what they're in for they'll be running for the hills faster than you can say 'hide the plumbing line before the home visit'.

Those few who persevere do bother me. Jodie Jepson messing with her kids' hair and torturing their young scalps makes me furious, as do girls' her white, white, white dollies. That's before you even get to the emotional abuse.

I'd have a late term abortion before I gave a fundie my child. The thought of birthing a baby only to see it consigned to a life of misery and abuse would just be too awful.

[chaotic life]

Fundies turned the Liberian adoption program into a mockery of child trafficking. They are the driving force threatening to completely shut down the Ethiopian program and they are fully entrenched in unethical practices in both Uganda and DRC. Racist fundies are *especially* drawn to rescuing and evangelizing "orphans" from "deep, dark Africa."

The fundie who dumped my son on me actually told me with a straight face that this teen black boy (he's not AA because they never re-adopted him and deliberately withheld citizenship from him) was AFRAID OF BLACK MEN.

Those adopters never considered it even a concern, much less an issue of highest importance to correct that problem and provide a teen with ANY positive image to allow him to see himself grow up and be something other than the evil the adopters believe ALL minorities to be.

Being racist does NOT stop these people! It actually increases their motivation AND increases the damage left in their wake.

[SoybeanQueen]

I don't think many fundies will take up the call to adopt, especially as so many children waiting for families to adopt them are not white.

But if they adopt kids who look very different from them, it's really obvious how saintly they are for adopting.... :roll:

[MrsKay]

I have so much that I want to say, but I can't right now - I am far too revolted and pissed off to be coherent. I just want to say this: chaotic life, I wish I could hug you. I am so glad that your new son has a mother like you.

[lilah]

Fundies turned the Liberian adoption program into a mockery of child trafficking. They are the driving force threatening to completely shut down the Ethiopian program and they are fully entrenched in unethical practices in both Uganda and DRC. Racist fundies are *especially* drawn to rescuing and evangelizing "orphans" from "deep, dark Africa."

The fundie who dumped my son on me actually told me with a straight face that this teen black boy (he's not AA because they never re-adopted him and deliberately withheld citizenship from him) was AFRAID OF BLACK MEN.

Those adopters never considered it even a concern, much less an issue of highest importance to correct that problem and provide a teen with ANY positive image to allow him to see himself grow up and be something other than the evil the adopters believe ALL minorities to be.

Being racist does NOT stop these people! It actually increases their motivation AND increases the damage left in their wake.

It boggles the mind that no one, not the home study social worker or adoption agency noticed how much these parents were shitty candidates for adoption. Why the hell would someone who is scared of black men adopt a black teen???

Was there a reason why fundies love prefer Liberian adoption? Just wondering. Any one noticed that the kids bakers dozen adopted from liberia have moved out as soon as they turned 18? No sahddom for them. Not sure who wanted whom to move out asap.

[fundifugee]

I was talking to a friend who told me of the foster-to-adopt he and his family did in California. Home study done, then they were required to take parenting classes. Teacher never showed up, check boxes on form, ok, here's your kid, bye. Major overburdened social work system.

I have little faith that the for-profit adoption agencies do much better, as they make their money from getting adoptions done, not by thoroughly vetting adoptive families.

[BlackHawk]

I have little faith that the for-profit adoption agencies do much better, as they make their money from getting adoptions done, not by thoroughly vetting adoptive families.

It is possible.. but it is a lot of work. You can find an agency who does vet you, you can find an agency that will do an ethical adoption, it's just not the norm, and it should be. Adoption needs reformation.

Was there a reason why fundies love prefer Liberian adoption? Just wondering. Any one noticed that the kids bakers dozen adopted from liberia have moved out as soon as they turned 18? No sahddom for them. Not sure who wanted whom to move out asap.

Liberia had very little requirements for adoptions. They are no longer doing international adoption at this point. They had a very cheap international program, very little outside requirements, and they had an escorting service that would bring your children to the states for you, so you have very little to do. It was the perfect program for people to show off their "dark" children, how saintly they were, and not have to put much effort or money in to anything.

Baker's Dozen kids were given the ability to take advantage of a workers program... Job Corps I believe it is called. I don't think they "kicked them out", I think they gave them the tools needed to make it in America. That said, I don't know the behind the scenes, but of all fundies we can snark on for adoption, I don't think The Baker's Dozen family belongs in the list.

[rock_girl]

It boggles the mind that no one, not the home study social worker or adoption agency noticed how much these parents were shitty candidates for adoption. Why the hell would someone who is scared of black men adopt a black teen???

Was there a reason why fundies love prefer Liberian adoption? Just wondering. Any one noticed that the kids bakers dozen adopted from liberia have moved out as soon as they turned 18? No sahddom for them. Not sure who wanted whom to move out asap.

Yeah, pretty much this. Wtf? What is wrong with your social services? I can understand the occasional Jepson family lying their way to a Haitian toddler or three, but racist fundies routinely getting their paws on African children? That is just... seriously, and people rally against the nanny state.

[lilah]

I can't remember the names of the bloggers but I know at least two fundie families who took their black adopted kids to some kind of pro-confederate reenactments. One was even involved in portraying people from that era. The implications that the black kids would someday play slaves was pretty gross.

[Deleted03]

It is possible.. but it is a lot of work. You can find an agency who does vet you, you can find an agency that will do an ethical adoption, it's just not the norm, and it should be. Adoption needs reformation.

Liberia had very little requirements for adoptions. They are no longer doing international adoption at this point. They had a very cheap international program, very little outside requirements, and they had an escorting service that would bring your children to the states for you, so you have very little to do. It was the perfect program for people to show off their "dark" children, how saintly they were, and not have to put much effort or money in to anything.

Baker's Dozen kids were given the ability to take advantage of a workers program... Job Corps I believe it is called. I don't think they "kicked them out", I think they gave them the tools needed to make it in America. That said, I don't know the behind the scenes, but of all fundies we can snark on for adoption, I don't think The Baker's Dozen family belongs in the list.

Yes I think they have been quite vague, I know one of the boys was put in another family where he had behavior problems too. I don't think they were abusive but the vagueness of it all is strange. But again adopting teenagers from a foreign country... It,s not that easy either.

[chaotic life]

Liberia was cheap, there was no oversight, there was no family size limits, and there was an escort service so you didn't have to travel. AND, since the only legitimate agency working in Liberia was PLAN (which is now closed) there were NO social workers with the wisdom to stop the insanity of families adopting large groups of non-related children.

It is one thing, and still a challenge, to adopt 3-6 children because they are siblings you want to keep together. It's insanity and unethical adoption practices to adopt 3-6 unrelated children because you simply choose the cutest kids in a line up.

I imagine my son's adopters did what most of them did. For awhile, there were open conversations on the Africa adoption lists on how to LIE to homestudy social workers. Unfortunately, all that we accomplished by objecting to their behavior was to send them into private lists where those of us sane weren't welcome.

Nancy Campbell sent out a call for her followers to adopt from Liberia and BOY did they. It was disgusting and embarrassing.

If you are really interested in the Liberian adoptions, keep your eyes out for an article and book coming out by Kathyrn Joyce. She traced the phenonmenon on both sides of the ocean.