Sarah Maxwell: To every thing there is a season....

[Guest Anonymous]

I wish someone who has been in these girls shoes (like Sister Mozz) could reach these girls and speak to them on a personal level. Whether it be at a conference where they tell Sarah their story, or they somehow slip a note to them... Something to let her know that there are people who understand what she must be going through and that there IS a way out.

[Sister Mozz]

I wish someone who has been in these girls shoes (like Sister Mozz) could reach these girls and speak to them on a personal level. Whether it be at a conference where they tell Sarah their story, or they somehow slip a note to them... Something to let her know that there are people who understand what she must be going through and that there IS a way out.

I wish this were possible, too! It's a two-headed beast, though. I think especially in the instance of Sarah it would have to be done in person, but in order to do that you'd have to be close to Steve, which could be very difficult for the survivor. For some of these girls you might could reach them through correspondance, but that would only be well-received if they already had some questions, and would always put them in danger of being discovered by their parents. I do have a lot of compassion for them, though, and I actually did exchange several e-mails with a SAHD who came here a few months ago spewing nonsense. Once I and the rest of the board had showed her that she really didn't know the Bible or what she herself personally believed, I started PMing her with a more personal but still firm approach. She seemed very interested in diagloging with me once she knew me, but it wasn't long before she stopped replying. I wonder if her father found out, or if seeing things in a different way scared her too much. But hopefully it gave her enough that she's still wondering and thinking about her situation and if it's all that it promises to be. Which we know it isn't.

[SisiL78]

I am pessimistic about the value of talking a SAHD into leaving. I know a pair of SAHDs (34, and 40) who are not religious but whose father has a certain Steve Maxwellian hold over his two daughters and wife. All are submissive to him financially and socially.

Both women have college degrees and one has a real job as an accountant. The older one seems to have a great deal of mental issues (depression, anxiety, and maybe aspergers). She has a masters degree and volunteers at a library. Also, I've read a few papers she wrote during college... she's definitely smart but stuck in a pattern of obeying her father and not getting the help she needs. These two interact with "normal" people daily. They also watch television (Gilmore girls and the Bachelor are their faves). Yet, these glimpses into the outside world don't make them curious or brave enough to actually experience it.

The younger sister has had friends outside of the "cult" that is her family. Many of us, me included, have offered her the opportunity to take her sister and come live with us and start down the path to a normal life. I've offered them 3-12 months in our basement (which is a mini apartemnt with full bath and kitchenette) for free as well as life lessons on how to live outside of their home. But, its been refused.

The father clearly monitors their email correspondence. I am sure many of the emails I've sent her regarding invitations to parties etc.... are read by him and answered by him. He has her on an allowance while her paycheck goes to his checking account to be "invested". She hasn't had a new outfit in the 10 years I've known her. And she only recently acquired the permission to drive herself places other than work.

These SAHD and SAHS situations are sick and twisted. These families work on their kids from a young age. They are taught that the outside world is sinful and fraught with danger. Even in a non-religious setting like above the "girls" believe that they will be eaten alive if they move outside of the protection of their father. They fear loneliness, abuse, and other horrors if they move out. They also think that they will never see their parents again and that all familial love will dissipate.

Imagine Sarah who also has the threat of eternal damnation hanging over her head as a threat to leaving? Also, she doesn't have an adequate education. The sisters I know are in much better shape because they have an employment history and 4 degrees between the 2 of them. THey could survive quite nicely. Sarah could too because she's learned to be super thrifty. There's a chance she could live a nice life off of a tiny retail or waitressing income. She'd also make a good au pair or nanny (I think I'd trust her with my kids if I had any, she shows true joy when she's playing with her nieces and nephews.... I also think she's probably super patient).

But, to leave. Leaving means no more family. Leaving means no more heaven after death. Who amongst us would be brave enough to face certain damnation and isolation from our families? Plus, add to that the fear of the world. She must be under the impression that she will face the constant threat of theft, rape, pregnancy, abortion, drugs, alcohol, and other horrid things. I cannot imagine how much fear has been drummed into the Maxwell children's heads.

[sparkles]

The main reason why I think Sarah will never leave is because she's already had a life free of the isolation in which she exists now. And while it certainly wasn't mainstream or free of restrictions, she certainly had a lot more freedom then. However, as Steve circled the wagons closer and closer, and (in my opinion) either implanted memories or reframed the ones she had of life on the outside, she became more and more indoctrinated and fearful. I don't think she has any natural curiosity about the outside world because in her mind, she's been there, done that and it was terrifying.

I do hold out hope (sometimes) for Mary, Anna and the other reversals because, never having lived on the other side, they just might have a smidge of curiosity about it that would need to be satisfied. One can always hope.

[BornFree]

Of all the current Maxwells, I think the best hope for escape would be with the 3rd generation - specifically the daughters of Nathan & Melanie. These children at least have some access to Melanie's family which appears to be far less rigid. It's a big family so lots of cousins of all ages. Christopher is already playing "Christopher-made tapes" to his son of 5 months. Brainwashed from infancy!

[SisiL78]

Of all the current Maxwells, I think the best hope for escape would be with the 3rd generation - specifically the daughters of Nathan & Melanie. These children at least have some access to Melanie's family which appears to be far less rigid. It's a big family so lots of cousins of all ages. Christopher is already playing "Christopher-made tapes" to his son of 5 months. Brainwashed from infancy!

The Daddy tapes sound like those creepazoid tapes that Warren Jeffs made his followers listen to. If anyone has never heard them you can find audio excerpts online. They are unnerving.

I think we should talk to our kids and I know some kids are soothed by tapes of their parent's voices when their parents cannot be there. I used to record stories I read out loud for my brother so he could listen to them being re-read at his leisure (and stop annoying me!).

But, a 5 month old does not need to be audially assaulted like this all of the time. I really wonder how others cannot see the parallels between the Maxwells and a bonafide cult. Are folks that stupid?!

[sparkles]

Are folks that stupid?!

Yes.

People who are looking for answers or who have a storybook vision of life will latch onto anything, especially things that look good on the surface. Unfortunately, once you actually scratch that bright, shiny surface to expose the rust and rot underneath, the damage is already done.