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Abby: homeschooling my illiterate gifted kids


lilah

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Civil Engineer here, working on a masters in CivE and an MBA.

I only had legos, they were mostly gifts. I wish I'd had an erector set or something like that but we never had the funds. I still became an engineer. I learned to read mostly from being read to. So I guess I was home taught with alphabet books etc... I was reading many years ahead of my grade level. Abby should realize that a CivE education requires reading, and writing. My main job is to write reports based on calculations. Now, I know a lot of engineers are terrible writers, but they can survive with that. But, they couldn't survive without the ability to read!!!

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Moreover, my difficulties with simple math problems and my spelling mistakes and my poor organizational skill are not a sign that I'm not gifted--it's rather a common problem for gift students.

GiftED. It's giftED students. :roll:

Also these traits can absolutely be a problem for giftED students, same as any other student. The difference is that my giftED kids learned how to deal with and overcome these problems. You have to live in the real world. If I had a problem with simple math, spelling etc, I would not want to be the one trying to help my own kids overcome them. We had one gifted teacher who would brush these things off with "oh, don't worry, all gifted kids are like that". She was a wonderful person, but a HORRIBLE teacher. You do NOT excuse away that stuff! The good ones help the kids figure out how to overcome their weaknesses so they can let their strengths really shine. The worst of mine is in college now and I shudder to think what would have happened to him if everyone laughed off his weaknesses.

And hopefully a kid with a bad teacher has a parent to help balance it out, not so if they are one and the same.

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Legos are the only engineering toys? orly? Like, erector sets and snap circuits and k'nex roller coasters and all of the other tiny pieces of foot stabbing hell in my son's room don't exist?

And, you know, little girls like those things just as much, even girlier ones. My 5 year old daughter is building a Hello Kitty megablocks collection that she is quite proud of.

That jumped out at me too, my brother and I had tons of building toys growing up including legos but that was just a small part. We were always building or making something. All it takes is a 30 second search on Amazon to see all the stuff out there. We never needed special toys we were the kids building models out creamers and sugar packet while we waited for our food at restaurants.

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That's neglect, plain and simple. Poor baby. :evil: Do you have a link for her blog? I'm not up on all of these fundies as some of you are. :)

Seriously? For hours? My daughter had colic and it was hell on earth for months for the three of us (me, my husband, and of, course, my daughter.) My husband and I developed a system where we would "switch off" pacing up and down the teeny, tiny hallway of our California apartment with our screaming daughter; I swear we tried every home remedy, doctor suggestion, Internet suggestion, etc; but what it really came down to was time, patience and endurance (and for me, sitting with my screaming daughter with Enya in the background, 'cuz that's how I roll.) There was no sleeping! We did, however, take one or two 5 minute "sanity preservation" breaks, where we would lay her down in her crib, shut the bedroom door, and go outside to breathe and decompress and chat before starting continuing on. It took two weeks before trying the "take a break" and the doctor had been the one to suggest it a week and a half before; and I think I cried just as hard as the baby the first few times. I just don't see how any mother could sleep while her baby is screaming all day...

(although for my family the few breaks we took during the colicky months were a sanity saver, once my husband convinced me that, no, I wasn't a terrible mother for needing to take a breather when I needed it.)

ETA: I got a bit off-topic: what Abby's doing sounds to me like what happens in Russian orphanages: babies just left to cry themselves hoarse with no one to comfort them. The difference is, Abby's children are not (technically) orphans. In the case of the Russian orphans, I'm assuming (I have done no research, so feel free to jump in and correct me if I'm wrong) that there is a severe lack of resources (caretakers, funding, too many children, etc) for each child to receive individual attention beyond basic survival needs. Now that I really think about it though, it does sound like Abby is not really raising her children beyond basic survival needs....those poor kids.

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Yeah her husband needs to get off his patricarchal high horse and help do night time parenting for their colicky baby. The baby should not be left to cry for 3 hours so she can sleep.

The irony of Abby parenting like an orphanage is that she has in posts compared herself to an orphan because her parents put her in daycare so they could work. Not only is it very insulting to actual orphans who have suffered institutional neglect but it's bizarre given she is doing far worse to her own kids. A daycare worker that lets kids cry all day would probably get fired.

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Guest Anonymous

So I am curious. I have a cousin who is in the first grade. He can read a little bit, but he has problems with long term reading. He has to read.a.book for.class. He.got tired of it and started spacing out, not wanting to sound out words. I tried my best to help him but he was only half in it. It got worse when our grandmother threatened to call his teacher. Then he couldn't concentrate on a word he had just sounded out earlier. Grandmother thinks he is playing games and sent him to the corner... which I think is just distressing him more.

Is there an easier way to get him into this?

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So I am curious. I have a cousin who is in the first grade. He can read a little bit, but he has problems with long term reading. He has to read.a.book for.class. He.got tired of it and started spacing out, not wanting to sound out words. I tried my best to help him but he was only half in it. It got worse when our grandmother threatened to call his teacher. Then he couldn't concentrate on a word he had just sounded out earlier. Grandmother thinks he is playing games and sent him to the corner... which I think is just distressing him more.

Is there an easier way to get him into this?

I have a reluctant reader, or I guess I should say "had" since she's reading of her own volition now, but I used to play a game where she would read one page and I would read one page. It really helped me tune in to where she was having trouble and also I was there to give her attention/encouragement and also she felt like she wasn't having to do all the work alone. Eventually she would read a chapter and then I would. After a while she just read on her own. It took about 6 months before she's picking up "for fun" books and actually having fun. It did fix the reading for school thing much quicker though.

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I had Legos, Lincoln logs, an erector set from the '80s (plastic), an erector set from the '50s (metal), a huge collection of wooden blocks, and k'nex. But I didn't become an engineer. But my job does require spatial reasoning, so maybe it was all good for something.

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Abby sounds like a flake who moves from one fad to the next simply to avoid responsibility for the problems her kids face. She would do well to enroll her kids in school while working to secure food and shelter for them, rather than trolling the 'net for excuses that fit her brand of negligence.

Why is this such a hard concept for some parents to grasp? Children need stability and as much fact-based education as they can get. FUCK!

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Seriously? For hours? My daughter had colic and it was hell on earth for months for the three of us (me, my husband, and of, course, my daughter.) My husband and I developed a system where we would "switch off" pacing up and down the teeny, tiny hallway of our California apartment with our screaming daughter; I swear we tried every home remedy, doctor suggestion, Internet suggestion, etc; but what it really came down to was time, patience and endurance (and for me, sitting with my screaming daughter with Enya in the background, 'cuz that's how I roll.) There was no sleeping! We did, however, take one or two 5 minute "sanity preservation" breaks, where we would lay her down in her crib, shut the bedroom door, and go outside to breathe and decompress and chat before starting continuing on. It took two weeks before trying the "take a break" and the doctor had been the one to suggest it a week and a half before; and I think I cried just as hard as the baby the first few times. I just don't see how any mother could sleep while her baby is screaming all day...

(although for my family the few breaks we took during the colicky months were a sanity saver, once my husband convinced me that, no, I wasn't a terrible mother for needing to take a breather when I needed it.)

ETA: I got a bit off-topic: what Abby's doing sounds to me like what happens in Russian orphanages: babies just left to cry themselves hoarse with no one to comfort them. The difference is, Abby's children are not (technically) orphans. In the case of the Russian orphans, I'm assuming (I have done no research, so feel free to jump in and correct me if I'm wrong) that there is a severe lack of resources (caretakers, funding, too many children, etc) for each child to receive individual attention beyond basic survival needs. Now that I really think about it though, it does sound like Abby is not really raising her children beyond basic survival needs....those poor kids.

I've already got a game plan in place for if my future children have colic (I always expect the worse when it ccomes to my future kids) and I always thought this is how I would handle it. Put in the earphones and soothe the baby. They don't know if you're rocking out to death metal so long as you're trying to comfort them.

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Legos are the only engineering toys? orly? Like, erector sets and snap circuits and k'nex roller coasters and all of the other tiny pieces of foot stabbing hell in my son's room don't exist?

And, you know, little girls like those things just as much, even girlier ones. My 5 year old daughter is building a Hello Kitty megablocks collection that she is quite proud of.

I was stumped by her Lego as the only engineering toys comment too. Along with what you mentioned there are also Lincoln Logs, Tinker Toys, wooden kits to build things like catapults, and rockets where you can build the engine. She is clueless.

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Abby sounds like a flake who moves from one fad to the next simply to avoid responsibility for the problems her kids face. She would do well to enroll her kids in school while working to secure food and shelter for them, rather than trolling the 'net for excuses that fit her brand of negligence.

Why is this such a hard concept for some parents to grasp? Children need stability and as much fact-based education as they can get. FUCK!

QFT and Amen.

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I've known a lot of gifted students. Some who couldn't spell, some who couldn't do math, some who were disorganized. I don't recall any who were all three plus didn't like libraries. Methinks the lady is a bit of a sluggard and a bit of a fibber.

I was labeled gifted and talented at school, and struggled with math, organization and spelling. However, I adored libraries. (I was also one of those gifted students with an LD- but it didn't affect everything, and my parents would have been horrified if I couldn't read, I remember how hard they worked with my little sister who wouldn't read.)

I do wonder if she ever got a school diagnosis, or if she's decided to label herself.

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[quote="valsa"

I've already got a game plan in place for if my future children have colic (I always expect the worse when it ccomes to my future kids) and I always thought this is how I would handle it. Put in the earphones and soothe the baby. They don't know if you're rocking out to death metal so long as you're trying to comfort them.

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what Abby's doing sounds to me like what happens in Russian orphanages: babies just left to cry themselves hoarse with no one to comfort them. The difference is, Abby's children are not (technically) orphans. In the case of the Russian orphans, I'm assuming (I have done no research, so feel free to jump in and correct me if I'm wrong) that there is a severe lack of resources (caretakers, funding, too many children, etc) for each child to receive individual attention beyond basic survival needs. Now that I really think about it though, it does sound like Abby is not really raising her children beyond basic survival needs....those poor kids.

Yep. My cousin was adopted from a Russian orphanage and it was NOT a pretty place. They gave her sedatives because she cried too much. Took three days of them drugging her before someone noticed she had an ear infection. Poor baby! A lot of the kids just stop crying because no one comes. Some places it's lack of resources, some places are just MEAN.

hopefully Abby will get it together. Although based on what the rest of you have said, she's on the crazy train and it's not stopping anytime soon!

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I was stumped by her Lego as the only engineering toys comment too. Along with what you mentioned there are also Lincoln Logs, Tinker Toys, wooden kits to build things like catapults, and rockets where you can build the engine. She is clueless.

I had all of the above, and Capsela, too (spoiled, I know). I turned out more in the girly language-y mold, and my brother is a computer programmer-turned-math & science teacher, but the traditional gender roles were never forced upon us.

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So now I'm tweaking my unschooling method to be more direct in reading instruction because truly, their life will be so much easier once they start really learning how to read).

'Nuff said.

She is one of those idiot unschoolers who blames her childrens' ignorance on giftedness, instead of the fact that she doesn't teach them anything.

I really despise people like her. A LOT.

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I'm always annoyed by cloying parents who talk up their kid's "specialness". Their kid is "gifted" or have some type of learning disability because they have behavior issues or have a hard time at school. I've had parents who want Ritalin scripts because they misbehave in school and the parents heard the drug helps with that. I've heard parents talk about how "extremely bright' their kid is and how overly impressed everyone must be with him.

Ugh.

You know, most kids are normal. Half the kids population is below average, half is above. That's the definition of average. Duh. A very small sliver of kids are truly gifted. Heck, I hang out with a lot of academic eggheads and I don't think most of them gifted in the truest sense. I've met only a handful of people who I consider truly gifted (in the "I graduated from college by puberty" or "I was tested and was bumped to a special school" sense). Someday, when I'm a parents, I hope I won't talk my mouth off about how wonderful little Ypestis is, because she can read two years above 'grade level' or whatever.

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One of the things my son's teacher told us back a couple of years ago was that, sure, your special snowflake may be above average or a couple grade levels above the average, but she has seen that over and over again, and it generally levels out within a few years. There are just not as many truly gifted kids out there as some parents want to believe. Profoundly gifted kids are so rare you almost never hear about them.

Most people who got where they are today (academically) did so through hard work and determination. You don't become a doctor or a scientist because you're profoundly gifted, and I'm so sick of hearing about that. I'm not saying it's the whole bootstrap thing, just that most people are smart but not genius-level smart and have to work hard to learn the things they need for their profession.

And even if this lady's kid is gifted; she sure as hell isn't doing anything to nurture his abilities as it stands.

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Why is it just boys that 'need' to build things? My girl child would be miserable if she did not have building toys...and there is so much more than legos! Lincoln logs, kinex, blocks, marble run, the list is long and even includes found objects!

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She talks in annother post about having a baby with such severe colic that she will leave her in another room and turn the fan on so she doesn't hear her cries and then she sleeps for a few hours, then comes back to see her baby is hoarse from crying all day. Yikes.
Wow, she'd be a great cf mum, huh?
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[quote="valsa"

I've already got a game plan in place for if my future children have colic (I always expect the worse when it ccomes to my future kids) and I always thought this is how I would handle it. Put in the earphones and soothe the baby. They don't know if you're rocking out to death metal so long as you're trying to comfort them.

Slightly off-topic here, but all three of my children had "colic". They cried for months on end, and although the doctors assured me it would end at three months, for all of them it ended around seven to eight months. Guess who has gastric acid reflux...my now-adult children. Obviously it is a family trait. Flash forward to the present day and my grandson, who had "colic', just like my three children. Thanks to an alert doctor, my grandson was diagnosed with gastric acid reflux and was given treatment. His reflux disappeared around seven months. When I hear of parents letting their colicky babies "cry it out" I want to shout at them to get their child checked by a pediatrician. You may be saving your child from a lot of unnecessary pain.

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So now I'm tweaking my unschooling method to be more direct in reading instruction because truly, their life will be so much easier once they start really learning how to read).

'Nuff said.

She is one of those idiot unschoolers who blames her childrens' ignorance on giftedness, instead of the fact that she doesn't teach them anything.

I really despise people like her. A LOT.

Well, at least now she realized that she has to teach reading? :?

I generally think of gifted within the context of school programs, so like the kids at the top of the class. Does that mean they are all geniuses, no, but they get the special label! 8-) I totally agree that success requires hard work and commitment in any case. Even if school comes easily to you, you still have to put in time/effort. I think college is a common place for things to "even out" - I know a few people who were excellent students in high school but just crashed in college, because they had never needed to learn study skills in high school and weren't able to handle the more challenging material. I only know one person who I would think of as "profoundly" gifted or genius. There was another girl in my high school who skipped two grades but honestly the impression I got of her was more that she had a lot of pressure from her parents rather than having exceptional talent. I think a lot of people in my honors or AP classes could have probably succeeded at a grade level a year or two above if given that opportunity.

Yep, I have known plenty of #humblebrag parents of gifted kids. I went to a tiny elementary school and in fourth grade they developed a "gifted" program. It was just sort-of a fun class. About a third of our class met once a week and did brain teaser type things. I really enjoyed it because it was challenging but in a low-pressure way because it was all puzzles and games. Personally, I feel like in the younger grades it's not always extremely important to push "gifted" kids onto the next level of school but just to keep them engaged and interested in learning. My friend who went to a public school did Odyssey of the Mind for her "gifted" program which I think was along the same principles. Anyway, the other parents got mad that their kids weren't included or labeled "gifted" so the year after I left the school, it was renamed and now everybody goes to this class. The label "gifted" has become sort-of a status thing in a way.

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