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VodouDoll

Steve and Teri's Marriage and Jealousy

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VodouDoll

Does anyone else love Carolyn Hax as much as I do? I thought of Steve Maxwell when I was reading her column today. A woman wrote in saying she gets super jealous when her boyfriend gets work communications from female coworkers. Steve (and, god, especially Teri) would've done well to internalize Carolyn's advice:

 

 

Quote
â—Live with integrity yourself, and choose partners who do the same.

 

â—Be realistic. No one does, or even can, behave perfectly; people who are more forgiving of human frailty seem to be the victims of it less than those who are rigid or intolerant.

 

â—Be respectful of your internal alarms that something’s wrong — and be proactive in dealing with an alarm that’s too touchy by getting into therapy. If you’ve been burned to the point of “trust issues,†it’s your job to deal with that; it’s not your next partner’s job to follow your rules to avoid upsetting you.

 

◠Realize that if you don’t trust your partner but stay in the relationship anyway, leveling accusations and using them to justify imposing stricter and stricter limits on him, then you are, in fact, abusive.

 

Maxwells in a nutshell, right? Teri was too depressed to ever realize he needed to be told no and to work his shit out himself, until it was too late for everyone.

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Deleted07

WHOA, Freaking Hell! That absolutely sounds like the tactics Stevo uses!!!

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Austin

I love those bulletpoints.

My son's girlfriend is on the jealous side, and I wish I could send those to her. She has been "burned" before, she says, and I don't doubt it. However, I privately question why said son has to pay the price for some other jerk :shock: Son is not perfect, by far, but cheating? Very unlikely.

I've never been cheated on and am not in a marriage marked at all by any sort of jealousy, so I admit I probably cannot relate.

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thekate
Does anyone else love Carolyn Hax as much as I do?

YES!

I think one of her best pieces of advice was to never marry someone you wouldn't want to divorce, meaning would they be respectful, etc. even if the relationship didn't last. Somehow I don't see Steve being someone I'd want to be divorced from. I imagine it would lead to even more misogynistic tirades, but at least you wouldn't be around to hear them?

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johnhugh

Notice in blog photos that Stevie is so insecure in his relationship with Terri that even with their isolationism and strick controls, he always has to be sitting next to her at the dinner table, Bible Time™ and even when they stopped for the one-Pringle-each picnic at the top of some mountain.

Even when they share 'fellowship' when visiting what some would call firends, other helpmeets and headships sit appart except Teri and Stevie.

All because Stevie was learing at some defrauding women's breasts in church.... :naughty:

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OkToBeTakei

I just read the title..Both words marriage and jealousy in regards to Steve and Teri's relationship..just did not work for me.

Rather eat my own fungal toe-nails than think about that.

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Guest Anonymous
I just read the title..Both words marriage and jealousy in regards to Steve and Teri's relationship..just did not work for me.

Rather eat my own fungal toe-nails than think about that.

Oh come on now, I had a nice cute image of you in my head, from your avatar and now I'm going to see fungal nail infections whenever I click on your posts!!! :twisted:

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skrmom

I used to work with a man who had a jealous live in girl friend. If I ever had to contact him after work I would be ultra-professional and use something like "Mr. Brown, please remember to bring the documents for the meeting tomorrow, thank you, Mrs. Smith"

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OkToBeTakei

Oh come on now, I had a nice cute image of you in my head, from your avatar and now I'm going to see fungal nail infections whenever I click on your posts!!! :twisted:

Sorry :lol:

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Guest Anonymous

Sorry :lol:

It's too late... you shall forever now be thought of as the Scabby-Footed Scot of FreeJinger. :lol:

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kpmom

Steve wrote a very odd (odder than usual) Halloween Corner a few years back. He went into this long, fictional story about how he would feel if a male former neighbor friend that Teri knew as a child (and hadn't seen since) were to call their house out of the blue. Male childhood friend invites Teri to dinner to catch up on old times.

Steve goes on about how he would feel about such a dinner, and how it would look to others.

He then went on to compare this situation to Christians celebrating Halloween. Something about God feeling jealous that Christians were spending time with Satan, I guess?

It was one of the stranger analogies I've read, and I thought it spoke volumes about Steve's jealousy and control issues.

My dh has lunch once a month with a former female coworker. I couldn't care less. I expect the same respect from him.

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socalrules
Notice in blog photos that Stevie is so insecure in his relationship with Terri that even with their isolationism and strick controls, he always has to be sitting next to her at the dinner table, Bible Time™ and even when they stopped for the one-Pringle-each picnic at the top of some mountain. quote]

One pringle each? Seriously?

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Kitty

I disagree with Carolyn about the existence of "healthy jealousy." If you really have a reason to suspect your partner is cheating, that's not really jealousy, is it?

I wasn't really reminded of Steve and Teri here, but of relationships of people I know IRL. If a guy did this kind of thing, everyone would (rightfully) call him a jealous, clingy asshole (which we can all agree Steve is). But women are encouraged to do this sort of shit, to the point where whenever I refuse to snoop through my bf's shit (phone, FB, etc.) and act like a catty bitch toward any female my boyfriend comes into contact with, the other women in my life look at me like I have three heads. He doesn't do the same for me, which makes him a Totally Sweet Guy, but not doing that makes me a naive, stupid girl who will be cheated on. This is why I get all my relationship advice online.

Then again, I didn't know of half this shit with Steve and Teri. Seriously Steve, wtf. No wonder Teri suffers from depression, if she sits too far away from you at dinner you flip out into freaky jealous fuckface rage.

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Guest Anonymous

I still maintain that Teri is at least as OPpressed as she is DEpressed.

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ricky_ticky

◠Realize that if you don’t trust your partner but stay in the relationship anyway, leveling accusations and using them to justify imposing stricter and stricter limits on him, then you are, in fact, abusive.

I find this statement to be way too generalized, although it may apply to the Maxwells. I think that Steve did initiate and propagate many of his family's wacky beliefs and practices, but even if he were out of the picture I think that Teri would live exactly as she does today.

Perhaps she has internalized her abuser. Or, perhaps she sincerely believes the same drivel that Steve does and fears that the devil is lying in wait to lure her into temptation at every turn.

Having been a betrayed spouse myself, I know plenty of people who remain married after trust is broken. There are many legitimate, practical and emotional reasons that couples who do not trust stay together and try to work it out. It may not be entirely healthy to be with someone you don't trust, but it happens everyday.

I think Steve and Teri's problem has more to do with the fact that they don't seem to trust themselves to be able to resist sinful behavior.

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Closed Womb
◠Realize that if you don’t trust your partner but stay in the relationship anyway, leveling accusations and using them to justify imposing stricter and stricter limits on him, then you are, in fact, abusive.

I find this statement to be way too generalized, although it may apply to the Maxwells. I think that Steve did initiate and propagate many of his family's wacky beliefs and practices, but even if he were out of the picture I think that Teri would live exactly as she does today.

Perhaps she has internalized her abuser. Or, perhaps she sincerely believes the same drivel that Steve does and fears that the devil is lying in wait to lure her into temptation at every turn.

Having been a betrayed spouse myself, I know plenty of people who remain married after trust is broken. There are many legitimate, practical and emotional reasons that couples who do not trust stay together and try to work it out. It may not be entirely healthy to be with someone you don't trust, but it happens everyday.

I think Steve and Teri's problem has more to do with the fact that they don't seem to trust themselves to be able to resist sinful behavior.

I think Teri would have a Pepsi if she did not have her lord and master husband watching over her, establishing and enforcing limits.

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