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Larissa (of Pray for Ian Blog) getting more depressed?


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I found this post quite disturbing and am wondering if Larissa is feeling more depressed as the 6th anniversary of Ian's accident approaches...

i would

it was 3:00 in the morning, a very light and tired night, heading to bed.

"ian, i wasn't being very respectful of you tonight. will you forgive me?"

"yes. why were you having trouble?"

"just not responding well to your brain injury."

"you know that i would change it if i could, right?"

he's so good to me.

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I'm not surprised that she is dealing with depression. Her life is hard and she is trying to do her best. I like that she is at least honest unlike Katie from the Ben and Katie blog, who seems kind of phony.

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I haven't read a lot of the early postings of the prayforian blog. From I've read is Ian was injured in a car accident back in 2006, he and Larissa had been dating before that. He has undergone a lot of therapy/rehab. Larissa had to get a court order or something from a judge in order to marry Ian.

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I haven't read a lot of the early postings of the prayforian blog. From I've read is Ian was injured in a car accident back in 2006, he and Larissa had been dating before that. He has undergone a lot of therapy/rehab. Larissa had to get a court order or something from a judge in order to marry Ian.

Wow...I was wondering what the extent of his injuries were. The fact that she had to get a court order says a lot.

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Her father-in-law (now deceased) really, really pressured her to marry him. I do feel for her. I am sure as time goes on she gets more depressed. They are now living with Ian's mom. I don't know how that is going. It would be very hard to not be depressed in her situation.

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We've talked about them a couple times before and YES I worry for her. WhenI saw this blog entry tonight I sent her some special cosmic thoughts.... I think she is in a really shitty situation.

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I am wondering what his mental capacity is at this point. I'm not really sure, but if it is as bad as I'm picturing it...I just don't know. The whole getting a judge to grant a court order to allow them to marry is really kind of strange. If they felt he was operating as a clearly thinking adult, then why would he need a judges permission, and if he's not, then why were they allowed to marry.

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He seems to have the functioning of maybe an early adolescent.

Then I don't understand. If they had already been married I could absolutely see her staying...that's what I would do. But I can't understand purposely marrying someone that wasn't functioning as an adult. That doesn't seem right to me. Especially being that she's talking about the possibility of children. How can he even consent to a marriage if he is functioning as an early adolescent?

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I dont think he could. What really surprised me is that she thought they might be able to adopt. She has chosen a very difficult life path. I am sure that she was somewhat guilted into staying with him. Ian's brother provides 40 hr a week care so she can work.

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Then I don't understand. If they had already been married I could absolutely see her staying...that's what I would do. But I can't understand purposely marrying someone that wasn't functioning as an adult. That doesn't seem right to me. Especially being that she's talking about the possibility of children. How can he even consent to a marriage if he is functioning as an early adolescent?

I agree with you, if they had already been married I could see her staying. Ben and Katie, the other couple I mentioned in this thread, were married prior to Ben's brain injury. With Larissa and Ian, it is hard to understand why she married him and the fact that Ian's dad pressured her into marrying Ian seems kind of weird. I hate to say it but the dad probably used a lot of emotional tactics on Larissa.

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I dont think he could. What really surprised me is that she thought they might be able to adopt. She has chosen a very difficult life path. I am sure that she was somewhat guilted into staying with him. Ian's brother provides 40 hr a week care so she can work.

Her thinking they might be to adopt seemed kind of strange. If she did research, she would find out right way that they wouldn't be to adopt. It is pretty difficult for people with physical disabilities to adopt. I watched an adoption documentary years ago about an American couple who adopted from Venezuela. The husband was paralyzed after an accident when he was a teen and he later married his high school sweetheart. They planned to have children via IVF, but it was discovered that the wife had health issues and she wouldn't be able to carry a baby. They started on the adoption path and they were rejected by a lot of domestic adoption agencies and they found international agencies that were willing to work with them.

With Ian and Larissa, he has a brain injury and there is no way they would pass a home study. I feel for Larissa, if she was to get pregnant, Ian would be limited in helping her deal with pregnancy and a child.

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To be fair, there is really no evidence that they can't conceive naturally.....

Wait, are they having sex??? If he is only functioning at the level of an early adolescent, then it would be morally reprehensible for them to be sleeping together, IMO (and possibly not legal...I'm not really sure how that works, if he can't consent to marriage, how can he consent to sex?).

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Wait, are they having sex??? If he is only functioning at the level of an early adolescent, then it would be morally reprehensible for them to be sleeping together, IMO (and possibly not legal...I'm not really sure how that works, if he can't consent to marriage, how can he consent to sex?).

I don't believe the topic has EVER come up on the blog except maybe in reference to getting pregnant (same on Katie & Ben's blog). I can see why she doesn't bring the topic onto the discussion table... But it does bring up some interesting questions.

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I followed their story from way at the beginning and what I watched happened was nothing short of complete devastation. Ian and Larissa loved each other a lot. Ian was an attractive and active young man full of life and excitement and fun. He was on his way to a part time job (he worked as much as he could because he was saving money for a ring for Larissa) when the accident happened.

Larissa walked each step of the way with Ian as he very slowly made his way back to where he is now. Though he's far from where he was before the accident, he's still progressed a long way since the accident.

Yes, she strikes me as depressed now but after being with Ian for so long and how much she loved him, I could see that had she gone off and married someone else, she'd probably be depressed to some degree or another because of all she invested in Ian and then just walked away from it. He has always seemed to have a special response to Larissa and she may be the very thing that has helped him recover as much as he has.

I'm not saying it would've been wrong for her to marry someone else but part of me wonders if maybe Larissa sees Ian the way he was before he was injured? If she views the original Ian and this Ian is just a fraction of what his potential is that deep down inside, she believes is still there?

The whole, "I'm sorry for not respecting you" stuff irks me because of how respect and submission is enforced in the Fundy world. But with everything Ian and Larissa are going through, I have a hard time snarking on them except I think that whole "respect the husband" crap is bogus. And she shouldn't feel guilty for what she says and does in that regard because she's already giving sooooooo much of her self and her time and her "disrespect" is probably not disrespect at all but just her opinion or feeling on certain issues.

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I followed their story from way at the beginning and what I watched happened was nothing short of complete devastation. Ian and Larissa loved each other a lot. Ian was an attractive and active young man full of life and excitement and fun. He was on his way to a part time job (he worked as much as he could because he was saving money for a ring for Larissa) when the accident happened.

Larissa walked each step of the way with Ian as he very slowly made his way back to where he is now. Though he's far from where he was before the accident, he's still progressed a long way since the accident.

Yes, she strikes me as depressed now but after being with Ian for so long and how much she loved him, I could see that had she gone off and married someone else, she'd probably be depressed to some degree or another because of all she invested in Ian and then just walked away from it. He has always seemed to have a special response to Larissa and she may be the very thing that has helped him recover as much as he has.

I'm not saying it would've been wrong for her to marry someone else but part of me wonders if maybe Larissa sees Ian the way he was before he was injured? If she views the original Ian and this Ian is just a fraction of what his potential is that deep down inside, she believes is still there?

The whole, "I'm sorry for not respecting you" stuff irks me because of how respect and submission is enforced in the Fundy world. But with everything Ian and Larissa are going through, I have a hard time snarking on them except I think that whole "respect the husband" crap is bogus. And she shouldn't feel guilty for what she says and does in that regard because she's already giving sooooooo much of her self and her time and her "disrespect" is probably not disrespect at all but just her opinion or feeling on certain issues.

I agree with this. ETA: I think if Larissa left Ian, I think only a few people would be upset with her.

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I agree with this. ETA: I think if Larissa left Ian, I think only a few people would be upset with her.

I wouldn't have judged her for not marrying him, but I'll admit I'd have some negative feelings if she left him now. Not that my opinion would really matter, of course.

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I noticed Katie from Ben and Katie has been sounding more and more down. She would have been told (I'm a nurse who works in this area!) that after a year a person may make some small gains but basically (in terms of cognitive ability) what you see is what you'll get.

I have no idea why Larissa married him. Maybe she had slept with him & felt guilty/unpure? Maybe FIL guilted he into it.

Whatever clearly the reality is god is not going to peform a miracle & 'heal' Ben or Ian & maybe they are losing hope it will happen.

I'd be very depressed as well.

I have told my soon to be husband that if anything like that happens to me, he is to divorce me & while he should visit me (if he wants) & make sure I'm being looked after (I have an awesome family so have no doubt they'd cope), he is not to stay with me. As I am not the person he married/met.

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Katie sounded a bit depressed in that recent posting about the anniversary of the accident. I think she maybe coming to the point where she realizes Ben isn't going to improve anymore. I do wonder if Katie ever considers divorcing Ben, but fears being judged by friends and family, mainly Ben's family. Katie's family is fundie lite, but I think they would be understanding if Katie came out said and that she wanted to divorce Ben. I don't know too much about Ben's family. I remember they visited several months back and Katie mentioned that they hadn't seen Ben in a year or so. I think they live in the South. In some pictures Katie's eyes hint at depression. I think Katie is in for the long haul, but a part of me wouldn't be surprised if she divorced Ben.

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For those who wonder why she married Ian, here is a fairly recent post from her blog. I think it's clear that her father in law pressured her to do it.

4.21.09

"trusting God - the story of my walk with the Lord this far. last night steve had a long talk with me and then with Ian about marriage. we're starting to talk about it more seriously i guess. it makes me really nervous and really excited at the same time. i really believe though that ian needs to be in a different place physically for our marriage to work. but then again, what will that look like? what exactly are we waiting for? i'm not sure. but it's weird to think that we could be married soon. it's all wonderful, but if ian stays the same as he is now, it certainly won't be what we imagined it to be.

but when i look at my life through the lens of the gospel, marriage to ian looks very sweet and wonderful, even if we were to be married tomorrow. God has given me a deep love, joy and attraction to ian, that has only increased in the last three years. when i am away from ian, i want to die. not literally, but i don't enjoy it. and nothing brings a smile to my face like seeing ian, and hearing him talk, and hearing him laugh.

all of this talk though forces me onto my knees at the foot of the cross, acknowledging that i have absolutely no idea what is best for my life or ian's, or what would honor the Lord most. so we will keep praying."

we did keep praying. as did steve. and then cancer came. and steve went. but not before he taught us to take marriage seriously, and to keep God big in our minds.

we did. on his birthday in 2010. two years ago today. standing at the top of the hill, my arm resting in my dad's elbow, a quick breeze came through the corn stalks rustling behind us. the sadness of his absence welled.

my dad walked me, both weak, unsure but happy, toward my waiting, disabled fiance. the summer air greeted us and i'm sure God was there in it. my sweet, sweet ian, he was there. so very happy to marry me. my best friend. next to his best friend, who helped him to stand. and we met God there and we said yes.

i dont know if we have birthdays in heaven, but steve you are so missed by us. today, but always.

and ian, you may not read this unless someone reads it to you. but nothing here is a better gift to me than you. and no words describe what you do for me and my heart. through oceans of grief and loss, from being trapped in that car to now holding my arm as you fall asleep, you are a delight. thank you, for not being afraid of what you couldn't do as a husband, for not choosing to give up, for somehow loving me. you every day help me to want heaven more.

the words you sang to me on my voicemail, weeks before your accident, are a ditto:

I can't see me lovin' nobody but you

For all my life

When you're with me, baby the skies'll be blue

For all my life

i love you. and our two years. may many more follow.

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Her father in law died before they got married... and Ian had only recently begun speaking again at the time of his father's death. Maybe she felt guilty that he died before they could get married, but they weren't even engaged at the time of his death, so I'm not sure what you guys mean.

Larissa had been dating Ian for almost a year at the time of his accident, and the next two years she spent with him, taking care of him while he couldn't even speak to her for almost two years. They were only about 21 years old when he was injured, and Larissa committed a huge portion of her young adult life to a man who wasn't able to speak, working with him in his therapies and rehabilitation every day. That's real commitment, I think.

Regardless of the amount of cognitive function he has, I think it would have been extremely difficult for her to just walk away from him. She started working with him out of love and hope that he would recover, but after a certain amount of time, leaving would probably feel like giving up on him. It wouldn't surprise me if she was depressed or unhappy now because of the difficulty she faces with everyday life, but I can't imagine she would have walked away from him, even without external pressure for them to marry.

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Her father in law died before they got married... and Ian had only recently begun speaking again at the time of his father's death. Maybe she felt guilty that he died before they could get married, but they weren't even engaged at the time of his death, so I'm not sure what you guys mean.

Larissa had been dating Ian for almost a year at the time of his accident, and the next two years she spent with him, taking care of him while he couldn't even speak to her for almost two years. They were only about 21 years old when he was injured, and Larissa committed a huge portion of her young adult life to a man who wasn't able to speak, working with him in his therapies and rehabilitation every day. That's real commitment, I think.

Regardless of the amount of cognitive function he has, I think it would have been extremely difficult for her to just walk away from him. She started working with him out of love and hope that he would recover, but after a certain amount of time, leaving would probably feel like giving up on him. It wouldn't surprise me if she was depressed or unhappy now because of the difficulty she faces with everyday life, but I can't imagine she would have walked away from him, even without external pressure for them to marry.

This is what I see in their story too. And walking away now is probably not what she wants and it likely wouldn't make her happy. She's in too deep to turn around. I hope if she is depressed ( like her blog kinda portrays her as), she gets tools she needs to make the best of her young life. She can feel fulfilled and find purpose in living regardless of her negative situation -- I just hope she doesn't simply pray away the depression.

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