Razing Ruth Hangs it Up

[ElphabaGalinda]

there was a new baby girl, born just before or after she left, too, wasn't there?

Yes there was...Ruth referred to her as Blessing, and I believe Ruth has never met her. I'm bad with figuring out timelines, but I think Blessing would be about 2 or 3 now, since she blogged about her birth. I just have more hope for the sister in her mid teens to escape sooner because she's almost legally an adult, and she'll be able to remember Ruth doing it. I always hope for escapes when it comes to fundie families, and since Ruth set the example, I think it could happen.

[Buggaboo]

Razing Ruth's blog is how I found FJ. Sooo happy that she's doing well.

Me too, every word!

NurseNell wrote:

lizziesmom wrote:

Since she started it to help her therapy it sounds like it has done what it was supposed to do and she is now able to move on with her life. I hope that little Ellie has a safe, happy life with her two mommys and never is exposed to her biological mother or the ATI lifestyle.

I hope that Ellie can someday know her bio mother. My kids are all adopted, the need to connect with one's mother is a deep need for many adoptees. I also thought there was some degree of openness in the adoption. We can never overlook the importance of birth parents. So much of who we are is genetic. The first time I meet my younger son's mother I felt like I'd always known her. As I thought about it it was because the son we share is so much like her. Ellie deserves to know her mother and the decision to know her should be hers alone, and no one else's.

I still believe Ruth's sister may leave again when she's stronger.

In the mean time, it sounds like her bio-aunt part will be available to answer questions Ellie may have (Ruth's still in touch with Ellie's family).

I feel very sorry for Rachel. My guess is everyone in her life is telling her to pretend that time she left (and the baby) never happened. She's going to try her best to keep sweet, but that kind of thing can eat away at you.

I congratulate Ruth on her decision to be something beyond former-ATI, and since that was the blog's purpose, the blog is done. I'm hoping one day her blog will be revised by a younger sibling who decided to leave and is staying with Ruth.

I hope that someday she can meet her bio mom, too, but at the same time it scares me to think she might be sucked in. I think in all likelihood her adoptive moms will raise her to be free thinking, healthy and independent, and that won't be an issue. But it still gives me the shudders.

As for Rachel, I think she fell into what was secure and familiar. Unfortunately what was familiar was control and emotional abuse. I, too, hope she gets out for good at some point. And I hope it is before she becomes embroiled in a marriage with a patriarchal man who will always consider her "damaged goods" and even farther beneath him than patriarchy already dictates (if thats possible :roll: ) AND before she start "making up for her sin" by popping out multitudes of "legitimate" blessings of her own. At that point, it gets so, so very much harder to leave. No impossible, but harder. So my wish for her is that she gets out before she is in too deep again and exposes another generation to this debilitating crap.

[BlueChair]

Since she started it to help her therapy it sounds like it has done what it was supposed to do and she is now able to move on with her life. I hope that little Ellie has a safe, happy life with her two mommys and never is exposed to her biological mother or the ATI lifestyle.

I hope Ellie has a safe, happy life with her two mommys and the exact relationship with her birth mother that she hopes and desires as she grows older. I'm not into deciding birth parents aren't worth it because they've made lifestyle choices we may not agree with. That's up to the child and what is in their own emotional and psychological best interest.

And I hope Rachel is able to realize that she's worth it and is able to make a permanent exit from Gothardism soon. It seems that it must take a high degree of shame and self-loathing to consent to being married off in that manner.

[marmalade]

Heck, I believed Ruth to be the real deal, but never donated. If she's lurking here, I'll throw my wishes for love and light onto the pile.

[razingruth]

Thank you for the kind words.

I finally figured out why I couldn't log in here for so long. I wasn't remembering the mixed caps in my password correctly.

I may partipate more here and not blog on RR any longer. As I said in the blog post, I don't seem to have much non-negative, ATI/Family related stuff to blog about and I don't feel like I'm only "that girl who left" anymore. I've changed and I find that when I'm writing on the blog, I *do* become less like me and more like that girl who I was. It's really strange and hard to explain.

Someone asked if I still have sisters at home. Yes. And, yes, one is a toddler. "Blessing" was my mother's "late in life" baby.

[lizziesmom]

I hope Ellie has a safe, happy life with her two mommys and the exact relationship with her birth mother that she hopes and desires as she grows older. I'm not into deciding birth parents aren't worth it because they've made lifestyle choices we may not agree with. That's up to the child and what is in their own emotional and psychological best interest.

And I hope Rachel is able to realize that she's worth it and is able to make a permanent exit from Gothardism soon. It seems that it must take a high degree of shame and self-loathing to consent to being married off in that manner.

I reread my posts and realized it may have come off a little uncaring and unfeeling which was not my intent. If Ellie wants to know her mother I hope it happens in a safe way for her. The lifestyle Rachel has returned to was not something she wanted her daughter raised in and it may be that Ellie is better off if she is never exposed to it (or Rachel since she has chosen to return to that way of life).

[razingruth]

I reread my posts and realized it may have come off a little uncaring and unfeeling which was not my intent. If Ellie wants to know her mother I hope it happens in a safe way for her. The lifestyle Rachel has returned to was not something she wanted her daughter raised in and it may be that Ellie is better off if she is never exposed to it (or Rachel since she has chosen to return to that way of life).

In all sincerity, after watching my sister devolve post-birth and return to ATI, I hope she doesn't have contact with Ellie until Ellie is an adult. There is enough available information, until then, for Ellie to know her biological roots if she wants to. I don't plan on losing contact with the adoptive parents and they seem really receptive to my staying in touch. Ultimately, it's their choice- she's their daughter.

You're right though. As much as she wouldn't admit it now, I *know* Rachel didn't want Ellie raised in the same way we were and that's the Rachel I want to hold on to.

[Markie]

Hey Ruth!

I've read your blog over the years and wish you nothing but well. I am glad you are out of that society and making a way for yourself in the world. I'm aso glad you are no longer "that girl" any longer. Although you can't see me, I am raising a large glass of wine to you. Cheers!!!

[razingruth]

Hey Ruth!

I've read your blog over the years and wish you nothing but well. I am glad you are out of that society and making a way for yourself in the world. I'm aso glad you are no longer "that girl" any longer. Although you can't see me, I am raising a large glass of wine to you. Cheers!!!

Cheers!

[Deleted06]

Ruth, you rock! Please stay active here, then we can get to know your views on lots of non-ATI stuff. Like you said, you're more than the girl who left ATI.

[razingruth]

Ruth, you rock! Please stay active here, then we can get to know your views on lots of non-ATI stuff. Like you said, you're more than the girl who left ATI.

I will try. :) I had an odd day, today, when neither job had me on the schedule, so I'm not doing anything. It's a little strange to have the time to catch up here.

I had an epiphany at work the other day, and that's what led to my blog post, really. I was talking to our greeter and another waitress and they were talking about growing up in their religions. I was being really quiet and one of them said, "(Ruth), you probably grew up atheist or something, right?" It shocked me and I asked why she thought that? She said it was because I didn't come across as religious. It opened my eyes to the fact that the world around me, and the people around me, would have no idea how I grew up if I simply chose not to tell them. I've spent the years since leaving feeling like I had a sign on my head or something or that I acted strangely/didn't fit in. I just had to laugh at her comment. When I told them I grew up in a "religion like the Duggar's", they were shocked.

[Deleted01]

I will try. :) I had an odd day, today, when neither job had me on the schedule, so I'm not doing anything. It's a little strange to have the time to catch up here.

I had an epiphany at work the other day, and that's what led to my blog post, really. I was talking to our greeter and another waitress and they were talking about growing up in their religions. I was being really quiet and one of them said, "(Ruth), you probably grew up atheist or something, right?" It shocked me and I asked why she thought that? She said it was because I didn't come across as religious. It opened my eyes to the fact that the world around me, and the people around me, would have no idea how I grew up if I simply chose not to tell them. I've spent the years since leaving feeling like I had a sign on my head or something or that I acted strangely/didn't fit in. I just had to laugh at her comment. When I told them I grew up in a "religion like the Duggar's", they were shocked.

That is so many kinds of awesome.

[Coconut Flan]

Ruth, I'm so glad that you're doing well and have reached the point where you aren't "that girl" any more. All the best to you and I hope you can keep checking in here.

[Yo Nurse]

Ruth, thanks so much for posting here! I admire your courage in escaping and wish you the best of luck!

[BravaAmica]

Thank you for the kind words.

I finally figured out why I couldn't log in here for so long. I wasn't remembering the mixed caps in my password correctly.

I may partipate more here and not blog on RR any longer. As I said in the blog post, I don't seem to have much non-negative, ATI/Family related stuff to blog about and I don't feel like I'm only "that girl who left" anymore. I've changed and I find that when I'm writing on the blog, I *do* become less like me and more like that girl who I was. It's really strange and hard to explain.

Someone asked if I still have sisters at home. Yes. And, yes, one is a toddler. "Blessing" was my mother's "late in life" baby.

I want to tell you how much I admire you for telling your story and living life on your terms. That's a rare achievement from anyone in this world.

And I hope you do contribute here.

[synchroswimr]

That epiphany moment is pretty great. Congratulations!

[ILoveJellybeans]

Way to go Ruth! Glad to hear you fit in with other non fundies, despite your upbringing.

[nokidsmom]

Ruth, kudos to you for having the strength to decide to live the live you want and going out there to get it. My very best wishes to you as you continue on your life journey.

[thekate]

Let me also add to the congratulations and best wishes!

[LucySnowe]

Ruth, I think it's great you're deciding what your own story should be. One of the things that really makes me scream about the fundies we discuss here is that there is this ultra-narrow narrative for women (with maybe some 'helping orphans' if they can't have kids of their own), so I applaud that you not only decided that wasn't for you, but decided it doesn't have to define you at all.

[nolongerIFBx]

Ruth,

I also used your blog for a paper at school in response to a statement that arranged marriage doesn't exist in the states. My classmates all wished you good luck!

[Destiny]

I wish nothing but the best for you Ruth. That moment when you realise you have become so much more than your upbringing is amazing. Be happy!

[NurseNell]

I too wish you well Ruth. You are a survivor and will do well in life, wherever you go.

[luckylibrarian]

I'm very happy for you, Ruth. If it's not too much trouble, please pop in once in awhile and let us know how you are doing.

[Daisy4]

I'm really glad that Ruth no longer sees herself as "that ex ati girl" and I wish her all the best in life. I admit, I'll be curious about where her life goes from here, but I understand and respect her need to stop blogging.

One thing that has been bothering me is the update on Rachel:

This man is obviously fundy so I think it would take something big for his wife to have left him. I just worry that he is abusive.