The Pearl Fangirl on Spankings and Mental Disorders

[Hane]

Children need immediate logical consequences if they are behaving in an inappropriate manner. Hitting is not a logical consequence. A logical consequence is something like not being allowed to go out and play after dinner because you did not finish your homework. Or, being removed from a restaurant because you are not behaving. I have seen parents who deal out empty threats. Their kids know they are empty threats and continue with the wrong behavior. The same goes for teachers.

I know that this works. Growing up, I had a tantrum in a restaurant my family was eating at. My dad took me to the car and sat with me while my mom and sister ate. Then, my mom came out and sat with me while my dad ate and my sister got desert. I got to eat a sandwich when we got home. I was not allowed to go to a restaurant again until after I had shown my parents that I would behave at the dinner table. It only happened once because I knew what the consequences were. Eating out was a privilege. No spanking was required in order for me to learn this lesson.

:clap: :clap: :clap:

Further proof that spanking=lazy parenting. Your parents put a LOT more effort into this teachable situation than they would have by hauling off and whacking you--and the result was that you learned something valuable that stuck.

Once, when my daughter was little, my mom took her out on the sidewalk to let her ride her bike, and my daughter took off in a way that was unsafe. When I got home from work, Mom virtually demanded that I spank her, but I refused--I just locked the bike in the garage and told my daughter she couldn't ride it for two weeks because she'd disobeyed and done something dangerous. She never rode her bike unsafely again.

Another time, she had a meltdown in the grocery store because she didn't want to sit in the cart. (It was a Friday, boiling hot, I'd just gotten out of work, and I was exhausted and had The Period From Hell, but I had to buy something essential.) So I got us through the checkout line--she knew how mad I was without my saying a word--and home. I told her that, if she was going to act that way, I could no longer take her shopping or out to eat. At bedtime, she said (believe it or not, this is an exact quotation from the mouth of a four-year-old), "Mommy, I'm concerned about two things: shopping in stores, and eating in hamburger restaurants." I reiterated the fact that people who threw fits were not welcome at either place. She replied, "It will NOT. HAPPEN. AGAIN." And it didn't.

[Claddagh]

I know that this works. Growing up, I had a tantrum in a restaurant my family was eating at. My dad took me to the car and sat with me while my mom and sister ate. Then, my mom came out and sat with me while my dad ate and my sister got desert. I got to eat a sandwich when we got home. I was not allowed to go to a restaurant again until after I had shown my parents that I would behave at the dinner table. It only happened once because I knew what the consequences were. Eating out was a privilege. No spanking was required in order for me to learn this lesson.

Same here when my family went to a restaurant. I only misbehaved once in public.

When I was young I had a babysitter who would spank me. I was about three or four and I misbehaved. I don't remember what I did but I remember the babysitter's son saying "Do you know that you were a bad girl?" I admitted to what I did. My babysitter who was a woman in her sixties walked up to me and slapped me hard across the face. I don't remember what happened after that or how the rest of the day went.

[SealFan1963]

Oh really? Well, I was spanked as a child and I have anxiety and depression, so I guess it didn't work. Maybe I just wasn't beaten hard enough. :roll:

BTW, I'm not a teacher, but I often work with children and have for some time, and I haven't ever encountered one child who was out of control. A few with some behavioral problems, sure. But out of control? No. I think children who are truly out of control are relatively rare, probably no more common than they were in the days of yore, and often the product of an abusive environment.

This is my experience too. I was beaten as a child and it made me fearful, especially of my mother, she would raise her hand to brush the hair off my face and I would flinch.

I'm not a teacher either, but have spent hours volunteering in the local schools and I have never come across a child I could not connect with and get to work with me, even the ones that were labeled 'out of control'.

[Trynn]

I remember the last time I was spanked. I was 8. I think. At least, that is the youngest I could've been. I know I was spanked before that, but I truly don't remember it.

Today, I have Depression, Borderline Personality Disorder, Anxiety, and a whole host of other issues, some of which came from spanking, some of which came from verbal/emotional abuse (which lasted longer than any spanking.)

I still tense up and get scared whenever any older man gets angry in public, especially with children.... it just brings back memories of what happened to me.

Though what NEVER made sense to me is, when the child is having a tantrum/crying, and the parent threatens to (sometimes following through, sometimes not) spank them "to get them to be quiet." It's like, spanking is just going to make them wail louder you dumbass!

[Kitty]

I have anxiety, depression, ADHD, and Tourette Syndrome. I have reason to worry about the possibility of bipolar disorder. I was spanked as a child. The spankings were infrequent, enough so that I can confidently say that all the mental/neurological/behavioral problems I have are not related to spanking. If I was beaten with a switch several times a day for hours on end like the Pearl fangirls like to do to their kids, all of that would be much worse. But really, they're all hereditary and the best way to control them is meds, therapy, and diet (in particular, watching my caffeine intake.) Spanking would have done nothing.

I have also struggled with a phobia of thunderstorms. My parents for a while did seem to think that the best way to cure me of it was to yell at me and ground me (???) It was much easier to deal with thunderstorms when I was around people who were much more understanding and didn't try to force me to do shit outside. My parents have since come around, because providing a distraction is a much better way to deal with someone's phobia.

quote="Trynn"]

Though what NEVER made sense to me is, when the child is having a tantrum/crying, and the parent threatens to (sometimes following through, sometimes not) spank them "to get them to be quiet." It's like, spanking is just going to make them wail louder you dumbass!

[Hane]

As annoying as a kid wailing in public is, smacking them will only make it worse. There are much more effective ways to shut them up, the best being taking them outside or leaving them at home.

So true. When a kid is melting down, no hitting/scolding/reasoning is going to work. Just remove them from the scene, if possible, and let them ride it out.

[Austin]

Well I do not completely agree with that statement. While it is true a teacher with poor management will have an out of control class, I am talking about the majority of GOOD teachers I have worked with. I am also talking not about an entire classroom full of children, but one or two children in a class of 33. I have taught one seriously out of control child a year for most of my 20+ years experience. Most of the teachers I know in this district have had the same experiences. I have seen out of control children throughout my school every year. I will say that my own children attended a suburban school in a middle class area and the same was not true in those classrooms. There were seriously out of control kids in our neighborhood school but they were USUALLY dealt with and received the services they needed. That is not always the case in an urban school.

It is not always the teachers fault! I'm sorry to sound so defensive but it feels like teacher season in America right now. It irks me when people look only at their own poor teacher experiences ( and of course there are some ineffective teachers out there) and think that is how every teacher is. It's just not true. My point was that I believe there are more out of control children in our country that you might think.

I agree with you on the open season on teachers thing. It's getting old. By and large, the majority of American children attend public schools and it is education for everyone, no matter what their issues.

I know for a fact that teachers with strong classroom management skills can handle the ill-behaved child just fine. These teachers learn and continually refine skills and strategies to deal with these issues and adjust accordingly. My husband has 31 low-income fifth graders in his class this year, with several children with identified issues, and his classroom is very orderly. He does not yell and he does not hit. In fact, I know many teachers with these strong skills.

Another reason that not any ole' person with a pulse can teach. There's a lot more involved than just conveying information.

[clover_leigh]

This freaking idiot! There are more documented cases of mental disorders now because they actually get diagnosed. Back in the 50s and 60s, mental disorders didn't really exist like they do now. Doctors knew so much less about them than they know now.

There are so many other ways to discipline a child outside of spanking. Even if there is a lack of discipline that doesn't mean parents need to bring out the paddles. Spanking is not the cure to our society.

This is everything I wanted to say. Especially the part about mental illnesses.

[AddieBelle]

Nitwit Lori did a blog entry in response to a recent Huffpost article that talked about study linking spankings to mental disorders. Since Lori is a Pearl fangirl, she defended her stance that spanking is a "training" method.

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2012/09/

^ spankings-cause-mental-disorder.html

^ bullshit my parents spanked us and nothing could help with my sisters behavior until she was diagnosed with ADHD and put on adderol.

[DarkAnts]

Same here when my family went to a restaurant. I only misbehaved once in public.

When I was young I had a babysitter who would spank me. I was about three or four and I misbehaved. I don't remember what I did but I remember the babysitter's son saying "Do you know that you were a bad girl?" I admitted to what I did. My babysitter who was a woman in her sixties walked up to me and slapped me hard across the face. I don't remember what happened after that or how the rest of the day went.

This is why I get so annoyed when parents let their children misbehave in a restaurant. It only took one teaching moment for me to learn not to do that. Yes, it was inconvenient for my parents to do it. But, its their job to teach their children to behave in public. I dont expect children to sit still and be mini adults. I do expect them to use their in door voices and stay seated. I understand that they are children and will get board. My sister solved this problem by having two draw string bags. She buys small coloring books from the dollar store and crayons. She puts them in the bag. Its simple, cheep and easy to bring along where ever you go.

I was abused at other points in my life. My mom is bipolar and she did hit me on multiple occasions. Hitting never solved the problem.