Does anyone else find this annoying?

[lilwriter85]

I've been reading the Ben and Katie blog for over a year now. They are the couple that was injured in a car accident three years ago. Ben has a brain injury and he was an Army Ranger at the time. Katie seems to come from a fundie lite background. Something about Katie bugs me and she seems to constantly praise the military to the point where it becomes annoying. She did posting on the third anniversary of the car accident. The below passage annoyed me.

katieandbenupdates.blogspot.com/2012/08/your-love-o-lord-reaches-to-heavens.html

Three years ago we almost lost our lives. We should have but God had other plans. I still wonder why and I still wonder why it wasn't me that was more seriously injured and not Ben. He did nothing to deserve this, neither did I but he is the elite soldier whom everyone respects and wanted to be. But then again when I tell him I wish I could switch places with him he reminds me that, "you would never be strong enough to do what I have to do."

I find the part about the elite soldier to be annoying because she makes it seem as if Ben was so much better than others because he was apart of an elite military group. I hate to break it to you Katie, but not everyone is going to think the universe of Ben just because he was an Army ranger. I do respect the military because my father was a veteran, but Katie's constant praising of Ben's military life and the military in general annoys me. I do hope Ben's condition improves.

[happy atheist]

It bothers me more that he tells her she would suck at having his injuries. What the hell is that about? Wouldn't you just say, "Sweetie, I'm glad you're not suffering like I am"?

[Guest Anonymous]

"you would never be strong enough to do what I have to do."

This is a really horrible thing to say. Why present it as if it's a good thing?

[Koala]

katieandbenupdates.blogspot.com/2012/08/your-love-o-lord-reaches-to-heavens.html

he reminds me that, "you would never be strong enough to do what I have to do."

I'm sorry, what? :shock:

[doggie]

I bet he was a line cook and told her stories.

[Morton Fan]

I bet he was a line cook and told her stories.

I bet! And I find it shocking that she would be flattered when he insulted her by saying she isn't strong enough to do what he does. For what it's worth, I think that having a spouse severely injured might almost be worse. You'd have survivor's guilt, you'd have to take on caretaking responsibilities, etc. in addition to feeling terrible about your loved one's injuries. The "Pray for Ian" blog discussed on FJ last week is a good example of this.

[gingernut]

I am sorry he was injured, but beyond that I think he sounds like a schmuck.

[lilwriter85]

The "you would never be strong enough to do what I have to do." line bothered me a bit. But Ben has a brain injury and he might not realize that line didn't sound too good. I think Katie is grieving over the loss of the pre-accident Ben, but she doesn't want to admit. If you look through her blog, there are several postings where she talks a lot about the things Ben did like iron man competitions, snow boarding etc.

[LadyBlue]

I've mentioned before that my husband nearly died a couple years ago & spent months in hospital. I felt awful him; all the pain & humiliation a long hospital stay entails. You know what. He didn't say I wouldn't be strong enough to deal with what he was going through,he told me he was sure I had it worse than him, trying to keep the house & kids together while spending 8 hour+ days at the hospital. I actually got annoyed with him because he went on & on about how strong *I* was. I found it frustrating because I felt like I was just doing what anyone would do; keep things together and just keep trudging through everything.

[Beeks]

I only check this blog occasionally. Not sure how to put this delicately, but does the husband's injury affect his intellect? And if it did, or even if it just completely changed his personality, would a fundie-lite ever divorce over that?

[Whimsical]

"you would never be strong enough to do what I have to do."

That is a bullshit, asshole thing to say.

[bionicmlle]

I read her blog and she CAN get a bit irritating but I think that 1) her military "sisters" give her a LOT of support and she identifies with them quite a bit and 2) Ben didn't actually say that but she's IMAGINES he'd say that. He doesn't seem that verbal.

edited for redundancy.... I have had too much wine.

[lilwriter85]

I only check this blog occasionally. Not sure how to put this delicately, but does the husband's injury affect his intellect? And if it did, or even if it just completely changed his personality, would a fundie-lite ever divorce over that?

I think Ben's intellect is effected but not severely. I think some fundie lite women might divorce a husband in that kind of situation. I think Katie is in for the long haul.

[lilwriter85]

I read her blog and she CAN get a bit irritating but I think that 1) her military "sisters" give her a LOT of support and she identifies with them quite a bit and 2) Ben didn't actually say that but she's IMAGINES he'd say that. He doesn't seem that verbal.

edited for redundancy.... I have had too much wine.

I think it is good that gets support from her military sisters. But it annoyed me a bit when she went to that retreat for wives of husbands injured in combat. I'm not trying to trivialize Ben's situation, but I don't think Katie should have gone on that retreat. She needs to focus on resources for TBIs caused by car accidents. I also have wondered if she imagines some of the things she says that he says.

[keeperrox]

Wait, is this the same couple who had to have a judge grant them permission to get married? Or is that another fundie-lite couple whose story is eerily similar?

[lilwriter85]

Wait, is this the same couple who had to have a judge grant them permission to get married? Or is that another fundie-lite couple whose story is eerily similar?

No that couple was Ian and Larissa. Ben and Katie had been married two years before the accident.

[Beeks]

I think Ben's intellect is effected but not severely. I think some fundie lite women might divorce a husband in that kind of situation. I think Katie is in for the long haul.

Wow. I'm going to be honest and say I probably wouldn't stay married to my husband under these circumstances (and I wouldn't want him to stay married to me in the reverse situation). Props to her, that's a tough life,

[lilwriter85]

Wow. I'm going to be honest and say I probably wouldn't stay married to my husband under these circumstances (and I wouldn't want him to stay married to me in the reverse situation). Props to her, that's a tough life,

I also give her props. But I agree with you, I wouldn't want to stay married to man under these circumstances. My mom's cousin suffered a severe TBI back in 1999. Her husband divorced a couple of years later, but he kept in contact with the family up until my cousin died from cancer. My boyfriend's mom is a retired occupational therapist and she has worked with TBI patients over the years and most of the spouses of the more severe patients do divorce them. My boyfriend is also friends with a guy who became paralyzed in an accident after he was married. Several people told that guy's wife that she should divorce him because she would be caring for him a lot. My bf's friend is paralyzed from the waist down and he is able to do a lot for himself. His wife does help with him with a few things.

The situation with Ben and Katie is pretty difficult. Ben's intellect is effected and his physical condition seems kind of bad based on some videos and pictures she posts. I recall a posting, in which Katie said that nurses come by daily or a few times a week. I don't think Ben is even semi-independent.

[desertvixen]

I think it is good that gets support from her military sisters. But it annoyed me a bit when she went to that retreat for wives of husbands injured in combat. I'm not trying to trivialize Ben's situation, but I don't think Katie should have gone on that retreat. She needs to focus on resources for TBIs caused by car accidents. I also have wondered if she imagines some of the things she says that he says.

I'm with you on both of these points... I can kind of cut her a little slack on the retreat thing, because a) someone higher up had to make the decision to give her a spot and b) she's dealing with a lot of the same issues.

[LilMissMetaphor]

I think she's suppressing a lot of resentment as well.

The way she posts pictures and talks about him now it's as if he's her child.

[lilwriter85]

I also she think she suppresses resentment. She is likely grieving over the loss of the old Ben. She used to post a lot of pictures of Ben prior to the accident and she is used to talk about how he was in a great physical shape and how he was apart of the Army Rangers. She hasn't posted pre-accident pictures in awhile, but this recent blog posting shows that she is sad that they aren't living the life she hoped they would have had. I have sympathy for her in that aspect, but it turned me off when she flat out said that he was an "elite soldier who everyone respected and wanted to be. "

[Milly-Molly-Mandy]

Wow. I'm going to be honest and say I probably wouldn't stay married to my husband under these circumstances (and I wouldn't want him to stay married to me in the reverse situation). Props to her, that's a tough life,

This. Working in a rehab hospital as an RN makes me too aware of this kind of thing & I told my fiancee this very thing. It would not be ME, who he fell in love with, but someone else & I would not want him to stay with me. And vice versa.