That wife = Pregnant?

[Sprocket]

Sadly , i can think of a much worse reason. My mom's brother died before she was born. Her mother's doctor told her to "get pregnant again to get over it" . My grandmother did. My mother then had the epic bad luck of being born on her dead brother's birthday. She was told constantly all of her life that she was her dead brother's replacement. :(

that entire side of the family is insanely screwed up.

Something worse than that.... same thing happened and the parents named the new little girl the dead little girl's name. I think they changed her middle name though.

[Wolfie]

I'm an only child. Now, given, I LOVED being an only child growing up. I was spoiled rotten being that I was the only child, only grandchild, and only niece (on one side of the family). I wasn't a brat, in fact I thrived and felt secure in knowing how loved I was. My parents divorced when I was 18 after 24 years of marriage. It dawned on me then that all of the decisions later on in life would fall to me. That's a big, lonely feeling. Now, my mom remarried some 7 years later but when it came down to her death, I made all of the decisions. My step-father called me (I was 36 weeks pregnant and 9 hours away when my mother died) and said that they would do whatever I thought was best. When the sun came up, I was the one arranging a funeral. I was the one calling the florist and calling all of the family. Not that my stepfather wouldn't, but he was 70 years old and was in such shock that he didn't really know what to do and who to call. He actually had a stroke 20 minutes before my mother's visitation -- it was just too much for him.

I say all that to illustrate that I had no one who shared my grief. My husband was wonderful but I was very much alone in the burden of making arrangements and later dealing with her death. I felt that no one could understand how I felt because my mom and I were a unit that transcended the traditional mother-daughter relationship. All anyone could say was, "I'm so sorry" and "I understand". But they didn't. No one knew her like I did. No one had been through what we had been through together. At that time in my life, I would have given anything for a sibling in order to say, "you know what she would have wanted, can you do x,y,z?" or spoken with later about the things that were too painful to think about let alone talk about with anyone else.

Luckily, my dad is in good health but it is not lost on me that one day (he's not getting married again, I don't think) it will fall to me to do the same thing. It's not that I DON'T want to do it, but I constantly question myself in wondering if I do/have done the right thing. In having no siblings, when my dad dies, my original biological family will be gone. I'll have my own family, but it's a lonely feeling knowing that the people who have known you from birth and shared all of your life experiences are no longer with you.

I just didn't want that for my boys. I wanted them to have each other when their dad and I are no longer here. We will have wills (which neither of my parents had/have grrrrr!) and instructions that spell out exactly what we want. We just want them to have each other down the line (EDITED: if they so choose!). It's a morbid way of choosing to have two children, I know. But I love both of our boys in ways that I didn't know possible before I had children. I would cut out my own beating heart for either one of them. But I will say that the realization at a relatively young age that I would possibly be alone with no immediate family scared the shit out of me and did influence our decision to have more than one child -- I didn't get married until I was 27, so that thought had a while to fester. And I have a very OCD personality, so fester it did.

But again, you're putting your feelings on your children. Who knows what it will be like when you die? or if the situation would have been different if you'd had a sibling when your mother died. My dad has siblings, but when grandma died, they weren't very much help, even though my dad is very loyal to his family- and my mom also did most of the work when her parents died. She did get support from her sister, though. Their brother died about 5 years earlier. I think that life is life, and very rarely do plans come out as we think.

After my experience loosing both of my grandmothers within a year (as well as my grandfather), I have to say that grief is really an alone thing. We all feel it differently, and having siblings or not doesn't make it any less lonely. I was VERY close to both grandmothers both as a child and as an adult.

If you want multiple children, go ahead- but don't do it onlybecause you think that they need siblings. I have two siblings, but as much as I care for them, I would have been fine as an only child.

And 27 isn't an old age to get married.

[treemom]

Sprocket,

The only things i hate about having an only child is all the stuff you wrote about. But then I realize my brother and I don't really help each other all that much, although we are close and love each other.

What. I would miss most out of my sibling is that shared experience of life. The retelling of the memories.

And to mitigate some of the hardness, we already have our funeral arangements and funds available for them.

[StarrieEyedKat]

Why doesn't she turn the office into T1's room? Does she really hate him that much?

I believe the excuse was "nurseries are for the parents, not the baby." I don't know how the hell they justified letting him live in the bathroom once he was beyond bassinet age. Probably the same reason they use for his play area only having, what was it? 5 toys?

[Wolfie]

Something worse than that.... same thing happened and the parents named the new little girl the dead little girl's name. I think they changed her middle name though.

Reusing a name is actually a very old practice. At one point every good Catholic family had to have a Mary in it, and while we knew about one Mary who was a great aunt who lived to about 10, my aunt once mentioned that there had been three- one died as an infant, one lived to be a toddler, then my great aunt was born, so she was not a Mary, and then there was one younger than her. She commented that she was so glad to not have been named Mary.

If you look at geneological stuff, you'll see a lot of it too.

We know now how bad it is to try to replace a child, but the attitude toward death was different when it was more common than it is now. I think that grief was more accepted and understood too- nowdays I feel like people just expect you to get over it and go on. It isn't that simple.

[Glass Cowcatcher]

Good lord, wanting to have more than one child and having another child to replace one that died are worlds apart.

[desertvixen]

She has said a few times that she needs a second child because T1 is too demanding, and another child will entertain him. That is the worst reason to have a baby that I have ever heard of. Some people argued with her on formspring, but she is adamant that having two children will mean they can take care of each other and she will totes have more time to work out and take photos.

Well, yes, eventually they might entertain each other, but that doesn't mean less work. My brothers are 2 years apart and let me tell you, they stayed entertained and made twice as much work for my parents. But we do have some awesome memories...

Plus, that's just a fucked up reason to have a kid. They don't seem to like the one they have, why have more?

[valsa]

I'm an only child. Now, given, I LOVED being an only child growing up. I was spoiled rotten being that I was the only child, only grandchild, and only niece (on one side of the family). I wasn't a brat, in fact I thrived and felt secure in knowing how loved I was. My parents divorced when I was 18 after 24 years of marriage. It dawned on me then that all of the decisions later on in life would fall to me. That's a big, lonely feeling. Now, my mom remarried some 7 years later but when it came down to her death, I made all of the decisions. My step-father called me (I was 36 weeks pregnant and 9 hours away when my mother died) and said that they would do whatever I thought was best. When the sun came up, I was the one arranging a funeral. I was the one calling the florist and calling all of the family. Not that my stepfather wouldn't, but he was 70 years old and was in such shock that he didn't really know what to do and who to call. He actually had a stroke 20 minutes before my mother's visitation -- it was just too much for him.

I say all that to illustrate that I had no one who shared my grief. My husband was wonderful but I was very much alone in the burden of making arrangements and later dealing with her death. I felt that no one could understand how I felt because my mom and I were a unit that transcended the traditional mother-daughter relationship. All anyone could say was, "I'm so sorry" and "I understand". But they didn't. No one knew her like I did. No one had been through what we had been through together. At that time in my life, I would have given anything for a sibling in order to say, "you know what she would have wanted, can you do x,y,z?" or spoken with later about the things that were too painful to think about let alone talk about with anyone else.

Luckily, my dad is in good health but it is not lost on me that one day (he's not getting married again, I don't think) it will fall to me to do the same thing. It's not that I DON'T want to do it, but I constantly question myself in wondering if I do/have done the right thing. In having no siblings, when my dad dies, my original biological family will be gone. I'll have my own family, but it's a lonely feeling knowing that the people who have known you from birth and shared all of your life experiences are no longer with you.

I just didn't want that for my boys. I wanted them to have each other when their dad and I are no longer here. We will have wills (which neither of my parents had/have grrrrr!) and instructions that spell out exactly what we want. We just want them to have each other down the line (EDITED: if they so choose!). It's a morbid way of choosing to have two children, I know. But I love both of our boys in ways that I didn't know possible before I had children. I would cut out my own beating heart for either one of them. But I will say that the realization at a relatively young age that I would possibly be alone with no immediate family scared the shit out of me and did influence our decision to have more than one child -- I didn't get married until I was 27, so that thought had a while to fester. And I have a very OCD personality, so fester it did.

You're assuming a lot of things here. You're assuming that if you had had siblings, they would have been any help with the planning of the funeral. In many families, one sibling deals with all the practical matters of things like funeral preparations and medical decisions for incapacitated parents because the other siblings can't or won't help. You're also assuming that if you had siblings you wouldn't be alone after you parents died. Many people have had all their siblings die before their parents or have siblings who they are estranged from.

I have one sibling- a brother who has AIDS. Barring an unforeseen accident, he’s almost guaranteed to die before my mother. I’m also estranged from him to the point that if our mother were to die tomorrow, I’d likely not be able to even get in contact with him for a few months. On top of all that, even if he did outlive our mother and if we were on speaking terms, he’s an impulse, selfish asshole who I’d never be able to rely on to actually do anything to help me out.

I don't think it's a good idea to have a second child solely for the sake of the first child because you're just pushing your hang-ups onto your children and trying to give them something, based on your own issues, that you cannot guarantee. You can't guarantee that when you and your husband are gone that both your children are going to be alive, that they're going to be close enough to talk to one another, or that both of them are going to be willing and able to help the other through their grief.

[Sola]

OK, who is this? This has got to be a fj'er!

bathroom baby â€@Bathroom_baby

@jennacole Does this mean I'm being upgraded from bathroom baby to closet baby? Will I get an old fridge box to sleep in? So many questions!

[Sola]

And this just pisses me off to no end.... after all this time. They could have put his teeny tiny pack and play on the wall adjacent to their bed. There was plenty of room. Grrrrr.... at "baby prison".

Edited to add link: thatwifeblog.com/2011/06/14/that-apartment-3/

Gah, she has the same costco kitchen mat that I've got. I feel dirty now.

[smores]

OK, who is this? This has got to be a fj'er!

I hope she answers... I know she won't, but there's always that little hope.

What a sad situation.

[smores]

I think it's more about the fact that she sticks her baby in a bathroom, ignores him for the most part, restricts his access to toys, gets annoyed when he doesn't play with them "the right way" and doesn't keep up with the therapy he needs.

:(

Very true, but she spun every single one of those decisions like it was the right thing to do and she was a better parent than you (general you) for doing so. She is a real piece of work.

[Palimpsest]

I think it's more about the fact that she sticks her baby in a bathroom, ignores him for the most part, restricts his access to toys, gets annoyed when he doesn't play with them "the right way" and doesn't keep up with the therapy he needs.

:(

I was just about to ask about T1's therapy. I don't follow ThatBitch regularly. So, did she stop it completely? The last time I looked at her blog or at GOMI she was about to fire the Early Intervention therapist because she a) didn't schedule visits for times convenient to ThatBitch and b) all the therapist did was *play* with T1 while TW was forced to watch. It never seemed to cross Jenna's mind that the therapist was demonstrating to her how to play with and interact verbally with a child.

His language delays were fairly obvious and he needed the therapy.

She seemed to have no idea how to interact with T1 and barely spoke to him. I talk more to my dogs! It was as though T1 was just an annoying thing that interrupted her on the computer. There was also a sad pic of the poor little guy holding on to her leg practically begging for attention. She whined in the picture caption that he made it hard for her to cook.

She pisses me off royally.

[Sinister Rouge]

She tweeted a little while ago that it's sooooo cute that her toddler likes to dip his finger repeatedly in salt and eat it. Pretty sure that can't be good for him, also pretty sure she doesn't give a shit. Poor kid(s).

[ShesCrafty]

She tweeted a little while ago that it's sooooo cute that her toddler likes to dip his finger repeatedly in salt and eat it. Pretty sure that can't be good for him, also pretty sure she doesn't give a shit. Poor kid(s).

Poor thing. I hope the reason he's doing that is simply because he's found something new and entertaining to do and not because of dehydration or vitamin deficiency. But with TW and her hang ups with food, I wouldn't be surprised.

[Sprocket]

You're assuming a lot of things here. You're assuming that if you had had siblings, they would have been any help with the planning of the funeral. In many families, one sibling deals with all the practical matters of things like funeral preparations and medical decisions for incapacitated parents because the other siblings can't or won't help. You're also assuming that if you had siblings you wouldn't be alone after you parents died. Many people have had all their siblings die before their parents or have siblings who they are estranged from.

I have one sibling- a brother who has AIDS. Barring an unforeseen accident, he’s almost guaranteed to die before my mother. I’m also estranged from him to the point that if our mother were to die tomorrow, I’d likely not be able to even get in contact with him for a few months. On top of all that, even if he did outlive our mother and if we were on speaking terms, he’s an impulse, selfish asshole who I’d never be able to rely on to actually do anything to help me out.

I don't think it's a good idea to have a second child solely for the sake of the first child because you're just pushing your hang-ups onto your children and trying to give them something, based on your own issues, that you cannot guarantee. You can't guarantee that when you and your husband are gone that both your children are going to be alive, that they're going to be close enough to talk to one another, or that both of them are going to be willing and able to help the other through their grief.

I didn't have a second child solely for the sake of them not being alone after their father and I die, although yes, it was a factor. I wanted more than one child for a myriad of reasons. My second son is the polar opposite of my first and he is perfect and the funniest little human I've ever known. Who knows if my children will like each other once they are grown. It's their choice to have a relationship with one another after they are adults, as it is their choice to have a relationship with us once they're grown. However, I hope that we give them a wonderful childhood full of love and they will have great memories of our time as a family. Anything can happen and I worry about everything, hence my complex anxiety issues. If we're lucky, when my husband and I are gone, they can find joy in their shared life experiences like Treemom said. All I want for each of them is to be happy. I will conceed all day long that being an only child left me with abandoment issues but I try not to reflect those onto my children because those are my issues that I'm working on through therapy and medication. I'm not having 14 kids so that they will never be alone. We chose two, a responsible number for our family's emotional and financial wellbeing. My husband and I find our own joy in watching both of our boys grow and learn new things. We love them as individuals not as "our oldest son's built in playmate" or "a pair that can count on each other when we die". Right now second son gets on first son's nerves; second son is so laid back that nothing really fazes him. I hope that eventually they will learn to play well together and have a good relationship, but if not, well then that's okay too. My husband and I will have our final wishes spelled out so that if they want to come together and mourn our loss, they can. If they choose nto to, that's fine too. Before my husband and I got married, we talked and dreamed of our future, like most couples do. We knew we wanted one child and no more than three. My husband is the youngest of three boys and has his own issues about being one of three kids. Two just happens to be a number that works for our family for now.

All I was trying to do was to give one perspective of what an only child may face. It has it's good sides and it's bad sides.

[ShadowyOne]

I don't follow this blogger, though I had gleaned enough from others' comments that she is the origin of the "in a pack-n-play in the bathroom" member status. But some of the other comments in this thread have me fascinated. I can't possibly stand to wade through all of her archives, but I've been trying to find the original entries for some of the most controversial topics, and I believe she's deleted them. Here are where I think they should be:

thatwifeblog.com/2009/08/the-marriage-powerpoint/

thatwifeblog.com/2010/12/day-in-the-life-with-an-eight-month-old/

thatwifeblog.com/2011/04/cheese-reporting/

I can still see the post from last summer with the pack-n-play in the (her words) "guest bathroom/T1′s bedroom"

thatwifeblog.com/2011/06/14/that-apartment-3

Anybody have the other original entries archived or have better skills with the wayback machine than I do?

[ShadowyOne]

Oh, yeah, I meant to add this much earlier!

"Jenna Cole â€@jennacole

I did a little more than graduate this summer. http://www.thatwifeblog.com Raise your hand if you suspected this might be the case?"

It's not a game! It's a baby! I hate when people are smug about being pregnant, as if it's an accomplishment.

AIv3sVv6Hig

[lilwriter85]

That Mom is the most un-Mormon Mormon mother I've ever encountered, in real life or on the Internet. Most Mormon moms take raising their children very seriously and would never stick a child in a bathroom. This woman is just plain weird.

I agree with you. I read some Mormon mommy blogs in which the women are very serious about raising their children and they are a couple of bloggers that talk about crafts and stuff they enjoy with their kids. As much as I dislike Stephanie "NieNie" Nielsen, she is a few steps ahead of ThatWife when it comes to Mormon motherhood.

[Sprocket]

But again, you're putting your feelings on your children. Who knows what it will be like when you die? or if the situation would have been different if you'd had a sibling when your mother died. My dad has siblings, but when grandma died, they weren't very much help, even though my dad is very loyal to his family- and my mom also did most of the work when her parents died. She did get support from her sister, though. Their brother died about 5 years earlier. I think that life is life, and very rarely do plans come out as we think.

After my experience loosing both of my grandmothers within a year (as well as my grandfather), I have to say that grief is really an alone thing. We all feel it differently, and having siblings or not doesn't make it any less lonely. I was VERY close to both grandmothers both as a child and as an adult.

If you want multiple children, go ahead- but don't do it onlybecause you think that they need siblings. I have two siblings, but as much as I care for them, I would have been fine as an only child.

And 27 isn't an old age to get married.

I was just trying to convey what I wanted and what I hope for. There is no gaurantee that any of that is going to happen. Everyone wants things in life. I can't demand that the universe fall in line with my wants, but it's okay that I want it. When my parents divorced I was 18, as I said. I have always had anxiety issues and worried about things that won't happen for maybe 20 years. (You know the line in Steel Magnolias where Julia Robers says to her mother, "You know I never worry because I know you're worrying enough for the both of us."? Yeah, that's me. I'm Sally Fields.) It just so happens that it was a very sobering realization that I had a big responsibility ahead of me since my parents wouldn't be responsible for each other. At some point, most people come to terms with their parent's mortality and what their responsibilties will be concerning the welfare of the parents in the future. For me, it dawned on me at 18 whereas it may not dawn on someone else until they're 35. I just had 9 years to think about (because my mom was never in the best of health) that if my parents die I will be all alone -- given that I wasn't married until I was 27. Which yes, is not old but it was just something that I worried about for a very long time.

[StarrieEyedKat]

Just because I can't stand this bitch, and emmiedahl reminded me yesterday - we musn't forget about the times that she and ThatHusband shaved T1's head IN THE BATHTUB, or that she used to put two diapers on him at night because she couldn't be bothered to get up and change him.

[lilwriter85]

I think this very short clip from Pretty Little Liars is a good way of describing ThatWife

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RfU4rn8-WAM

[stum_ble]

Just because I can't stand this bitch, and emmiedahl reminded me yesterday - we musn't forget about the times that she and ThatHusband shaved T1's head IN THE BATHTUB, or that she used to put two diapers on him at night because she couldn't be bothered to get up and change him.

I thought it was three diapers?

For whatever reason I was thinking about ThatWife the other day and hoped she had learned to cope with her food issues before getting pregnant again. Sad to see that's not the case.

[Witsec7]

I don't follow this blogger, though I had gleaned enough from others' comments that she is the origin of the "in a pack-n-play in the bathroom" member status. But some of the other comments in this thread have me fascinated. I can't possibly stand to wade through all of her archives, but I've been trying to find the original entries for some of the most controversial topics, and I believe she's deleted them. Here are where I think they should be:

thatwifeblog.com/2009/08/the-marriage-powerpoint/

thatwifeblog.com/2010/12/day-in-the-life-with-an-eight-month-old/

thatwifeblog.com/2011/04/cheese-reporting/

I can still see the post from last summer with the pack-n-play in the (her words) "guest bathroom/T1′s bedroom"

thatwifeblog.com/2011/06/14/that-apartment-3

Anybody have the other original entries archived or have better skills with the wayback machine than I do?

She flushed a lot of stuff when GOMI got on her last year.

[Palimpsest]

Just because I can't stand this bitch, and emmiedahl reminded me yesterday - we musn't forget about the times that she and ThatHusband shaved T1's head IN THE BATHTUB, or that she used to put two diapers on him at night because she couldn't be bothered to get up and change him.

Yep, and just in case people are not familiar with the head shaving incident and underestimate the idiocy -- there was water in the bath tub and a PLUGGED IN electric razor in use.

Was it 2 or 3 diapers? His poor little legs were at right angles!

Also, she really has scrubbed her blog of the worst posts. I just went and looked. However, I'm glad to see that she did follow through with speech therapy for him.