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New blog- emasculation of a newborn & other fundie goodness


Sprocket

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So I found this little gem while the kids are napping and I was browsing pinterest. She did a frugal kitchen makeover that I'm very envious of. I decided to take a peek at the rest of her blog to see what else she's about. And whoa! Just two posts in, I found a whole lot of expectations heaped on one little newborn.

And well, first there was this... with a whole lot of :?

At first I was scared to death to even call him anything sweet.

We've always called our kids sweet names, and with a boy I was afraid I'm ruin him if I would [thanks to his paranoid father :) ].

But after a week or so, I decided that this is my little baby, and boy or not, he's going to have sweet names.

Of course, hopefully a little more tailored for the Man-Child.

But he's become "Sonshine" and "Little Man" and "Sweet Son" and "Huddy" along with others.

We'll see what sticks. :)

And then followed by

I know nothing about raising a son.

I do know that I don't want to emasculate him and take away who a man really is just by wanting him to "be nice."

And yet since when are boys allowed to be selfish simply under the name of "they're just boys"?

[i'm not thinking of anyone in particular, just so you know!! :) ]

I want to come to terms with the fact that there is a side of boys that I won't ever understand.

I have two brothers: I know they're rough and tumble, they've got unbelievably energy,

they like things like basketball and skateboards and parkour.

[YIKES if my son ever jumps off buildings and does flips on the way down like my brother!]

However, I've also seen that men can be tender, they can learn to care about the people around them,

they can be taught [some] manners and [a great measure of] decency.

It will look different than it does with my daughters, and I want it to.

I want Hudson to be a he-man.

But I want him to be a Man in the real sense of the word, not just because that's his gender.

A man because he follows Jesus with all his heart.

I could barely get through this with all of the !!!:)] all typed together.

And then it's all about her

Now I feel like I'll be scrutinized by anyone who knows me, and poor Hudson will be watched like a hawk as he grows. :)

Maybe she just wanted another girl?

I think the aspects of raising a son have thrust me upon the Lord in whole new ways.

I realize afresh that this is far greater and far bigger than myself.

If not for Jesus, this thing of parenting and motherhood would be a dismal failure.

It is God alone that brings purpose, that provides strength,

that imparts wisdom to both me and to my children each day, moment by moment.

God doesn't just give us things to equip us for this task: He gives us Himself.

lifeisadance.xanga.com/

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I had a long, snarky response in mind, but I am so stunned all I can really type is: :doh:

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At first glance, I could dismiss this as just the ramblings of a new mom dealing with new territory. I also had a boy after 2 girls, and I knew nothing about raising boys.

What's different, though, is the concern about anything sweet = emasculating, and the reference to "his paranoid father". It makes me wonder what the husband is like.

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At first glance, I could dismiss this as just the ramblings of a new mom dealing with new territory. I also had a boy after 2 girls, and I knew nothing about raising boys.

What's different, though, is the concern about anything sweet = emasculating, and the reference to "his paranoid father". It makes me wonder what the husband is like.

This.

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This bothers me. I'm not opposed to the idea of differences between the genders. I observe them in my own circles of family and aquaintance.

But I think people like this get cultural "macho"ism confused with "Biblical Manhood." When looking through instructions to Christian men, there is no "macho" in terms of how they should behave. The closest it gets is honoring/protecting their wife. I don't know what that has to do with rough and tumble or jumping off roofs.

My boys are still "all boy" in spite of having been called such emasculating names as: sweetie, punkin pie, snookums, boo, baaaaabeeeeeee love, and whatever other random things came out of my mouth. I once accidentally called one of them "boobie", when my brain mixed his name with "goober" and it just came out. It did not ruin his male-ness. :p

It's not just behavior, but what they're allowed to "like". I love to make baby quilts but it is soooooo hard to find fabric that is interesting *and* gender neutral because apparently any kind of foliage whatsoever is "girly", even if it's bold colors and highly stylized.

I have a feeling that she would be horrified that my middle kid has a purple unicorn pillowpet and likes the floral sheets on his bed. He's not a "girly" kid. He's not soft or emasculated. He's not confused about his gender and he doesn't want to be a girl. He just finds those colors and patterns pleasing to the eye. Big deal. :/

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This bothers me. I'm not opposed to the idea of differences between the genders. I observe them in my own circles of family and aquaintance.

But I think people like this get cultural "macho"ism confused with "Biblical Manhood." When looking through instructions to Christian men, there is no "macho" in terms of how they should behave. The closest it gets is honoring/protecting their wife. I don't know what that has to do with rough and tumble or jumping off roofs.

My boys are still "all boy" in spite of having been called such emasculating names as: sweetie, punkin pie, snookums, boo, baaaaabeeeeeee love, and whatever other random things came out of my mouth. I once accidentally called one of them "boobie", when my brain mixed his name with "goober" and it just came out. It did not ruin his male-ness. :p

:/

Exactly. The whole problem of overly macho behavior seems to be connected to a deep insecurity.

What has reassured me, as a mom with 2 daughters and someone who didn't have brothers, in raising my son is that I have my husband to be there as a role model. My son is learning that being a man is about being a "mentsch" - being a hands-on father, being a loving husband, being an active and responsible member of the community, having a job which involves being available in emergencies and helping others every day. It has absolutely nothing to do with avoiding anything sweet.

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It's funny how all of these women think "Masculine = Asshole"

Men can be taught "some" manners? And "a great measure of" decency?

I know many men who are masculine in the best sense of the word (and usually in at least some of the macho-man aspects dwelt upon by the fundies). They all manage to use a napkin and not treat other human beings like shit. Otherwise nobody would bother keeping them around.

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He's a baby! Just love him! Cute nicknames are not going to emasculate him. Just don't call him those names in front of his friends when he is older and in school. Oh, never mind. He won't have friends or attend school.

I don't get all the angst over having a baby boy. I have both sexes and my kids all played dolls or trucks together. They all had and have nicknames and grew up to be reasonably well adjusted. No one is going to be emasculated by being called a cute nickname in a loving way.

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Theres not really much difference between a newborn boy and a newborn girl, other than whats inside their diaper. Just enjoy him.

I think that boys and girls should both have good manners, and should be expected to be well behaved, being a boy is not an excuse to be a rude little brat.

Nothing wrong with cute names, even on a little boy, as long as you dont use them in front of their friends and stop when they get embarassed about them.

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I don't have any brothers. Growing up there was myself and two younger sisters, and any one of us could have given a boy a run for his money. We did things like rough-housing and sports, and where my sisters were concerned, had endless amounts of energy. I was/am less energetic, but as 'the quiet one,' I was the one you had to really watch out for because the cogs were always turning. It's amazing the difference allowing children to just be themselves makes.

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I don't like how fundies mistake "masculine" for being a dick. Since when is talking about how you feel, or being sweet and polite a BAD thing? Where does the Bible say about boys being rough and tumble and ignoring their manners? For that matter, what parent can tell the difference between young children of different genders? Kids at that age can be rough or they can be sweet, they can be rude or polite. Parents' job is to teach them right and wrong and to properly treat others. I think fundies try way too hard to differentiate between genders because they feel so threatened by the "meshing" of genders---i.e women in the military, men talking about their feelings. Suddenly, the world seems like an insecure place because people aren't doing what they are stereotypically suppose to do. Fundies react by going the other way and making clear, delineating marks of gender differences. It makes me sad to see how these children will turn out. Does that mean young boys will grow up entitled and a bully to their wives? Does this mean young girls will grow up submissive and thinking they are only good as a doormat to their husbands? Do children from these families grow up troubled by not meeting the gender standards set at such young ages?

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These are people like the Maxhells, who kvell that Joshua looks *soooooooo manly and Chestica (or whatever her name is) is the epitome of femininity. At ages 4 and 5 weeks.

These are people like the ones who pointedly asked the Loomii about the "cute dress" they put on Nemmers. A blue romper with puffed short sleeves and smocking across the collarbone.

Stand down, friends of the Loomii. The Duke of Cambridge was dressed in poufy-sleeved, smocked rompers through his infancy and hes turned out okay. Deep breaths, folks. Deep, deep breaths...

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If being "masculine" was innate and natural, it wouldn't matter what she said to her baby, he'd end up a super manly man anyways. They see manly as a synonym for asshole, which worries me how the women expect to be treated after marriage. It's so sad this kid's being treated differently than his sisters. They're being raised to be submissive doormats and he's being raised as a controlling bully. It's equally sad for them if they turn out that way, and if they don't because of the backlash they'll get from their families.

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Oh my gosh! I bet half of the crazy men out there are crazy because their mothers didn't call them cute names or hug them enough! I know it sounds like a cliche but it's probably true. If men are brought up showing they have to be tough and told to stifle their emotions it's not healthy!

I love how she's already mapped out how he'll like sport because he's a boy...like girls don't do parkour

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I have 4 boys. My youngest is just a baby. He gets lots of snuggles & hugs & funny/sweet nicknames (lately he's my little bug; short for cuddle bug). So did the others when they were babies. I still sometimes call my nearly 11 year old "bunny". Just not in public. Somehow they are all definitely boys. The eldest has manners and is even *gasp* learning to clean. He ran the dryer today (just got tall enough to get stuff from the washer). He wants to be a chef.

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"Sonshine"? What, is she going to be spelling it out loud when she says it?

OT, but wtf is that child sitting in?

http://x46.xanga.com/fe2e2be134437282999562/m225637969.jpg

That looks kind of uncomfortable and ratty - really, you can get a nice little bouncer for under $20.00, esp. if you go to a consignment shop. Or maybe black canvas is just more masculine.

BoyKay has Minnie Mouse sheets on his bed sometimes, and sometimes he sleeps with pastel "girly" blankets. He likes them - who cares? BabyKay has been promised a toy broom next time I go shopping, because he's always stealing mine and trying to sweep (and usually whacking himself upside the head with the too-long handle). He also grabs wipes when they're left out, and uses them to try to polish furniture. Am I supposed to get out the plumbing line? I also refuse to cut his curls, and am very disappointed that Victorian-style baby gowns are so hard to find - I'm already sourcing them out in hopes of #4 getting to wear some, boy or girl, at least for pics. I'll still be keeping the cotton gowns and sleepsacks I already have for everyday wear. Yes, my girl AND my boys all wore "dresses" in the first months. Any child of mine obviously doesn't have a hope in Hades.

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I also refuse to cut his curls, and am very disappointed that Victorian-style baby gowns are so hard to find - I'm already sourcing them out in hopes of #4 getting to wear some, boy or girl, at least for pics. I'll still be keeping the cotton gowns and sleepsacks I already have for everyday wear. Yes, my girl AND my boys all wore "dresses" in the first months. Any child of mine obviously doesn't have a hope in Hades.

The everyday victorian toddler gowns are pretty easy to make. I made one for my niece, and I'd recycle it for my nephew if I took him reenacting with me, but I think my mom would flip out that it's pink. (doubt my SIL would mind actually) It's too bad that something that is an appropriate boy color for Victorian is now a girly color. (it is a double pink, so it would be normally worn by an infant/toddler male or a slightly older to teenage girl, unless it was a girl infant/toddler wearing a handmedown.)

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What you call a kid is just that, especially at such a young age. It doesn't make them more stereotypically "feminine" or "masculine". Only their personal nature can do that and it might not anyway.

I often absentmindedly call Small and Smaller "comrade". "Can I get you a wee drink of juice, comrade?" :lol: I do not think it has made them full fledged Party members. It's generally me thinking of other things at the same time and I don't notice until my mum or their dad or uncle laughs.

Why not call a wee boy a cute name? It's not going to suddenly change them to a wee girl. I despair with these guys. They seem to have chucked all the rules of normal human interaction out the windae.

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I have 4 boys. My youngest is just a baby. He gets lots of snuggles & hugs & funny/sweet nicknames (lately he's my little bug; short for cuddle bug). So did the others when they were babies. I still sometimes call my nearly 11 year old "bunny". Just not in public. Somehow they are all definitely boys. The eldest has manners and is even *gasp* learning to clean. He ran the dryer today (just got tall enough to get stuff from the washer). He wants to be a chef.

My poor boys, especially my oldest. See, I didn't know that I could emasculate him by calling him all sorts of sweet little nicknames. He's gone through "Punky" (which was *gasp* a female tv character in the 80's. Punky Power!) It came from Punkin', so oh well. Right now he insists that he's mama's "stink bug" because it makes him laugh and "monkey do" because I said "monkey see, monkey do" and that's the one he likes best.

We went to Home Depot today and you would have thought that we had carried him to Disney World. Not for the tools, but they have a large collection of dryers. The kid loves to do laundry more than he likes to do anything. All he wanted to do is look at the washers and dryers. I'm glad that my husband isn't "paranoid" and he walked around showing him all the colors and asking him which ones he liked best.

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The everyday victorian toddler gowns are pretty easy to make. I made one for my niece, and I'd recycle it for my nephew if I took him reenacting with me, but I think my mom would flip out that it's pink. (doubt my SIL would mind actually) It's too bad that something that is an appropriate boy color for Victorian is now a girly color. (it is a double pink, so it would be normally worn by an infant/toddler male or a slightly older to teenage girl, unless it was a girl infant/toddler wearing a handmedown.)

If you could perhaps enlighten me on how to do so, or direct me somewhere, I would be very grateful! :pray:

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Funny that you never hear anyone worrying about how to raise a daughter after having several sons. I have found raising several boys a very easy, natural job. My daughter, well..... she is sweet and kind and everything you want your child to be but I do find parenting her far more challenging than her older brothers. (My boys were called wee lad or laddie when little. My daughter then got the same out of habit. It took ages to change to wee lass.)

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OK I did it the other way round, boy first and then girl but I never felt terrified about her being a girl in the way this blogger sounds about her son. She was just a baby! At that age the only difference really is during the nappy change! I don't think you can force stereotypical roles in children that young anyway. My daughter's first clothes and toys were her brother's hand-me-downs. Despite that she still ended up as the girliest girly girl ever. The moment she discovered dolls she cast aside the toy trucks (except to use them as prams for her dolls!). As for pink, she's had clothes of all colours but you give her the choice and it's pink every time.

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It is funny, people asked "what's it like having a girl" after three boys and so far.....not much different, lol. She's a fat squishy baby just like they were. Sweet and adorable just like they were. Does.Not.Sleep. Just like them, lol.

The only notable difference so far is that she is a *lot* more "verbal" than they were at a few months old, using babbling and tonal changes trying to communicate. The boys were all late to babble and very late to talk.

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OT, but wtf is that child sitting in?

http://x46.xanga.com/fe2e2be134437282999562/m225637969.jpg

That looks kind of uncomfortable and ratty - really, you can get a nice little bouncer for under $20.00, esp. if you go to a consignment shop. Or maybe black canvas is just more masculine.

That is a Baby Bjorn bouncer that actually would have been pretty expensive brand new. This one looks like it has been through the wringer, and it does look pretty uncomfortable.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B001GZJU4K/ref=cm_sw_su_dp

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