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Equal's not the same...


dairyfreelife

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Or how to turn a tragedy into a bullshit notions about gender difference

She starts off by discussing marriage advice that nonfundies don't get because of "political correctness":

grandmas would give the girl last minute advice about how to keep a man happy: don’t turn him down in bed. Keep a nice house. Keep dinner ready. And he’d hear some advice of his own: tell her you love her constantly. Tell her she’s beautiful. Cherish her.

All I have to say is I was given that advice I'd be pissed. Our sex life is our business, we'll keep our house just fine and if I married my current bf someday, he loves to cook so he'll probably have dinner ready for me quite a bit when he's not traveling. ;) And I don't want to be told he loves me unless he means it. I'd tell him the same. I don't want to be cherished, just loved and respected as a person. I don't think I'll ever understand why fundies don't see that those two things go hand in hand for both spouses regardless of gender.

Too often our quest for equality has been characterized by a quest to eradicate any perceived difference. And perhaps that’s one reason many marriages flounder.

Yes, that's totally it. She hit the nail on the head. :roll:

And then we get back to the usual:

We don’t talk about how women desperately need to feel loved, and how men desperately need to feel respected and affirmed. We don’t talk about how important sex is to a man, and how important affection is to a woman.

Haven't I heard this bullshit before? Like a hundred times before. And it's still as fucked up as ever.

Then we get to the wtf:

Last week, among the dead in the Colorado shooting were Jon Blunk, Matt McQuinn, and Alex Teves. All three men died jumping in front of their girlfriends, shielding them from the bullets. All three women survived. While I am in awe of their actions, and incredibly saddened that the world lost three such honourable people (among the other victims), I cannot say that I am surprised. Hardwired into men is a desire to protect.

Yes, let's use a horrific tragedy to make a point about why men and women are different and ignore all the elephants in the room staring right in her face. What a tool. :evil:

tolovehonorandvacuum.com/2012/07/equal-doesnt-mean-the-same/

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Then we get to the wtf:

Yes, let's use a horrific tragedy to make a point about why men and women are different and ignore all the elephants in the room staring right in her face. What a tool. :evil:

tolovehonorandvacuum.com/2012/07/equal-doesnt-mean-the-same/

Plus, you don't have to be a guy to save someone. I present this woman, who stayed with her friend during the attack.

http://www.cnn.com/2012/07/23/us/colora ... ism-obama/

It's not a sex-based thing, it's just a humans being brave and decent sort of thing.

Edit because I suck at the quote feature. :oops: Fixed now :P

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Plus, you don't have to be a guy to save someone. I present this woman, who stayed with her friend during the attack.

http://www.cnn.com/2012/07/23/us/colora ... ism-obama/

It's not a sex-based thing, it's just a humans being brave and decent sort of thing.

Edit because I suck at the quote feature. :oops: Fixed now :P

Not to mention, I'm pretty sure two of those men she's talking about were military. So acting immediately in the face of danger and protecting is kind of something that's been trained into them as soldiers, not as men.

And why do they always think that there is a conspiracy to eradicate gender? While I'm sure there are plenty of qualities that are true (IN GENERAL) of both men & women, it is stupid to assume everyone fits into strict gender roles or that any one person can speak for their entire gender. My husband is a very good cook. I am not at all. Does that mean he is not a man and I am not a woman because we don't conform to those stereotypes? I don't get it.

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Last week, among the dead in the Colorado shooting were Jon Blunk, Matt McQuinn, and Alex Teves. All three men died jumping in front of their girlfriends, shielding them from the bullets. All three women survived. While I am in awe of their actions, and incredibly saddened that the world lost three such honourable people (among the other victims), I cannot say that I am surprised. Hardwired into men is a desire to protect.

She forgot the woman who jumped in front of her friend when the friend was shot, then carried her out.

She also forgot the 13 year old girl who tried to save the 6 year old.

She also forgot the man who put his own baby down and ran out leaving his girlfriend and two kids.

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Wildlife officials credited a woman with saving her husband's life by clubbing a mountain lion that attacked him while the couple were hiking in a California state park.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16817149/ns ... ghts-back/

If we are going to make the case that all men are equally as brave as these three men, we would have to also believe that all women are as brave as the elderly woman who saved her husband's life from a mountain lion.

I'd like to know how anyone knows what mothers and grandmother's told their daughters before their wedding night. :roll: Fundies and conservatives assume that because marriages used to last longer that they must have been happier unions. The reason that our many of our foreparents remained married was because it was economically, socially and legally difficult to divorce. Today, there is more freedom to leave an unhappy marriage.

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Last week, among the dead in the Colorado shooting were Jon Blunk, Matt McQuinn, and Alex Teves. All three men died jumping in front of their girlfriends, shielding them from the bullets. All three women survived. While I am in awe of their actions, and incredibly saddened that the world lost three such honourable people (among the other victims), I cannot say that I am surprised. Hardwired into men is a desire to protect.

If there was a noise in the middle of the night, my ex-husband would make me get up and check it out. I also handled all the medical emergencies in the family, including my own. The only thing that asshole would protect was his beer supply.

Must be because I didn't admire him enough. :roll:

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"Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come." -- Proverbs 31:25

I hate rhetoric that men and women are “opposites†merely because of the anatomical differences necessary for sexual reproduction. Males and females are born, they require air and sustenance to survive, shelter to thrive, and eventually everyone of both genders will die. If sex-linked differences were so deep and innate as fundies claim, there's be no need to bar women from testing for certain occupations; few women would pass, and even fewer women would be interested in trying. No fuss at all.

The problem for the patriarchy is that there's enough overlap –- strength, the desire to raise kids, skills in math, well-developed verbal communication, etc. -- between men and women that some members of one gender will choose, and excel at, roles more often associated with people of the other gender. So much for trying to put everyone in a neat little box -- and so much for linking all the real power to professions from which women have historically been barred for no honest reason.

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On the other hand there's Jamie Rohrs, who bolted out of the theater when the shooting started, and made it out to his car before wondering about his girlfriend and kids he left behind in the theater.

Then again, since the tragedy led him to propose to the mother of his 4 month old, perhaps this tragedy was God's way of setting them on the path to hetero marriage? :roll:

"Separate but equal" has been tried time and time again, but it never gets the equal part right.

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She talks about how you shouldn't "eradicate" the "differences" between men and women... but we should instead eradicate the differences between individuals such that all women are like all other women and all men are like all other men? What?

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On the other hand there's Jamie Rohrs, who bolted out of the theater when the shooting started, and made it out to his car before wondering about his girlfriend and kids he left behind in the theater.

Then again, since the tragedy led him to propose to the mother of his 4 month old, perhaps this tragedy was God's way of setting them on the path to hetero marriage? :roll:

"Separate but equal" has been tried time and time again, but it never gets the equal part right.

Thank you for posting so I didn't have to. +1

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I'm so sick of fundies saying 'men and women are equal but not the same' and then using it to justify subjugating women. All I ever hear is it used as reasons why women should fit a role and serve men and be under there authority. I never hear any actual evidence of them being equal.

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The problem is fundies want a system where women are powerless against abusive men. It's like saying that a benign dictatorship is awesome because someone is always looking out for you....only people can quickly point out that humans can easily mistreat others if given the power to do so without repercussions. I see the same with fundie marriages where men are in charge and women have little say. Of course, the answer to all this is to pray for your husband's change of heart. Somehow domestic abuse is ok as long as it's within the confines of marriage. Fundies sometimes elevate marriage to such an extent that they excuse criminal behavior within it.

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If there was a noise in the middle of the night, my ex-husband would make me get up and check it out. I also handled all the medical emergencies in the family, including my own. The only thing that asshole would protect was his beer supply.

Must be because I didn't admire him enough. :roll:

I don't think it is is either/or. While it would be nice if all men were hardwired to protect, not all are. I think the ones who don't (meaning the abuser variety) are of the creepish minority.

Then again, I thnk some men just freak out and run. Not because they don't want to protect, but because they are human..

I would like to think that the man who ran out of the theater ran back in after he came to his senses.

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We don’t talk about how women desperately need to feel loved, and how men desperately need to feel respected and affirmed. We don’t talk about how important sex is to a man, and how important affection is to a woman.

Someone should tell this to my boyfriend. If I haven't told him I love him recently, it bothers him, a lot. He knows I respect him and that I affirm him. But weirdly, he doesn't like being "affirmed" that much for some reason. Like if I thank him too much for something he's helped me with, he gets annoyed.

I, on the other hand, really want to be thanked for stuff I do. I want to be respected for my abilities.

And while we're on the subject, I think affection is more important to him than sex. I kind of hate how much he wants to caress me affectionately all the time. In my mind, there's sexy time, and there's getting stuff done. Sure, cuddling can be nice, but good God, I do NOT want to stay in bed cuddling all day like he does.

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I don't think it is is either/or. While it would be nice if all men were hardwired to protect, not all are. I think the ones who don't (meaning the abuser variety) are of the creepish minority.

Then again, I thnk some men just freak out and run. Not because they don't want to protect, but because they are human..

I would like to think that the man who ran out of the theater ran back in after he came to his senses.

He drove away.

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