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Oh gosh you guys! She went to college, worked, and had been in love before meeting her husband - no wonder they quarrel. this is full of awesome. I just found the above amusing. it actually pro-education even for women so progressive by Duggar standards.

There would be a thread about me and you would all be mocking me relentlessly. I thought about that earlier when I was singing the chorus of The Butt-Wiggling Song for the umpteenth time today (with accompanying choreographed dance.) I just adore my grandpibble, but he's what one would call a lively dog. Or a handful. So I do what I did when my kids were small and also getting a little too rambunctious (I had 'lively' children. No surprise as according to my mom I was a 'lively' girl myself) and that is ... out silly them. See, sometimes the chaos and the noise makes me want to yell and get cranky. And I don't like me that way so I subvert it with made up songs and ridiculous dance numbers. Or sometimes puppet shows with socks and potatoes. Or free form poetry disguised as rap battling the four legged ones. I always win - I suck but I'm more verbal than the dogs are and the cats just ignore me. Once, when my youngest kidult walked in while I was in the middle of signing my latest hit, "Who's My Sack of Love Potatoes?" he stopped and just stared stonefaced until I was done. I reminded him I did this to them when they were small and his reply, "I know. Sometimes I wish you'd have just smacked us instead." I don't know where he gets his sarcasm.

To start sucking. A little after 5:00 this morning I woke up and when I went to get a up a shot of pain went through my head. Turns out my arm was on my hair and the harder I tried to get up the harder I was pulling it. As this was happening I tried to open my eyes but they'd been crusted shut from crying last night so for a few scary seconds this morning I was wildly disoriented, blind, and trapped by my own hair. Went back to sleep and about an hour later was jolted awake when one of the cats knocked a metal cat bowl off the dresser and it hit the hardwood and rang out like a shot. Got up and took something for my then throbbing head and went back to sleep...until about 45 minutes ago when I sat bolt upright when a Johnny Cash song at full volume assaulted by ears. No offense to Johnny Cash fans. Idk when my son decided to join your ranks and that is a wholly unacceptable way to finally greet the day. Even with a splitting headache (coffee is helping) and much morning weirdness I feel better than I did last night. I need to brew some tea so I can use the bags to hopefully bring some of this eye swelling down, not that looking like I am riddled with mumps isn't a wildly attractive look. Late start, but it was a late night. I'm going to finish my coffee, pour another cup, set my schedule for today in 20 minute increments, and plow ahead.

I'm sorry that I've not come back with this blog and tips and tricks! I took a vacation - the first vacation I'd taken in 8 years! - to Seattle in March, where I got to finally meet my best friend in person, and we got to go see Hamilton on tour! Then I fell into a Stardew Valley on the Switch rabbit hole, and I was a bridesmaid in a wedding, and then... well. Work. Lots of work, lots of turn around. And Cubs games on TV to watch, and my boys in pinstripes kind of take precendence since I get to watch so few games because of work and refusing to shell out $90 a year for MLB.tv. I might change my focus of this blog (because I have a fafillionty Stardew screencaps!), but I'll try to still put some makeup stuff in here too.

Just checking in. Have been crazy busy for the last month or so. Doing what? (Asks no one...) working long hours on the biggest project of my career. dealing with the logistics of my divorce including now having to pump my own gas, which is ridiculous. keeping a low profile so until I'm capable of communicating without bleeding my barely contained messy psyche over even innocuous comments. (You're welcome) coming to grips with my full blown Cinderella complex which is an affliction I've always had, but completely forgot about until it flared up and took over my life getting slapped in the face with shitty messages from the universe which are crystal clear and unambiguous and even I can only ignore for so long before I need to accept. And respond...

I thought it might be a good idea to have a place to write about what's going on in my life, since big things are rapidly happening. First thing is that I'm getting married April 2016. Possibly even March. It's happened pretty fast but there's really no reason to wait since we don't want a party or a big wedding, and the sooner we're married the sooner my fiance can apply for a spouse visa and live here full time. I'm so happy and excited to marry him, I wish we could do it even sooner. I really couldn't hope to find a better partner than him <3 Second thing is that I'm disabled and live with chronic pain. I've finally managed to get in to see a pain clinic that offers comprehensive treatment. That comprehensive treatment means 5 hour sessions with everything from psychologists, psychiatrists and surgeons. Three five hour sessions. That's going to be really hard for me. I hate talking to strangers, especially strange doctors because doctors have been so fucking useless to me for the past 15 years of my life. My fiance will be able to come to my final appointment with me (thank god), and my mother will come to the first (you have to bring a relative/partner to certain appointments) but I know she's going to say stuff that will humiliate me because she has zero fucking tact. I'm also going to have to work on fixing up my apartment that I haven't lived in for 2 years so my fiance can move into it with me. It's going to be a bit of an adjustment, going from living by myself, being on my own all day to living with a partner full time. He has a job lined up (not that he can be paid until his spouse visa is approved) that means in a few months when his tourist visa expires he'll be out of the house most of the day. I never really saw myself as the stay at home wife type, but here I am. Hopefully we can both finish up our degrees and one day I'll be in a position to work. I don't want him to have to be the breadwinner, that's too much pressure on top of having to move half a world away. He's prepared to do it because he's wonderful, but it's not what I want. So yeah, got to fix up the apartment. Needs tons of cleaning (which I can't do, but my family is helping). I'll have to sort a lot of my shit into boxes and put the boxes... somewhere. God knows where. It's a lot going on at once for me and it's a bit overwhelming. On top of all that I'm really sick at the moment. Like, can't get out of bed for more than a trip to the bathroom or kitchen for a glass of water. If anyone actually reads this (which I doubt), don't worry. I'm sure I'll be on to bitterly eviscerating episodes of A Game of Thrones in no time at all. God damn, the writing on that show...

So as I mentioned the other week, I'm moving. TOMORROW, in fact. I've been a bit sad to move out of my little flat - it's in a rough area but I haven't had any issues - at least until today when I noticed some douchebag had KEYED MY CAR. Seriously? My second-to-last day of parking here and someone decides to key it. Luckily, it's not too bad - i managed to rub the surface off and it's not as bad as it looked initially. Just to make matters worse though - I didn't even notice until the man who'd come to fix my windscreen pointed it out. Yep, in the space of a week my windscreen cracked and my car got keyed. LOL. What the hell. I'm doing okay, though. It will be expensive to fix and I'm pretty protective of my car, but at the end of the day - it's a hunk of metal and I'm not hurt. Things could always be worse.

Sooo, I am going to be moving in with TShirtsLongTrousers next week... Aaargh! We've been planning it a while but we've finally put down the deposit and first month's rent so it's really happening. I've never lived with a boyfriend before (no one has ever put up with me long enough for us to get to that stage) so it's a huge deal for me. I am SO excited. We have been going out about six months (not too long I know, but we were friends for a year before that) and we've been spending literally every weekend together and it's been kind of a slog going to and fro. I love spending time with him, he makes my bad days better and my good days GREAT, and honestly that's all I've ever wanted in a relationship. A nice anecdote - I phoned my nana and my gran to tell them. They were both very happy. My nana (who does tend to go off on tangents) said not to tell my great-auntie - I said why? - she jokingly said, "because you should be MARRIED!" To which I said "I'd rather live with them first to see how much we annoy each other!" She cackled a lot and then said "you know me, I've never been one for moralising. If you're happy that's all that matters. You could phone me up and tell me you were having a sex change and I'd just say oh, okay! It wouldn't bother me! People go on about how being gay is wrong and stuff like that but honestly it doesn't matter, if you're a good person and you treat people well, I don't care!" My nana is 70, by the way. She rocks! I'm not gonna lie - I'm slightly nervous. We both live alone right now, and I know there will be some teething problems most likely. Luckily, we have a dishwasher (we both HATE washing dishes!) and I've spent long periods of time at his before and felt very comfortable, so I'm sure we can iron out any problems. It's a perfect flat. It's far enough out of London to be affordable, but close enough that I can still get to work. It's where his family are and is accessible for my family, too (I live across the country from them). And the town has everything we need socially - a cinema, restaurants, pubs, a lovely park. The flat itself is gorgeous, too - all sleek and modern and new. When we saw it advertised, it said "Suitable for a professional couple" and I turned to him and said "WOW! We're a professional couple! We could totally get this place!" It also has room for my family to stay. I'm so happy!

Here's a thing to think about: If you want to try and do your bit for the world and live a bit more aware of the ecological impact you have on the world, how far should you take it: Do you let slugs live in your garden to eat all your food? Do you kill mosquitoes that suck your blood? Do you let nits live in your hair, because if they make their home in it, that's where they want to live? Do you take a milder stance and try to rehome them: Collect and leave your slugs elsewhere so they annoy someone else? Try and catch mosquitoes to put them outside? (good luck!) Removing your lice/nits and find a different home for them? Or do you just say fuck it and poison them all?

A year ago, my life was about to change, though I didn't know it. I had one of three kids at home living with me, as well as the housemate-who-wouldn't-leave who, between drinking binges, helped around the house and caused problems. Within 60 days I would be scrambling to find a new place to live and fighting for more time in an eviction that was simultaneously a relief and scary. What have I learned in the past year? I have learned that I am much stronger than I know. I have learned that I cannot depend on my mom to save me. (This has been both disheartening and liberating -- it depends on the day.) I have learned that I really, really miss having my kids living with me. I have learned that I can live with far less stuff than I thought I could. (I have gone from a two bedroom, one bath house with lots of storage to one bedroom in a large house.) I have learned that I have some amazing friends who have stuck by me through thick and thin, and been supportive no matter what (while also not being afraid to tell me when I'm a screwup). I have learned how to communicate more effectively with the man in my life. And finally, I have learned that I am capable of far more than I ever thought possible. My life is not perfect now -- far from it -- but I have some great days mixed in among the mundane. There has been lots of pain, but there has also been a great deal of laughter, love, and understanding. Would I change what I've gone through in the past year? Sure. Am I better person for it? Most likely. Thanks for joining me on this journey.