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  1. HerNameIsBuffy

    This almost never happens...

    I've got a lot of problems, but they are usually a variation of my subset of usual problems and I can figure stuff out. I may get pissy about it, but I usually know what I'm should to do even if I don't want to. I'm not always right about the best course of action, but I'm usually sure I'm right at the time. Indecision has never been an issue for me. Until now. I have a huge decision to make and need to give an answer tomorrow. I've had 3+ weeks to over think it and I'm no closer to having the slightest idea of what I'm going to do. At this point wait until I am asked and be surprised by whatever I blurt out might be the way I go. In my life I honestly cannot recall a time where I was this lost. It's not a decision anyone can make for me, or believe me id have tossed it to someone else 3 weeks ago and told them to let me know how it lands. I'm at a major fork in the road of my life and I need to pick a path. Each path has very good reasons to choose it and equally good reasons to avoid it at all costs. One path has the potential to be okay or end badly...the other has the potential to be really great or be okay or end catastrophically. Part of me wants to stick with the safer option and try to convince myself I'm doing it because it's the smart thing to do and not out of fear of the unknown...which it totally is. But the other part of me wants the riskier option and trying to convince myself that it's the smart thing to do and not because I'm selfish and broken...which is also likely true. And although no one else can make the decision either way will deeply affect the people I love most. That's an added element of difficulty from hell. Because either choice could hurt them or be better for them, depending on variables I cannot know until I pick a path. Ive talked about with people I trust who know me (and I'm sure they're sick of hearing about it.) They listen and encouragie me to trust my gut and will support me no matter what. I tried doing that thing to trick myself into an answer by imaging someone I loved had the same issue. I'd listen and tell them to trust their gut and I'd support them no matter what. I wouldn't have advice. I tried doing that just blurting out an answer thing to try to get my subconscious to have a fucking opinion...but in truth what I really want is to take neither path. I want to sit at my metaphorical crossroads and refuse to move. But that's definitely not an option or this wouldn't be a dilemma at all. I can't live with myself if I make such a major decision based on a coin toss....but it's looking like more and more likely. How is it possible to not know what to do? I know people who live their lives in a state of indecision and if this is what it's like i have tremendous admiration that they can get through the day....this is all consuming. oh, btw "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush" and "no risk, no reward" are contradictory idioms so not helpful at all.
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