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I thought it might be a good idea to have a place to write about what's going on in my life, since big things are rapidly happening. First thing is that I'm getting married April 2016. Possibly even March. It's happened pretty fast but there's really no reason to wait since we don't want a party or a big wedding, and the sooner we're married the sooner my fiance can apply for a spouse visa and live here full time. I'm so happy and excited to marry him, I wish we could do it even sooner. I really couldn't hope to find a better partner than him <3 Second thing is that I'm disabled and live with chronic pain. I've finally managed to get in to see a pain clinic that offers comprehensive treatment. That comprehensive treatment means 5 hour sessions with everything from psychologists, psychiatrists and surgeons. Three five hour sessions. That's going to be really hard for me. I hate talking to strangers, especially strange doctors because doctors have been so fucking useless to me for the past 15 years of my life. My fiance will be able to come to my final appointment with me (thank god), and my mother will come to the first (you have to bring a relative/partner to certain appointments) but I know she's going to say stuff that will humiliate me because she has zero fucking tact. I'm also going to have to work on fixing up my apartment that I haven't lived in for 2 years so my fiance can move into it with me. It's going to be a bit of an adjustment, going from living by myself, being on my own all day to living with a partner full time. He has a job lined up (not that he can be paid until his spouse visa is approved) that means in a few months when his tourist visa expires he'll be out of the house most of the day. I never really saw myself as the stay at home wife type, but here I am. Hopefully we can both finish up our degrees and one day I'll be in a position to work. I don't want him to have to be the breadwinner, that's too much pressure on top of having to move half a world away. He's prepared to do it because he's wonderful, but it's not what I want. So yeah, got to fix up the apartment. Needs tons of cleaning (which I can't do, but my family is helping). I'll have to sort a lot of my shit into boxes and put the boxes... somewhere. God knows where. It's a lot going on at once for me and it's a bit overwhelming. On top of all that I'm really sick at the moment. Like, can't get out of bed for more than a trip to the bathroom or kitchen for a glass of water. If anyone actually reads this (which I doubt), don't worry. I'm sure I'll be on to bitterly eviscerating episodes of A Game of Thrones in no time at all. God damn, the writing on that show...

Why put this all online instead of talking to my friends? I’ve always been the listener in my friend group, but when it comes to talking about my own life I tend to feel like I’m wasting their time. Plus, almost all of them are married now, and have children. They've long since left this stage of life in the dust. Why one more year? Because dating is exhausting and I’m tired of the cycle of crushing to crushed and back again. Because if I continue waiting for the one, I’m afraid the rest of life will pass me by. A little background about me – I’m in my early thirties and I’ve never been in love. Growing up I was always the shy, ugly girl that no guys paid attention to. However, I have had one boyfriend in the recent past. It was not a match made in heaven. Here are the current key people: The Ex – Twenty-five years my senior. Half of the time he is one of the most generous guys you’d ever meet. The other half, he’s an emotionally abusive, unapologetic a**hole. He’s a workaholic who hasn’t taken a day off in over a year. To complicate matters, we still work together and are still friends. The Brit – My current crush. He lives in England. I do not. He’s cute and has that oh-so-sexy accent. We frequent the same forum and belong to a group chat on Skype. We have a lot in common but he might have his eye on someone else. Muscle Man – Met through a mutual friend. He really likes to work out. Me? Not so much. We used to go to school together but never had any of the same classes. Our mutual friend claims he’s interested, but he took three months to get in contact. Not sure we have much in common but I’m willing to get to know him.

So, I guess I'm starting to write a proper blog. Feels weird, because I can never really commit to these things, but guess I'll try to do it now that I have a little more time. So guess, this'll just be a start, an introduction, probably comprised of information you may have already gathered if you pay attention to my posts regularly. I'm 21 years old, college student (Senior now, haha) going to graduate December 2016. My major is Music Performance (clarinet) I go to a large, diverse, public state university on the east coast with a very good art school, in a swing state. I grew up in a suburb very close to DC. I'm an American citizen by birth, British citizen by descent. Just finished a semester abroad at a prestigious conservatoire in the UK. I enjoy political discourse. I'm a closet Hillary supporter (some of my Bernie supporting friends would annihilate me if they knew.) My fascination with fundies comes from the my totally secular upbringing. Specifically, my immediate family is almost the opposite of the Duggars (I'm the youngest of two, very well educated parents, grew up liberal and secular, totally not in the country, went mostly to public school, except during high school) I also like food (especially Asian food), traveling, doing my makeup/nails, clothes, and taking baths. And I'm getting back into coloring. Thanks FJ. Might write something more relevant later. LOL.