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Why put this all online instead of talking to my friends? I’ve always been the listener in my friend group, but when it comes to talking about my own life I tend to feel like I’m wasting their time. Plus, almost all of them are married now, and have children. They've long since left this stage of life in the dust. Why one more year? Because dating is exhausting and I’m tired of the cycle of crushing to crushed and back again. Because if I continue waiting for the one, I’m afraid the rest of life will pass me by. A little background about me – I’m in my early thirties and I’ve never been in love. Growing up I was always the shy, ugly girl that no guys paid attention to. However, I have had one boyfriend in the recent past. It was not a match made in heaven. Here are the current key people: The Ex – Twenty-five years my senior. Half of the time he is one of the most generous guys you’d ever meet. The other half, he’s an emotionally abusive, unapologetic a**hole. He’s a workaholic who hasn’t taken a day off in over a year. To complicate matters, we still work together and are still friends. The Brit – My current crush. He lives in England. I do not. He’s cute and has that oh-so-sexy accent. We frequent the same forum and belong to a group chat on Skype. We have a lot in common but he might have his eye on someone else. Muscle Man – Met through a mutual friend. He really likes to work out. Me? Not so much. We used to go to school together but never had any of the same classes. Our mutual friend claims he’s interested, but he took three months to get in contact. Not sure we have much in common but I’m willing to get to know him.

The concept of having to talk to someone and having to socialize bores me, don't get me wrong i'm not an introvert, even though that's the impression most people have of me, i'm very outgoing when i feel like it but it has to be on my terms. It's funny because everybody says that either i'm shy or i'm a stuck up, which is far from the truth. Another big issue is that I get tired of people very easily. When someone dissapoints me or do something that I don't like, I give up on them, plain and simple. Right now I'm trying not to give up on one of my best friends who is going back to her old ways, she was a pain to deal with, every single person needed to make an effort to stay in her life because she's always busy and pulling lame excuses, I was one of them. She almost lost me and her fianceé broke up with her at the same time last year because of her BS. After a few great months, she's behaving that way again. I'm pissed right now but really trying to let it go. So, I guess therapy is working, I'm battling really hard against my worst judgement and when depression tries to hit me, I hit it back. I'm currently feeling strong and powerful unlike my old weak me.