Chapter 18 - Down the Chocolate River.

Mr Winks tells everyone not to worry about Augustus, and that's cool with me. He's barely a character in this book and now he's gone. One other thing about the previous scene - Mr Wonka mentions to the Oompa Loompa that he might need to grab a stick and fish out Augustus. So maybe this kid is unconscious! Risk of drowning if he is. If not, why can't this kid climb out on his own? How big are these pipes? Is there hair mixed into the chocolate?

Okay, so moving on. Wonka somehow managed to create a giant boat out of a "enormous sweet" and inside of this boat are 100 of his "oompa loompas" who are all paddling and laughing. Wonka tells everyone not to worry about the laughter and get in the giant pink Viking boat which is in the middle of a chocolate river which is inside a large factory. Does this factory have some sort of "bigger on the inside" magic going on?

Mike TeVee licks the boat and Wonka yells at him. 

How old is this kid? Who goes around licking marine vehicles?

Shockingly, Veruca wants a boat, and lots of oompa loompas, and a chocolate river. Grandpa Joe remarks that she needs a kick in the pants. 

Now I'm conflicted. Because, yes, child abuse is wrong. Grandpa Joe suuuuuucks. He let the family starve while he smoked a pipe in bed. He made his wife and two other people smell tobacco while starving. And then one day he's like, oh, hey I'll get out of bed and take Charlie on a field trip to a factory. But Veruca does need some sort of metaphoric kick in the pants. 

Obviously her dad never forced her to work at their business. He should have made her work with his employees to teach her the business. Donald Trump's dad also should have taught him the value of hard work.  Because that's what Trump is, Veruca Salt, reimagined. "I don't understand wind" indeed. 

Charlie and Grandpa Joe marvel in their surroundings. Wonka sees this and offers them some chocolate in a cup, from the river. The same river where a very gross boy was swimming moments ago. Charlie and Joe are grateful and Charlie feels warm. Wonka remarks on their general skeletal like appearance and poverty.

They love the chocolate and the river speeds on. 

Then comes the most terrifying scene in cinema history. 

They pass some store rooms with puns, and store room 71 contains whips. Wonka SAYS they are for whipping cream, but I think he might be kinky. Or he's whipping oompa loompas but I don't want to think about that.

Boat stops. Next chapter is the everlasting gobstopper chapter.