The problem is that we're too focused on self-esteem. We've all heard our whole lives that self-esteem is the key to success, happiness, confidence, career goals, etc.
The problem with nurturing self-esteem is that it's too emotional / self-obsessed / introspective.
If you're constantly focused on yourself and rooting around for the 'problem areas', you're going to feel crappy. And that's why when you sit down and watch a YT video and someone says "girl, just accept yourself" you can't figure out why you can't do it. It's because you know yourself better than anyone, and when you look at yourself, you're going to see your flaws.
It's not wrong to dislike your flaws, but it is wrong to obsess over them.
It's natural to have low self-esteem when you're young.
The solution: stop esteeming yourself so much.
Taking a realistic view of yourself is hard to do, but it reveals a lot about your life.
1. It's easy to be jealous of what others have. The antidote is to be grateful for what you have.
Caitlin has always struggled with wanting what other people have. In Kindergarten she wanted to switch faces with a friend because she thought the friend was prettier.
Caitlin recommends writing down 5 things a day that you're grateful for. She hated it when she began, but now she could write pages.
2. If you want higher "self-esteem" (yes, she used air quotes with a bonus eye roll) don't focus on high self-esteem, focus on self-improvement.
Women have to nurture things in their life to build self-esteem. Our bodies, social life, our relationships, our home, our goals, our talents, our faith life, and our inner soul life. All that needs to be nurtured so we can feel like we're improving, and so we can feel confident.
Sometimes you feel crappy about yourself, because you're in a crappy state. Caitlin felt crappy when she was 15lbs heavier (she states she knows it was still healthy and she still looked fine and no one told her she didn't look good). But she felt slow and tired and for a long time she tried to accept that she was just that way. The only thing that made that go away was improving herself. Caitlin says she doesn't look the way she envisioned, and then shows us her perfectly fine leg and says she has 'her big calves'.
Earn your confidence through self-improvement.
3. Step away from that heightened emotional state. She feels she's a poster child for these issues. She lowered the amount of emotion she applied to her personal problems, and that is how she left that heightened emotional state.
Caitlin has been to counseling and recommends it.
We do a lot of this to ourselves because we're so emotional.
Caitlin didn't get anywhere until she stopped wallowing.
Focus on helping other people.