I've had a particular house recur in my dreams ever since I was little. In my dreams it's usually my Gramma's house, but it's not the one she had irl. In fact I've never seen this house outside my dream.
There are two stories but I've only been on the first level and the basement. I remember a few dreams walking up stairs to a locked door, but I don't recall ever being on the second floor.
Until last night.
I walked up the stairs with the cranberry colored carpet and came to a door that was not only locked but had been painted over many times with thick white paint, The hinges had disappeared under layers of paint.
I turned the knob and the door opened easily. I walked into an upstairs landing that was bright and clean...sunlight streaming in through french doors that opened onto a balcony. I walked down a hall peeking in rooms...in awe at how comfortable and sparkling it all was. There were several bedrooms, a bathroom with gorgeous blue tile, a cozy living room.
The furnishings were soft, comfortable...lots of white and blue with accents of navy and pink. Overstuffed and comfortable....beautiful floral patterns but not too many. Welcoming, comfortable, warm....cozy and open. The light scent of fresh flowers was in every room.
My Gramma was downstairs but I didn't speak to her. My mom was there, in her apricot colored bathrobe. I turned to see that she had followed me up the stairs and ...
Somehow I knew this was mine. The upstairs belonged to me, not the house, not my Gramma...but me.
I asked my mom why I had never been able to open the door before and she smiled and brushed my hair away from my face, as she always did and said, "Because you never needed it before."
I've been having a lot of nightmares lately, with my anxiety bringing life my darkest fears ... this was a welcome respite.
It's stayed with me all day. I knew in the dream and I knew when I woke that it wasn't about the second floor or any physical place. It was a message that I have what I need to get through this difficult time...I just didn't know because I never needed it before. And all I have to do to unlock it is walk through the door and embrace it.