After mercilessly killing off a character we barely remember last week, where can the Simpsons go next? Why, destroying a relationship, of course! Probably for five minutes, at least. Let's find out which Springfield couple, friendship or family will be torn apart.

No opening credits. Couch gag: The family finds Itchy and Scratchy fighting on their couch. Itchy is kicked out, and Scratchy moves in, but proceeds to trash the house. Homer brings back Itchy to kill him, ensuring a happy ending and possibly solving the mystery of decades of Itchy and Scratchy cartoons.

Having watched every testicle-accident video on the Internet, Bart and Milhouse turn to some forbidden websites. This includes a red-band trailer for an upcoming film. Homer is outraged by the brief nudity and locks the computer up. On top of that, he orders Bart to clean is room, behaving like an actual parent for the first time in a decade. However, this fails when Bart refuses to listen to him. Later, Marge suggests that Bart is actually more like Homer than he thinks. She suggests, for some reason, that Homer clean Bart's room in the night and thank him for cleaning it in the morning, probably because she is drunk. This immediately launches a Discipline Bart initiative, which includes forcing him to eat broccoli (and Lisa a sundae, just by collateral damage). Spending days at a standoff, Homer is forced to have Marge draft his fantasy football team rather than give in, while Bart misses the greatest fight in schoolyard history (Martin finally gets his revenge, from the sound of it). After 46 hours, Lisa develops a solution - she will make two smoothies, one with broccoli and one without, and never reveal which one has the hated vegetable. Bart promptly ruins this by knocking over the glasses. Homer tries to force him to lick the table clean, they get into a major fight, and Marge turns to the only logical solution - having them kidnapped - sorry, shanghaied - and put on a boat together.

Yeah, it's some kind of Outward Bound thing, and Flanders and kids are there too, despite being more or less perfect. Captain Bowditch, a sailor-slash-therapist played by the one and only Nick Offerman, is there to encourage father-son bonding and impeccably clean decks. Meanwhile, Marge is devastated to get negative feedback on the team she create for Homer, but Lisa assures her it's just trash talk. Marge decides to pray about it, and I can already tell that this is going to be dull beyond words. Alarmed by the constant trash talk in church, she even decides to take out the wi-fi. I really can't imagine where this is going.

The captain tries to get the men to sing their feelings, only to get crickets in response. Homer is taken out of commission by a sudden bout of scurvy before anything can be done. While he is sent off to eat a bunch of lemons, Bart is forced to build character on his own. I don't know, I'm not really feeling Nick Offerman in this role. We need a snarky line to liven it up. We do, however, get some nice HMS Pinafore as background music, though it lacks vocals from Sideshow Bob.

Bart turns out to excel at sailing, which enrages Homer. He argues, rightly, that he should be allowed to choose what he wants to pursue. The Captain supports this, giving him the position of midshipman - which means having authority over Homer. When Homer complains, he is chained up for his troubles.

The sail continues, as CFK wonders what kind of drunken bet resulted in this episode's premise. Bart revels in his authority, while Homer grits his teeth. Marge complains that fantasy football turns all men into pigs. Selma challenges her to defeat one of them at the game in order to prove her dominance. We get some kind of fake documentary/newscast detailing her struggles, which is quite well animated. Despite barely knowing what football is, Marge pulls ahead.

The Captain comforts Bart about Homer's disrespect. They catch Homer guzzling from a flask. A recovering alcoholic himself, the Captain confiscates the rum, and winds up relapsing. He and Homer wind up getting wasted together. And just as he's out of commission, a storm approaches...

The leftover fathers and sons get to work saving the ship, which somehow patches all their relationship problems. Bart is next in the chain of command, and tries to steer them to safety. However, Homer still refuses to follow him. To show that he is serious, Bart pulls a piece of broccoli from his pocket and eats him. Homer immediately leaps to action. Everyone gets back safely, Homer and Bart dance a jig, and the Sea Captain expresses his regret at being left out of the voyage to make room for a guest star. As he mopes over his loneliness, the opening credits come up. Nick Offerman sings over the end credits with Dan Castellaneta, which is strangely underwhelming.

The Simpsons tends to do well when focused on family, but this episode kind of floundered. Marge's story was blatant padding, barely connected to the main plot at all. Nick Offerman's role was also fairly superfluous, which is criminal when you consider his comedic talents. While the plot between Bart and Homer started out well, it ultimately fizzled out a bit - but it did provide some good moments. Overall, I would rate this episode as fair, or "stupendous" by Season 26 standards. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a flask and a barrel full of lemons waiting.

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