The TLDR of exposition is I've never struggled with anxiety until this year, so this is a new adventure in hell for me. The combination of my life falling to shit at the same time peri-menopause decided to commandeer my hormones to attack me emotionally...let's just say I'm not the happiest I've ever been lately.
I got a few hours of broken sleep last night and woke up feeling unrested and full on anxious. The kind of anxiety you can feel in your skin...that sickening tingly feeling that goes along with the fear.
Then the super fun cycle of my head telling me I needed to eat to stave off a migraine while my stomach was telling me in no uncertain terms to not even think about it. Nothing soothes anxiety like violent dry heaves!
So I brush my face and wash my teeth and go back to bed. I put on a guided meditation type video and followed along with the deep breathing as I snuggled against my big dog. (Smaller dog was also in bed, but at the foot and out of cuddle range.)
He is part mastiff, part rot and is a good 135 lbs. So you see I was not exaggerating, big dog is indeed accurate.
I was buried deep under a sheet, down duvet, soft fleece blanket, and a light quilt because that sometimes helps. I was focused on the video and my breathing and the closeness of my pup when he decided to help...
He got up and changed positions and lay across me. I have often wished I had one of those heavy anxiety blankets, but I don't...apparently he decided to be that for me. It really helped.
I didn't move as I didn't want him to shift off me...he was comfy and I felt safer somehow....and I continued to breathe and meditate along with the video.
The plan was to calm down and get to some level of functionality but I fell asleep. Woke up a few hours later grateful for the needed sleep, annoyed I'd slept away most of the morning, and feeling marginally better.
I ate, so the threatening migraine clouds seemed to have moved on leaving only a normal headache, but my digestive system is punishing me for daring to eat.
I would really like the various parts of my body to get together and work out some kind of feasible plan for functionality. I am so uncooperative with myself.
As bad as things are at times the hero of the story this particular day is my gentle giant. He knew exactly what I needed and just quietly gave it to me without fanfare...for the price of reciprocal cuddles.
(It is almost time to start dinner and I have done nothing all day except meditate while trying to set the world record for vomiting in a day.