3 minutes ago, Mama Mia said:

Wow. That’s a really extreme reaction! I hope friend A got therapy or something. I could see not being able to handle throwing the baby shower, even explaining to friend B that it was just too raw and emotional for her to participate — but to completely cut her off as a friend and think it was insensitive for her friend to even celebrate? That’s showing some really deep issues. And if she already has a child, she’s bound to come across little girls at play groups, the park, school - she realistically can’t isolate herself from that….

She never got therapy and actually had major issues with her own sister while she was pregnant. Once her sister had a boy, they were best of friends again. So unhealthy. I heard through the grapevine a few years ago that she had a second child and had a daughter. Now she acts like life is amazing and her family is complete. She still mentions her first daughter a lot (rightfully so), but I'm really hopeful that she doesn't compare her living daughter to her first daughter. 

15 minutes ago, viii said:

True, we don't know what goes on behind the scenes, and perhaps I'm projecting a little.

I had two friends that were best friends and had been since elementary school. So they had years of deep, solid friendship. They were both in each other's weddings, etc. Friend A got pregnant and Friend B threw her a massive baby shower. Everyone was so excited. Friend A gave birth at 39 weeks to a stillborn daughter. Entire friend group was devastated for her and did everything we could to support her. Two years after the loss, Friend A went on to have another child, this one a boy. Friend B threw another baby shower (this time after he had already arrived) and everyone was so happy. Two years later, Friend B gets pregnant. Friend A starts to get a little cagey. Doesn't know if she'll come to the shower, let alone throw it. Friend B finds out she's having a daughter and tells Friend A before the shower so she isn't surprised by it. Friend A is furious that Friend B is having a daughter and cuts her out cold turkey. Never speaks to her again. Removes herself completely from the friend group and tells everyone that we weren't supportive of her loss and it was incredibly insensitive for Friend B to have a baby shower for her daughter when Friend A never got to raise her daughter. 

Soooo.... I understand situations like this can be tricky. I understood Friend A was hurt but I also thought Friend A was a bad friend for not being happy for Friend B for something she can't control (ie the sex of her unborn baby). This is what I mean by it's a fine line between protecting yourself but also sometimes having to put your own issues aside to support a love one. 

Wow. That’s a really extreme reaction! I hope friend A got therapy or something. I could see not being able to handle throwing the baby shower, even explaining to friend B that it was just too raw and emotional for her to participate — but to completely cut her off as a friend and think it was insensitive for her friend to even celebrate? That’s showing some really deep issues. And if she already has a child, she’s bound to come across little girls at play groups, the park, school - she realistically can’t isolate herself from that….

True, we don't know what goes on behind the scenes, and perhaps I'm projecting a little.

I had two friends that were best friends and had been since elementary school. So they had years of deep, solid friendship. They were both in each other's weddings, etc. Friend A got pregnant and Friend B threw her a massive baby shower. Everyone was so excited. Friend A gave birth at 39 weeks to a stillborn daughter. Entire friend group was devastated for her and did everything we could to support her. Two years after the loss, Friend A went on to have another child, this one a boy. Friend B threw another baby shower (this time after he had already arrived) and everyone was so happy. Two years later, Friend B gets pregnant. Friend A starts to get a little cagey. Doesn't know if she'll come to the shower, let alone throw it. Friend B finds out she's having a daughter and tells Friend A before the shower so she isn't surprised by it. Friend A is furious that Friend B is having a daughter and cuts her out cold turkey. Never speaks to her again. Removes herself completely from the friend group and tells everyone that we weren't supportive of her loss and it was incredibly insensitive for Friend B to have a baby shower for her daughter when Friend A never got to raise her daughter. 

Soooo.... I understand situations like this can be tricky. I understood Friend A was hurt but I also thought Friend A was a bad friend for not being happy for Friend B for something she can't control (ie the sex of her unborn baby). This is what I mean by it's a fine line between protecting yourself but also sometimes having to put your own issues aside to support a love one. 

15 hours ago, SoSoNosy said:

Probably.  She showed a big picture of the balloon release but I didn't look closely.  I was just glad that the family gathered around her when she needed it.  The lady's name was something like Tuff Decisions.

She's just as good of a source as wacb

1 hour ago, viii said:

I don't think I'd find it understandable if it was me. I'd side-eye my sister if she didn't attend my child's funeral, especially knowing how deep the grief is. I would hope that my sister would be there for me, since she would be able to relate the most. 

I understand how some trauma can be triggering, but I also think there comes a point where we need to be there for loved ones. If Joy had just lost her daughter within the last year, that might have been a different story. 

It's a fine line between protecting yourself and supporting loved ones. 

We don’t know what goes on behind the scenes. Joy may have had a conversation with Jill on the phone discussing why she might not be able to attend and offer her condolences that way. Maybe even with a promise to get together soon in a more private manner.

My brother suffered a devastating family loss. Most of our other family members went to the funeral. I was unable to attend due to extenuating circumstances. My other sister was out of town. When she returned a couple weeks later. she, I and our husbands took the three hour trip to visit Brother taking huge amounts of food and spending all day with him. It was very meaningful.

55 minutes ago, Mama Mia said:

It also might just be that Joy had the stomach flu or some other normal reason. Or a kid had to go to the ER 
 

Definitely a possibility. I was thinking what if her kid(s) had pink eye or something.