TLDR: Life Continues to Suck but This Will Never Be My New Normal
Entry posted by HerNameIsBuffy
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So another rough day yesterday, what else is new? I had an all canine nursing team at the beginning of the evening ...I swear these guys are having meetings and setting shift schedules. I think I'm on some kind of watch.
I have been making a concerted effort to isolate less, so against character I picked up when one of my sisters called. Normally I'd have ignored it making a mental note to call her when I was in a better place, and on a good day text her to tell her that. But pick up I did. A lot of crying and a couple hours later I felt a little better for a while.
Maybe there is something to this letting people love you thing.
There were parts of that call, and there have been times here on FJ last few weeks, where I've felt like myself again. It was nice...I really liked the old me and I miss her. A lot. The person I've become is a hot mess and I don't like her. I feel sorry for her, but she's not someone I'd choose to spend time with. Unfortunately she's moved into my head and lives here now.
Who knows, maybe the healthy part of me that flits in and out will get stronger and kick her out.
(FYI this is an analogy and not a mental break. Also I know this is self-indulgent and of interest to no one but me, but as we can't delete on FJ perhaps my descendants will enjoy reading about my decline as captured in real time.)
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