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Fun Fun Fundies: Sims Edition

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Wa-La Diner Revisited, Part Three: Close Encounters of the Fundie Kind



The Taylors finished their nasal singing at around the same time as we finished our main course. I could feel the grease around my mouth. 

"Christ on a cracker, fundies eat this stuff all the time?" Marissa asked, wiping her mouth with a paper napkin.

"Not all of them, some are very into healthy eating," Annie replied. 

"Dessert, anyone?" I asked.

"Yeah, why not," Faye said. "It's not that bad, actually," she added, mainly for Annie and Marissa's benefit.

Anna came back.

"How are y'all this evening?" she asked. She had a strong Southern accent, unsurprisingly.

"Very well, thank you," I said.

"Are y'all related, or - "

"Yes," I replied, explaining which ones of us we were related. "We haven't seen each other in a while, so we thought we'd come here to catch up." I felt it best not to explain why we hadn't seen each other; I knew that some fundies went to colleges like Pensacola and Crown, but I didn't want Anna asking too many questions.

"Lovely!" she trilled. "Are y'all wanting dessert?"

"Yes, please," I said. "We'll share some ice cream pie and some cinnamon rolls." I paused, then remembered something. "I'm sorry I didn't ask earlier, but is there any way in which we can pray for you?"

"I recently got engaged," she replied, waving her ring around. "So it'd be neat if you could pray for my marriage."

No gratitude, I thought, as we agreed to pray and she walked off. 

"No please or thank you," Marissa whispered; she was always one for saying what everyone was thinking in situations like this.

"You'd think gratitude and politeness would be part of the SOTDRT, but apparently not," Faye said. 


Nobody took to the stage as we ate dessert, but as we left the table (after tipping with tracts, which I'd brought along) I saw the RV family walk up the steps.

"Crikey, they're skinny," Faye said. I laughed at her usage of such a British term; Mom used them liberally.

"Maybe they took advantage of the 50% off if you sing or preach deal," Annie commented.

"Oh, they definitely would have done," I said, as we walked through the door of the gift shop.

"Ovulation kits?" Marissa exclaimed, holding one.

"Well, you know how much fundies set store by their fertility," Annie said. 

Just then, a very familiar family walked in.

"Who are they?" Marissa whispered.

"He's a preacher, very anti-gays and Obama," I hissed, feeling the hairs standing up on the back of my neck. 

I watched as his children looked at the board games.

"Come on, we don't have time now, my slot is in ten minutes," he said, before the family trooped back out. I heaved a huge sigh of relief.

"He's preaching??" Faye said, looking worried. "Is he going to start screeching about how men should pee?"

"Let's leave before then, then," Annie agreed. 

I was in front of the book section, seeing which titles I recognised, when another familiar voice.

"What do yer think of this?" the man asked, holding up a pair of earrings.

"Very pretty," the wife said.

"Did you hear ma preachin'?" Weenie Man asked. 

We all froze to the spot.

"Y-y-yes, sir," Faye said, being polite. We'd actually barely been able to discern what he was saying, not because of his accent but because he'd been so rambly and failing in grammar.

"Do you go to church?"

"Yes sir." Annie answered this time, as she was able to answer the question truthfully. I never remembered what denomination she was, only that it was a fairly liberal church and that she was part of the choir.

"Would you like us to come be part of yer preachin'?"

Marissa was determinedly not looking at him, and was sending me a message with her eyes that read "FUCK NO!"

"Oh... I... er... don't know... we're rather busy for the next few months," Annie replied. 

"Alright, it was worth askin'," he said, turning back to the jewelry (or joory as he'd been calling it). 

We left as quickly as we could, knowing that this would be an amazing story to tell on Dumb Things Fundies Do.


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I only just now read these and I'm dying!!!! Great job! :my_biggrin:

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  • Posts

    • delphinium65


      6 minutes ago, SongRed7 said:

      Lori needs to shut TF up! 

      From today's blog: "I felt like I wasn’t a good, wife, or mother."   Apparently among the other things she never learned in that worthless college was punctuation.   

      Just a few lines before that she says 'I was blessed with the gift of teaching as well.'  If her way of 'teaching' is a gift, she really needs to return it and get a refund. 

      • Haha 2
    • SongRed7

      Posted (edited)

      Lori needs to shut TF up! 

      From today's blog: "I felt like I wasn’t a good, wife, or mother."   Apparently among the other things she never learned in that worthless college was punctuation.   So she's not a "good". Hmm? Let's see definition of goods: "A chattel which is, generally, subject to sale".... Let's investigate further: chattel -- "a personal possession."   Yep...Lori! That's your view on women...a possession of their husband.  

      And in general:  So lets take someone (a teacher of all things!) who disagrees with you and hold her up to ridicule in your top secret chat room.  Let's just shame her and tell her off some more about how she's a failure. NICE!  REALLY nice ladies in that chat room! (sarcasm)



      Edited by SongRed7
      • Upvote 1
    • CarrotCake


      1 hour ago, SapphireSlytherin said:

      From this context, I'm not sure what was in the package - but I've sent helpful stuff to people I'm not particularly close to.

      it contained some planning books and what looks like a giftcard for starbucks.


    • SongRed7

      Posted (edited)

      13 hours ago, TeddyBonkers said:

      Oh, Alyssa girl, PLEASE get some scientific knowledge away

      I watched part of the video. My takeaways:

      She was reading from something she learned in her classes with no real understand of the complex chemistry

      She suffered from an eating disorder (not eating, throwing away her breakfast and lunches then binge eating later in the day)...

      probably because Lori only ever fed them lettuce or a cucumber or two ("salads") and they had an unhealthy view of food in general  ("we didn't know about healthy fats and we didn't eat much protein") and instilled in them an unhealthy body image probably from fat shaming them...

      which has led to all these lifelong issues -- real or perceived! 


      Edited by SongRed7
    • Frog99


      23 hours ago, Koala said:

      Oh, and now she's wearing glasses.  Guess she thinks that makes it look more legit.

      I am pretty certain the “glasses” are for the purpose of preventing eye damage from screens. I think there is some validity about the impact of screens on eyes, but I don’t know that those glasses do anything. It also seems to be trendy to wear glasses for cosmetic purposes.  I wear contacts and would be thrilled if I could wake up and see. 

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