Jump to content

Fun Fun Fundies: Sims Edition

  • entries
    97
  • comments
    45
  • views
    32,214

Wa-La Diner Revisited, Part Three: Close Encounters of the Fundie Kind


mango_fandango

822 views

The Taylors finished their nasal singing at around the same time as we finished our main course. I could feel the grease around my mouth. 

"Christ on a cracker, fundies eat this stuff all the time?" Marissa asked, wiping her mouth with a paper napkin.

"Not all of them, some are very into healthy eating," Annie replied. 

"Dessert, anyone?" I asked.

"Yeah, why not," Faye said. "It's not that bad, actually," she added, mainly for Annie and Marissa's benefit.

Anna came back.

"How are y'all this evening?" she asked. She had a strong Southern accent, unsurprisingly.

"Very well, thank you," I said.

"Are y'all related, or - "

"Yes," I replied, explaining which ones of us we were related. "We haven't seen each other in a while, so we thought we'd come here to catch up." I felt it best not to explain why we hadn't seen each other; I knew that some fundies went to colleges like Pensacola and Crown, but I didn't want Anna asking too many questions.

"Lovely!" she trilled. "Are y'all wanting dessert?"

"Yes, please," I said. "We'll share some ice cream pie and some cinnamon rolls." I paused, then remembered something. "I'm sorry I didn't ask earlier, but is there any way in which we can pray for you?"

"I recently got engaged," she replied, waving her ring around. "So it'd be neat if you could pray for my marriage."

No gratitude, I thought, as we agreed to pray and she walked off. 

"No please or thank you," Marissa whispered; she was always one for saying what everyone was thinking in situations like this.

"You'd think gratitude and politeness would be part of the SOTDRT, but apparently not," Faye said. 

***

Nobody took to the stage as we ate dessert, but as we left the table (after tipping with tracts, which I'd brought along) I saw the RV family walk up the steps.

"Crikey, they're skinny," Faye said. I laughed at her usage of such a British term; Mom used them liberally.

"Maybe they took advantage of the 50% off if you sing or preach deal," Annie commented.

"Oh, they definitely would have done," I said, as we walked through the door of the gift shop.

"Ovulation kits?" Marissa exclaimed, holding one.

"Well, you know how much fundies set store by their fertility," Annie said. 

Just then, a very familiar family walked in.

"Who are they?" Marissa whispered.

"He's a preacher, very anti-gays and Obama," I hissed, feeling the hairs standing up on the back of my neck. 

I watched as his children looked at the board games.

"Come on, we don't have time now, my slot is in ten minutes," he said, before the family trooped back out. I heaved a huge sigh of relief.

"He's preaching??" Faye said, looking worried. "Is he going to start screeching about how men should pee?"

"Let's leave before then, then," Annie agreed. 

I was in front of the book section, seeing which titles I recognised, when another familiar voice.

"What do yer think of this?" the man asked, holding up a pair of earrings.

"Very pretty," the wife said.

"Did you hear ma preachin'?" Weenie Man asked. 

We all froze to the spot.

"Y-y-yes, sir," Faye said, being polite. We'd actually barely been able to discern what he was saying, not because of his accent but because he'd been so rambly and failing in grammar.

"Do you go to church?"

"Yes sir." Annie answered this time, as she was able to answer the question truthfully. I never remembered what denomination she was, only that it was a fairly liberal church and that she was part of the choir.

"Would you like us to come be part of yer preachin'?"

Marissa was determinedly not looking at him, and was sending me a message with her eyes that read "FUCK NO!"

"Oh... I... er... don't know... we're rather busy for the next few months," Annie replied. 

"Alright, it was worth askin'," he said, turning back to the jewelry (or joory as he'd been calling it). 

We left as quickly as we could, knowing that this would be an amazing story to tell on Dumb Things Fundies Do.

 

  • Upvote 2
  • Haha 1

1 Comment


Recommended Comments

PumaLover

Posted

I only just now read these and I'm dying!!!! Great job! :my_biggrin:

  • Upvote 1
  • I Agree 1
  • Thank You 1
Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Posts

    • Xan

      Posted

      9 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

      Wait are we talking about that quilted coat? Was that coat $600? I thought AH rarely shopped for clothing outside of Goodwill?

      It appears to be from Potter's Daughter.  At least, that's a site that Abbie mentioned.  The person who runs it seems to repurpose old quilts into coats and jackets.  I think it's a nice, artsy idea but it would make more sense if Abbie made it herself or commissioned someone to reuse one of her old quilts.  The coats are around $600 and above.  It's right up Braggie's alley though.  She ends up with a one-of-a-kind item that's super-special and expensive.  She thinks that she's great at interior decorating and has a keen sense of style.

    • Alisamer

      Posted

      17 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

      Some I think are true believers that have found the One Weird Trick, and believe passionately that They are withholding knowledge from you for nefarious purposes.

      This is the part I don't get. Who do they think this mysterious "they" are? Deep state? The government? Lizard people? Illuminati? Pharmaceutical companies? Some combo of those?

      But the biggest thing to me is why do they think "they" would withhold information on potentially lifesaving treatments? I've heard people say it's because of profits, but if there was a genuinely effective treatment "they" would snap that up, market it, and profit off of it in a heartbeat if money was the issue. 

      The government would benefit from a treatment that keeps people healthy and in the workforce paying taxes. Pharmaceutical companies would benefit from packaging, marketing, and selling the treatment. Doctors and hospitals would be happy to get people cured and out of their already overloaded system. 

      Dead people don't buy things or pay taxes. There's no benefit for "them" to let people die. 

      And if it was some big deep state government secret or something, it wouldn't be something you could find on Facebook or Youtube. 

      None of this conspiracy theory mess stands up to any real scrutiny.

      • Upvote 1
    • JermajestyDuggar

      Posted

      Even if Braggie did thrift all her clothing, she still spends a ton. Because her closet is the size of a bedroom and it’s full of clothing. 

      • Upvote 1
    • SassyPants

      Posted

      24 minutes ago, Baxter said:

      I spend way more on my kids than myself. I'm sure many parents do that too because kids keep growing and needing new stuff. I rarely but myself new clothes. But I'm not growing so that's fine. Every time I think I should be good for a while and not need to get anything else for the kids, one of them grows. Activities cost money. But that's ok. I love seeing my kids develop their interests. 

      Now that being said, I'm not a mommy martyr. If there's something I or my husband wants, within reason, then we will try and make it happen eventually.

      Our couches are seriously worn out, like there is a giant hole on part of it with a bunch of foam coming out. We spent a long time looking for the right couches and finally ordered them a few weeks ago. I'm so happy about that. My kids would rather keep the falling apart couches.

      We are also getting a puppy in a few weeks. Our old dog died last August. I have a big birthday coming up and I told my husband that all I wanted was the springer spaniel puppy. My daughter is very excited about getting a new dog but we wouldn't be getting one if I hadn't felt it was the right time. 

      Really my husband's and my life revolve around giving the kids a good life even if we do some things for ourselves too. Braggie's main purpose in life isn't to give her kids a good life. They are just window dressing to serve her. 

      I think Abbie presents as a rather scattered and disorganized person in general. I think the reason she has so many kids is because she’s too lazy to use BC or track her cycles. She is very self centered and prioritizes what she wants to do or have, and outsources the rest to her parents, older kids and the occasional paid helper. Since she can’t outsource BC or abstinence to anyone other than herself or Shaun (and he is as disinterested as she is), voila, lots of kids. She clearly does not like parenting or anything that takes time, energy or money away from her own wants and interests. It’s a shame really.

      • Upvote 1
    • JermajestyDuggar

      Posted

      2 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

      Wait are we talking about that quilted coat? Was that coat $600? I thought AH rarely shopped for clothing outside of Goodwill?

      Oh no her children get almost all thrifted stuff. Braggie will buy herself stuff that isn’t second hand. She buys clothes from Anthropologie. But she only posts about her Anthropologie outfits from goodwill. But she absolutely shops that store brand new.

      • Upvote 2


×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By using this site, you agree to our Terms of Use.