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Paradigm Lost

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Lisafer has verified with us ~ Curious

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Hi everyone, and thanks so much for welcoming me into the Free Jinger community! I'm very excited to be here. Please pardon any glitches with my new blog, since I'm just learning.

To introduce myself: I was born into a large family, and homeschooled all the way through high school. My parents were from fairly normal American middle-class backgrounds, not fundie at all, but over time they became absolutely entrenched in the Christian fundamentalist way of thinking. We attended church services at a Reformed Presbyterian church (RPCNA) for almost my entire childhood, after my parents left a more mainstream denomination.

I'm going to use fake names in this blog, if I have to use names, as my siblings did not ask to be part of my story. I might change a few minor details as well, to keep certain people's privacy. Not that any of you would know us! We were very small fish in the pond, and my parents' attempts to indoctrinate us failed miserably for the most part. We are a family of stubborn, determined people, and by our late teens most of us were most determinedly going our own way. 

But I think that all of us, in different ways, were hurt by the attitudes and doctrines of fundamentalism. I, personally, was extremely hurt. I have had multiple counselors to work through years of guilt and fear induced by black-and-white doctrines and controlling personalities. I have mental illness, which was exacerbated by my upbringing. And I want to write about what I went through. It helps me process, and maybe it will help somebody else too. 


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  • Posts

    • Four is Enough


      5 minutes ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

      IHaving the buck stop with you is a very different scenario.  

      True, and if she's not getting very much in the way of support from her husband, she flounders... 

    • Four is Enough


      18 hours ago, patsymae said:

      Adoption is absolutely about buying kids. If it were just paying for paperwork, etc., healthy white kids wouldn't cost more to adopt than special needs, sick, or nonwhite kids--the paperwork isn't any different, it's supply and demand. Adoption is a multi-million-dollar industry that makes money by supplying children to people who are willing and able to pay for them.

      All Four are white; all Four are adopted. One and Two were adopted privately, and they actually cost LESS to adopt than Three and Four, who were adopted through foster care. One and Two were adopted as infants. Again, our costs were minimal, because the birth mothers did both have some insurance of their own. We could legally only pay legal and medical fees. Our home studies, etc. were approximately the same for all Four. Three and Four were considered "special needs" because of being siblings, and did develop some needs after placement..

      You seem to be quite militant about this. It's actually insulting to an adoptive parent to be told that she "bought" her children, and it would be devastating to the child to learn he'd been "bought". While I would have jumped through many hoops to have a child, buying a bigger house, making sure there were enough beds, blankets, food, toys, I would never have paid a birth family money for the "sale" of a child. There may be people who do but it is not the majority.

      And let me tell you about the soul searching adoptive parents have to go through. We were handed a list of problems that "special needs" children in foster care have. We were instructed to read each type and decide if we would "consider", "accept", or "refuse" such a child. It was an eye opening experience, how many children we felt we could not handle. We are both medical people, but for the sake of the older two, many severely needy children were "refused" by us. We understood that the foster care people want these children placed with people who can handle their issues and remain loving and caring. These children deserve the best possible placement. 

    • Shiny


      Dude she sounds unhinged. Crying “big, fat, ugly tears” because you had to listen to your kids practice piano? That can’t possibly be healthy behavior.

      • I Agree 1
    • HerNameIsBuffy


      11 minutes ago, Four is Enough said:

      She did seem to thrive as a sister mom, and I thought she'd be a natural mother. That doesn't seem to be the case. She seems almost frightened and intimidated by her children. Why?

      I don't know her so I'm not speaking about Jill specifically, but a lot of people find responsibility very stressful. 

      Yes, she had far too much responsibility as a sister-mom and I'm not minimizing how hard it can be to care for small kids...but the final responsibility was with her folks.  She followed directions, didn't make decisions.

      Having the buck stop with you is a very different scenario.  

    • SassyPantswithASideofClass


      36 minutes ago, Liza said:

      Lori is ranting again about virginity and her fan girls are, of course, all virgins (or were).  This is in stark contrast to the reality that even amongst the most religious Christians, well over 80% have had premarital sex.   Lori and her fangirls seem to think that sex is the biggest gift you can give a man. I beg to differ.  There are so many gifts:  lets see:  well, love, compassion, honesty, mutual respect … I could go on and on.  What makes it work?  Helping one another, being there for the other through good and bad, respecting the other’s views/ideas even when they are not the same.  I guess I could write an essay about this BUT, the biggest gift is definitely not, imo, virginity.  Marriage is not an exchange.  It is give and take and that will depend on the time. 

      It seems to me that fundamentalists oversimplify everything.  They seem to need to put everything into a neat little box.  But you can’t.  Life is not like that. 


      oh my gosh yes!! I agree with you!! I am far from perfect yet I hope the spouse I do marry will love me despite all my flaws, imperfections, and that will love my daughter just as much as I do. (her father is not involved nor do I want him to, He's not a good guy) . Lori Alexander is too pompous of herself and hates women (at least in my opinion) who have gone through hell and survived, and that have married people who love them regardless of what they have done and been through. In the words of Forrest Gump "life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get..." (I am slightly paraphrasing probably)

      • Upvote 1