"Dude... what is up with all these random lace doilies..." Marissa wondered aloud.
"She sounds nuts," Marissa said.
"Oh, that's only the surface," Faye replied drily.
Anna returned, with a sheaf of menus. As she walked away again, I noticed that she had a silver ring on her left hand.
"Big Salad?" Marissa asked.
"Garnished with raw egg dressing," Annie said. Marissa gagged.
"Seriously?" she exclaimed. She glanced at the menu with a look of disgust on her face. "Ooh, weens and gravy. Isn't that a breakfast dish?"
"Yeah, but they don't have many starters here," Faye said.
"I like sausage gravy, I'll go for that."
Faye and I exchanged significant glances, but Marissa was oblivious.
"Hello, are you ready to order?"
Anna seemed to possess that high-pitched baby voice all young fundie women appeared to have.
"Yes... three lots of picnic eggs, and one portion of weens and gravy," I said, ignoring Annie, who was sniggering. I looked back at the menu. I noticed that each dish could be served as individual portions, or could be served buffet-style with everyone helping themselves. To this end, I ordered tater tot casserole, chicken-etti, and burritos to share, as well as some raspberry Kool-Aid. Anna scribbled down the order, and, as had happened back in Summer Springs, presented us with a complementary jar of pickles.
"OK, Marissa, lemme introduce you to some of these people..." Annie said, bringing out her phone.
As I talked to Faye about college (I had also done political science, so we were comparing courses), I watched Marissa's face. It was a joy to behold. From the lack of utter disgust, I deduced that Annie had taken the simple decision to *not* introduce her sister to Weenie Man.
We all jumped out of our skin. Filled with dread, I looked at the stage. Sure enough, Weenie Man was here in person.
"Bloody hell, that nearly gave me a heart attack!" Faye whispered.
"Who's that?" Marissa asked.
"He's a preacher," Annie explained.
"What the heck was that HAY-MAYUN?"
"God knows," I said. "People on DTFD are trying to work out if it's some kind of Tourette's-type tic or something he says a la Robert Tilton's Hoo Ba Ba Kanda."
As we watched on, I knew that this would be perfect to mention in the thread. Many of us had mentioned possibly going to see our various grifters in action, but nobody had actually done so.
After a couple more HAY-MAYUNS, Weenie Man ended his message and walked off the stage, picking up a KFC bucket as he went. As the Taylors shuffled up on stage, having clearly brought along the entire family, I barely noticed the arrival of our starters.
"What... the fuck... is this?"
Marissa was eyeing her plate of weens and gravy with a look of pure nausea.
"Man food eating," Annie grinned.
"Why is it pink?" Marissa asked, ignoring the "man food" comment.
"Red weens," Faye explained.
Picking up her fork, Marissa poked at it, as though worried it would jump down her throat.
"Go on, it's made with real flour!" I said, barely able to contain my laughter. Despite my misgivings, the picnic eggs were quite tasty.
Looking as though she would rather be doing anything else, Marissa cut off a tiny portion and put it in her mouth.
"Oh God, I'm never gonna be able to look at sausage gravy in the same way," she said sadly, putting the fork down in defeat. "That is the most disgusting thing I have ever had the misfortune to eat."
At that moment, the Taylors began to sing.
"Oh Christ, I thought we'd left these people behind?" Annie asked.
"They're probably desperate for money now that their conferences have dried up," I reasoned.
Faye, who was sitting opposite me, stared in the direction of the entrance.
"What?" I asked, somewhat unnecessarily as I whipped my neck round.
"Is that the Big Salad woman?" Marissa whispered. "Is that her husband? Nice pornstache."
"Bit of a shame for her that a lot of the food is unlikely to be organic, or fermented," I commented.
"Well, all she'll need is her Big Salad and she'll be done for the evening," Annie reasoned.
The main courses arrived on foil platters with plastic tongs stuck into each dish. Marissa eyed them warily.
"I hope these are better than ween puke," she said.
"They're surprisingly OK," Faye explained. "They'll clog your arteries, but they're not as hideous as ween slop."
Marissa picked up a burrito and bit into it.
"This is a burrito?" she said in disbelief. "Where's the meat? The salsa? The rice?"
"According to the originators of this dish, there's no difference in taste between burritos with meat and without," Annie said.
"Huh." She continued eating it, although she helped herself to a portion of tater tot casserole.
Here endeth Part Two. Part Three will consist of a close encounter of the fundie kind... but with whom?