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Edens Year 10: The Sinful Nature of 1st-Graders (and a Recap)



Welcome back to 66 Goodbook Avenue! I'll be honest...it was a rough year. Fortunately this means there were no dentist visits involved, but yeah the Eden facade is beginning to crack. 

Since it's year 10 though, let's first have a little recap of where the Edens have been. To start, Eva Johnson married Adam Eden in January of 2010 when they were both 20 years old. Adam works for the blessed company Hobby Lobby, and has been regional manager for the last 5ish years. Eva is manager of her home, except when Adam says otherwise of course! (Though he's a pretty hands-off headship.) Eva also runs a successful blog that serves as encouragement to other like-minded godly women, and brings in modest supplemental income. Finally, Adam and Eva grow their own fruits and vegetables, which has been such a blessing during those time the Edens are too poor or too lazy to feed their children. Ahem.

Adam and Eva were so excited and blessed by a honeymoon baby, Genesis, in Oct 2010. She was a fussy toddler, but has since been training to be a godly future wife and mother who loves to glorify the Lord through instrumental praise. Eva was so blessed to have Irish twins when first-born son Exodus arrived Sept 2011. He was a silly little kid, who wishes he could still be a goofball, but since he's 8 its now time for him to put away childish things and take up the mantle of fundie princedom. Second son Leviticus was born Nov 2012. He craves attention, and went from a clingy toddler to an outgoing young man (age 7) whose heart burns to turn others towards Christ. His parents are praying that Leviticus will become a preacher, and if he does we may have a brotherly fight for dominant Eden offspring. After Leviticus, second daughter Numbers was born Feb 2014. She was an independent toddler and now an introverted child. While this is very helpful to the Edens right now, she will never find a man that way, so we will see how long she's allowed to do her own thing. 

While Eva was pregnant with Numbers, her teen sister Elsie moved in to the Eden household to help Eva manage the growing quiver. She was valued above rubies, and has a particularly close relationship with Leviticus, whom she basically raised into school-age. Elsie met Cale in the summer of 2014 and began getting-to-know him, entered into a courtship Dec 2016, was engaged Nov 2017, and fulfilled her godly destiny by becoming his helpmeet in March 2018 at age 20 (Cale 21). The Lord and food brought this couple together, so it is no surprise that Cale is a food critic. However, it is surprising that Elsie is cooking in a restaurant, and they have no children yet!!! Pray for them.

The younger set of G-B-B-G Edens (fundies love patterns!) began with Deuteronomy in May 2015. What a precious girl she is. A charming toddler, and as you will learn in 2019, now a cheerful lass with a servant's heart. She makes her parents so proud with her mild demeanor and feminine appearance. Third son Joshua arrived June 2016. He is an angelic toddler who rarely cries, and turns to his siblings for everything since his parents barely know who he is. Then came the largest gap between children (16 whole months!!!) before fourth son Judges was born Oct 2017. He is inquisitive and, like Joshua, mostly left to his own devices, which is honestly the best scenario for a curious fundie child. Finally, precious baby Ruth was born Jan 2019 and is apple of her mother's eye. With that, let's report on the happenings of 2019!

None of the younger Edens were happy about little Ruth, and the bad behavior followed quickly and furiously.



The courting bench quickly became the timeout bench, and was put to good use. 


Beyond assigning punishment, Adam and Eva didn't really care and got right back to enjoying that sweet, sweet, unprotected fellowship. 



Leviticus is being a PItA tempted by Satan, and it seems Ruth is about to be replaced by a New Blessing due early in the new year!!! Praise Jesus!!! (sorry Ruth)


Over at the Tobiaseseses, Cale and Elsie were also working on their sweet fellowship. They tried for a baby, but were unsuccessful. Still no word on whether Cale and Elsie had trouble getting going in the intimacy department, are experiencing fertility problems or are preventing, but people are definitely talking about the state of her womb now. (And even I don't know the truth!)

While there have been too many tantrums to count, and possible infertility or rebellion for a beloved sister, the Edens also had two great triumphs in 2019 in addition to a new fetus. 


The first is that charming Deuteronomy grew into a cheerful 4-year-old who loves to look feminine and do dishes. Adam and Eva are so proud of her meek and mild servant's heart, and honestly she may be the best suited to fundie life of all the kids so far!

The second triumph is even more cause for rejoicing- the little Edens convinced Billie to join them for Saturday afternoon youth group at True Believer's Baptist Church! 


Ok, ok so they bribed her with cake, but she still came!


Responsibility fell to eldest girl Genesis to testify to Billie about sin, death, and Satan's hold on both their hearts. Speaking of Satan's hold...


Jesus Christ Leviticus! On church property even?!?! No more cake for you. 

And that's the end of 2019! Eva is about ready to pop with Precious Blessing #9, the Blessings she already has are running amok, the wee Edens are proselytizing to unlucky neighborhood kids who just wanted cake, and Eva cannot wait until Genesis can become a sister-mom. It's gotta be soon right? Enjoying a rare moment when everyone's actually asleep, Edens out!



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